Thursday, January 26, 2017

Friday Randoms

*Stretch* *Yawn* Yup, we are still in January. I mean, it's not like I am hoping for the month or year to fly away but you feel the slowness the most during the week when you are just waiting for 5pm to hit and the day.is.just.dragging. Now when you do it for 5 days. It really just feels like eternity. This winter is so weird. One glimpse of mild winter then reallllly cold. The one we are going through now is since inauguration, sun has not shown face and rain has been coming to play. Ah well. Had a fun busy weekend last weekend, so I am looking forward to vegging it out this weekend. Let the randomization begin:

Bleh. I hate when things are not organic and seem put on

It's not a good feeling when you don't feel that "safe" feeling around people you felt comfortable around

Wonder if doctors have to consciously shut off being a doctor and being so factual and scientific when relating outside of work or if it happens naturally

I read this book that begins with a man describing the reason he married his wife. He said he was a middle of the road guy and never aimed for the top and basically just lived an average life so when it came to marriage, he basically took the same approach and married an "unremarkable woman" i.e there was nothing exciting about her and she fulfilled all functions of a wife. Discussing it with a friend and she says she knows cases like that in real life and another prayer you gotta prat in life is that someone doesn't choose you for the wrong reason. Whoosh. It's hard out there in this dating jungle.

When someone miscarries a baby in a pair of twins, does the surviving twin always feel like a part of them is missing?

I watched a couple of reality shows where women with significant others cheated on them with another woman and the men didn't even bat an eyelid. I thought that was a bit strange. I asked a friend and she said her boyfriend said he wouldn't mind. And it made me wonder. If the reason is that it's just sex then can we assume you won't lose your shit over a man? I would think that they would be upset that the commitment and exclusive agreement was broken. Or it doesn't mean anything anymore?

The little things that make you realize you have grown in character

Was talking to someone about this whole renting vs. owning deal and the person threw out to just make sure you put 20% down. Is that easy? It's not like we are talking about $100 here. We tend to throw things out there like its just a piece of cake - just eat right and exercise, just freeze eggs, just quit the addiction. Like I always say, we all know the things to do but it's not so easy to implement because if it were we'd all be in utopia

Anybody ever wonder how many times they will be married?

I tweeted this earlier this week: Ladies, no matter how close you think you are to a guy, his loyalty is to his boys

What is life like without having weight issues? :( Then again skinny people still always complain. I had someone with washboard abs ask me if she is bigger since the last time I saw her and how she needs to lose weight. Guess we humans are never satisfied.

Honestly never noticed till someone pointed out to me that Nigerians who go to jand for college tend to not stay there and end up moving back to naija vs. those in Yankee that stay by all means necessary. Found that interesting.

I just found the memorial of some lady at my job who died in October but for some reason I just now saw it. She didn't work in my department but I always saw her in the elevator or the cafeteria. I asked our admin what happened and she was telling me how she had surgery and was doing really well and from nowhere took a nosedive and it reminded me of when my mom had chemo. She had 6 rounds. After the 5th round, she was soooo good we were already praising God for a miracle and before we could finish she took a sharp turn. Was telling my friend this and she told me that it's actually a medical thing. Where your body knows it's about to give out so it has this moment of euphoria so to speak and then just kaput. The human body is kind of an amazing thing.

Well, that's all I have for you today. I hope you guys have a fantastic weekend. Stay blessed and stay warm if you are in one of the colder places.




Wednesday, January 25, 2017

The Hopefuls

I recently read a book that I gave 5 stars to on Goodreads (feel free to add me as a friend: taynement). Now, on the surface it looks like a chick lit, easy breezy read - which it kind of is but it resonated so deeply with me because it touched on topics my friends and I have been discussing of late and also it made me ask myself some questions.

The book is centered upon a couple that move from New York to Washington D.C due to the husband's career based in politics. Upon getting there, the wife, who is a writer and was laid off in NY,  finds it difficult to get a job and hates everything about D.C. Till she meets another transplant couple, Ash and Jimmy and things get a little brighter but also marks the beginning of a weird co-dependent friendship. The book touches heavily on D.C life and describes it as rife with jealousy, fake, gossipy and full of society climbers.

It's told from the perspective of Beth (the wife) and she takes us through her life of meeting her husband, Matt to when things take a turn. Some topics that came up that resonated with me:


  • Why do people really get married? Does it matter what age? Sometimes people are honest with their spouses on what they would like or what they believe in and sometimes the other party doesn't pay attention or take it seriously. The whole "opposites attract" thing - is that helpful or harmful in a relationship?
  • Matt was just one of those positive guys and saw the move as a start of something new while Beth chose to just wallow in her D.C hate. This is an example of how attitude can help or hurt a situation
  • In-laws - you gotta pray to God you get good ones
  • Parents are oh so significant in shaping your life knowingly and unknowingly. I mean once you describe your first born as "the first pancake is never good and is the one you throw out", where do you go from there?
  • Jealousy/Envy grows between characters in the book and at some point Beth thinks "The Dillons are just so lucky, so charmed. Everything is working out for them, life is unfolding exactly as it should - and most of the time, it seems like it is all happening without any effort on their part" - Where does one draw the line between being a bad person for being envious or just being a human being feeling normal emotions for being envious?
  • Sometimes, charmed on the outside and people who try to put up a "all is well" front might be dealing with major stuff internally and that's their way of dealing
  • Among 2 characters, one clearly had all the ingredients but was less successful. The one thing the other person had was charisma, which gave him an edge especially in his career. It was a reminder that sometimes life isn't what humans call "fair"
  • At the end of the day, your Day 1 friends can't compete with new ones. They know you in a way that can't be duplicated bu new ones.
  • Having a child does change everything
  • Sometimes, you just peer into a friendship and you just know its the beginning of the end or just feel like did I ever know this person?
  • While I thought Beth was introspective. When I finished the book, I was perusing reviews on Goodreads (not a lot of people loved this book as much as I did) and they really didn't like Beth, they thought she was too passive. I only thought she was passive when it came to getting a job but it reminded me of a quote someone said to her in the book "You're always letting things happen to you. You just wait to react. Do Something" That's good life advise to everyone.
  • How do you react as your spouse drifts away from you? Matt gets more and more passionate about his career while Beth is just chilling. As we get older, we get new interests and probably change. How do you deal with the change?
There were probably more points in the book but I will stop here. Not even sure why this book was called The Hopefuls sef. But if you have read or plan to read it, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. 





Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Naija Man Loyalty

I had a conversation over Christmas with my cousin and my friend. Per usual we were talking about dating and the subject of dating a non-Nigerian came up and my friend said she didn't think it was for her while my cousin said she would prefer being married to a Nigerian and this had me thinking.

I completely think everyone has a right to a preference and there is nothing wrong with wanting to end up with a Nigerian but I have always wondered why Nigerian women are so committed to dating only Nigerian men considering Naija men are the completely opposite.

98% of the time, the reason you will hear is "I want someone that gets it" and I stop and wonder, gets what exactly? Okay, the music, the culture, the food, the language. I am not downplaying the difficulties of dating someone from a different culture. Not at all but I feel like I can argue any of the points above. After all, most of us came from a different culture, came to America and adjusted just fine. Heck it's hard enough dating someone from a different background, so if people can make that work, I think this too could be made to work.

So my argument from time, as I told my aunty years ago when I informed her I was going on a date with a white person and she proceeded to tell me how she does not approve of me marrying (yes marrying) a white person that will not allow her come visit whenever she wants and make her uncomfortable. I digress. My argument from time is that I don't think it's a color thing and it is more of a character thing. If you are marrying a person who isn't willing to learn or compromise on your culture (and vice versa) then that's a decision you have chosen to make.

If you are a twitter user, you may have noticed that the gender wars have been on 100. For all the #menarescum tweets and complaints of how patriarchal naija men can be it's always amusing to me that people would still choose that over someone who might be understanding about gender roles or not worry about certain traditions that allow for women to "endure", so to speak.

Overall sha, I am not saying that dating someone from a different culture is easy by no means. I just think naija women should keep an open mind and not limit themselves to just naija men. As you never know what may be behind the door.