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Showing posts from 2017

2017 Year in Recap

I really hate doing these but I think they are good as someone who is not good at maintaining memories, it's good to have these things down so you can look back and see how far you have come or how you are still in the same place.

Overall, I think I had a pretty decent year. I started out 2017 with all the hope and expectations in the world. I even followed through and made a vision board. I am not sure if I will ever do one again. Here's the thing, I am one of those people that aren't really stuck on goals and outlining stuff because my life has shown me that it doesn't follow an outline and always turns me on my head because there are things I did not account for and that changed everything else.

Sooo that's a long way of saying that nothing on my vision board was really achieved which doesn't necessarily translate to a bad year. I had two things that I'd consider major dings that happened to me this year but you know what? I've gotten quite used to m…

Friday Randoms

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This is probably going to be the last randoms for the year and it's unfortunate it's going to be a lame one as I only have less than a handful of randoms. But I figure I'd just give a little something. I thought about combining it with a Year in Recap post but I figured that didn't go together. I am traveling for the holidays and can't figure out how to pack my stuff without worrying about it being too heavy. I always want to travel light but as an overpacker, I always fail on that front.

Here are my handful of randoms:

Everytime I travel with someone or just in general there's always much ado about sunset. Don't get me wrong, sunsets are pretty but are there differences in sunsets? Do people really appreciate it so much or have we just been told that it's something we have to make a fuss about.

There's something unfortunate about being the boisterous one in any kind of relationship and maybe boisterous is the wrong word. Maybe the more outspoken on…

Friday Randoms

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Whoosh! It's been a while hasn't it? I have received a few texts asking where randoms are. My bad guys. It's been so busy and I have been traveling. This weekend is the first weekend I can put my feet up and relax. Maybe I can finally start Stranger Things 2. Can you believe Thanksgiving is next week?!! Wow guys, another year almost down in the books. I am tired of getting older *waaaah!*

I am looking forward to the holidays though, just down time from work and resting. I always get senioritis once Q4 hits. Smart me started Christmas shopping early so it's not so overwhelming. Just waiting for my bank account to cooperate so I can be done faster. Oh yea, winter is here. Broke out my coats. Anyways, enough yacking. Let's random.

I noticed recently that whenever I got into a debate with friends, I got hit with "It's not that simple. You are over simplifying things". All men.

Time has passed but I honestly still feel like my mom passed yesterday. I somet…

Way Too Much

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Guys.

There's like way too much going on in the world. What in the fuck is happening??!!

My friend says it has always been this way but we are just way over exposed now. Which is probably true. My only social media involvement is Twitter and it has been so overwhelming that I can't imagine how I would have managed the news cycle on all the platforms.

The most current headline is the whole sexual harassment scandal with Harvey Weinstein and all the dregs its bringing up. Dredging up all the ugliness that is being harassed by men in power and the silence women have to go through. Right on its heels is the whole kneeling saga and the NFL really thinking they have the right to tell players what they can or can't do. Let's not forget our Commander In Chief and the endless sound bytes he provides us.

What propelled me to write today is the whole NFL shit show. Because it's just another indicator of things that have always been. As if as black people we haven't been o…

The Marriage Cult

My title is sort of an internal joke from years ago when I was talking to a friend of mine. See, she had just got married and it seemed like it set off something in her mom because suddenly her mom started sharing with her things she had gone through in marriage that she had never mentioned before. In addition, to what my friend had learned as a newbie in marriage she had said: "I'm telling you, it's a cult. No-one tells you the real deal until you are in it and by then it's too late to get out" and at the time it made me chuckle.

Fast forward many years and with the state of marriage in these modern times, I think back to that and wonder if she wasn't entirely serious. Being a Nigerian, it has always been a source of wonder to me how mothers - because most of them endured their marriage rather than enjoyed it - still have this vigor in pushing their kids to marriage without the words of wisdom to accompany it and help them do better and not go through what t…

+1 - 2017 Edition

Hi Guys, I know we have been on this journey together for a while because I have written so many "+1" posts to commemorate my birthdays. Well yesterday was another one. I am thankful for having a birthday and that the grace of God kept me to witness another. I am a huge birthday person and I get so giddy and excited for my birthday. I never understand people who get all weird about birthdays and getting older cuz the way I see it, it's older or death. I am always doing something for it and planning ahead and all that but thinking about yesterday, I am wondering if those days are behind me.

Birthdays don't feel the same anymore, since my mom passed. I remember the first birthday without her, I sobbed and sobbed. Last year, I think I felt more of grateful because I had just gone through a major health mountain and was recovering from surgery so it was more of a thanksgiving in my head but I felt the sadness in my chest. I was actually at a club in PR at midnight with m…

Friday Randoms

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Hiya guys. I have had randoms these past few weeks but I have been so stressed and busy with work that come Friday, I am so exhausted and it totally slips my mind. Man, is it just me or has life been a whirlwind with the news cycle. Hurricane Harvey truly was something else, it's so hard to believe I was there the weekend before weather all nice and sunny, we blinked and devastation. I am thankful that my friends and family are okay and they made it through. My thoughts and prayers go out to all the people who went through it and especially those who have to start all over after losing everything. May God provide for them and give them the strength to rebuild.

Summer is almost over here as we are experiencing cooler temperatures. I mourn for summer. Labor day weekend is finally here!!! I have been counting down ehn. I totally need the break. I have no plans which is perfectly fine. Maybe I will eat and drink myself to stupor with my best friend, Netflix :D. Okay, I shall stop ramb…

Friday Randoms

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I don't know about y'all and where you live but in my neck of the woods, it's been a rain fest. I mean we talking cloudy, dreary days. Like it was hot one minute and next in the morning we were in the 60's. Saturday is supposed to be a high of 72. In July. Meanwhile, thunderstorm and rain all weekend. How do people still not believe in climate change? Sha Sha, hope everyone is having a great summer. Last year, I was on bedrest for most of the summer so I am trying to make the best of this summer and have as much fun as I can. So far, so good. Before I random, can i just say America is in shambles. It's a damn shame. Let's random.

You wake up one day and you are not attracted to your spouse. What do you do? How do you handle that?

It's so funny the different things we categorize as personal. I think I am a private person but there are certain things I don't consider personal but other people have told me are personal to them. Or maybe I am not private? h…

Midlife Crisis

The other day my friend asked me if I thought everyone goes through a mid life crisis.

I said yes. Depending on how you define mid life crisis.

I define mid life crisis as taking stock of your life at a certain age and not being satisfied with where you are. I feel everyone goes through that - well save for the people who have perfect lives and blessings or uber optimistic people who don't acknowledge problems and still see the glass half full - at some point in their lives.

It's funny how there is a quarter life crisis terminology for when you are in your mid twenties. Does that mean life is just that stressful that the crisis starts as early as that with the major mid life crisis waiting for you when you are much older?

I was speaking to an intern today who was looking for direction and feeling like she didn't have a handle on what she wanted to do. She made a comment like she just has to figure out what she wants to do. In my head I was like "you're probably ne…

Friday Randoms

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The official first day of summer was yesterday. Ope o! We haven't been able to fight off the rain but at least we have the warm weather going. Soon come, the sun will follow it and shine wella wella. Everyone always asks if you have plans for the summer. I have absolutely zilch plans. I think the only one plan I have is to try paddle boarding. My friend said she was gonna teach me how to. That's about it. But hey, life is what happens while making plans, right? The question is probably what plans does the summer have for me? Last summer was a nightmare, so let's hope it's kinder to me this year. Time to random!

What makes a person a selfish person? What would make you call a person selfish?

Think of a relative or immediate family member you love so much and respect and one day you hear that they have been accused of sexual assault. What do you do? I see people give so much grief to people who still are friendly with their family members that have been accused and I jus…

Friday Randoms

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Happy Friday yall. This week was the longest short week ever at least for me. It was so busy at work and I just felt lethargic from my travels last weekend. Speaking of - it's amazing how American Airlines continue to find levels to being the shitty airline that they are. Tufia. We are in June but last week somehow, we were in the 50's. The sun is out now but who knows how long it will last. Ah well. Let's random.

For some reason, I used to think masturbation wasn't really needed when married. (Don't even ask me why I don't think it applies to being in a relationship) as per regular knacks. Anyways, I know better now but I wonder if the stats show that people masturbate less when married? But as I type this, I remember they say you have less sex as the years go by so maybe not? Yup, what a mess of a random. Jumbled thoughts.

I'd like to end up with someone who knows me in and out and can read me like a book. Is that a lofty wish? like the actual someone bei…

Friday Randoms

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Hiya folks. Long time no see. Summer is here! I love summer. Feels good to walk out the door and feel the sun on my skin instead of bitter cold winds. You will never catch me complaining about summer afterall for those of us who grew up in Naij, this was the weather we had all year round. I just got back from an awesome vacation but it has slowly faded to a memory as work just hit me in full force. I had like 5 back to back meetings today and I got home so drained. The 9-5 life can drain you sha. Just dealing with the corporate bs takes all the energy out of you. Let's random:


I have a recollection of randoming this before but it's my random and I will repeat if I want to. Our generation like to think that they are all open minded and non judgmental but there's a side eye when someone says they are not having sex or waiting till marriage.

Is it so terrible to say "if I get married" vs. "when I get married". Why do Nigerians think it's speaking ill w…

Risk

Anything worth having in life begins by taking a risk. Risk is the Universe's way of pushing us to become more than what we are. Risk is faith at the edge. Risk is the pulsating essence of life. Without risk, we are automatons going through our days with no purpose or meaning. 
We are safer, perhaps but we are also ironically, closer to death.

2 Years

Today marked the second anniversary of my mom's death. There is a one week span between her birthday and her death so this year it (birthday) fell on Sunday which I didn't know was the UK and Naija mother's day, so that was like eek. It's been an emotionally nerve wracking few months but you know...life goes on.

It's been a weird emotion. I think at the back of my mind the countdown to the anniversary always begins from the start of the year and automatically takes me back to January of the year she died and how we felt every month to her death till then. Kinda like replaying it over. I still replay the day she died a lot in my head and everything I did that day right down to what I wore. It's ironic that at the moment she probably took her last breath, I had just deposited money for her hospital bills.

When she first passed, I got a lot of "it never goes away but it gets easier" and 2 years down I can't say that I have reached that level (and may…

Friday Randoms

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Howdy Ho folks. There is one more day till March ends and just like that Q1 2016 is over. That being said, cold still dey catch us for here. Hey, Spring anytime you're ready show face o. We dey wait you. I had a great vacation two weeks ago in Vegas. I went to see my Backstreet Boys and it was so worth it. They still got it and it made me nostalgic for a bit. I lost my voice actually. Sounded like a toad for a few days. Good times with good people and I even won some money from the slot machines! The bad thing about vacation is you get back and its like you never went. Stress of real life hits you straight inna di chest as soon you get back like you never left. I don't have much randoms for yall today but figured I'd still drop the few I got. Here we go...

Had a conversation with someone who has very interesting and different views on life. One of the things he views differently is how people focus on certain things as the big things/decisions that determine our fate. For …

Friday Randoms

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Hi guys. Happy friday. As I type this, I am so tired. Work is kicking my ass and I am so burnt out. But much needed vacation starts tomorrow and it couldn't have come at a better time. We had a snow storm few days ago and it's quite cold here. Guys, what is going on in our country o?What kind of wickedness giving to people? How can these people expect to make heaven? On the other side, North Korea is ready to show us pepper. Okay o. Keep on rocking, 45. Keep on rocking. Anyways, let's random.

You get married. Your partner dies. You find out he/she has been cheating on you. How do you even mourn? Who do you direct your anger to?

Was talking about this with a friend and he asked if I had a friend in this situation who didn't know their partner was cheating and I knew, would I tell my friend? I had to think about that for a second but I don't think I will because at this stage, what is the point? It just seems cruel. How about you, would you tell?

My brother is younge…

Friends With Exes

I have had this discussion with a handful of friends and I decided to write about it. If you have had the discussion with me, then you would know that I think being friends with an ex is a very completely unnecessary something. While I am guilty of this, I still firmly stand with the stance that it is completely unnecessary. For some reason, every time I say this people seem to think I have said that you should treat them like dirt and be completely mean to them. Nope, definitely not what I mean.

Most times when I make this statement, almost always the response from women is "doesn't it depend how the break up was?" fair enough, true but how many breakups were oh so pleasant? Not saying they don't exist just saying it is not the case in most cases. Look at it both ways, if the fault was yours or the fault was his and he treated you like crap. What is the need to be friends with this person that hurt you so much or that you hurt so much? I've always been fascinate…

Friday Randoms

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Howdy ho, people. It is friday again. Yippee! Gosh, work has been so busy my brain hasn't had a breather and I keep counting down to the weekend from sheer exhaustion. Thank God Monday is a holiday. Looking forward to it. How are you guys enjoying the Trump era? Never a dull moment abi? I don't know whether to laugh or cry because I have no idea where we are headed. I sha do know that this man is infallible and I am not sure who or what can take him down. Anyways, let's random.

Do me, I must do you. How petty is too petty?

Earlier in the month, I celebrated 7 years at my company and somehow I felt shame. I feel like people in our generation switch jobs frequently that staying long is just...I don't even know

On that note, time is crazy because the same way I look at people who have spent like 22 years at a company and realize that it is so easy to become that person.

A guy friend of mine told me that he side eyes guys who still chase anything in a skirt like their life…

Friday Randoms

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*Stretch* *Yawn* Yup, we are still in January. I mean, it's not like I am hoping for the month or year to fly away but you feel the slowness the most during the week when you are just waiting for 5pm to hit and the day.is.just.dragging. Now when you do it for 5 days. It really just feels like eternity. This winter is so weird. One glimpse of mild winter then reallllly cold. The one we are going through now is since inauguration, sun has not shown face and rain has been coming to play. Ah well. Had a fun busy weekend last weekend, so I am looking forward to vegging it out this weekend. Let the randomization begin:

Bleh. I hate when things are not organic and seem put on

It's not a good feeling when you don't feel that "safe" feeling around people you felt comfortable around

Wonder if doctors have to consciously shut off being a doctor and being so factual and scientific when relating outside of work or if it happens naturally

I read this book that begins with a ma…

The Hopefuls

I recently read a book that I gave 5 stars to on Goodreads (feel free to add me as a friend: taynement). Now, on the surface it looks like a chick lit, easy breezy read - which it kind of is but it resonated so deeply with me because it touched on topics my friends and I have been discussing of late and also it made me ask myself some questions.

The book is centered upon a couple that move from New York to Washington D.C due to the husband's career based in politics. Upon getting there, the wife, who is a writer and was laid off in NY,  finds it difficult to get a job and hates everything about D.C. Till she meets another transplant couple, Ash and Jimmy and things get a little brighter but also marks the beginning of a weird co-dependent friendship. The book touches heavily on D.C life and describes it as rife with jealousy, fake, gossipy and full of society climbers.

It's told from the perspective of Beth (the wife) and she takes us through her life of meeting her husband, M…

Naija Man Loyalty

I had a conversation over Christmas with my cousin and my friend. Per usual we were talking about dating and the subject of dating a non-Nigerian came up and my friend said she didn't think it was for her while my cousin said she would prefer being married to a Nigerian and this had me thinking.

I completely think everyone has a right to a preference and there is nothing wrong with wanting to end up with a Nigerian but I have always wondered why Nigerian women are so committed to dating only Nigerian men considering Naija men are the completely opposite.

98% of the time, the reason you will hear is "I want someone that gets it" and I stop and wonder, gets what exactly? Okay, the music, the culture, the food, the language. I am not downplaying the difficulties of dating someone from a different culture. Not at all but I feel like I can argue any of the points above. After all, most of us came from a different culture, came to America and adjusted just fine. Heck it's …