Thursday, November 16, 2017

Friday Randoms

Whoosh! It's been a while hasn't it? I have received a few texts asking where randoms are. My bad guys. It's been so busy and I have been traveling. This weekend is the first weekend I can put my feet up and relax. Maybe I can finally start Stranger Things 2. Can you believe Thanksgiving is next week?!! Wow guys, another year almost down in the books. I am tired of getting older *waaaah!*

I am looking forward to the holidays though, just down time from work and resting. I always get senioritis once Q4 hits. Smart me started Christmas shopping early so it's not so overwhelming. Just waiting for my bank account to cooperate so I can be done faster. Oh yea, winter is here. Broke out my coats. Anyways, enough yacking. Let's random.

I noticed recently that whenever I got into a debate with friends, I got hit with "It's not that simple. You are over simplifying things". All men.

Time has passed but I honestly still feel like my mom passed yesterday. I sometimes physically feel it. It also hits me at the oddest times. I most recently bawled my eyes out in the parking lot of a mall. Anyways, I am still looking for ways to manage my grief or maybe answer questions is a better way so I read books that allude to helping. So far I haven't found any. The last one was a huge disappointment. But I just got another recommendation that I will try. If you guys have any recommendations please feel free to let me know.

We all have our good and bad traits. When people choose to focus on your bad traits, it hurts. That hurt feeling sometimes serves as a reminder when I start veering towards making the sum of a person based on a bad trait exhibited.

Not a fan of this snap back culture. I am that annoying person that makes a comment to the E! twitter account when they tweet about a mom with a 6 pack just 2 weeks after birth! It's hard enough when you have to worry about it in every day life talk less of being a new mom with hormones and stress.

What do you think it means when everyone our age is always tired? people stay complaining about not getting enough sleep and dragging through work. The scariest part is when these people don't have kids. What are we going to do when we do!

Fake pastors who stay preaching the word is such a trip. Like every day you preach about going to hell for not following the rules meanwhile you know you are scamming. Meaning you don't believe what you are saying? For you to not have fear, I have concluded fake pastors actually don't even believe in God.

I find it kinda weird that Obama was/is close to perfect. Do you?

A friend of mine thinks that our generation is not equipped to pick life partners because most of us are not honest with ourselves about ourselves and actually lack self awareness. He says he thinks the people he sees with strong marriages are emotionally healthy. Had to stop him right there. Not sure if that exists, as I have randomed before we are all fucked up :)

A friend of mine gave me a tip that I follow. To save yourself from declutter, whenever you get any new item of clothing, get rid of something in place of that new item. So now I keep a trash bag by my closet so whenever something new comes in I throw immediately into the bag and when it's full it goes straight to donation. There's a tip for you! But on the real, it's come in handy and definitely one i find valuable.

Well that's all I got for you folks. Hope you have a wonderful weekend. Stay warm and Stay blessed.


Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Way Too Much

Guys.

There's like way too much going on in the world. What in the fuck is happening??!!

My friend says it has always been this way but we are just way over exposed now. Which is probably true. My only social media involvement is Twitter and it has been so overwhelming that I can't imagine how I would have managed the news cycle on all the platforms.

The most current headline is the whole sexual harassment scandal with Harvey Weinstein and all the dregs its bringing up. Dredging up all the ugliness that is being harassed by men in power and the silence women have to go through. Right on its heels is the whole kneeling saga and the NFL really thinking they have the right to tell players what they can or can't do. Let's not forget our Commander In Chief and the endless sound bytes he provides us.

What propelled me to write today is the whole NFL shit show. Because it's just another indicator of things that have always been. As if as black people we haven't been oppressed enough. First of all, the kneeling started as a protest to black men being slaughtered (you damn straight i said slaughtered) by men who are supposed to protect us and people/government acting like it's just another day in the office when it would be nice to be seen as people.

Somehow, somewhere along the way the narrative has changed to the flag and anthem being disrespected and vets not being honored or some bullshit. Like huh?? And then now the NFL issued some statement that all players have to stand.

Here's what really gets my goat. I can't help but see it as yet another form of oppression. I could be wrong but I think I heard the same instructions given for NBA players. Assume that's true, why is it the leagues that have a generous number of black players where this is issued? Why does a team owner think it's okay to tell a grown ass man what he can't or can't do?

What we consider entertainment is a job for these men. Most of these men got into this to escape the hood and a system designed to fail them before they even start. This is now their livelihood. These owners know this. Now you put them in a bind on what to do as they are dependent on a salary. I mean, how many of us would leave our 9-5's to stand up for a principle when we have bills to pay? How much more can we take? It just frustrates me to no end.

Americans truly have a knack for missing the mark because somehow the Weinstein saga has turned to night watch on who is commenting and who is not and who is standing up for who and isn't instead of focusing on the person who committed the crime and vilifying him. Ugh.

A white guy...oh sorry "kid" as the media refers to him, just shot a police officer dead and was apprehended. Alive. But let it be a black man who is unarmed and all of a sudden trained police officers fear for their lives. Oh and the officer who tackled and cuffed a nurse fighting for her patient's rights just got fired. Don't think any of the beast who shot black men dead have been fired so quickly, if at all.

I don't know. I am probably rambling but my heart is sick at all that is going on. It's even sicker because I don't have the hope that some have that this is pulling back the veils that some have on what the country is really like and will propel change because while I agree that the veil is being pulled back, I also think the people in charge are giving confidence to the ugly hearted people who now feel even more comfortable spreading their heinous crimes.

BTW fuck everyone who voted for Trump or said Hillary was just as bad. You must be out your damn mind.


Friday, October 6, 2017

The Marriage Cult

My title is sort of an internal joke from years ago when I was talking to a friend of mine. See, she had just got married and it seemed like it set off something in her mom because suddenly her mom started sharing with her things she had gone through in marriage that she had never mentioned before. In addition, to what my friend had learned as a newbie in marriage she had said: "I'm telling you, it's a cult. No-one tells you the real deal until you are in it and by then it's too late to get out" and at the time it made me chuckle.

Fast forward many years and with the state of marriage in these modern times, I think back to that and wonder if she wasn't entirely serious. Being a Nigerian, it has always been a source of wonder to me how mothers - because most of them endured their marriage rather than enjoyed it - still have this vigor in pushing their kids to marriage without the words of wisdom to accompany it and help them do better and not go through what they went through. And I mean this for sons and daughters alike.

I remember the "words of wisdom" my mom gave me and I remember telling her that yea, I probably won't be reaching out to her for advice. Most Nigerian mother advice involve suffering of some kind or being the bigger person and I explicitly asked her if she expected me to go into marriage defeated already.

I wonder if it is just a case of not airing your dirty laundry in public, so you stay mum? Is there some kind of line between that and being honest to others about what marriage entails? On the flip, maybe it is one of those things that can't really be explained just experienced so people play dumb till you are in it.

Not that there isn't some gender war on twitter every other day but the most recent one really had me scratching my head. Someone said that our parents generation suffered because they cared too much about what others think. There's probably some truth to that.

The other side of the argument is when people use words of the Bible to justify being unhappy in a marriage. Yesterday I commented on that and wondered if that's how people really see God. As someone who would rather see them unhappy, as long as they are upholding words and rules. Doesn't seem to gel for me.

Anyways, once again as a disclaimer. I don't think all marriages are doom and gloom and destined for suffering and unhappiness. I just think there's a lot that is not being talked about so people are aware of the seriousness of the journey they are about to take. I talked to a handful of friends (not scientific enough sample size) and they mentioned how they didn't get a talk from their moms on what to expect from marriage.

At the end of the day, we can only just hope and pray that we get it right. Did you get any talks from your parents that didn't include endurance as the main key? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Monday, September 11, 2017

+1 - 2017 Edition

Hi Guys, I know we have been on this journey together for a while because I have written so many "+1" posts to commemorate my birthdays. Well yesterday was another one. I am thankful for having a birthday and that the grace of God kept me to witness another. I am a huge birthday person and I get so giddy and excited for my birthday. I never understand people who get all weird about birthdays and getting older cuz the way I see it, it's older or death. I am always doing something for it and planning ahead and all that but thinking about yesterday, I am wondering if those days are behind me.

Birthdays don't feel the same anymore, since my mom passed. I remember the first birthday without her, I sobbed and sobbed. Last year, I think I felt more of grateful because I had just gone through a major health mountain and was recovering from surgery so it was more of a thanksgiving in my head but I felt the sadness in my chest. I was actually at a club in PR at midnight with my wonderful friends and I just felt this tightness. This year, I had started making plans and had a big party planned. I had even told some of my friends to mark their calendars.  I switched it to a trip to celebrate with my cousins but somewhere along the line I lost all zeal and cancelled everything. I wasn't feeling celebratory and decided I wanted to have a quiet one just chilling by myself and maybe trying to sort these conflicting feelings in me.

My birthday was by no means terrible. My darling Mgbeke decided to come down and not let me have a quiet birthday. At midnight, she was dancing around trying to ginger me and said a prayer for me. I went to church in the morning and we had a boozy brunch and she got me the most delicious and pretty cake. The birthday wishes rolled in throughout the day and I felt the love. I was grateful that I shared it with a friend than the plan of just chilling and sorting cuz I probably would have felt worse.

I don't know if this is the new birthday feeling for me but I am hoping it is not and it passes but thankful for the opportunity to still be alive in relative good health. I am employed and able to pay my bills and splurge on some things. I have family and friends that are completely awesome and I thank God for having them in my life. I am looking forward and hoping I have a year full of happiness and alignment where things align according to God's will for my life.

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Friday Randoms

Hiya guys. I have had randoms these past few weeks but I have been so stressed and busy with work that come Friday, I am so exhausted and it totally slips my mind. Man, is it just me or has life been a whirlwind with the news cycle. Hurricane Harvey truly was something else, it's so hard to believe I was there the weekend before weather all nice and sunny, we blinked and devastation. I am thankful that my friends and family are okay and they made it through. My thoughts and prayers go out to all the people who went through it and especially those who have to start all over after losing everything. May God provide for them and give them the strength to rebuild.

Summer is almost over here as we are experiencing cooler temperatures. I mourn for summer. Labor day weekend is finally here!!! I have been counting down ehn. I totally need the break. I have no plans which is perfectly fine. Maybe I will eat and drink myself to stupor with my best friend, Netflix :D. Okay, I shall stop rambling. Let's random.

I've asked many a different man about their alleged physical preferences and the reality of what they end up with (which are usually different) and the answers I get don't usually make sense so I think it's time to accept I am probably overthinking it. (I don't really think that hehe)

When I was in college, I used to pray for boobs so bad. Weight gain has given me boobs and I am still not used to it. I am still not used to being referred to as someone with boobs like when people are discussing and use me as an example. I remember when an ex said the first thing he noticed about me was my boobs. Up until then, I was so used to my butt being noticed that I actually said "huh, what do you mean my boobs?"

The term "hen night" makes me cringe. Of all the names, how did we settle on "hen night"? Why are the guy ones not called "cock night"

Speaking of terminologies, how come we have "cat lady", bag lady" as insulting terms for women but we don't have that for men. Na only to insult us society knows.

I always feel some type of way when just because/I just think so is given as a reason. I was talking to a friend who was telling me how he thinks a certain producer was racist. I asked why and I think I got a round about answer, so I eventually said "so you have no basis?" and he's like "yup, i just think so". Grr could have saved me a convo hehe

How come men will know behavioral characteristics about you and state how they don't like or approve of it. Instead of just exiting and going to find the one that you like, they'll prefer to stay and instead try to change or correct you. To be fair, I guess we all do it?

I don't believe that any decision based on emotion ends up being a good one. I'm a shut downer. If I get highly upset or emotional, I prefer to take a breather and keep shut and think about both sides vs. reacting immediately and saying things I will regret. Shutting down is a blessing and a curse. Blessing because it has probably saved me from some regrets and curse because I can't imagine that it is fun for the other party.

Do you believe God can or can't be criticized? Why?

That's all I have for you today. Hope you guys have a blessed weekend. Enjoy life and tell your friends and family how much you love them. Life is short guys.


Thursday, July 27, 2017

Friday Randoms

I don't know about y'all and where you live but in my neck of the woods, it's been a rain fest. I mean we talking cloudy, dreary days. Like it was hot one minute and next in the morning we were in the 60's. Saturday is supposed to be a high of 72. In July. Meanwhile, thunderstorm and rain all weekend. How do people still not believe in climate change? Sha Sha, hope everyone is having a great summer. Last year, I was on bedrest for most of the summer so I am trying to make the best of this summer and have as much fun as I can. So far, so good. Before I random, can i just say America is in shambles. It's a damn shame. Let's random.

You wake up one day and you are not attracted to your spouse. What do you do? How do you handle that?

It's so funny the different things we categorize as personal. I think I am a private person but there are certain things I don't consider personal but other people have told me are personal to them. Or maybe I am not private? hmm.

It's so tempting to treat people how they treat you and not over extend for someone who will not do the same for you. But too bad you can't really override your true nature.

It's funny to me how packing your own lunch is a foreign concept to some people. Natural to them is buying lunch everyday. Meanwhile for me it's like how can you buy lunch everyday?! That's like throwing money down the drain.

What do you call your grandma's sister? I randomly remembered how my cousin's kids used to call my mom Aunty Nana.

Maybe it's all the new babies all around me but that irrational feeling of failure for never giving my mom grandkids resurrected recently.

My friend believes that being celibate means not just no sexual intercourse, no self pleasure no toys no nothing. I don't necessarily believe that. Sometimes sex comes with complications because of the person attached to the penis/vagina. If people still have needs but are trying to take a step back/clear head they can still be celibate and still self pleasurize? or nah?

Is having a green card vs. being a citizen something Nigerians consider embarrassing? I am not sure but it's a vibe I get especially during election times. Or maybe it's a thing of privacy? (going back to my previous random). I sha don't think it's anything to be embarrassed about. At the end of the day we are all just immigrants looking for a better life than what our country offers us.

Saw a tweet that said "I feel like life is better in your thirties than your twenties" I had to pause and think about that. I still have no answer. Those of you in your thirties, what say ye?

I am really not sure there's a good way to die. It's either you die suddenly with no warning, no goodbyes or nothing or you know you are dying but it is this long painful process.

Have a great weekend guys. Be safe and stay blessed


Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Midlife Crisis

The other day my friend asked me if I thought everyone goes through a mid life crisis.

I said yes. Depending on how you define mid life crisis.

I define mid life crisis as taking stock of your life at a certain age and not being satisfied with where you are. I feel everyone goes through that - well save for the people who have perfect lives and blessings or uber optimistic people who don't acknowledge problems and still see the glass half full - at some point in their lives.

It's funny how there is a quarter life crisis terminology for when you are in your mid twenties. Does that mean life is just that stressful that the crisis starts as early as that with the major mid life crisis waiting for you when you are much older?

I was speaking to an intern today who was looking for direction and feeling like she didn't have a handle on what she wanted to do. She made a comment like she just has to figure out what she wants to do. In my head I was like "you're probably never going to ever be so sure".

Isn't that how adulting works? You just make the best decision at the time and hope to God it works out. Even when I feel like ok this is the right thing to do without a doubt. I can't say that I don't second guess my decision.

What do you guys think? Does everyone go through a mid life crisis?


Thursday, June 22, 2017

Friday Randoms

The official first day of summer was yesterday. Ope o! We haven't been able to fight off the rain but at least we have the warm weather going. Soon come, the sun will follow it and shine wella wella. Everyone always asks if you have plans for the summer. I have absolutely zilch plans. I think the only one plan I have is to try paddle boarding. My friend said she was gonna teach me how to. That's about it. But hey, life is what happens while making plans, right? The question is probably what plans does the summer have for me? Last summer was a nightmare, so let's hope it's kinder to me this year. Time to random!

What makes a person a selfish person? What would make you call a person selfish?

Think of a relative or immediate family member you love so much and respect and one day you hear that they have been accused of sexual assault. What do you do? I see people give so much grief to people who still are friendly with their family members that have been accused and I just wondered, if your relative tells you they didn't do it. Wouldn't you be inclined to believe them?

A coworker told me a story of how he was so mad at his ex moving on so quickly even though he cheated on her while they were in a relationship. loool. men are interesting.

Why is it so hard for men to listen to a woman vent? Do they think we are that helpless that a solution has to be offered?

You know...perception is reality. People will always see what they want to see. You can laugh and joke and list all the happy things you have mentioned but if someone wants to see you as this angry, sad person then that's exactly what you are. They'll only remember the moments that corroborate with that perception.

I was being a dolt with my friend and the heifer completely called me out on it. After eating humble pie and apologizing, I gotta say I was hella impressed. Respect.

The world has progressed and we now have coed baby showers. In my mind guys are coerced to come for them but then again is there a chance they actually enjoy it? Why did it become coed?

If you are with a woman who has not orgasmed from sex with you. Will that bother you?

I heard somewhere that when a woman cannot orgasm from sex that it is a mental thing like maybe there's not a complete or deep connection/trust formed. Someone disagreed with me but I think I actually agree.

While we are on the subject, there's no such thing as not knowing if you had an orgasm or not after sex. You can't miss an orgasm. Not sure why people say that.

I find it weird when Nigerians categorize a period of time with yankee seasons. Then again it's only summer they use. It's hot all year round :/

Irks me when women call other women "babe"

The Kardashians have turned anxiety into something you pick up at the store. Every little thing, they have anxiety.

In my big age, I am learning how to let people be. People aren't always receptive to input especially if you weren't asked. Everyone is grown and perfectly capable of doing things they're own way even if it is different from mine. It is not something that comes easy for me as I feel like I've lived 500 lifetimes and have a lot of knowledge to impart on different situations lol. But yea, valuable lesson.

That's all I got for you beautiful folks. 4th of July is next weekend. Hope y'all got big plans. Make sure you do it big for two as I will probably be my usual boring self and hang out with my TV. Have a lovely weekend!






Friday, June 2, 2017

Friday Randoms

Happy Friday yall. This week was the longest short week ever at least for me. It was so busy at work and I just felt lethargic from my travels last weekend. Speaking of - it's amazing how American Airlines continue to find levels to being the shitty airline that they are. Tufia. We are in June but last week somehow, we were in the 50's. The sun is out now but who knows how long it will last. Ah well. Let's random.

For some reason, I used to think masturbation wasn't really needed when married. (Don't even ask me why I don't think it applies to being in a relationship) as per regular knacks. Anyways, I know better now but I wonder if the stats show that people masturbate less when married? But as I type this, I remember they say you have less sex as the years go by so maybe not? Yup, what a mess of a random. Jumbled thoughts.

I'd like to end up with someone who knows me in and out and can read me like a book. Is that a lofty wish? like the actual someone being able to know you that well?

There's such a thin line between a lot of things. Like thin line between self confident and arrogant, . Weird. Who decides what keeps things on either end of the line.

I am having such an epic mid life crisis. Nothing makes sense these days. Life is hard *sobs*

One morning, I realized I was chatting with 4 different people and we were complaining about work. Totally realizing that one should be grateful to have work to complain about but man that 9-5 can wear you down man. The politics and bs and your fate being in someone else's hands. It gets tiresome.

Why is it that other races look out for their own peeps except us black peeps? I remember when I was unemployed and went to the Black MBA conference. The black peeps were so snooty and condescending. I particularly remember this one lady that was so condescending to me. I actually cried that day sha. Maybe it was unemployment stress that made me react but she actually said she wanted to "mold" me as I have potential. Someone that probably wasn't much older than me. Na wa. A friend pointed out that some of them reach a certain status and want to be the only ones so to speak among the elite.

I am still so fascinated by social media. I observed a friend curating pics for the gram from a trip and it was so...interesting. I hear people talking how xyz viewed their pics and didn't even like it. And it's mentioned so casually like that's a normal thing. I think sometimes before I post something I ask myself what my motivation is. Is this to show off or let people know I'm living the life? or is it purely of no intent? It's so easy to be caught up in the world sha, we are still humans afterall. Shoo, I wish real life was like that where I can curate the life I want.

Speaking of toxic. I stopped listening to The Read. I just didn't like the vibes and it became all mean girl-y. They're kind of obnoxious too and just stay cursing people out and they are always right. Blech.

What are your thoughts on giving back an engagement ring if you break up? Whatever your stance can you tell me why you think so? Thanks!

www.taynement.com and www.rewatchingmadmen.blogspot.com

Yall have a great weekend. If you have good weather, enjoy it!


Thursday, May 18, 2017

Friday Randoms

Hiya folks. Long time no see. Summer is here! I love summer. Feels good to walk out the door and feel the sun on my skin instead of bitter cold winds. You will never catch me complaining about summer afterall for those of us who grew up in Naij, this was the weather we had all year round. I just got back from an awesome vacation but it has slowly faded to a memory as work just hit me in full force. I had like 5 back to back meetings today and I got home so drained. The 9-5 life can drain you sha. Just dealing with the corporate bs takes all the energy out of you. Let's random:


I have a recollection of randoming this before but it's my random and I will repeat if I want to. Our generation like to think that they are all open minded and non judgmental but there's a side eye when someone says they are not having sex or waiting till marriage.

Is it so terrible to say "if I get married" vs. "when I get married". Why do Nigerians think it's speaking ill will vs. really not knowing what your future holds?

I just finished reading this book called The 7 Levels of Intimacy (which I recommend to everyone especially anyone in a relationship). I don't know that it said anything so new but I liked how it broke down things. One of the things addressed was how success in a lot of things requires discipline but a lot of us don't want to apply it. Which is why we are always looking for quick fixes eg a quick way to lose weight vs the discipline required to eat less and work out more.

There was this thread on twitter that asked what was the craziest bible story to you? A lot of the responses just made me think that it's best not to scrutinize Christianity and the Bible with your brain because you would totally be left scratching your head

There are some things I see on social media that I know I would NEVER share but you know, sharing is relative. There are some things I am okay sharing that someone else would probably think is too much. Anyways, my point is there are some really open people and I have to say I admire them. There's something that seems so liberating about baring everything.

I don't know about you guys but most of the guys I have dated have been so closed off. When I was younger, I fooled myself into thinking that it was sexy and mysterious but now that my eyes have shined, I think it's such a stupid thing. Saying "that's how guys are" is also stupid. Fight me.

It's annoying when you have a big ass and people reduce you to just your ass. Guy hollers - oh, of course he did, look at all that ass or why are you single with all that ass you are packing? Ugh

I am so fascinated by Married at First Sight. In a recent episode one of the ladies said something that struck my soul. "It's so easy to love me during my lovable moments but I just realized that I have never had someone love me through my unlovable moments". Deep.

Wonder how catfish became synonymous with duping someone. Why those two creatures? cat and fish? why wasn't it something else like dogcrab? or horsecricket?

Unpopular opinion: on some level, I think eloping is a tad bit selfish. I totally get the no money for a big wedding angle but I think a dinner or a little party of loved ones is always doable. You guys know I have a thing about people all over you during their bad times and ditching you once they are situated and happy again. I think a celebration with all the people who care about you and who have been there through the bad and rough relationships is only right.

You know how I say people never see you the way you see yourself. Most people think they are a good person but what if you are not?

That's all I got for ya. Have a wonderful weekend. Take advantage of the great weather and be safe!


Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Risk

Anything worth having in life begins by taking a risk.
 
Risk is the Universe's way of pushing us to become more than what we are.
 
Risk is faith at the edge.
 
Risk is the pulsating essence of life.
 
Without risk, we are automatons going through our days with no purpose or meaning. 

We are safer, perhaps but we are also ironically, closer to death.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

2 Years

Today marked the second anniversary of my mom's death. There is a one week span between her birthday and her death so this year it (birthday) fell on Sunday which I didn't know was the UK and Naija mother's day, so that was like eek. It's been an emotionally nerve wracking few months but you know...life goes on.

It's been a weird emotion. I think at the back of my mind the countdown to the anniversary always begins from the start of the year and automatically takes me back to January of the year she died and how we felt every month to her death till then. Kinda like replaying it over. I still replay the day she died a lot in my head and everything I did that day right down to what I wore. It's ironic that at the moment she probably took her last breath, I had just deposited money for her hospital bills.

When she first passed, I got a lot of "it never goes away but it gets easier" and 2 years down I can't say that I have reached that level (and maybe it's too early). I don't think I have ever shed these many tears in my life this last year. The first year it was strictly just the pain but now it's like it has graduated and now manifests for no reason or for any tiny reason. It still feels so raw and surreal and painful mostly because almost everything is a reminder of her and everything I will never get to share with her.

For her anniversary, I decided I wouldn't let it be a day of wallowing and sadness and just honor her memory and try to be as upbeat as I can. I got a little sad when I got some texts and my cousins had her pic up (it's still a bit difficult to see her picture) but that passed. My brother face timed me by her graveside and we said a prayer. We've talked about the anxiousness of the approaching day before hand and talk a lot about how we feel day to day so that's helpful.

I'm grateful for the time spent with her and grateful for her life spent and to have been her child. Mama, you'll forever be in my heart. Love always. May your soul continue to rest in peace.

(Thank you all for listening to my ramblings. It helps a bit to write sometimes)

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Friday Randoms

Howdy Ho folks. There is one more day till March ends and just like that Q1 2016 is over. That being said, cold still dey catch us for here. Hey, Spring anytime you're ready show face o. We dey wait you. I had a great vacation two weeks ago in Vegas. I went to see my Backstreet Boys and it was so worth it. They still got it and it made me nostalgic for a bit. I lost my voice actually. Sounded like a toad for a few days. Good times with good people and I even won some money from the slot machines! The bad thing about vacation is you get back and its like you never went. Stress of real life hits you straight inna di chest as soon you get back like you never left. I don't have much randoms for yall today but figured I'd still drop the few I got. Here we go...

Had a conversation with someone who has very interesting and different views on life. One of the things he views differently is how people focus on certain things as the big things/decisions that determine our fate. For example, how people wonder should I go to this college or not?, should I take this job or not? because we believe whatever our decision us will have a big impact. He thinks it's the little every day decisions that we don't even think about or put much thought into that shape us more than that. Things like what we choose to eat everyday, picking up a phone to call someone, deciding to attend a party (where you might meet someone who has an impact on your life). I could see his point. What do you think?

You know how we always say certain reality show people are boring. my friend says that it's a fear of hers that she yabs some characters and think she is not that way or would appear different but what if you are actually boring and you just don't know it because you don't have cameras on you.

It's a wonder to me how people work out during lunch. How much does one get in in an hour? Is there enough time to change before and after and also shower? Maybe they have two hour lunches?

Speaking of work out, I really wish I was proficient in running and yoga

I know such is life but there is something a little sad about seeing about seeing someone in their late 40's go through heartbreak. I am not sure I can explain it but I have this thing about not dating the same way I dated in my 30's. Living longer, knowing better and doing better. Also, I feel like we put in time in heartbreaks younger and it seems a bit unfair to still be hurt in the older years. Make sense or nah?

Sometimes when I say I'm sleepy, the party on the other end of the convo says "why?" seeing as a number of people respond that way, I am assuming it's normal but it makes no sense in my head. Well, because I didn't get enough sleep or...I'm just sleepy. I have no idea why the feeling is in me. It's like if someone says "I'm hungry" and someone asks "why?" They didn't eat or they just are hungry.

Someone told me I was dark the other day. I didn't argue. Really can't. I know what they meant. It's a bit sad but it is what it is. I wish it were different but it isn't. I acknowledge my flaws and also acknowledge my attempts to be/do better.

You know that game we play where we guess who is good in bed just by their outward appearance or mannerisms and zero fact. Well I think Nicole Kidman would be good at the sex but then Keith Urban looks dry, which made me wonder what their sex is like (don't judge me, it's called Friday RANDOMS) :D

Well, that's all I got. Have a wonderful and safe weekend.





Thursday, March 16, 2017

Friday Randoms

Hi guys. Happy friday. As I type this, I am so tired. Work is kicking my ass and I am so burnt out. But much needed vacation starts tomorrow and it couldn't have come at a better time. We had a snow storm few days ago and it's quite cold here. Guys, what is going on in our country o?What kind of wickedness giving to people? How can these people expect to make heaven? On the other side, North Korea is ready to show us pepper. Okay o. Keep on rocking, 45. Keep on rocking. Anyways, let's random.

You get married. Your partner dies. You find out he/she has been cheating on you. How do you even mourn? Who do you direct your anger to?

Was talking about this with a friend and he asked if I had a friend in this situation who didn't know their partner was cheating and I knew, would I tell my friend? I had to think about that for a second but I don't think I will because at this stage, what is the point? It just seems cruel. How about you, would you tell?

My brother is younger than me and has not been married up to a year but I gotta tell you that I admire his marriage.

Man. Being a human being is so hard. Sometimes I wish I was more carefree and not so by the book or so aware. Life would probably be much simpler and I'd enjoy it more.

Last year, Shonda Rhimes "Year of Yes" was the best book I read. She mentioned something called Blue Sky Syndrome. Where she implied that human beings are more in love with the idea of making goals and existing and getting comfortable in the idea of having goals than actually achieving those goals. I think she speaks some truth.

I read this on someone's blog. To paraphrase "When things usually come easy for you, it's easier to give up on things quickly when things get rough" agree or disagree?


I have been binge watching Golden Girls on Hulu. The show has held up really well. Also, the shade on that show is on one hunned. Anyways, it led me to a google worm hole where I learned 3 of the 4 costars died in succession in 2008, 2009 and 2010. Betty White is the last living star and I wonder how she feels. How aware is she of her mortality? Heck. How does it feel when you are really old and know that inevitably, death is around the corner.

Speaking of death. It's such a pretty scary and traumatic thing. It's such a cruel thing that is part of the life cycle and I am not sure how we are supposed to keep on living and functioning as normal.

What does it mean when a person moves on so fast? Does it mean they never cared or they genuinely just moved on that fast?

Someone recently asked me what I have learned from self help books about happiness and I said: It's easier to be happy when things are going your way. Probably sounds like an obnoxious answer but it's true. They seem to have some reference point of a breakthrough that made them want to be happy. The closest book I have read was Rick Warren's wife's book but it came before her son committed suicide. I would love to hear her take on finding happiness after such a devastating loss. I think that would resonate more with me.

Being a parent seems like hard work

I am always surprised at certain things people don't know. I just haven't figured out yet if I am the exception or the anomaly

I am rewatching Mad Men from beginning. If you'd like to watch along with me, I am blogging each episode at http://rewatchingmadmen.blogspot.com/

Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend!





Saturday, March 4, 2017

Friends With Exes

I have had this discussion with a handful of friends and I decided to write about it. If you have had the discussion with me, then you would know that I think being friends with an ex is a very completely unnecessary something. While I am guilty of this, I still firmly stand with the stance that it is completely unnecessary. For some reason, every time I say this people seem to think I have said that you should treat them like dirt and be completely mean to them. Nope, definitely not what I mean.

Most times when I make this statement, almost always the response from women is "doesn't it depend how the break up was?" fair enough, true but how many breakups were oh so pleasant? Not saying they don't exist just saying it is not the case in most cases. Look at it both ways, if the fault was yours or the fault was his and he treated you like crap. What is the need to be friends with this person that hurt you so much or that you hurt so much? I've always been fascinated by how we women are able to romanticize any situation and gloss over grimy stuff because that is the only reason why we probably believe that someone who didn't care about our emotions before has suddenly transformed to this wonderful friend that we can't do without. Flip the script and let it be a female friend who showed you who they are, the forgiveness doesn't come as quickly as it does for an ex. (this is probably where sex comes in)

While people get older and mature and could be genuinely sorry for their past behavior, most times I tend to notice that women are the ones who make a much bigger deal about how this friendship was so deep and was a connection; while men acknowledge yes we were friends and it's a shame how it went down and move on with their lives. Another reason I find it unnecessary is almost always when a woman decides to be friends with her ex, chances are high they will end up in the sack together again. Ending up in the sack again, brings up those rosy dreams and story lines again, satisfied that yes we truly had a different kind of connection while the man is thinking hey we have an understanding and we've moved past the murk while living their lives like its golden.

Alright. Now, take away the exes that get back together. In the long run, I often wonder what the point of being friends in when if one person moves on, not sure their significant others would be happy about this friendship. Out of respect for them, they might cut you off or drastically reduce contact so basically, the friendship has a shelf life.

Overall honestly, while I think it's nice, I think we need to get over the hang up of feeling like not being friends with an ex signifies something more like say, it means you are an awful person or you are doing something wrong. Being civil with someone and not being all buddy buddy doesn't mean you don't wish them well, its more self preservation. One of the friends I spoke with said "but it's not easy to just remove someone you've known for a long time just like that" and that is true but some things that are right for us are not easy but we do it to better ourselves. Also, in some cases some exes don't speak for a while and rekindle it. If you were able to survive during that time you weren't speaking, pretty sure you'll both be okay if it isn't rekindled.

Funny enough, I ran across this article that says that only narcissists and psychopaths love to stay friends with their exes and it gave me a chuckle. To cover all my bases - I am not saying it's the cases in all situations. I based this on my observations and personal experiences. I have written from a female perspective as I am one.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Friday Randoms

Howdy ho, people. It is friday again. Yippee! Gosh, work has been so busy my brain hasn't had a breather and I keep counting down to the weekend from sheer exhaustion. Thank God Monday is a holiday. Looking forward to it. How are you guys enjoying the Trump era? Never a dull moment abi? I don't know whether to laugh or cry because I have no idea where we are headed. I sha do know that this man is infallible and I am not sure who or what can take him down. Anyways, let's random.

Do me, I must do you. How petty is too petty?

Earlier in the month, I celebrated 7 years at my company and somehow I felt shame. I feel like people in our generation switch jobs frequently that staying long is just...I don't even know

On that note, time is crazy because the same way I look at people who have spent like 22 years at a company and realize that it is so easy to become that person.

A guy friend of mine told me that he side eyes guys who still chase anything in a skirt like their life depends on it. He says he sees it as an indicator of someone who isn't where they want to be in life so they re-channel their energy into scoring with women. Guys, do you agree?

This brand of Christianity, that promotes the notion that God loves some people more or better hence them being more favored or that bad things that happen to you are your fault, is very annoying

"Enjoy the view of your backyard even if it is covered in weeds"

I randomly thought of Beyonce's OB GYN. How do you peer into a highly revered woman's vagina and not get home and tell anyone? Who is her OB GYN?

Saw an article with the headline: "I love my daughter but I wish I hadn't had her". Someone made a comment that they feel for people who feel this way because there is really no space in society that allows people who feel this way to admit that having kids effed up their lives. Like with most things, you can't really be honest because it would be viewed as negative. So you swallow your words and continue to live with society's expectations

Going through my old emails brings me more sadness than happiness

I truly don't understand these reality shows where moms leave their kids in a different city almost always for a love interest. I think it's irresponsible. Once you have a kid, all decisions should be based on them

Emotional strength is a thing. I never realized how much of an important thing it is. Some people never get to strengthen and grow theirs

I have never been hooked up. I don't know what this says about me :(

Lent is around the corner. With it comes the what are you giving up for lent questions. I strongly support everyone who participates as long as it is in connection with the spirit and reason of Lent but at some point it became like Lent is this costume party and everyone asking others what are you giving up makes it sound like what are you dressing up as to the party? The 40 days is supposed to be a personal, spiritual moment between you and your God and as such what you choose to sacrifice during that spiritual journey should be between you two. As always, I am probably overthinking it.

Well, that's all I got. The weather is supposed to go from 30 degrees to mid 60's this weekend. This is how people get sick but I intend to take advantage. My friend got this amazing pastries in Atlanta and I am on the hunt to find them in my hood, so might take the train into the city and go scout Chinatown (don't judge me). Have a great weekend and stay blessed!!






Thursday, January 26, 2017

Friday Randoms

*Stretch* *Yawn* Yup, we are still in January. I mean, it's not like I am hoping for the month or year to fly away but you feel the slowness the most during the week when you are just waiting for 5pm to hit and the day.is.just.dragging. Now when you do it for 5 days. It really just feels like eternity. This winter is so weird. One glimpse of mild winter then reallllly cold. The one we are going through now is since inauguration, sun has not shown face and rain has been coming to play. Ah well. Had a fun busy weekend last weekend, so I am looking forward to vegging it out this weekend. Let the randomization begin:

Bleh. I hate when things are not organic and seem put on

It's not a good feeling when you don't feel that "safe" feeling around people you felt comfortable around

Wonder if doctors have to consciously shut off being a doctor and being so factual and scientific when relating outside of work or if it happens naturally

I read this book that begins with a man describing the reason he married his wife. He said he was a middle of the road guy and never aimed for the top and basically just lived an average life so when it came to marriage, he basically took the same approach and married an "unremarkable woman" i.e there was nothing exciting about her and she fulfilled all functions of a wife. Discussing it with a friend and she says she knows cases like that in real life and another prayer you gotta prat in life is that someone doesn't choose you for the wrong reason. Whoosh. It's hard out there in this dating jungle.

When someone miscarries a baby in a pair of twins, does the surviving twin always feel like a part of them is missing?

I watched a couple of reality shows where women with significant others cheated on them with another woman and the men didn't even bat an eyelid. I thought that was a bit strange. I asked a friend and she said her boyfriend said he wouldn't mind. And it made me wonder. If the reason is that it's just sex then can we assume you won't lose your shit over a man? I would think that they would be upset that the commitment and exclusive agreement was broken. Or it doesn't mean anything anymore?

The little things that make you realize you have grown in character

Was talking to someone about this whole renting vs. owning deal and the person threw out to just make sure you put 20% down. Is that easy? It's not like we are talking about $100 here. We tend to throw things out there like its just a piece of cake - just eat right and exercise, just freeze eggs, just quit the addiction. Like I always say, we all know the things to do but it's not so easy to implement because if it were we'd all be in utopia

Anybody ever wonder how many times they will be married?

I tweeted this earlier this week: Ladies, no matter how close you think you are to a guy, his loyalty is to his boys

What is life like without having weight issues? :( Then again skinny people still always complain. I had someone with washboard abs ask me if she is bigger since the last time I saw her and how she needs to lose weight. Guess we humans are never satisfied.

Honestly never noticed till someone pointed out to me that Nigerians who go to jand for college tend to not stay there and end up moving back to naija vs. those in Yankee that stay by all means necessary. Found that interesting.

I just found the memorial of some lady at my job who died in October but for some reason I just now saw it. She didn't work in my department but I always saw her in the elevator or the cafeteria. I asked our admin what happened and she was telling me how she had surgery and was doing really well and from nowhere took a nosedive and it reminded me of when my mom had chemo. She had 6 rounds. After the 5th round, she was soooo good we were already praising God for a miracle and before we could finish she took a sharp turn. Was telling my friend this and she told me that it's actually a medical thing. Where your body knows it's about to give out so it has this moment of euphoria so to speak and then just kaput. The human body is kind of an amazing thing.

Well, that's all I have for you today. I hope you guys have a fantastic weekend. Stay blessed and stay warm if you are in one of the colder places.




Wednesday, January 25, 2017

The Hopefuls

I recently read a book that I gave 5 stars to on Goodreads (feel free to add me as a friend: taynement). Now, on the surface it looks like a chick lit, easy breezy read - which it kind of is but it resonated so deeply with me because it touched on topics my friends and I have been discussing of late and also it made me ask myself some questions.

The book is centered upon a couple that move from New York to Washington D.C due to the husband's career based in politics. Upon getting there, the wife, who is a writer and was laid off in NY,  finds it difficult to get a job and hates everything about D.C. Till she meets another transplant couple, Ash and Jimmy and things get a little brighter but also marks the beginning of a weird co-dependent friendship. The book touches heavily on D.C life and describes it as rife with jealousy, fake, gossipy and full of society climbers.

It's told from the perspective of Beth (the wife) and she takes us through her life of meeting her husband, Matt to when things take a turn. Some topics that came up that resonated with me:


  • Why do people really get married? Does it matter what age? Sometimes people are honest with their spouses on what they would like or what they believe in and sometimes the other party doesn't pay attention or take it seriously. The whole "opposites attract" thing - is that helpful or harmful in a relationship?
  • Matt was just one of those positive guys and saw the move as a start of something new while Beth chose to just wallow in her D.C hate. This is an example of how attitude can help or hurt a situation
  • In-laws - you gotta pray to God you get good ones
  • Parents are oh so significant in shaping your life knowingly and unknowingly. I mean once you describe your first born as "the first pancake is never good and is the one you throw out", where do you go from there?
  • Jealousy/Envy grows between characters in the book and at some point Beth thinks "The Dillons are just so lucky, so charmed. Everything is working out for them, life is unfolding exactly as it should - and most of the time, it seems like it is all happening without any effort on their part" - Where does one draw the line between being a bad person for being envious or just being a human being feeling normal emotions for being envious?
  • Sometimes, charmed on the outside and people who try to put up a "all is well" front might be dealing with major stuff internally and that's their way of dealing
  • Among 2 characters, one clearly had all the ingredients but was less successful. The one thing the other person had was charisma, which gave him an edge especially in his career. It was a reminder that sometimes life isn't what humans call "fair"
  • At the end of the day, your Day 1 friends can't compete with new ones. They know you in a way that can't be duplicated bu new ones.
  • Having a child does change everything
  • Sometimes, you just peer into a friendship and you just know its the beginning of the end or just feel like did I ever know this person?
  • While I thought Beth was introspective. When I finished the book, I was perusing reviews on Goodreads (not a lot of people loved this book as much as I did) and they really didn't like Beth, they thought she was too passive. I only thought she was passive when it came to getting a job but it reminded me of a quote someone said to her in the book "You're always letting things happen to you. You just wait to react. Do Something" That's good life advise to everyone.
  • How do you react as your spouse drifts away from you? Matt gets more and more passionate about his career while Beth is just chilling. As we get older, we get new interests and probably change. How do you deal with the change?
There were probably more points in the book but I will stop here. Not even sure why this book was called The Hopefuls sef. But if you have read or plan to read it, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. 





Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Naija Man Loyalty

I had a conversation over Christmas with my cousin and my friend. Per usual we were talking about dating and the subject of dating a non-Nigerian came up and my friend said she didn't think it was for her while my cousin said she would prefer being married to a Nigerian and this had me thinking.

I completely think everyone has a right to a preference and there is nothing wrong with wanting to end up with a Nigerian but I have always wondered why Nigerian women are so committed to dating only Nigerian men considering Naija men are the completely opposite.

98% of the time, the reason you will hear is "I want someone that gets it" and I stop and wonder, gets what exactly? Okay, the music, the culture, the food, the language. I am not downplaying the difficulties of dating someone from a different culture. Not at all but I feel like I can argue any of the points above. After all, most of us came from a different culture, came to America and adjusted just fine. Heck it's hard enough dating someone from a different background, so if people can make that work, I think this too could be made to work.

So my argument from time, as I told my aunty years ago when I informed her I was going on a date with a white person and she proceeded to tell me how she does not approve of me marrying (yes marrying) a white person that will not allow her come visit whenever she wants and make her uncomfortable. I digress. My argument from time is that I don't think it's a color thing and it is more of a character thing. If you are marrying a person who isn't willing to learn or compromise on your culture (and vice versa) then that's a decision you have chosen to make.

If you are a twitter user, you may have noticed that the gender wars have been on 100. For all the #menarescum tweets and complaints of how patriarchal naija men can be it's always amusing to me that people would still choose that over someone who might be understanding about gender roles or not worry about certain traditions that allow for women to "endure", so to speak.

Overall sha, I am not saying that dating someone from a different culture is easy by no means. I just think naija women should keep an open mind and not limit themselves to just naija men. As you never know what may be behind the door.