"Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren't inherently bad people, but they aren't the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well-being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself."
I am a total believer in the message above. I don't care who it is, if it's cutting into your happy, then cut it. But the message didn't strike a chord with me because of that. It struck a chord because I recognize that I could fit the description of the person causing the unhappy. I'll explain. See, I am a "unique" communicator, for lack of a better word. I get so many complaints about it. I don't like small talk or fluff or beating around the bush, I'd rather get straight to the point. Someone once told me that I start bbm conversations with her from the middle instead of the beginning. Another person has told me that I am pretty black and white with no grey area (this one i disagree with but everyone has their opinion). I guess my dislike of fluff makes my answers short/curt and i get complaints that I don't go into detail and it comes across as being difficult/rude, i think i got shady once sef. My biggest one is I am kind of a sucker for consistency and still haven't gotten it through my thick skull that people have a right to change their minds. Anyways, when I am in a convo with someone and we are discussing things, I bring up facts or a point of view based on what they have told me or what I know of them or I ask questions for clarity, in most cases where the view point has changed (and I am unaware of it), it comes across like I am being judgmental (and perhaps I am in some cases) which in turn makes the person defensive and the conversation completely takes a left turn. When I am conscious of repeat cases where this happens, or if I feel we just don't see things the same.I usually remove myself from the situation (based on an assumption and usually without notifying the person) and distance myself a little or censor myself because I don't want to be that person making someone feel like shit. In my head, its just better and safer.
I came across this blogpost by Ada that says you don't have to like someone to love the person. I am still not all the way sold on that logic but I did like the entire post. It says it is our spiritual duty to just love our neighbor, whether or not we agree with their life decisions or not. It made me question my habit of withdrawing and being censored, is that wrong? I shared the post with a friend of mine and she said she didn't think it was wrong and maybe distancing myself is my way of showing love for the betterment of myself and the other party. I told myself this year to try harder in remembering that I am just a friend and not a parent. I don't know man, arent you supposed to be honest with your friends? Where is the line between being honest and bringing your friends down unintentionally? Are you doing them a disservice being quiet?
Anyhue, I hope this made sense cuz it really was just one long drawn out thought as the title suggests. Happy Hump Day and have a lovely rest of the week!