Last week or maybe 2 weeks ago, I had 3 different conversations with 3 different guy friends of mine that had me going hmm and because I love hearing your thoughts and opinions, I figured I'd bring it on down here and see what you think.
My friend believes that a person who is messing with someone in a relationship has nothing to feel guilty about. He believes the onus is on the person who agreed to a monogamous relationship or said vows. He says the person technically isn't cheating on anyone. The taken person is the one taking actions that affects their relationship.
My friend beleives that statistically more agreeable people are off the market and go off the market fast. I tried to give the examples of how some people who gave ultimatums and didn't have the best attitudes were off the market and he said it proves his point because it means they ended up with an agreeable person. An unagreeable person would probably be like "ain't nobody got time for that" but an agreeable person decides to tolerate. He says how do you think fucked up people get off the market. because they marry saints (which made me think of Jamie and Doug from Married at First Sight).
He says these people pair off and you are left with the people who are set in their ways, people who still haven't sorted out their issues and once you are over 30 and dating you begin to see this more clearly. He says women bear the brunt of this more because men can avoid this issue and just marry a young girl.
(The original convo was about how much more difficult it is to date after a certain age and the pool you are left with)
I asked my friend if he believed in love. He said he did but the caveat is that he thinks it has an expiration date. He says he beleives at the beginning of a relationship there is love and all the mushy stuff and as life intervenes and couples settle in it becomes more about the life you have together. You get used to the routine and the comfort of having a person who knows the routines and you and you don't even realise when the transition happens. He says so much is invested at that time and it's not like you are unhappy so it is really more of a hassle to leave than to stay in a comfortable situation.
Now, these are 3 theories I have never really seen from this view point, so my initial reaction to all of them was to disagree but
Theory 1 - I dunno I think there should be guilt involved but technically it is true that the person isn't cheating on anyone and they aren't breaking up a home, the person who decided to step out already broke that home
Theory 2 - I don't know if I viewed this objectively because I am in the over 30 demographic, so my first reaction is to be defensive because that will have to admit to not being "agreeable" to some degree but thinking about it later, I see where he is coming from.
Theory 3 - I can see this too especially because the one thing I have heard from a lot of people is how kids change everything and the realities of life. Where I get jumbled is if you are comfortable and not unhappy for the most part, what's the big deal then. Then I remember I didn't ask about happiness but about love. I always say love is not enough to sustain a relationship which implies a relationship can continue without the giddy love. Tina Turner told us a while ago anyways "what's love gotta do with it"
ps love means in love-giddy love. the basic i care about you love still remains between the couple
I would REALLY LOVE to hear what you guys think about these three theories. Have a lovely weekend and stay blessed.