Tuesday, October 13, 2015

The Hide Hide Culture

So last weekend, I attended a girls night bbq that was loads of fun. It was a mixed crowd of both American and Nigerian women. There was a group among the American women that happened to be close friends and they shared with us how they go on couples retreats and share stuff with each other. They shared some of the things with us that ranged from personal to sexual and one of them told us some of the things she didn't know and had learned just by talking to the women.

I thought about the night and I admired how open they were. I mentioned this fact to some of my friends there and also added that Nigerians would never do that. They disagreed with me and said it depends who it was and within their circle they would and they do. Unfortunately, I don't think I agree with them. I think it's just ingrained in us to just keep stuff hidden and put best foot forward. Hell, till today some of us still have that superstition of never giving out our travel dates even though we know better just because that's just how we are raised.

Thinking further, I wonder what is it we are so afraid of? You bring this up and the first thing Nigerians will tell you is that "something something trust" (I am guilty of that) but okay for some certain things though eg you have post partum depression and you share with someone, what is so terrible about people knowing that? Is the issue that we care so much about what people think? or we are in some subconscious competition and want to be better

This topic came about because I was reading about Hayden Pannettiere's struggle with post partum depression and it occured to me that I don't personally know any Nigerian who has been through it. I think of all the other things we go through as a nation but don't speak on it and end up feeling alone or less than because we aren't like everyone else. 

Oh well. just jumbled thoughts on a Tuesday night.

PS Meanwhile, I feel like I have been posting to empty halls. hellooooo? is anyone out there still reading?

Monday, October 5, 2015

What have you done?

I honestly try to think of things to blog about besides Friday Randoms but sometimes I think people don't want to read anything but Friday Randoms and people always tell me that noone has time to read anymore but oh well. I shall still try. In my trying, I thought of this blog post by Social Hermit where she made a list of 26 things she would like to do before she is 26. Granted, I am waaay older, I still think it is a fun list and a fun guide if you are looking for things to do or if you would like to enter the scary scary world that is adulthood. I will cross out the things that I have done. Okay here we go....


1.       Read the whole bible
2.      Take swimming lessons
3.      Take pole dancing classes
4.      Become proficient at yoga
5.      Visit 5 new states in the U.S.
6.      Go to a gun range
7.     Bake 2 cakes from scratch
8.     Go to at least 4 music concerts/festivals
9.     Go to one concert alone
10.  Start and grow an herb/vegetable garden
11.   Watch The Godfather trilogy
12.  Watch The note book
13.  Write 3 fiction pieces
14.  Have at least $3,000 in savings
15.   Read 15 books on my Nigerian literature list
16.  run a 5K (ok does walk/jog count?)
17.   Take a cooking class
18.  See a Broadway show
19.  Complete project 333
20. Make 3 original dishes
21.  Take a bubble bath – wine, candles, book etc
22. Vacation on an island (is riviera maya an island?)
23. Host a game night
24. Read 4 non-fiction books
25.  Visit a new country in Europe
26. Visit the grand canyon
I'd like to know what you have done or what you hope to do. Have a great week ahead people.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Friday Randoms

It's funny how your mood can change in an instant. I am currently in a bad mood. I am tired from working on something that took forever. I wasn't going to random but I actually do have randoms this week and I figured I might as well do it.

At the Emmy's Lisa Cholodenko won an Emmy and the announcer pronounced it with such ease. If that was an African name it would have for sure been butchered. So is it really pronunciation that's difficult or the origin of the name?

You might have caught wind of the whole brouhaha about Will's Smith's accent as a Nigerian man in the new movie "Concussion". A friend of mine thinks it's not a big deal. I think it is because we allow these things slide. When a movie star wants to portray an Australian they don't just wing it and give us a Brit accent hoping it will slide. There seems to be one universal African accent that sounds like it's from Eastern or Southern Africa. It'll be nice if effort was made to make it sound at least close to the real thing.

This whole voltroning for black nominees at award shows to win just because they are black, needs to stop. I am really not sure how we are "winning" if the win is because they are black vs. their talent.

I will never understand when people say "I am bored" when they live in America. There's so much to do!

I love cards. I save them too. I have a shoebox where I keep all my cards from yonder. Part of adulting is the dwindling number of cards you get as you get older. I only got one this year :(

Don't you guys think Trevor Noah and The Weeknd look alike? I know the dada is blocking the view but I promise they look alike.

Life can be a lot sometimes. Sometimes, I wish I could be more open and share on the blog but unfortunately I cannot forget that the internet is not a safe space.

People who don't have HIV but marry HIV positive people are heroes.

If any of you watch The League. It's about a group of friends who play fantasy football. In the group of friends is Andre. He is the bottom of the pole. Not that they don't love him but he is the one they pick on, laugh at behind and to his face but I can't even tell if he knows or not. Even if he knows he's just so glad to be in a group of friends I think he lets it slide. This had me thinking whether one would know if they were the "bottom of the pole" in their group of friends. It's a slippery slope because again it's not that they aren't there for him but he's still the butt of most of their jokes.

Someone once told me that they believe that if you want something so bad that you will get it. I don't believe in that theory. I believe life deals you cards and you just make best of what you are dealt. An example is I know of people who want kids so badly and have been praying for one for so long, if it was dependent on the desire they would have had dozens of kids by now abi?

As an adult grief is difficult enough. I can't imagine how a child processes that emotion. I watch kids who are so close to their parents like my boss's only child who calls her so many times a day or like Kroy (Kim from RHOA's husband) their 2 yr old son just thinks Kroy walks on water and does everything he does. Imagine telling him his dad passed away at that young and age, how do you make sense of whatever it is they feel considering they arent developed?

That's all I have. Hope you all have a great weekend.