The Source..

This might be the first year I have not written a birthday post on time. I am like a month and some late. But yeah, I had the blessing of celebrating another year in life and this time it was the big 4-0. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do but I eventually ended up with the idea of Cuba with my nearest and dearest. It was a total of 17 people, mostly family but it was the greatest thing. Cuba is not for the faint of heart when it comes to planning. I did A LOT of research and was stressing a lot. In fact, I cried a lot on Day 1 but then thank God that was the worst day and everything went up from there. We had a great time. I felt a lot of love and I am so glad it happened. Turning 40 is weird. Weird because I can't believe it's here. It's something I have talked about with so many different friends and now we are at the place where we check the boxes of age group 35-40. Bizarre. I am thankful for the life I have now. I am thankful for the person I am now and the growth ...

 A dear reader has been pestering me for a new post for A WHILE now and I promised her I will. Life has been lifing and time kept passing by. I'd been wondering on what to write about and decided to talk about how friendships evolve as you get older and go through stages in life. I have always said that my friendships have been a blessing in my life. I moved to this country young and didn't have much family around so my friends became my family. This probably what feeds into how intense I am about my friendships. That intensity came with very high expectations and I wanted so much reciprocated (I know better now) Friend is also a strong word. Sometimes you are cool with people but they are not in your inner circle or they consider you more of a friend than you do them and vice versa.  When I lost my mom, there were certain "friendships" I lost. Some may consider me being a diva but I wasn't comfortable being "friends" with people who aren't bothered ...

 It's been quiet on this Blogsville streets but I hope everyone is holding up well and keeping head above water because as we all know, adulting is hard. It's Thanksgiving over in the States, I hope you all have a good one and are able to spend it with your loved ones.  Happy Thanksgiving!

 I am always complaining about people leaving blogville and now I have become one of the people who don't post regularly. This is not intentional. I have COVID burnout and I am not ashamed to admit it. I feel a bit weird to say it because I didn't have to spend lockdown by myself and I also didn't have to spend it with kids while trying to manage a full time job, so do I have a right to complain? I think I do though. (It's my party, I can cry if I want to...and all that jazz) COVID has affected people in different ways and believe it or not for some, they haven't really been affected. In fact, they have thrived. Again, I don't know where I fall in this category. On paper, most would say I was thriving. I started the lockdown unemployed and with no direction. Fast forward and I am at a job I like with a great boss and I started two podcasts with one doing better than we ever expected. It didn't occur to me until much later in a random moment that I was doing ...

I am tired. I think 2021 has been a better year than 2020 but so far, it's been a better year buuuut I'm tired. I am probably burnt out. I just want to sleep all the time except there is not enough hours in the day to do that.  I came across this Nigella Lawson interview and she isn't someone that I know a lot about but I really enjoyed her interview. She is 61 and chockful of life experiences. It's so crazy the layers everyone has as they experience life because - life is a bitch. She talks about how she embraces lounging now. Rarely wearing makeup, dressing in comfortable wear and eating chocolate in bed. She does this and revels in it because she didn't want to repeat her mother's mistakes. Her mother was 48 when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and that's when she finally started eating what she wanted without worry or guilt (she died two weeks after the diagnosis).  She goes on to say "Being thin is not and should not be the goal" becaus...

 Yesterday, my uncle died. We'd known it was coming but it doesn't make it any easier. Ever since his wife, my aunt died some years ago, he'd basically been on a decline. My uncle was tough growing up. Tough as in very strict. He was a doctor and spent a huge chunk of his life in Germany. I'd say I was a tad scared of him. As we grew older, he definitely mellowed and was more approachable. My uncle used to be an atheist and that used to fill me with wonder because to my young eyes, all Nigerians went to church. I never understood how he was able to stay home when we went to church and not join when we had family prayer. My aunt, a huge figure in the church had a sole mission to get him to have faith and my aunt the indomitable force, made it happen - well her prayers were answered and my uncle started having faith and started going to church. My aunt did everything for my uncle and they were partners business wise. I have fond memories of them speaking German when they ...

What's an accent? Who gets to define what an accent is? Americans have a lot of hubris. Especially when it comes to being American. They think they are the best at everything. They think everyone operates on American terms. Which is why when they go to another country, they are so confused as to why the citizens of the country aren't doing things the way it is done back home in America. There are many different accents in America -- Southern, Northern, Mid-western the list goes on. America being a melting point and having loads of immigrants means there's even more variants of hybrid accents. It's so crazy how Americans go crazy for a British accent. Who declared a French english accent sexy but not a Senegalese one even though they are both rooted in French (spot of racism? hmm...) Why am I saying all this? As you know, I am co-host on two podcasts and in one of the podcasts, we get a number of reviews and recently there have been comments centered on my accent. A pers...

Happy New Year, Good People@ I don't think I have anything that holds weight for this. 2020 was a year like no other. Personally and globally. The one thing I took from it was that God does have my back. You would understand how huge this is because not long ago, you may have heard me say that I wasn't sure God hears me when I speak to him and he probably sends me to voicemail. When I look back on this year, God is the only explanation as to how I made it through. I honestly had a decent year overall but a majority of it was riddled with anxiety. I don't think I want to spend too much time on 2020. Let me talk about 2021. I've seen in a couple of places instead of a new year resolution or in addition to a new year resolution, having a word of the year and I think I settled on one - Progressive. I want a progressive year. I want to progress as a person, as a sister, as a wife, as a friend (sorry as a sidebar, I was about to write daughter and I stopped because am I still...

 I got a notification from Neuyogi saying "just checking in, its been months!" Indeed it has. In 2020, months basically means decades. It's been a crazy year guys. A lot and I mean a lot has happened. I am exhausted in all ways. In my exhaustion, I am still grateful and thankful for the blessings and the way God has guided us all through.  Today I heard about a mother and daughter dying in a fire and I stopped for a second just thinking if she was feeling grateful for making it through 2020 and then 2 weeks to the end of the year - poof - they're gone. That's just one thing 2020 has reminded us of. You think you know but you have no idea. My brain is dead at the moment so I don't have any topics at head but I figured I would steal this Q&A that I got from Dami's blog  . I know it would be much better if it had pics but please reference above. A girl is tired so just make do with text okay? My Can't Miss Podcast(s). ..I listen to a bunch of podcasts...

 Yep. Your eyes aren't deceiving you. It's been a while since I had one of these but someone (you know yourself) bugged me to get one up ASAP and now I am here to keep my word. I don't even know whether I have had many random thoughts or if I have and they are just not thoughts I'll utter out loud. They are just safer in my brain. I hope everyone has been relatively okay this year. It's very easy to say 2020 has been a wash so far, but for some, it has actually been a good year. It's kind of crazy how save for the not socializing (as much) and not traveling, life has not changed much for some people while for others, life has changed so drastically. Like I mentioned in my birthday post, it's only by the grace of God that I have made it through this year. I feel like it has been a wasted year for me but I won't get into that. Enough rambling. Let's random. I'm watching 90 day fiance. One of the ladies gets mad at her man. She starts packing up her...

Yes, guys. We've been through so many +1's together, which just reminds me how long I have had this blog. A reader actually reminded me that I had to put up a +1 post ASAP. But yea, another year another birthday for me and in spite of COVID and its other agents, it truly was a great birthday. I felt the love from everyone and I truly appreciated being able to have the love. My love isn't the biggest birthday person and I am. He's learned really quickly and also learning my love languages and he really came through for me for my birthday. It's ironic that I ended up with a photographer (seeing as I don't like taking pics) but he took some great photos of me some time ago and made them nice for my birthday. He truly is my favorite gift. It was non stop call galore from friends and family and I had to just fling my phone aside just to even take a shower. We had reservations to have lunch outside with a waterfront view but the weather was awful. It stormed so bad th...

I'd been having some thoughts in my head lately and in my brain, they connected so I thought I'd write about it but now that I am, I am hoping that it makes sense. I feel I have to remind you guys that I am a serious person. I can have a good time but I am self aware enough to know that I am a serious person who could do with some chill, sometimes.  I don't know if I consider it a flaw or not, I guess it can be because it's probably what contributes to my anxiety and always overthinking stuff. But on the flip, it's a plus for me, in that it helps in my self introspection/evaluation with my life goal of living an intentional life. I have always been fascinated by the human psyche so I tend to never take things at surface level. I always want to know the why or the layers that led to something because as complex as life is, there is always a pattern that pieces everything together so to me it's like a psyche jigsaw puzzle. I quietly got married some time ago and a...

I came here to write this post and saw that my last post was a Mother's day posts. Oof! Oh well, thank God it's my blog. Mothers/Fathers day is a tough one when you have lost either or both of your parents. I try to reach out to my friends who are having this experience on this day. Each year, I am noticing the list is increasing and honestly, I have said it before, aging makes me sad. I reached out to a particular friend of mine and as were talking I realized that Father's day is yet another complicated feeling for me. My father is alive but I barely talk about him. A lot of people have commented that they thought my father was dead. It's mean to say he is but he is not a major factor in my life and that's how it's been for most of my life. I mean I didn't even have the luxury of emotionally unavailable but financially present. It's odd to say you are an orphan when you have one parent alive but there is really no contribution on his end so does i...

Yesterday was Mother's Day. Mother's Day always comes with a myriad of emotions for me ever since I lost my mom. Somehow, some way it has been 5 years since I lost her and it still hits me like a ton of bricks. It's a lingering, never going anywhere hole but often times it hits harder at its own convenience and Mother's Day is one of them. I saw a quote from Prince Harry that said it best "Missing a mother is like missing some sort of security.You need that as a son and it falls away when you lose your mother. But everything I do reminds me of her" Like with some of the other big dates, I begin to feel the sinking feeling like a week before. On the day of when I reach for my phone (as an addict), I forget in the usual morning grogginess but social media suddenly reminds me its today. The slew of pics and homages hit and I try to take a deep breath because I have to have a conscious day. Conscious day means no room for mindless consumption. Conscious de...

Hi Guys, Hope everyone is staying safe. It's been...honestly don't know how long it has been...since COVID has been dropped on our heads and I don't know how to honestly say how I am doing. On the surface, I want to say I am fine but if I dig deeper, I don't know if that is true. My mind is always racing. I am wondering when all this is going to end. If, it is going to end because if we have to be honest, based on all the reports coming out, NOONE knows ANYTHING about this virus. The news changes from day to day on what to look out for. Even surviving seems to come with consequences, as we now hear how survivors are in need of dialysis. I know people who have lost their jobs, had hours cut, some of us in the job market or being furloughed. All of that comes with a lot of uncertainty. I think about all the businesses shut down and how owners have to decide whether to stay open or shut down with no income coming in. When I take my walks around the neighborhood, I se...

Yesterday on twitter, I came across a tweet that read: "The friendship is the most important part of being FWB tbh. That’s why it’s friends with benefits not benefits with friends. Think about it" Now, the person was being cheeky but I had responded before I realized that. So my thoughts on this. The misleading thing about that title is thinking the person you are getting and giving benefits to is your friend. Now granted, we all define friends differently but once you get into a casual situationship or situation where you are just scratching each others itch then something about the friendship is pushed to the bottom, it's no longer a friendship but now a sexual understanding/arrangement. It shouldn't be explained but I feel I have to. Whenever opinions are made it is not always fact and does not always apply to every single situation. In this case if this goes on for a long time without evolving to a relationship this is what I am referring to. A FWB situa...

If you are reading this can you even believe what is going on right now? Because I can't. Every day I wake up and consume news I shouldn't be consuming in such copious amounts and fuel my anxiety. It honestly doesn't feel real to me. It is so surreal to know that we are actually living out something that will be in the history books and it is not a movie or a book. And to think people aren't taking this seriously. The way this has been handled by the govt. has been an absolute joke. We had a headstart. We did nothing. Even now with all the measures being taken and telling us to socially distance ourselves, it all seems so laughable to me because everyday planes are taking off and landing in different countries and the virus continues to spread. The Mr and I were talking the other day and we were saying how no matter how cautious you are, it just seems impossible to prevent any virus particles 100%. We just have so much interaction with everything. From mail ...

Hi Guys! Welcome to my not Youtube channel. I kid. I am going to be hella random. How is everyone doing? Is your year going well? Do you feel as hopeful as you did the beginning of the year? How are we feeling about the democratic party and the debates? I have caught a few and honestly I want to be optimistic but man, I just think he is going to get four more years. Which do you think America is ready for first - a gay president or a female president? Till today I will never not be in awe that America voted a black President - twice. Like the first time okay, but in retrospect how did Obama beat McCain that seems to be the epitome of everything America loves. Obama scares me a bit. Noone is that perfect and his whole story was just easy breezy relatively. Everyone is crazy about Love is Blind on Netflix. If you don't know about it, welp. Get to know more about it here . Lent is here again. Once again, I implore people to not low key use it as a diet plan and try to ...

I have this affliction where I never fully enjoy good moments because I think it's too good to be true and surely something is waiting for me around the corner. This is an affliction because when the shoe actually drops you never know if it was going to be anyways or if it was a self fulfilling prophecy. All that to say that I pushed past that fear and had me a positive reflective last post for my year in review and 2020 was like "aww you are cute" and here we are at me trying to paddle and keep myself afloat just like old times. I suppose that's what I get for not ringing in the new year in church (but on the flip side of that I got to finally kiss someone at midnight. Can you believe I just never have in my big age? For the most part I have spent a lot of new years on a plane, flying back to America. the rest were either with family praying or in church) But that doesn't change my resolve. I resolved to practice trusting God and turning all things over to hi...

I can't believe we have come to the end of the year. The end of the year is such a mixed bag of emotions. I feel hopeful, I feel scared, I feel morbid and I feel resolved to do better with each passing year. I feel hopeful because 365 days is a lot of time for many things to happen, the unexpected good and bad. Scared because of the possible bad lurking around the corner. Morbid because each year is another age marker and one year closer to death (and I don't like this at all, it's scary) and resolved because I think about what I want to do better, how I want to be better and what I will be doing to put this in motion. My friend asked me what I would rate 2019 out of 10 and I said 7 and if you have been following me, you'll know that's a pretty damn good grade. I have had a pretty rough couple of years and I think I was pretty much just numb by the beginning of 2019. I entered into the year unemployed, squatting at a friend's place. On New Year's day, I we...