Friday, December 30, 2016

2016: Year in Review

Can you guys believe we have just one more day left in the year? I am totally stealing Original Mgbeke's format in doing my review so here we go.

 I feel like I remember January 1st like it was yesterday. I brought in the New Year in church because my brother made us go to midnight mass. It was so long and we did praise and worship for so long till midnight struck and we all wished each other a happy new year. But it was nice as my brother and I used the time and for the first time kinda talked about losing our mom. Bringing in the new year at church is not the norm for me, probably because majority of the time I am on a plane back to the States from Nigeria. Although, I am not one that believes where you start your new year determines how your year will be (with how shitty my years have been, maybe there is something to it, eh?)

It's always easy to base the whole year on how it ended because if it was good you forget the bad in the earlier months and vice versa. I am not really sure how to rate my year because for the better part of it my health made me its bitch and I was doing rounds making friends with all kinds of doctors and that in itself was a pain in the ass. So when I think of my year that is what I remember.

The first half of the year started out decently, I was determined in everything including my health and fitness. Was eating clean and working out like i had a gun to my head all mostly towards the goal of the highlight of my year which was my brother's wedding. I was gonna do momma-sister of the groom and I wasn't going to let my momma down. I never say this but boy did I slay. Guys, your girl looked good. It was an awesome day. We weren't sure how we were going to make it work financially but we did and everything went perfectly.

Some good things that happened this year:


  • Found a gym/trainer I genuinely love and makes me enjoy working out. We have a lot of fun and its a great community
  • My brother's wedding. Everything coming together.
  • My awesome, super duper friends who continue to be the constant bright spots in my life through the many storms. Those of you who read, please know I love and appreciate una die. Thank you for everything.
  • My family. Who just makes everything better.
  • My surgeon. Whoosh. After my Dr washed her hands off me and said my case don pass her power, she referred me to a specialist who I am so grateful for. I had to have major surgery in the summer that in the wrong hands would have been a different story. This man is so kind and thorough (no joke, I wait like 3hr+ just to see him) and I am glad my body was in his hands. Thankful I made it through that.
  • My Aunty and I have our moments but she came through for me during recuperation when I couldn't do anything for myself. She was patient with me and we made it through the weeks without an argument and I feel our relationship took a turn from there, which is a big deal if you know our history.
  • My job. I am grateful to still have a job that provided me with benefits and were so understanding because Lord know the amount of time I took off this year, not everyone would have been that understanding,
  • Did some traveling this year which is always fun for me. Hit up Atlanta twice, Houston, New Orleans, Naija twice, London and Puerto Rico
  • I had a goal to read 20 books and I did 28! That's a big deal to me hehe
  • My cousin's wedding. I always forget what having family around is like but when I am around them, I just want to soak them all in because it feels really nice.
  • Christmas. After a dismal thanksgiving, I was expecting to have a lowkey Christmas but things switched up last minute and I got to spend it with family and (see above) it was really great.
Those are some of the highlights that I can remember at the moment. Looking into 2017, I am once again going to try to be a better person and be proactive about this change. The best friend suggested a thankful challenge that we are going to do. I will be making a vision board and visualizing all the things that I would like to see in the upcoming year. 

Life can be hard but we can only do what we can to trudge through and be as happy as we can. This time last year, I remember breaking down to my friend and telling her that I was terrified about 2016 because who knows what it holds and I can't take it anymore. But I won't do that for 2017 and enter it with fear. I will enter calm as I can be and hope for the best because for everything I thought would destroy me, I am still here so what is the point in worrying?

I am wishing you all a fantastic new year and hoping it comes with everything you wish yourself for you and your loved ones. May God be with us all and continue to guide and protect us. Amen. See you on the other side!!!

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Friday Randoms

Well, I guess I did have one more post before Christmas and I am here. I can't tell you guys how much I have been looking forward to this break. I am totally just burnt out and ready to chill. I had all the plans to bum and tv per usual but plans changed and looks like I will be headed out of town. This is my first Christmas without my brother in like forever. He told me the other day that he can't believe I am not home and he had got so used to having me around every Christmas. He also added that this should never happen again. God willing it shan't. Is shan't a word? It always sounds wrong. Okay, let's random.

The people who do break ups to make ups, how do they count how long they have been together?

"Good friends hear the unspoken words"

While beauty is subjective and everyone has their own tastes, I feel like there's this thing Americans do where they latch on to a dark skinned celeb and over praise and (what feels like) oversell her beauty. I get the angle that the standard of beauty is one way so it is a way of promoting diverse beauty standards. But it almost feels like overcompensation of some sorts

On more than one occasion, I have heard a lot of people say wedding planning brought out the worst in the bride (hmm, why only the bride?) and in some cases led to a breakup. Was thinking about that. Is that an accurate statement or was the person's behavior always there and it was just a situation that showed it more. Or am I saying the same thing here?

This might not make sense but there is some kind of sadness for people who die in October, November and December. Kind of like a "ughh almost made it" (to the next year)

Why do we place so much emphasis on January? Actually, I know the answer to that. Markers are always a helpful thing for humans but certain aspects like oh 2016 sucks let it go. Time doesn't necessarily keep bad things away. Life keeps on going.

I totally can understand people who don't like my pessimism but unfortunately in the cases it apply, it is how I feel. But I think I would rather be honest with my emotions than faking the funk and dying inside.

Speaking of which, unawareness and a lack of introspection is an epidemic in our generation

How or why do people work out with regular bras?

When I was in college, me and a friend went to a group of friends' (all guys) home and one of the guys cooked. We all ate and stacked our dishes in the sink and went back to the living room to chill. Not long after, he called us aside and gave us a speech on how we never know who is watching and how the right thing to do would have been to wash the dishes. I acknowledged the convo and went back to the living room. My friend went into the kitchen and began doing dishes. Fast forward many many years later, guess which two people are married with kids and guess who is single? These things on social media ain't bants people. Do the needful and get chose o. Don't be left behind!

Speaking to a friend earlier in the week who just had a baby. Asked her how mommyhood is and she said "Crazy hard. I don't recommend it" (not sure if it makes a difference that she is not Nigerian). Anyways another convo with another friend (Nigerian) and she tells me how she does not particularly want kids. I ask why and she says "honestly, I am lazy and I don't like 24/7 work". I feel like we are conditioned to just have kids because it is the thing to do.

Situation: Man has a one night stand with a woman. Next morning woman says she is trans and got a vagina 10 years ago. An argument ensues. Man says woman is obligated to tell him that. She says why? I am a woman, you enjoyed the sex. If you see me as a woman what about it makes you feel some type of way? Also, you don't see me being mad that you did not tell me about your past and bad things you have done. Are you obligated to tell me that? See before this, I was full on that you should always have full disclosure but this made me think. I think if you stil have a penis then definitely should tell but if you don't why should you. I would love to hear your opinion on this.

Well my lovely people. That's all I have for you today. Do me a solid and visit www.taynement.com for some entertainment content, including the best shows I watched in 2016. Have a lovely blessed Christmas and wishing you and your loved ones all of God's blessings and smiles. Merry Christmas!!


Thursday, December 15, 2016

Being Human

Being a human being is so tough. Navigating relationships, trying to be kind, trying to be a better person. I wake up every day trying and hoping to be a better person but I feel I fall short more often than not. Every time people hear some part of my life story, I get a "you're so strong" and I get so uncomfortable because I don't think I am at all.

You know how people say tough situations and things that happen in life shouldn't consume you and you should rise above it and think positive and hope for better days yada yada. I am not one of those people. I will admittedly say that I am one of those people who has let life experiences consume me and I am not quite sure how to get out of that hole. I have a lot of trepidation, not a lot of hope and a (un)healthy dose of skepticism. What's so strong about that?

I am also not one of those people who state their flaws with pride and thinks this is it, you should just deal. I am not proud to be that person. In fact, I want to be one of the "God is good", "God is forever faithful", "He's always looking out for me" people. I would love to have that feeling of being free and hopeful and trusting and just having an easy breezy life but I feel like every time I resolve to do so, life gives be some big fat yimu like "you wish".

The biggest thing I struggle with is that feeling of feeling stuck. Based on stories/tweets/what have you, it would appear that a lot of us feel that way but on the flip there just seems to be a lot more people who are also flourishing. All around me, I see people progressing in jobs, love, family, life and just doing big things and it always makes me question my standing in life. Will I ever catch up?

This is why people warn about the dangers of comparison. It can take you down a terrible wormhole. My brother tries to remind me that everyone has a different path and things can change in a heart beat. And of course he is right. Part of my goals for next year is to find a way to make peace and celebrate the victories of others and be patient, content and be gracious with whatever the hell is going on in my own life. Afterall, in the end we all die, eh?

I am not sure if I will post by Christmas but just in case a very merry merry Christmas to you all! Hope you have a fantastic one with your loved ones and I will catch you maybe next year? haha.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Life on the White Side

As a black person, when you spend a significant amount of time with white people especially in a social setting, it doesn't take long to see that they live a completely different life than we do and also live life by a completely different set of rules than we do. I'll give you a few examples.

Ex. 1: This first one might just be an american thing or maybe even just an animal lover thing but exchanging notes on dog sitting and talking about paying almost $100 a night for doggy hotels? ewo, my money (and brain) no reach o.

Ex. 2: Girl is having a baby and her in-laws moved closer  as per first grand child and all but explicitly let her know that they aren't here for babysitting duties. If they are in a bind or an emergency of course they will be there but other than that they are done with their child rearing duties and would like to have fun in their old age.

Ex. 3: Girl is dating someone new. The person is one of her ex's best friends but she doesn't care and neither does he. She asks me what I think, I answer with my African brainwash that it's messy and nke wa nke wa. She asks other white girl and she's like I don't see anything wrong with it. You are happy and you are both single. My husband dated my best friend. I swiveled so fast (because as long as I'd known her it was new info to me). I am like your best friend? - yup, was she okay with it? - nope is she still your best friend? - nope. But she didn't care and many years later they are married with a kid and life goes on.

I pondered over these examples and wondered if we as Africans have been so brain washed and have grown up just following rules that we don't even know why, while yt folks are just living their best lives by establishing boundaries and pursuing their happiness full throttle. I am not saying that we don't have rules and cultures that are beneficial to us but we do a lot of things out of duty and stay repressed with resentment. Most Nigerians I know would never go after someone their friend even talked to but for these women it's all game. 

So what do you think? Are we holding ourselves back?


Friday, November 25, 2016

Friday Randoms

Happy Friday or Happy Friday after thanksgiving. Hope you guys had a good Thanksgiving and had fun with your loved ones. Hard to believe Thanksgiving is here already especially since that means that Christmas is just round the corner. Well, fellow Americas Trump is now officially our president-elect. Congratulations to you all and may the force be with us all. I really don't have much to say and I strongly suspect the few randoms I have, I have mentioned before so oh well :D

I feel like the one thing I won't budge on is a long distance relationship where both parties are on different continents. I am okay with long distance within America but just not beyond that. My aunty recently tried to hook me up with someone in Nigeria and I mentioned this to her and she said she hopes I am not blocking my blessings. But I am willing to take that chance. My argument is for one, I don't have money to be visiting all the time and I think there's only so much you can know about a person. I also enjoy being in close proximity with someone I am dating. That being said it is a personal preference that does not apply to everyone.

Why is it that it's people with skeletons in the closet and basically everything to hide that run for center stage and the spotlight? Do you think there's a secret desire to be caught?

Anyone have the answer yet as to why people date many hundred years and are seemingly good. Get married and then everything goes up in flames within a short period of time.

The other day I saw a tweet by a popular tweeter where she mentioned how last year she was asking her husband to pick up stuff for thanksgiving and this year she is a widow. I went searching and found her blog where she mentioned how her husband was just 34 and had an aneurysm. She mentioned some end of life discussion tips for couples to have, stating that it is never too early too have because funerals cost money and sometimes difficult decisions have to be made. As morbid as it may sound, it made a lot of sense to me. We sometimes think we are invincible but life has its own plans.

Speaking of, was reading a magazine that had an article on a serial killer and it just made me wonder how leaving your house and making it home every day is such a blessing. This poor girl and her boyfriend were just kidnapped and the dude just murdered her boyfriend in cold blood for no good reason. For those of us who live alone it's even more of something because I have also read horror stories by people in the split second when they were trying to open their doors.

This may be odd but I find over ambition - especially the kind by naija guys - a turn off. While it's great to be motivated and want to be something, when it takes over everything and someone is too busy to be present then it's like meh.

I read a tweet the other day that I agree with is that a lot of people are in lukewarm relationships for various reasons. The tweet went on to say that due to this lukewarm situation that's why it is easy for some people to cheat vs. if they were in a passionate, fulfilling one. The question now is we have been told that passion fades. How do you know the difference between meh and natural progression?

Speaking of, I do think any two people put together can make it work and it just depends on the level of commitment both parties have. I think why we hear a lot of relationship/marriage is hard talk is because in all honesty a high percentage of people are married to the wrong person. Very few people get to meet their actual person and the few that do tend to find the whole thing a breeze (I use breeze lightly)

So I watched and read a couple of Yvonne Orji interviews where she talked about her character being different from her real life self who is christian and saving herself for marriage. I had a discussion with two friends about it. One agreed and one disagreed. My take was wondering how she was able to reconcile her character and her faith because based on basic christian tenets don't they clash? For my friend who disagreed, I tried getting her to view it from just the Christian pov and not with the liberal christianity that most of us but she insisted that acting is acting and not real. I said it was more about the message being portrayed and also if her reason was not religion based then it won't be a big deal but since it is, it seemed like a conflict. What do you guys think?

That's all I have for you guys. Have a wonderful weekend, be safe, stay warm, stay blessed and visit www.taynement. com.







Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Double Take

Having a conversation with someone and he was telling me how he sometimes watches a movie first before going to see it with a date or person who constantly asks questions during a movie. I am like huh? Who has the patience for this? He said yup that he knows a couple of other guys who do the same and gave an example of his closest friend who would watch a movie with him first before going to see it with his wife.

I was like if I was a dude, don't think I could I think I would just let them know they asked too many questions and it sucks out all the fun. He said well men would suck it up but would women do the same? and then he painted a scenario of if he told her:

Day 1: Baby, you talk too much when we are in the cinema

Day 2:  Guy: Babe, let's go to the cinema 

            Answer: No, why?...cuz you said I talk too much. I don't want to go anywhere with you again.
            You're mean and made me feel bad. 

            In fact, I don't want to go out to dinner with you again before you tell me that I've put on                     weight. 

            You're always criticizing me and I don't know why I put up with you.

            Guy: I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I don't think you talk too much and you have been the                          same ever since we met.That's why I'm with you. Perfect in ever way.

Clearly, that's an exaggerated convo above but his point was there's no way saying you talk too much would go over well but in their mind it's better to just double watch. Mba o. I don't think I agree. What do you think?


           

Monday, October 24, 2016

Loneliness

I watch this show called 90 Day Fiance. It is not meant to be hilarious but it is. It's basically a show about Americans that fall in love with people who aren't Americans and live in their country. They apply for a Fiance visa and when they get it and come over to America, they have 90 days to get married before they have to leave.

It's hilarious because it's hard to believe what you are watching. Some of these pairings are obvious scams but the American in the relationship can't see it. We have had a couple where the guy was like in his 60's and he married a 19 year old Filipino. Bear in mind he imported his ex wife from the Phillipines ans she left him. We have another couple who has been married 3 times and this is his 4th and of course because Naija no dey carry last. We have a Yoruba demon who actually catfished his now fiancee and even told her that the mother of his son was dead amongst other lies. He still proposed and she said yes, which brings me to the point of my post.

You hear so many stories in life and so many scenarios on social media that you can't help but ponder. I think I have come to the conclusion that marriages nowadays aren't failing mostly because people aren't trying as hard but more because they got married for the wrong reasons in the first place. You see so many things that seem like obvious red flags to everyone but the couple involved and you hear but we love each other. Same applies to staying or extending an already dead relationship. Why does this happen? I think its loneliness.

If you know me long enough, you will know that I think the actual concept of marriage is so bizarre but hey it's how we are wired. Humans long to belong to someone and to find their person and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, again it is how we are wired. But that longing, I believe sometimes leads us to bad decision making - justifying bad behavior, landing in a bed you shouldn't be in, staying in an unhealthy situation all in a bid to not be alone.

There are people who genuinely fear being alone/single. Like real fear. Everyone has different fears, so I can't knock them. But isn't it so amazing how something like that can have such a huge effect in our lives? To the point of being okay with being in a mediocre relationship, just as long as they aren't alone.

I have lost my train of thought and I really hope this doesn't come off as me bashing people but I watched Princess on Love and Hip Hop tonight list a whole bunch of nonsense and nasty things she and Ray have done to each other and yet they went ahead with a wedding and that just set something off in my head like hooww? or whyyy? and maybe things are a lot more complicated than I realize but my main point is more about me marveling on how powerful the need to be paired off is that strong a force in our lives.

What do yall think?

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Friday Randoms

Hi guys. How are yall doing? Are you as bummed as I am that the temperatures have dropped? *sad face* and to make things worse daylight savings is round the corner. Ah well, time to bundle up and for the fashion people who won't let us hear word, time to show off their fashionz. I saw someone bundled up the other day. Coat, scarf, boots the works. I am like geez, its still high 60's/70's. Let's observe some calm. There will be plenty of time to dress for the actual cold. Here we go on some randoms:

I don't like when women call their friends "girlfriends". I dunno, just sounds odd to me.

What is faith? How do you find faith? If your faith has not truly been tested, do you really have faith?

I thought it was a phase but clearly guys, I am still struggling :(

Was talking to a friend about her relationship and she just blurted out that relationships are so much hard work and "98.7% people are lying about their relationships and most won't confess about their hardship till you say your own" I put that in quotes cuz that was what she said verbatim.

I think that people often think that the path not chosen might have been a better choice but they don't realize that it almost always seems like the better choice because it is the path that wasn't traveled.

I am watching this show and while I think that I am pretty open minded, I gotta say that I don't know that I will be comfortable dating a trans person (I hope this isn't offensive)

This just made me wonder if the above is in the same vein as maybe a white person saying I don't know that I will be comfortable dating a black person. racism or preference?

All that to say that a lot of  Nigerians seem to think they are modern and open minded and really honestly aren't.

I was in London not too long ago and its much colder there. All the men are in sweats or joggers as they prefer to call it so basically it's dick print galore over there. My cousin was like do they not care that there's just walking around with a protrusion. They don't care or they don't know how to pack it?

That being said, some men aren't capable of having bulges. Their flat fronts are always...flat. Which is not indicative of anything. :)

Is there an equivalent of down low brothers for gay people? i.e a self identifying gay person (not bisexual) who is secretly having sex with members of the opposite sex

A friend of mine said one of the weird things about marriage is there's just certain things you can't talk about. For example, when you have a completely bad ass session with a chick you tell your boys but that's something you can't do with a wife. That gave me all the lolz.

A teacher in my gym class said if she could afford it, she would have more kids because she enjoys being pregnant and would totally be a surrogate. Made me wonder how many white surrogates have carried black children.

It's so weird to me when virgins say things like "it was an orgasm in my mouth" or "orgasm to my eyes". Yes I know they might be virgins who self pleasure. But still weird to me. Nobody said I made sense all the time.

I tweeted today about how Naija women will complain about Naija men die and yet stay loyal to them and date noone else but them. Not unlike how black women stick to just black men. Funny enough, in both groups the men don't hesitate to look beyond and fulfill their own happiness. I wonder why that is.

Okay guys. That's all I got. Have a wonderful weekend. Stay safe and stay blessed. Oh and please visit www,taynement.com

sorry you have to click on another link to hear the song.







Sunday, September 11, 2016

+1

I don't know how many of this I have done but here we are again - another birthday.

I am grateful for seeing another year and this year was interesting. I am a huge birthday person but I think this birthday has solidified for me that it won't exactly be the same for me anymore.

I try to do something for my birthday every year and this year was no different. I was especially looking forward to it because two months ago my body betrayed me and I had to recuperate from that ordeal. I looked forward to my birthday and the trip I had planned with some of my dearest friends. I was looking at it as a thanksgiving and celebration and just grateful to be able to see another year. But on the day, I noticed I just wasn't as gingered as I usually am. I just couldn't stop thinking about my mom and how it's still so weird, we are going through moments in life without her here. I did my best to be upbeat but I acknowledged it. Last year, I figured because it was the first without her, it was normal but I guess this will be the new normal.

That being said, as it was an internal emotion, I had a great birthday filled with a lot of fun and awesome people. Thank God for another year and a hope that he grants many more filled with better days and blessings. Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, I appreciate yall and thank you for still hanging on to this blog!!!

Have a great week ahead!!

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Friday Randoms

Happy Olympic season to you and yours. I totally forgot the Olympics was this year. Even after I found out, the news reports and athletes dropping out weren't building up the ginger but it's been an eventful one and everything is more fun when you watch it with the twit fam. Kudos to each and every single athlete for their dedication to their sport and to the record breakers, I bow. Lots of back to school ads on TV which means school will soon be back in session which means summer is almost over :(

Speaking of Olympics, I am not sure I know where I stand on the whole drama surrounding Semenya's gender - which I thought was settled in the last Olympics. Technically, she is a man - with high testosterone and no womb but I guess she has a vagina? so where does she stand?

I am not a fan of young people who act like they know and have seen it all. I think there is a sweetness to being young and naive. It reminds me of like a kid who thinks they are grown.

I am also a bit unnerved by people who show no vulnerability. Like you gotta be bionic man/woman to be able to have it together 24/7.

Big life decisions are so scary. How do you know whether it is right or wrong? Risks are sometimes needed but after a certain age, can you afford some of these risks?

It's been some time now, but I noticed that there was not as much emotion for the first female presidential nominee as there was for the first black nominee. I get it. Hilary is hated (still not sure why as she is not the first politician to lie or be crooked) but I can't seem to shake it off that it is because she is a woman that she is held under much more scrutiny. It's funny, I think I know more men than women who like her.

"Your friends are only as good of  a friend as you are"

I don't like when Nigerians who live in the US bash the US. If you really feel Naija is a better place to live in why are you still here? There's no answer that justifies it. The fact that you even had to come here for any reason even if it is just school signifies a deeper problem in Nigeria. Even if you say you are waiting to make money, why can't you make it in Naija?

My wife is a prude she's not really sexual. How does that work? You didn't know that before you married her?

It's such a huge inconvenience taking things to Nigeria for people. Sometimes its not even the actual carrying but the logistics of whoever is getting it over there. It is such a pain. Nigeria is not a place you make plans, you never know where you will be.

I don't think it's cute to wear your flaws like a badge of honor. It's nothing wrong in recognizing it, being aware and work on it but to borderline brag about it is a bit weird.

I think if you are blessed in your life, say you have lived a life of privilege or you have had few and far between hardships in your life etc, I think one should embrace it and be thankful of it rather than create situations to "fit in" with people who may be the opposite.

Support a sister and tell a friend to tell a friend to visit www.taynement.com

That's all I got. I am a bit rusty but hope you all have a wonderful and blessed weekend.


Friday, August 5, 2016

Happy Friday

Checking in and saying Happy Friday. Hope everyone is doing well. Everyone have a good weekend.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Blind(ing) Faith

Yesterday my TV was on WEtv and "Stepmom" happened to be playing. I hate watching movies on TV so it was more background noise as I read a book. I did however catch a scene where the mom, dying of cancer has an honest talk with her children about when she is gone and leaving an it inspired my blog post.

See, when my mom passed part of my anger and sadness was the fact that we never "said goodbye" so to speak. Never asked all the questions I had, had all the discussions or the advice one gets when you think you will be losing someone. As I have randomed before, I don't think I expected my mom to die - which in retrospect is something seeing as all the signs were there and the doctors kept trying to tell us in the best way possible that there was nothing else that could be done.

Which brings me to blind faith. I had a serious crisis of faith after my mom passed. It was like being hit and being shaken off my axis. It has been an intense struggle and one I am still struggling with and nothing seems to be helping. Watching that scene, just made me wonder whether faith helps or hurts. If I didn't feed into the typical Nigerian faith would it have been different, would I have made peace and feel better now.

I think about how every time all the signs would point to "not good at all", my first thought would be to chastise myself for not standing strong in my faith and believing that she would be cured vs. facing the realities of what was happening. My aunty and some other Nigerian people who I reached out to for prayers, scolding me when I tried to vent and saying stop thinking like that, just believe! and now I am kicking myself.

How do you separate faith from blind faith. I just heard a story of a couple that have been trying to have a kid for years. Due to health issues, she had to resort to IVF. 4 tries and it didn't work. Doctors said she had a less than 5% chance of getting pregnant and leaning towards giving up. She didn't and had faith and now she's pregnant. When do you know when to keep on trying and believing and when to give up, face realities and make allowances to prepare and adjust.

Faith requires suspending all logic and trusting completely in God. But as we don't know his overall plans or what is happening here , how do you forge ahead. I understand how it gives hope and helps one deal but I also see how it hurts especially being Nigerian. Every thing is seen as demonic, people with mental issues are not being helped because God will take care of it, things aren't being frankly discussed because you are thinking negative and you have to believe and think positive. When does faith become blinding.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Friday Randoms

Hi guys. it's been a long time. My hubris led me to my last post thinking you guys were missing me and I would be flooded with suggestions and inspirations. The big fat crickets in my comment box brought me back down to earth. Hehe. How now. How have you guys been. I've been okay, just living life day to day. I am super stoked that summer has finally arrived. Like we are hitting 90's now and I am so happy to see the sun. I am also grateful for the upcoming memorial day holiday. Ain't doing shit but bumming is fun too. I think I am burnt out from work. Anyways, here are some randoms...

I've never really understood the obsession with life on earth after death. I have a friend who is so obsessed with leaving a legacy which isn't wrong at all but my mindset has always been do the best you can while here and be good and kind to those around you and when you're dead issalloverjackie.

It irks me when people hide their ages. I think it reeks a little bit of insecurity. Met a girl recently at a conference and we were talking about a topic that was age dependent but she went all out of her way to hide it and made it such a big deal, it was just annoying. I've never been one to be coy about my age but maybe I am missing something. What could possibly be a good reason to hide your age

Is it weird or normal to wish a non mother happy mother's day

It's quite a shame that girls can't just do what they want sexually without worrying about their reputations while men are just slanging it out there with not a care in the world about being labeled hoes.

I want to be the kind of girl that makes her bed everyday :(

If you follow me on twitter, then by now you should know that I have been binge watching Gilmore Girls from beginning. I have made it to Season 4 (it's 7 seasons) and I just wanted to say that I hate Lorelai so much and Rory is just a yoruba demon disguised as an innocent girl

Is entertaining something that comes with being married/being a couple or is it something that's just innate in people. I noticed a lot more of my married friends tell me more about having friends or other couples over for dinner but I don't think I notice that with my single friends.

Speaking of entertaining. I am definitely not an entertainer or host. Just the thought of it gives me anxiety. i have to be like uuuuubber comfortable with you to cook for you. I am no slouch in the kitchen but I often wonder what I would serve if I was hosting people. I still can't think of a menu.

It takes nothing for a driver to get me so revved up. Happened to me this morning and I was so embarrassed for myself. But some people drive so stupid, I don't even understand why it gets me so riled up. It's not worth it.

"Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it"

Someone posted an article on marriage not being an accomplishment. While it is not something that I think will be admitted out loud, I think in some little way, people consider it to be one. Especially in our naija culture. And I don't necessarily consider it a negative.  I have had a friend tell me she doesn't know how she would handle it if she was single and my age. So isn't being a certain age and being married an accomplishment (my question mark button doesnt work). Also, when people date, isn't the end goal usually marriage and when that is achieved that's an accomplishment, no

It's not news to me that the way men and women see attractiveness is quite different. K Michelle is an example. Her disproportionate self is just .... to me but I know a couple of guys who don't see it as anything. But then again, I always tell my guy friends that they won't use ass to kill them.

It's really not fair that men can procreate till the day they die and women have a shelf life

Which makes me ask...if you tink am really well, all belief suspended and with logical mind, if you read the bible, doesn't it seem like Christianity doesn't like women. Are there any self identified feminists that have a hard time reconciling that with being Christian

That's all I got for you guys. I hope you have an enjoyable holiday weekend. Eat, drink and be merry and stay safe!




Thursday, May 12, 2016

Waves

Hi guys. Just waving. I have not forgotten about my blog, i just haven't had anything that has inspired me enough to write so I am coming to you guys for ideas. If you have any suggestions please feel free to mention. I am all ears. Have a lovely weekend guys!

Thursday, April 14, 2016

3 Theories and a Question

Last week or maybe 2 weeks ago, I had 3 different conversations with 3 different guy friends of mine that had me going hmm and because I love hearing your thoughts and opinions, I figured I'd bring it on down here and see what you think.


THEORY 1

My friend believes that a person who is messing with someone in a relationship has nothing to feel guilty about. He believes the onus is on the person who agreed to a monogamous relationship or said vows. He says the person technically isn't cheating on anyone. The taken person is the one taking actions that affects their relationship.

THEORY 2

My friend beleives that statistically more agreeable people are off the market and go off the market fast. I tried to give the examples of how some people who gave ultimatums and didn't have the best attitudes were off the market and he said it proves his point because it means they ended up with an agreeable person. An unagreeable person would probably be like "ain't nobody got time for that" but an agreeable person decides to tolerate. He says how do you think fucked up people get off the market. because they marry saints (which made me think of Jamie and Doug from Married at First Sight).

He says these people pair off and you are left with the people who are set in their ways, people who still haven't sorted out their issues and once you are over 30 and dating you begin to see this more clearly. He says women bear the brunt of this more because men can avoid this issue and just marry a young girl.

(The original convo was about how much more difficult it is to date after a certain age and the pool you are left with)

THEORY 3

I asked my friend if he believed in love. He said he did but the caveat is that he thinks it has an expiration date. He says he beleives at the beginning of a relationship there is love and all the mushy stuff and as life intervenes and couples settle in it becomes more about the life you have together. You get used to the routine and the comfort of having a person who knows the routines and you and you don't even realise when the transition happens. He says so much is invested at that time and it's not like you are unhappy so it is really more of a hassle to leave than to stay in a comfortable situation.


Now, these are 3 theories I have never really seen from this view point, so my initial reaction to all of them was to disagree but

Theory 1 - I dunno I think there should be guilt involved but technically it is true that the person isn't cheating on anyone and they aren't breaking up a home, the person who decided to step out already broke that home

Theory 2 - I don't know if I viewed this objectively because I am in the over 30 demographic, so my first reaction is to be defensive because that will have to admit to not being "agreeable" to some degree but thinking about it later, I see where he is coming from.

Theory 3 - I can see this too especially because the one thing I have heard from a lot of people is how kids change everything and the realities of life. Where I get jumbled is if you are comfortable and not unhappy for the most part, what's the big deal then. Then I remember I didn't ask about happiness but about love. I always say love is not enough to sustain a relationship which implies a relationship can continue without the giddy love. Tina Turner told us a while ago anyways "what's love gotta do with it"

ps love means in love-giddy love. the basic i care about you love still remains between the couple


I would REALLY LOVE to hear what you guys think about these three theories. Have a lovely weekend and stay blessed.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Friday Randoms

Hi guys, Happy Friday. Aren't you glad it is the weekend. Before I say anything further, I just wanted to say thank you to all who sent positive vibes via comments or reached out to me personally on my last post. I never know how to deal with comments in general, I don't respond individually because I don't think people come back to read so please I hope people don't see it as an affront, please know I see and read and I appreciate. I am back to regularly scheduled programming.

The East Coast has bamboozled me again by telling me it is spring meanwhile it is cold outside with scary winds and the weather forecast has snow scheduled for Saturday. Is this even life.

Meanwhile, I thought I had avoided it but they got me y'all. I got called for jury duty! nooooo! I feel like they are targeting people at my job, I know 4 other people who got called. I don't wannnaaa gooo. I just watched The People vs. OJ Simpson (fantastic show btw if you haven't watched, just fantastic) and their own jury lasted 8 months. They couldn't talk to anyone, get on the internet and most importantly THEY.COULD.NOT.WATCH.TV!!! hehe I am just being dramatic. I have requested for a postponed date sha. Shall we random.

For people who get massages and take off everything including underwear, why do you do that. A male friend of mine let me know it's for the butt part of the massage. I guess as a woman our underwear is conducive to that, I forget male underwear is different. Either way, I can do without the butt part of the massage, it hurts anyways.

You really have to be a demon to have unprotected sex with someone knowing fully well you have an STD and not tell the other party. Especially if it is herpes.

Why are women so scared to have that monogamy-exclusivity conversation. why don't we ever want good things for ourselves.

I feel like I freak out about things because things usually don't go my way. I always thought that if I was one of those people where things usually just find a way to work out, I wouldn't freak out the way I do and be so relaxed with the knowledge that everything will work out. But, I have come across some people like that who still freak out despite a kosher history.

You know, in hindsight, one of the most hurtful things that has ever been said to me was someone asking if I have ever wondered if the reason I am single is because I am not lovable. I happened to just remember this this week. I've suffered in this life sha.

How do parents of identical twins tell the difference between them when they are babies. Do you think there's been cases where a child has been permanently renamed due to an unnoticed error.

This is more of a story: There is this girl at my gym. Small, petite in shape babe always working out and all. She spends half her time staring at herself in the mirror as she does stuff. She comes in fully clothed but usually ends up being half naked. Because she is always fondling with her clothes in a bid to figure out how to show off her stomach. She is either fiddling with her pants and rolling them down as low as she can (I have seen her thong more times than I can count) or playing with her shirt to tuck it under her sports bra. In fact yesterday, she did herself a favor and just took off the shirt and just worked out in her sports bra. Anyways, one day the owner is complimenting her and saying how her abs are great and awesome and a gym teacher says it's all about choices and from nowhere some girl just said "Well, I'd rather have kids than abs" and yall I burst out laughing. I thought it was so random and her bad belle was leaking loud and clear.

Speaking of kids. Naija babes or anyone who thinks they are a better candidate as wifey material than someone who has kids. Please stop it.

I don't think I remember the last book I read that blew my mind. You guys have any you'd recommend.

I know divorce is painful and stressful but I sometimes wonder if some divorced people ever think "phew, I am so glad that wasn't my last penis\vagina. I can experience more now!"

Well, that's all I got. Hope you guys have a lovely weekend. Stay blessed.


Saturday, April 2, 2016

In Memoriam

Friday marked one year since my mom passed away. I wasn't sure how I was going to feel but I took the day off from work and decided to stay home. I had booked a mass for her and went to church in the morning. My brother had gone to her grave side and had tried calling while he was there but I never take my phone to church and had missed his calls. I was relatively fine and thought I had got it out of my system the night before because for some reason that was when it hit me and I had cried some. Later in the afternoon, I got really restless and decided to take a drive. somewhere on my way home, I had a real flood of emotions and just began sobbing as I sang along to the songs on my ipod.

I thought a lot about the last year and how it has been and the #1 thing is how it still feels so surreal and I really can't believe she is not here. When she first passed, I was told a lot that it got better but I don't know how long it takes because that vacuum in my soul still feels bigger than ever and it still hurts so badly.

I gotta say, grief is such a weird emotion. It's such a unique journey in that it is yours and noone has the same story as you do. Even with my brother, while he understands like no other his grieving is completely different from mine. I thought a lot about the past year and how it's been. No matter how many people told me I was strong, it didn't feel that way to me because it was hard. I was struggling to just keep my head above water.

I think the biggest thing I noticed was I became more...I don't know the word...maybe sensitive? For example, in all the seasons I have been watching Grey's Anatomy I used to laugh at people that said they cried but now I find myself tearing up. Even in real life, when a coworker was diagnosed with cancer I found it so hard to be in her presence, I think at one point she was talking to people and I started crying. I also never noticed how many cancer research/hospital ads they were. They trigger my anxiety so bad and make me uncomfortable.

Oh yea, that's another thing. I just randomly burst out crying at the most random places and times which can be embarrassing when people don't know what is going on. Sometimes I know why, it could be the sight of a mom and daughter. I remember going to a friend's wedding and the bride's mom was filled with so much joy and was dancing and that just sent me into a tizzy and ran me into the bathroom sobbing. It could be the mere reading of a tweet like "my mom is my world" or "she's the best" or someone just saying something casually about their mom. Basically, I feel everything much more which in itself is just stressful.

It's been a year and I am still struggling to have memories of my mom pre-cancer. Everytime I think of her all I see is her during the cancer and how this fuck of a disease just rendered her to nothing and the pain and suffering and it gets me all mad and sad at the same time. I want to remember the good times, hell even when she yelled at me but for some reason that doesn't happen. Even the few times I have dreamt of her, it was in the sickly state which again adds to my unease. I prayed about it for some time but I must confess I haven't in some time but it will really be great if I can push past the awful memory. For some reason the night times are the hardest especially during my night prayers.

I didn't mean to make this all dreary but I think I just needed to let this out somehow before my brain explodes from too much thinking. Someone sent me a message saying they hoped my mom's legacy and light would live on through me and my brother and I say Amen to that. It's easy to dwell on the negative and I remember talking to my brother over christmas and he said how this happens to a lot of people, it's just happened to us now so we feel it's unfair but somehow we have to deal. My brother takes solace in the fact that he knows my mom is in Heaven and not in any pain. I think because I struggle with what happens in the after life it doesn't give me as much peace as it does him.

Sometimes, when I feel envy or anger when I see older people that still have their moms (when I am in my "moods" I always say "She had a good 20 more years to give") I am reminded that some people never had their moms or lost them much younger and I had the privilege of having her longer (to be honest it doesn't make me feel better). I am still learning or trying to manage my emotions but they just get overwhelming sometimes and I give myself permission to allow myself to feel. It's sometimes hard to talk about or share because I sometimes think I am making people feel uncomfortable and they are in a helpless position.

Okay I will wrap this up. Here's to my mom. Cheers to the amazing, strong woman who made me the woman I am today. Here's to the love and support she gave me all the time. The sacrifices she made and the lessons she instilled. You will never be forgotten and always be loved. I am so proud to be your daughter and hope to always make you proud. Continue to rest in peace momma.

I apologize if this post is too heavy. I promise to be back to regularly scheduled programming soon. Have a lovely weekend!

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Friday Randoms

Hi folks. Friday is upon us again. It's Good Friday, which means Easter is round the corner. It's been a good Lent for me and I look forward to Easter. It's a little bitter sweet as my mom's birthday is tomorrow and it's hard to imagine that she won't be here. Last year, she was in so much pain and didn't even realize it was her birthday but at least she was here and this year...sigh. Anyways, it's kind of hard to believe Lent is over already meanwhile we are still waiting for Spring to sprung. One minute it's warm and the next it's cold. I feel for people with allergies. Anyhue, here we go...

I can't even begin to tell you how bad customer service irks my soul. I tried a new hairdresser the other day and wanted to use her again. When I was trying to make an appointment, the receptionist was SO rude and sour and in the middle of our convo, I just hung up. That poor lady has just lost a client due to her ineptitude. I am now going to someone less skilled but she has excellent customer service (I am doing myself abi)

I realized something about myself. I always reflexively assume a person's boss is a guy whenever they mention their boss. Which doesn't make any sense considering my boss is a woman. What does this say about me.

I have traveled alone and I have traveled with friends and I have to say I enjoy my trips with friends better.

Listen, people need to realize that not everything is a pessimistic thought or comment especially with Nigerians. I was expressing my anxiety about something to someone and they were like "why so pessimistic". like goddammit, can we not have emotions anymore. ugh.

Isn't it weird how you look at some white girls and you just automatically know that they only mess with black guys

A friend of mine asked me this: when is the right time to talk about finances in your relationship. I personally think when you guys start talking about a future together then all debt, income etc should be disclosed so you can plan accordingly. What do you guys think. Married folk, when did you talk about finances.

When you don't approve of a loved one's significant other, honestly what is the right thing to do. I just can't think of a good\right way to express those feelings without it negatively impacting the relationship. Especially when they have decided this is who they want to be with.

I wonder why Easter is not a big deal in the States.

I am so easily intimidated it's kinda ridiculous.

Every time I look up low carb recipes I always stumble upon recipes drowned in cheese. Since when is cheese healthy

Was listening to something and this woman was making a declaration about how she would never ever expect her man to cheat on her and it just baffles me so much how people have so much faith. I don't think anyone should expect it but at the same time noone is beyond it happening to them (and as i typed this i remembered i have randomed this before)

I am the same age my mom was when she had me.

I think preferences are allowed to be had but if after a certain age your preferences for a life partner still focuses on the superficial then I don't know what to tell you.

That's all I got folks. Have a lovely weekend. Have fun with your families and remain blessed! Oh Berry Dakara welcome back to our side of the pond!






Thursday, March 17, 2016

Friday Randoms

Hi guys. Happy Friday. We are halfway through March. Q1 2016 is slowly drawing to an end. This getting older business is for the birds man. I thought spring was here but then the weather app says there's gonna be snow on Monday. On the flip, this weather people have no clue what the hell they are doing anyways. Meanwhile, how are you guys enjoying the Trump Circus Show. It's quite amazing and amusing, I tell ya. How did we let this happen? I don't think I have many randoms this week but here we go...

Did any of you watch Married At First Sight? It's a reality show about people literally marrying at first sight. Anyways, there's this robot masquerading as a human being named Ashley. She has her many flaws but one of the ones she had was she was a "dunno" person. It's frustrating having a convo with someone who's default answer is always "I dunno". She did that a lot and it made me just want to choke words out of her.

It's weird to see people try to make sure others no they are a bad guys/girl. Bad in this sense being freaky. As corny as the line may be real g's move in silence biko.

Everytime I get asked the question "what's new?", I always assume that it's code for "do you have a man yet?"

My stay in my lane game is so strong. The minute I feel like I am getting a vibe that I am encroaching or trying to hard or anything in that direction - I'm out.

I don't understand pedophiles. Every time I see a story about someone trying to seduce a young child, I am so confused. It also has me thinking, is it fair to classify this as an illness? Because, you really have to not be able to control yourself and risk it all just to be with a child. Especially in a country where you will definitely get caught. So weird.

So you know when people are hailing pregnant women who look good and say "Baba God do it for your daughter too", I chuckle. I mean is it divine intervention that will make it happen or diet and exercise?

Do you consider yourself self aware? If yes, why do you think so?

What is the difference between arrogance and confidence? What makes it wrong to toot your horn loudly? I mean there's always word of believing in yourself and selling your market but the minute you do, it's frowned upon.

You know how some people value a call over a text. I don't think I do. I mean there are certain instances when a call is warranted and has more value but overall, I don't find texts impersonal. The best friend hates texts/messaging. Maybe I am just a victim of the lazy generation :(

I have been trying to eat better these last 2 weeks and it's amazing the things you never noticed. My senses are so heightened. Everything looks delicious. I picked up a bottle of juice the other day and looked at the nutrition info and it has 56 grams of sugar!!! I think I miss my daily coffee the most, especially my iced coffee. sigh.

I also learned that when people say xyz food is filling, I can't relate. Unless I overeat or it's pounded yam me I don't know what people are talking about when they say "oh this fills me up". I drink nothing but water all day and all I can think about is my next meal. Maybe I am just a grubbie sha.

Well that's all I got. Hope you have a lovely weekend. Stay blessed!






Thursday, March 3, 2016

A Mere Breath

Last week I read this devotional that really resonated with me. It really wasn't anything major but I think it was something I needed to read the night I read it. I sometimes feel like God doesn't hear me but the message felt like God was whispering to me. (am i being dramatic lol). I felt compelled to share this so I hope it touches at least one person.

We often treat our lives as if they have a certain endurance and stability. But their fragility is revealed by our complete dependence on every single breath we take. We do not make or earn these breaths. They are God's gift of common grace, every one. Moreover, each breath is also the gift of God's own breath. In the primeval act of life-giving, God exhales the breath of life into Adam and he "became a living being" (Gen 2:7). Job also refers to the "spirit of God in my nostrils" (Job 27:3)

We are alive at this instant because God's own breath is in us. How amazing, then, that we usually pay so little attention to breathing: in and out. But if the next breath were not there, we would rapidly cease to care about anything else. The platform of our lives, seemingly solid, balances on an ever rising, reed-thin column of millions of unnoticed breaths, each of them absolutely indispensable and irreplaceable. "If God should...gather to himself his spirit and his breath all flesh would perish together and man would return to dust" (Job 34: 14-15)

In unexpected moments, may you be blessed with the sudden remembrance that God is as near to you as the last breath that you have unthinkingly drawn. Know that you hold, in your lungs, at that very moment, an infinite and priceless treasure. And then offer it back to the giver by forming your exhalation into a sacrifice of gratitude: "thank you"

The last paragraph was what really got to me. It just sounded like a reminder that God is close and the little things I take for granted because they are "the norm" mean something and I should always be grateful for them.

We get snow tomorrow but it's Friday and House of Cards premieres on Netflix so yippee. Have a lovely weekend and remain blessed!!!

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

So I guess this post is one long drawn out random thought.

Why is it that we are sold this idea that if you want something bad enough then you will get it.

I thought about that this week. You hear people with this strong belief that they just know they will get "x" because they want it so bad. I totally get the ideology when it comes to certain things because that means the person works hard and works towards achieving "x" and if all things fall in line then you get "x" but even then not all peoples and persons who work so hard get to achieve their "x"

I asked a poll question this week to give me some insight into people who have a strong belief in something. One of the answers I received to summarize was basically that they believe God has decreed it - which led me to another thought.

Now, once God enters the convo, I can't argue against someone's belief in him so that was the end of the convo for me but what I was thinking was back to those who believe God has decreed. Does this mean he doesn't decree same for all. You hear a lot of Christians always announce how they are favored by God - if you are a long time reader you will know the word "favored" makes me uncomfortable because it implies God prefers some to others.

Anyways, before I digress there are Christians who believe and still do not get what they believe for. If belief or wanting something so bad was all it took won't everyone be happy. Won't every sick loved one be healed. Won't every childless couple have a child. Every poor family suddenly have wealth. Basically won't the whole world be so much happier if wanting something so bad was all it took.

I remember when my mom passed and I would read my Bible. I would come across verses that said how God took care of his own and I would legit shut down my Bible. I didn't understand what it meant. Does it mean we weren't one of His own, so He didn't heal my mom. One of the explanations told to me that at the end of the day it is "God's will" that rules and we just have to learn to deal with it and trust it has a reason.

That's fair enough but on the flip side does it also mean we are just human beings who are trying to attach some strong hope and convince ourselves. Maybe things just happen to us with no rhyme or reason. We often discount the incidences where people just fall into stuff.

If anyone has any insight into this I would love to hear it. Anytime I have this convo it ends up with people focusing on me questioning belief and saying unless you have complete belief then you can't understand and it taints how you think and it manifests et al et al. Not sure I want to apologize for having these questions but I am very open to being enlightened.

Have a great weekend. I think this song is apt hehe

P.S The question mark on my laptop (as well as many other buttons) are broken so you may notice my questions weren't actually asked. No money for new laptop so I am trucking along.



Thursday, February 11, 2016

Friday Randoms

Hi guys. It's been a minute since I randomed. I've had a bunch of randoms swirling but something always seems to come up and I never got around to posting. The fluke winter we were having has come to an end and boy is it cold on my end. Was in Texas last week and I thought I'd soak in some warmth but I met the cold there too. We are predicted to have some bone chilling cold on Saturday. This girl is gonna be tv and chilling indoors. Monday is a holiday and snow is predicted. Spring, where art thou. Speaking of the weekend, Valentine's day is on Sunday. Any of you lovers have plans? I am looking forward to Sunday because I am hoping Leicester shows Arsenal serious pepper!!. Okay enough yakking. Let's random.

It irks me when people say "no shade but..." It's akin to "not to be racist but..." Whatever is coming is shade. Let's just own up to it and move on.

I hate when white people use the word "ghetto". Like what exactly do you mean when you say that?Quentin Tarantino said that at the Golden Globes. Something like "not that ghetto stuff.." like huh what do you mean?

For most people, a big fear of death is the finality of it all. If you are a Christian there is the "worry" (a good Christian won't worry about it) of heaven and hell.  If you are an atheist would you still worry about death when there is no fear of going to hell? I don't think I would be scared. Life is hard and the nothingness in finality would be welcome.

Human beings are getting weirder.

Do you notice that friends people make at work are never just called "my friend". There's usually some qualifier like "my work friend" or "my friend from work". I wonder why that is.

I've always found the work 9jafoodie does to be awesome. You can tell she is really passionate about her craft. She went one step further, got certified and wrote a weight loss book that's full of just Nigerian recipes. I find that to be so cool. If you are interested, here is the link http://www.9jafoodie.com/loseitnigerian/

I don't wear sunglasses - I will tell you why another day. But I notice that people wear sunglasses even when sun no dey and it's grey and cloudy. So, is it for the fashions?

I confess that when I see a Team Natural person give up and give in and get a relaxer, I do a mental whoop! :D

I got to see my newest baby cousin and he was one of the youngest people I have ever been in close contact with (one week old) and I gotta tell you that babies just remind me of a new start. So much potential, a whole life ahead of them before they figure out life sucks.

I wonder if babies who have an identical twin as a parent have a special kind of intuition that makes them able to identify correctly which is their parent.

How do birds fly in the rain

People upset a white person is playing MJ. Please who should play him o!

Nigerians seem to get their panties in a bunch and quick to say you are negative when it comes to marriage. If someone says "If I get the job, I will..." and nothing happens but make mistake and says "If i get married.." it becomes "Don't say that!" "Stop being so negative!" I don't understand how that is being negative when nothing is guaranteed in life.

If a gay couple is having sex, presumably in (what i call) their missionary style (bottom on all 4's and top giving) does the person at the bottom stay on all 4's with a hard on all through the kpanshing? When they cum do they have to announce it so they can spill appropriately or are they on all 4's with a condom on?

Well that's all I have for you guys. Hope you have a wonderful weekend. Have a happy Lent and hope it is meaningful for you. Feel free to visit www.taynement.com


Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Emotional Intelligence...Or the lack thereof of it

...in Nigerian households.

A few days ago I came across a few tweets (by @fantabender) that spoke about the lack of an emotional climate in Nigerian homes. He mentioned how the lack of it can screw you up in so many ways and we have to hold our parents accountable for how they treat us. "Nothing is gained from the mentality that they are beyond critique"

Now these tweets caught my interest because not too long ago I had tweeted something akin to that - well more about how Nigerian parents don't realize how much they contribute to our "fucked-upness" (because we all are in some way or the other) and I had also had a conversation with my cousin about it.

First off, Emotional Intelligence is defined as:

the ability of individuals to recognize their own and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.

For most Nigerian households, something you might find common is the motto "we just don't talk about it". It's amazing the number of unspoken topics that Naija parents just don't talk about, you are just supposed to know, deal and figure it out or pray it away. It's like important things crucial to growing up are taboo to talk about. We were told stuff much more than we were talked to. Let's not even talk about if a mental issue is involved.

A certain area as a woman I have always wondered about is in the case of marriage. Any Naija girl "of age" knows the pressure they receive to be married. We also know many a story of the generation before us and it's not always a pretty picture and most stayed due to not having options and no financial independence among many things but when it comes to their kids, it's like they just skip all the opportunities to pass down a lesson and keep pushing for marriage. Even when they do give advice sometimes it's head scratch worthy (e.g all men cheat, as long as he's not beating you it's fine etc) Talking about the guys, I remember some time when Naija guys were talking about how many of them had hugged their dad or said "I love you" to each other and they weren't many.

Now, don't get me wrong I don't 100% blame them for their actions because that's all they know and learned from their own parents. Just because they don't say it, doesn't mean they don't love you. Naija parents see providing you with the basics and some as love. Paying your school fees is love. Which is all well and good but some form of recognition of issues and actually communicating about them goes a long way.

The repercussions of repression, in any area of life is pretty long term. A lot of people form habits in their love lives and base some life doctrines on stuff they absorbed from their parents and adopted as normal because it is all they know and it's pretty damn hard to shake off a practice when you are older. I acknowledge that parenting is hard and I am sure they do try their best but I hope our generation tries to turn it around and make an effort to be aware of their children's behaviors, create a safe space where the kids feel comfortable talking to mom and dad and generally a healthy space that allows for full development.

P.S My worry for our generation is actually more in the area of empathy. We seem to be so selfish and don't know how to relate to people who have different experiences from what we know and I am hoping this isn't passed down because that's a gateway to intolerance but maybe I am overthinking it.

Ok so disclaimers:

  • My post does not apply to all Naija parents and to everyone and if it doesn't just read and thanks for reading
  • I think you can be close to your parents and still have areas where they were lacking in emotional intelligence. I was close to my mom but I can acknowledge there were just certain things that were no go areas and we just went right along with life.
  • Confess if you said "well, me I don't have fuckedupness o"

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

PowerBall Mania

Did you play? Everytime I think about it, I am like that is a shit load of money, what do you even do with that much? How do we even know we aren't being 419'd? If you ever came into that amount of money do you have an idea what you would do with it? I'd like to know.

Have a good rest of the week.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Happy New Year

Happy New Year folks. Hope everyone had a good holiday and is ready to go back to the real world in the new year. If you are reading this then that means you made it into the year and that's something to be thankful for. I just got back from Nigeria yesterday. Man, no matter how many times I do it, that flight is such a long flight sha. I was so glad to be home.

People are usually so up in arms about people making New Year resolutions and such and I don't know why. There is a reason we have markers such as birthdays and anniversaries, if people choose to reset or be better in the New Year, I don't see what the problem is. I am still on the fence about New Year resolutions because if nothing else I have learned that life is what happens while making plans and you say you wanna do this and that and you get swept into something completely different but at the same time it doesn't hurt to have goals.

I don't want to say 2015 was a terrible year but it was more like it's low's were very low but I did do a lot of traveling (and finally made status on my airline. woohoo!!) and got to spend more time with my brother than I ever have which was good. Someone asked me on New Year's day how I felt about the New Year and I said "resigned". That's exactly how I feel. Every new year, I tend to feel hopeful and eventually get so crushed when the disappointments roll in so coming into this new year I had a good share of trepidation because who knows what comes with this new year? 

That being said one of the goals I have for myself this year is to build back hope in my life. As I currently stand, I don't think I possess much hope in me which I guess isn't a good thing. So, I will attempt to work on it and hope (hehe) it works its way somehow, back into my life.

I am also going to learn not to sweat the small stuff. Accept that people will always be people and it is not the end of the world. As we get faced with hurdles, we keep pushing on.

Happy New Year all. Stay blessed.