Sunday, March 28, 2010

That's what she said...

Jill Scott wrote this column in Essence. A little part of me sees what she is saying, a large part of me is like when will we let things go? Just wanted to hear other people's opinions. Please share your thoughts. Have a good week.

My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince. I didn’t immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.

Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul’s credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that’s not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah’s Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common “wince” has solely to do with the African story in America.

When our people were enslaved, “Massa” placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.

We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts!

Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I’m just sayin’.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Friday Randoms

So exhausted I am. Before I start randoming, I wanted to thank you all for your comments on my last blog post on Cheating. Special thanks to Lani for returning to address comments. Speaking for myself,regarding the looking within first, I do not disagree but it still boils down to if she is nagging you to that point why are you still with her? why do you have to cheat? why not be with as many women as you want AFTER you have broken up with her? Ah well..more breaking news that Sandra Bullock's hubby had up to 4 mistresses, the 4th one just hired a lawyer and says she has proof they have been together 3 years (sandy and Jesse have been married 5).Sigh. I hope they all get through this. The media has been playing old clips of Sandy's talk of what she would do including how she said if she were Tiger Woods wife she would have hit harder.

I digress, now we random:

Can you believe it's been 11 years since "Boys don't cry"?

Speaking of which I can't believe I haven't been to the movies in 3 months. Me of all people, me!

I have lost love for Project Runway.I am not quite sure what they are looking for and how come none of the judges ever disagree?

I was gonna random about weight but moving ooooon...

That pain/soreness that comes from working out is a lovely feeling.

Watching a wedding show and when they reached the part that asked, "Who gives this woman away", her father replied with, "She comes of her own accord with the full support of her mother and me". How cool is that?

Nigeria records at least 1000 new HIV infections EVERYDAY!. Like, how scary is that?? Think of the unrecorded ones.

This Hollywood love sef. Lance Gross and Eva Marcille don pafuka.

The other day I googled how to be happy.

I added one more thing to my wish list. If I could ever be on a regular people dancing with the stars. I would SOOOOO want to be on it, like real bad!

We thank God for mercies, I slipped in my bathtub the other day with no major damage.

I really like how Kendra is keeping it real with her feelings about the baby weight. Her friends came over all hot and baby weight-less and she felt so insecure that she started crying, I can see myself doing that lol (new episode from last weeks random)

Isaiah 43:18-19

PRAYER REQUEST: For all those facing turmoil. The depressed, those contemplating suicide, kids kicked out of their homes due to unexpected pregnancy or their sexuality, that the Lord grants them peace and give them hope and strength to get through it.

Have a lovely weekend guys. Enjoy one of my favorite songs on Chris Brown's ALbum - Pass Out.


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Cheating Phenomenom

Last week in my random thread, I mentioned I would blog about this whole Sandra Bullock cheating thing. In 2008, I had blogged about Bad Luck Oscar and I guess unless your name is Meryl Streep you are not beyond the wrath of the Best Actress Curse of splitting with your S.O. Ok enough chitchat. This situation is not unique to Sandra Bullock and I don't have my thoughts all wrapped up on this subject because I cannot think or explain the actions of another person. But you have to admit, we have heard stories of cheating EVERYWHERE. Like lately it sounds so rampant especially among the Naija community (let's not even talk about Naija itself). I've really tried to understand why men cheat especially because I waver, sometimes I think just because a man cheated doesn't mean he doesn't love you but sometimes I think it means just that. How is a man able to cheat and still be the most awesome bf/husband to his gf/wife? I have guy friends who cheat and I have tried to ask the reason, some of what I have heard are: "I dunno", "Because we can", "because we do stupid stuff", pretty much no answer. If they don't know, I won't even try to wonder why they do it.

I think the reason why Sandra Bullock's case makes me sad is how much she was in love with her man. Declaring it publicly to all, thanking him at every award show, I mean at the Oscars, the dude was even tearing up. This was a woman who got married at 40 because she didn't trust men like that, she said that Jesse was the first man who made her feel like "he got her back". She stuck her neck out and backed him up with his custody battle for his child. I think that's the worst part about it and cheating in general is after you sort of brag about your man and stand up for him and then it turns out ol' dude has been gbenshing another chic(or several) behind your back. It has to be so embarrassing.

I don't really think I have a point, hence the allovertheplacedness of my post but hopefully you made some sense out of it.

P.S I know women cheat also but for this post it was focused only on men.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Friday Randoms

Hi guys, Happy days are here again, it's Friday y'all. I had a pretty decent week and as I type this I am a little bit tipsy but I'm good, I guess I should say buzzed. Had a work day where we played whirlyball (which is a combination of driving a go cart and aiming a ball at a hole like basketball) after that we all went to dinner where the alcohol was flowing and I got to see a different side of all my coworkers and my boss after 5pm. Shoo, my boss was taking shots and we lied and said it was his bday, so he got a cake and candle and he pretended to smoke it. Fun times. I love my job and I thank God for it. I mean for one, my boss was as excited as I was that Gaga was coming to town hehe. Okay my randoms suck this week and I apologise in advance. Here we go:

If I have not said it before, I will say it again, there are evil people in this world. You know, we all talk about people but to take time out to create so called "anonymous" id's online and say hurtful things about people is ridiculous to me, that's a lot of hatred or anger or whatever it could be.

Lil Wayne's "Carter III" was a hot album. So was Kanye West's "College Dropout".

I don't think I like stockfish.Crayfish on the other hand is an important necessity for me.

I love how people be getting last minute flights in tv or movies like they don't cost a grip.

The other day I was thinking how Jennifer Love Hewitt has really dated around Hollywood, she recently broke up with yet another boyfriend(Jamie Kennedy)and I was like well it's not just her then Jennifer Aniston came to mind then I remembered how I always wonder who has Herpes in that their circle which led to a convo I had with friends. Check this timeline: Derek Jeter dated Mariah Carey who is married to Nick Cannon who dated Christina Milian who is married to The Dream who was married to Nivea who "dated" Lil Wayne who also "had a thing" with Lauren get the picture, it's one bi circle.

I'm kinda excited to be a judge at auditions for my old dance group.

I wonder why I waste time buying bananas, the minute I see a spot on them I throw the whole bunch away.

If good plates are called China, what do people in China call them?

I always feel sad when I see people at bus stops waiting for the bus, especially when it's cold or raining.

For anyone looking for extra money the census people are paying people to work for them so check it out.

This whole Sandra Bullock's husband cheating on her makes me sad but I will blog about that later.

PRAYER REQUEST: For all those who are suffering from serious illness, that God lays his healing hand on them and ease them of their suffering. Amen (thank you)

SOng of today is by B.O.B. He is a rapper who plays guitar and is signed to T.I's record label, Grand Hustle. I don't know why but this song always puts a smile on my face. Have a lovely weekend guys.


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Analyzing Lady Gaga's "Telephone"


If you are new to my world then you must already know that I am a HUGE Lady Gaga fan. At this very moment I have marked my calender to see her on July 22nd and am waiting for pre sale tickets to go on sale. I dubbed myself a "Gagarette". She does no wrong in my eyes. Anywhoo, Telephone ft Beyonce and produced by DarkChild is a hot song that came out some months ago(in my mind it was an Lady Gaga giving Beyonce a chance to apologise to us for what she did with Video Phone). The song is hot! Gaga being who she is, made the video premiere a pop culture event and debuted it only on E! last thursday. Choreographed by LaurieAnn Gibson(from making the band fame, she also did Bad Romance), forgive me fellow Gagarettes when I say that this was the first Gaga video I watched that didn't blow my mind. I have only seen it once and I decided I will watch it again and just list my thoughts as I watch. Follow me for the ride will ya?

Ok so the video starts out in a scene reminiscent of the TV show "Capadocia" (about life in a female prison). Gaga is being walked into prison for killing her bf in the Paparazzi video, she is wearing a Gagafied version of a prison gown(?) as women catcall out to her. After she is thrown into the slammer, e be like say this haemophrodite joke still dey chook Gaga because there is a scene where she jokes about it as she strips off her dress.

I think the part where she comes out in chains and some out the world shades is so fierce. Not sure about the make out part and emm Virgin Mobile we see you.

When it's announced that Beyonce is on the line for Gaga, the camera shows a dark haired lady who looks a lot like Gaga - that's her 17 year old sister. Gaga has changed to pata and bra, man did she bring a lot of change of clothes to jail. The hair in diet coke cans is hilarious, she says her mom used to do that when she was younger.

Lol, this Gaga is such an exhibitionist showing us her assless nyansh in thong in the bra and pint choreo... Virgin Mobile we see you again.

Dating Website we see you. lol @ the Michael Jackson move she did when she was being released(in another outfit).

I get a little lost after B picks her up in the Pussywagon but it's a Gaga video. Anyhue, B looks fab and when she walks into the diner in that yellow dress, can someone spell C-U-R-V-E-S!

In Tyrese's scene, I am feeling the psychedelic makeup and it was like someone set the tv color ten times more than usual.

Let's make a sandwich - Enter Julia Child Gaga. B channels her inner Michael and even flashes us a butt cheek. Then comes the domesticated Gaga with her Gays choreo lol. The chic is wearing plastic like a laminated shirt.

I like her she stood there posing as if she is not killing someone with her hair designed as a telephone.

I really wish I could see the dance number where they are wearing the colors of the American flag but it was very all over the place, I couldn't quite make it out.

Remember Jai Rodriguez from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?

And in a Thelma and Louise-esque ending, the video ends with them riding into the sunset, Gaga in white and loads of makeup and B in black with minimal makeup.

Overall, it was an entertaining video. I do have to say that it reminded me of the Banky W video "Strong Thing" where the song is outstanding and the video is a great production but has completely nothing to do with the song. I really don't know what I was expecting but while I can't knock the video, I can't say it blew my mind either but I am still a Gagarette for life sha. Up next, I am curious to see what the Alicia and B video will be like.

Happy Mid Week y'all.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

It's the little things....

....that make you smile. And make you forget all your worries for at least one second. Have a great week.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Friday Randoms

I feel like a broken record when I say I blinked and all of a sudden Friday is here. Not that I am complaining because I sho do look forward to my Fridays, although I am about to start classes on Friday so I am not sure if I will still look forward to it. Anyways there has been an air of melancholy and blahness going through blogsville (myself included). I bind whatever negativity is floating through and hope everyone's spirit rises through the weekend at least till Monday blues hit(i keed). Let's random.

I wanna start with this new blog I found that I really enjoy - Check it out if you can. Infact, plenty blogs dey to dey discover.

This week I wondered why we say Cool Beans and not Cool Rice. The explanation I got is that rice is already cool unlike beans so cool beans implies a bad situation turned good. *did I confuse you*

America's Best Dance Crew makes me very aware of my lack of talent geez.

I don't like asking(and sometimes receiving) favors from people. I deep down believe that it will bite you in the ass and that person somehow has some "thing" over you. Unfortunately, I have had to ask favors and I live in anxiety of when it's gonna rear its head *he-shoes*

I don't care what the world thinks Kevin Federline is a cutie.

You know, this life is hella unpredictable, you never really know your tomorrow. Watching the oscars, who would have thought that Monique would one day be an oscar winner?(and deservedly so). The Queen of Comedy or the lady from The Parkers. or even Gabby Sidibe's story(haha as I typed that she flashed on the screen in the ABDC audience). It serves as encouragement, with right timing and hard work, something has got to give.

Speaking of Monique, I can't watch her show yo. I tried, I couldn't make it.

I heard this somewhere "If you are not making mistakes then you are not living"

Something in my marrows tells me that Tyler Perry is gay.

So just when I quelled my pregnancy fears(weight gain specifically). Kendra Wilkinson flares it back up. This is a woman who works out like crazy and she has openly said how she is having a hard time getting pack to her pre baby body. She showed her post baby stomach. What chances do I have?!!!! :(

I have a new theme song for my stomach and I. You know that Luda song that goes "When I move, you move..just like that". Yea, that's the one.

All this worry about weight, is it really worth it. geez taynement get a grip.

I wish I lived in the 70's. I loved their music.

Anyone catch this story on a college group who were having students turn in their bibles in exchange for porn. SMH, Aiye ti baje.

There is a white woman who calls herself Jihad Jane and wants to kill the cartoonist that drew the Muhammad cartoon. Oya is America on the terror list?

Ryan Seacrest has many jobs but he is best at hosting American Idol.

PRAYER REQUEST : For our beloved country, Nigeria. That God quells this seemingly rising storm that is sweeping through and protect all its citizens that include our family and loved ones. Amen. (thank you)

Have a lovely weekend.

Enjoy this Fantasia song, Even Angels. I like it a lot.


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Putting yourself out there.

Hi blogsvillers, hope everyone is having a good week. Mine has been tough but I am hanging in there. Anyhue, whatsup with my title you say? Well about 90% if not more of my friends are either married, engaged or in a relationship. When you are in one of those categories, sometimes some people think they are experts. I digress, anyways every now and then when we have a conversation, after the how is work? how is school? segment it is mostly followed by the how are the guys? question. Unfailingly, I always dissapoint with a nothing in that arena, then I get the talk.

I know they mean well, everyone is concerned about single taynement so I don't take it to heart but I do find it amusing because some way or the other it always leads to "Maybe you need to put yourself out there" and then I ask, "Please can you define putting yourself out there?". Well I got a talk today and I asked. I was told to go to events. For anyone who knows me, I don't know how much more out there I could be. I've chilled and scaled back a lot but back in the day, I know a considerable number of people. Anyways, it shifted to you have to go to like minded events like harvard grad blah blah, afri this that. After I got my entertainment I gave my own talk.

I am very anti rules as in do this, don't do that e.g because you slept with him on the first date that's why he is not interested. It may very well be but I know people who are happily together and they slept together on first date. I told my friend I am not the type to travel cross country with the intention of snagging a boo under the guise of networking. I have no strategy or no plans, all I do is pray to God that when he deems it fit that I end up with someone who is for me. I don't diss anyone who does that or who is proactive about finding a mate, it's just not my life/love path.

Well that was it folks, just thought I'd share and please if anyone has their own definition of putting yourself out there, let me know.

Have a great rest of the week.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Friday Randoms

Hi people, hope everyone had a good week, at least a better week than I did. Before I start I wanted to let you guys know that I wanted to add something to Friday Randoms. At the end of every random, I am just going to add a blanket prayer request for different areas and people in general, so once you are done reading, if you believe in prayer just say a quick one for the people and hopefully it'll make a difference. Also, just incase there is anyone out there who thinks I only blog on Fridays, I blog on non fridays too lol. Ok here we go:

- You know I am sure his heart is in the right place but I gotta say that Wyclef has definitely got some play from the Haiti earthquake.

- Nna, did anyone hear about the naija armed robber attack on a bus going to the east? They separated people into those with money and those without and the ones without they put a gun to the driver's head and made him drive OVER them as they lay on the floor? Biko, what kind of viciousness is this?How horrible a death was that?? I hear there were pictures, umm I'll pass. RIP to them.

- Monique be wearing some cute dresses to these awards shows sha. Still not a fan of hers but this whole deal about her being okay with her husband cheating. ahem, unto each their own.

- I would love to really take advantage of being single and just go on a couple of random dates but alas I have no time to go out and put myself out there.

- I really really get sad about the fact that I don't have an artistic bone in my body. I would love to just spruce up my apartment and give it some chutzpah but I have brain freeze.

- Sometimes I read blogs and I just feel as if I might know the person (which I probably don't).

- Apparently, I can't watch old people kissing in movies? when did that start? I just found myself turning my head?

- Where did this rice and banana thing start from sef? You know how we naija peeps like to copy, is it from another country?

- Speaking of food, I hate hate it when you jam fellow naija peeps and they smell like jollofrice/plantain/soup. yuck! I hate that food smell.

- Right timing, Right person men..See simon cowell who said he would never get married and broke up with Terri Seymour for that. Now he met this makeup artist(who has a picture of Clay Aiken grabbing her boobs) and they are engaged and he is publicly proclaiming she is the one.

- Rihanna's Rude Boy video is hot. Song is just okay to me sha.

- Why do people feel they can't meet a quality person in the club? In general, I just hate this men/women rules, everyone is different, everyone's life and love path is different. Why do we always want to do xyz, is it proven fact??? I don't care whether you are married or not, allow pesin and if the heart breaks, it breaks.

- Anyone catch Bella Naija on Oprah? Pretty cool stuff...

- Did you know Vera Wang is an accomplished ice skater? That lady looks good for her age yo.

- Jessie Williams on Greys Anatomy, that negros fineness is sinful. How can God create a beautiful being like him and then tell us not to lust?:(

- I wonder if they still show Jesus of Nazareth on Christmas day or was it Easter in naija.

That's all folks.

PRAYER REQUEST : For all families and people having a hard time in this economy specifically those that are unemployed, that God will see them through and bless them with jobs soon. Amen (Say it now! :D)Thank you.

Song of the day is Adele's "Many shades of Black" cuz it's how I feel. Have a lovely weekend guys and stay blessed.


Thursday, March 4, 2010

Dear Diary...

How did I get here again? I thought I had made considerable progress. I'd noticed that I've been in this hole for a while and I thought I could crawl out, it's been xyz weeks later and I am still here. Maybe I just can't handle the truth or maybe I am making up what I think is truth in my head. I guess this is what happens when you don't let the Lord in as I should. I don't know what it is or where it came from, I just want it gone and I want to be free of this...whatever it is that's going on. I didn't write this for selfpity (although prayers are greatly appreciated) but I have a hard time putting thoughts on paper, it makes it real somehow and this was the only place I could think of. Signing off now, off to smile and act like all is well.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I remember you....

So far in life, I have been blessed with a good memory. Every now and then I remember people that I have come across or were in my life and I am not in contact with anymore. Today I just wanted to remember them and send blessings their way wherever they may be.

Mrs Odinkonigbo - This was my teacher in Primary 3. She had the most beautiful soul ever. So kind, so loving, so patient. I remember her kids used to go to my school and go figure, she had an unruly son. I remember thinking her name was funny. She eventually had to move to the east with her family because money was so tight. I really really admired her even at my young age, wherever you are Aunty I hope you are happy.

Victor/Obinna - The pharmacist and his apprentice that lived by my house. As a sickly child, there were many visits there. I even still remember Obinna's birthday - November 25. I did run into Mr Victor few years back at church.

Mallam - I know some of you may laugh but Mallam was so funny. He was the first person that I kinda confessed my "trans-tribal" issues to(I always used to wish i was yoruba). Greedy me always used to go to him to buy my malta, buttermint and that fudgy thing that was in a red wrapper. He was the first person I swore to that i would learn Yoruba (and I did). Wherever you are Mallam, Asalam Mallekum.

Mr Olafimihan - My lesson teacher who just thought I was the brightest thing ever. He gave me confidence and believed in me. WHen my SSCE results came out, I think he was happier than I was, he was elated. Thank you sir for your faith in me (oh and for your cute son Dele who I had a crush on but decided to date my friend Nonye instead, mscheww)

Funmi - One of my few friends when we moved. We had nothing in common but somehow we made it work.

Muyiwa B. - My very first crush ever, we were family friends and we saw each other way too often. To my 10 year old mind that was fate. Fate my nyansh, I hear he just got married last year. Congratulations and thanks for being an awesome crush.

Damilola O. - my first kiss..yuck. I have nothing to thank you for sha. moving on lol

C.E - We became friends really fast. I think our friendship was like 3 months old before I had to come to the U.S. I cried so hard, I wrote in my journal, I gave him my most treasured fountain pen that I had kept in a case for so long as a goodbye. We wrote letters a little when I got here until it faded. I guess I should mention that I was 16 and he was a 32 year old seminarian's not what y'all are thinking.I'm just weird like that.

Ayo - My first friend that I lost to death. I was about 10 or 11 I think? I was sipping on my daily nescafe (coffee addict) when mom came home and told me she had lost her battle with sickle cell. RIP Ayo

Brandon - We worked together at Black Eyed Peas, he was the bartender. I coulda sworn he was gay, being who I am I asked and he said that honestly he didn't know what he was but he knew he didn't enjoy sex (duh!). We became friends but I moved on to college.

I could go on and on forever and I have a long list of people that I remember from time to time. Do me a favor guys and say a prayer for anyone that you remember from your past. Have a lovely rest of the week and if you are in search of new (sad) tunes to add to your library, check out my stint on Neefemi's blog

Enjoy T.I and Mary J Blige's "remember me"