Tuesday, February 25, 2014

One or the Other?

I had been having this thought in my head for some time. Today a friend of mine sent me this post about what it's like to cheat. Somewhere in the article, this struck me:

"Sure, the sex wasn't great, but you learned from a six-year-long past relationship that great sex was the often the result of high drama, and high drama left you shaking on the ground after your old boyfriend shoved you out of a slow-moving car, his unfounded drunken shouts of "slut!" ringing in your ears. So when you finally extracted yourself from that nightmare and realized you needed a nice guy, one came along and the years flipped by, a ring appeared on your finger, a wedding took place, a home was made... and then what you suspected, but weren't quite sure you were missing, came along and kissed you in the dark"

Ok so you see, nowadays with all the marriage horror stories floating around, people make it seem like you can't have it all and you have to choose between a nice guy and ho hum sex/chemistry and great sex/chemistry and a jerk. You hear a lot of people say not to focus on the physical so much because it fades and instead find someone with a good heart. While it makes a lot of sense, it's never quite sat right with me. What's the difference between that and settling with someone only because "he's a good guy", doesn't that increase the chances of the last part of her sentence above that led her to cheat? I could be being naive but I do think its possible to have both the good guy and chemistry but I've heard quite a number of stories especially when the exciting guy is usually the guy that's no good for you. One of my biggest fears is ending up with someone who I don't find exciting but he was a good guy so I did it. I am getting ahead of myself seeing as I have no prospects but as a friend pointed out to me, the right person won't have me having doubts.

I do think this is what creates the high divorce rates in our generation. I think there has to be some inkling when you are about to marry the wrong person. Do you guys think so? I've always said that people don't have to be in love to get married, the most important thing is being at peace with your decision. Ah well. Another day, another thought. Have a lovely week!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

A Thought...and some

"Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren't inherently bad people, but they aren't the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well-being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself."

I am a total believer in the message above. I don't care who it is, if it's cutting into your happy, then cut it. But the message didn't strike a chord with me because of that. It struck a chord because I recognize that I could fit the description of the person causing the unhappy. I'll explain. See, I am a "unique" communicator, for lack of a better word. I get so many complaints about it. I don't like small talk or fluff or beating around the bush, I'd rather get straight to the point. Someone once told me that I start bbm conversations with her from the middle instead of the beginning. Another person has told me that I am pretty black and white with no grey area (this one i disagree with but everyone has their opinion). I guess my dislike of fluff makes my answers short/curt and i get complaints that I don't go into detail and it comes across as being difficult/rude, i think i got shady once sef. My biggest one is I am kind of a sucker for consistency and still haven't gotten it through my thick skull that people have a right to change their minds. Anyways, when I am in a convo with someone and we are discussing things, I bring up facts or a point of view based on what they have told me or what I know of them or I ask questions for clarity, in most cases where the view point has changed (and I am unaware of it), it comes across like I am being judgmental (and perhaps I am in some cases) which in turn makes the person defensive and the conversation completely takes a left turn. When I am conscious of repeat cases where this happens, or if I feel we just don't see things the same.I usually remove myself from the situation (based on an assumption and usually without notifying the person) and distance myself a little or censor myself because I don't want to be that person making someone feel like shit. In my head, its just better and safer.

I came across this blogpost by Ada that says you don't have to like someone to love the person. I am still not all the way sold on that logic but I did like the entire post. It says it is our spiritual duty to just love our neighbor, whether or not we agree with their life decisions or not. It made me question my habit of withdrawing and being censored, is that wrong? I shared the post with a friend of mine and she said she didn't think it was wrong and maybe distancing myself is my way of showing love for the betterment of myself and the other party. I told myself this year to try harder in remembering that I am just a friend and not a parent. I don't know man, arent you supposed to be honest with your friends? Where is the line between being honest and bringing your friends down unintentionally? Are you doing them a disservice being quiet?

Anyhue, I hope this made sense cuz it really was just one long drawn out thought as the title suggests. Happy Hump Day and have a lovely rest of the week!

Monday, February 3, 2014

Today I Will Make A Difference

This was written by Max Lucado. Hope this helps you have a great week.

Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference.

I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.

I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on victoriously. No failure is fatal. It’s OK to stumble… .
I will get up, it’s OK fail… . I will rise again. Today I will make a difference.

I will spend time with those I love. My spouse, my children, my family. A man can own the world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships. Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. Five quality minutes of talking or hugging or thanking or listening. Five undiluted minutes with my mate, children and friends.

Today I will make a difference.