Religion

Sigh you guys.

I think I am filled with so much anger and confusion. I recently watched two things back to back that centered around religion that just has me fuming.

First, I watched "3 Wives, 1 Husband" on Netflix. It's about families who are fundamental mormons and believe in polygamy. The reasoning is that having many wives and many kids is spiritual and brings you closer to God. Basically like how God manages the whole world, this is a very tiny fraction of them managing a big, chaotic family. They are uber religious and pray all the time.

My thing is, anytime I watch anything about polygamous marriages, it is almost always guaranteed that the women are miserable and the man is the only one who seems happy with the arrangement. In one of the families, the second wife was so visibly miserable. She barely spoke, arms always crossed. The third wife was like after the honeymoon period was over she was like "What was I thinking?" but nope they keep saying I know this is what God wants.

Then I watched "One of Us". A doc following ex-Hasidic Jews who left the community. You watch the rabbi preach and listen to their rules and they all think they are doing all this for the greater good. You must do this. You must do that. It is what is required of us to be closer to God.

As I am watching them, I want to turn my nose up at them and say they are ridiculous but I check myself and realize that this is probably how some non christian people view Christian doctrines that we hold so high. Everyone thinks their religion is the superior one but who gets to decide that? Especially with all the havoc being wreaked within institutions by the alleged men in power. Please note - MEN in power.

In One of Us, one of the subjects revealed how he was raped by a rabbi at age 8. Everyone saw. Noone did anything. There was another woman who had been abused physically by her husband for 12 years - bear in mind that she got married at 18. She is 32 with 7 children. She decides she has had enough and leaves and the religious community backs her husband, friends betray her and make her life a living hell. Akin to Scientology. Last Sunday, the priest read the resignation letter of the Archbishop probably for participating in covering up abuses by priests like seriously wtf?

You can't control the evil doings of others but you can control how you react. Why would you cover up heinous crimes against helpless children?? What happens to the preaching you do, where do your doctrines apply? How do you sleep at night? Do they really not believe in what they preach to people, in terms of heaven and hell and being punished for doing bad? I am really trying to understand.

I am in a place in my life where I don't even know if I am operating in actual faith or conditioning. When we watch these things and wonder why won't these people just leave? One of the subjects said its so hard for him to leave because this is all he has known. I get it. Anytime I just question stuff, I am like uh oh, I can't drift too far. Because again, the Christian faith is all I have known but when you really sit and think about it, religion just seems oppressive. It doesn't let you be free. One of the rabbis said "Humanity is oppressive. You are expected to shut up and fit in". How can that be what God wants for us? You can't put people in a constant repressed, quite robotic state and expect them to live fulfilled lives.

Anyways, power is a terrible thing. And as long as you have people in power looks like they take advantage of it and like to exercise that power. My friend was telling me how he read up on the abuse in the Catholic Church in PA and how priests would signal fellow priests on who they had abused so they know they were easy prey. Not so far from the stories told in The Keepers (which was just awful). This troubles me so much.

Sigh. Anyways. It's just been so heavy on my mind and I wanted to let it out because I don't even know what can be done but I hope more and more people keep getting exposed and these men live awful lives and never find peace. I hope I find some resolution because the internal conflict is exhausting. I think for now, I see religion as a guide but not be all and end all. Definitely, a pick and choose situation. I just think religion or not, it doesn't hurt to be a decent human being. What do you gain sexually abusing a child. A CHILD????

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, especially if you consider yourself deeply rooted in your faith. I know I had religion in the title but I do think it can be interchanged for faith because people do other unkind things in the name of faith. A parent won't accept their gay child because their faith says they shouldn't. A parent will turn a blind eye if a kid says their pastor did xyz because you don't speak down on men of God.

God help us all.