Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Naija Man Loyalty

I had a conversation over Christmas with my cousin and my friend. Per usual we were talking about dating and the subject of dating a non-Nigerian came up and my friend said she didn't think it was for her while my cousin said she would prefer being married to a Nigerian and this had me thinking.

I completely think everyone has a right to a preference and there is nothing wrong with wanting to end up with a Nigerian but I have always wondered why Nigerian women are so committed to dating only Nigerian men considering Naija men are the completely opposite.

98% of the time, the reason you will hear is "I want someone that gets it" and I stop and wonder, gets what exactly? Okay, the music, the culture, the food, the language. I am not downplaying the difficulties of dating someone from a different culture. Not at all but I feel like I can argue any of the points above. After all, most of us came from a different culture, came to America and adjusted just fine. Heck it's hard enough dating someone from a different background, so if people can make that work, I think this too could be made to work.

So my argument from time, as I told my aunty years ago when I informed her I was going on a date with a white person and she proceeded to tell me how she does not approve of me marrying (yes marrying) a white person that will not allow her come visit whenever she wants and make her uncomfortable. I digress. My argument from time is that I don't think it's a color thing and it is more of a character thing. If you are marrying a person who isn't willing to learn or compromise on your culture (and vice versa) then that's a decision you have chosen to make.

If you are a twitter user, you may have noticed that the gender wars have been on 100. For all the #menarescum tweets and complaints of how patriarchal naija men can be it's always amusing to me that people would still choose that over someone who might be understanding about gender roles or not worry about certain traditions that allow for women to "endure", so to speak.

Overall sha, I am not saying that dating someone from a different culture is easy by no means. I just think naija women should keep an open mind and not limit themselves to just naija men. As you never know what may be behind the door.

2 comments:

Original Mgbeke said...

You are definitely right. I think it's just a default setting to want "someone who gets it". also, most of us Naija women are not even as Nigerian as we like to think we are. That is, we are more westernized due to living overseas for a bit so sometimes a Nigerian man be on 100 with his views. Anyway sha, I have decided to expand my options :-D

neuyogi said...

You know me. And so I can't provide reasons for a mentality I don't understand. I think I am still shocked sometimes that I ended up with a Nigerian sef lol.