Sunday, July 5, 2015

Nature vs. Nurture

The other day I came across this tweet on my TL:

"i sometimes feel like the children of single parent homes or of divorce will stay in relationships LONG past the sell by date..."

I found this tweet silly because it reminded me of many sayings like this that I have heard in the past that seem to imply certain behaviors are solely or majorly found in people from single parent or divorced homes without recognizing that there are many scarred people that come from 2 parent/stayed together parents. Just because it's a 2 parent home doesn't mean it was rosy but anyways that's not my point. It led me to thinking whether people's lives/characteristics is because of their environment or their natural traits.

The age old Nature vs. Nurture question.

I still don't know where I stand on this question, but I think if I had to pick I'd pick Nature.

I think we are born with certain characteristics at birth that guide us through our decisions in life. Sure along the way, our experiences alter/modify, but I don't think the core of a person can be changed? or can it?

Another reason for those who might pick nurture. I met a couple. Married 50 years, been together about 54 years. They are a joy to be around. Still laugh together, hold hands etc. I asked what they thought was most important and he said she makes him laugh everyday. So basically, the epitome of a happy marriage. Now switch to their kids. A different story. I think except for one, none stayed married. Made bad dating decisions, single mom, problems with kids etc. They had an exemplary marriage to look up to so why?

I can recognize if people think I am making it simplistic with this example but i'd like to hear your thoughts. What do you think? What do you think has more influence in a person's life?

Nature vs. Nurture?

4 comments:

mizchif said...

Nurture.
For example I don't think I'm like my mother because she's the one who gave birth to me. I think I'm like her because she raised me in close contact with her and I watched her do things and respond in certain ways most of which has stayed with me and become part of me. But both sides of the debate are valid on a case by case basis.

I remember at one point in my life I realized that of my small circle of friends I was the only one in a two parent home. And I didn't see any difference in our characters/traits. In fact my best friend at the time was such an admirable, wholesome, good person that I believed was as a result of being brought up by her mother alone. So when people have all these negative things to say about single parent children I'm just like......mmmkay.

yujubee said...

I think nature may have an upper hand. As a patent of young kids and a kids Sunday school teacher. Ive tried comparing kids to their parents and I haven't been too suprised. I see some kids and when I find out who their parents are, I'm like, well that makes sense. Along the way, nature here and there. An example I know parents who are strict with their kids ( like that's what good parenting is about) and yet the kid ,continues behaving badly, and who I study the parents attitude and all, I'm thinking well, can't expect much, it's your child.can't explain much, but yea, apple doesn't fall too far from a tree.

LadyNgo said...

I think its a mix of both. I look at how I was raised and there are certain parts of me that developed organically. That is to say that while they may not have been preached against, there weren't actively being nurtured and cultivated yet they are just as big a part of who I am as the things I know I picked up from my parents/family/friends/environment.

Mz.T said...

I think Nature. I feel like parents can only provide you with a foundation that goes so far. Eventually, children will become adults who think for themselves and decide if they're interested in the foundation that was laid out for them, or not.