Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Pick me, Choose me, Love me....then Discuss

Before I post the topic of discussion, I have to preface it by saying that even though Grey's Anatomy is shit now, there was once a time it was a really good show. Ok, maybe shit is harsh but it definitely has more down than up episodes. Anyways, I really despised Meredith, my best friend never quite got why I couldn't stand her, she thought I would be able to relate to her (oh dear god, yuck!). I vividly remember that episode, when Derek was torn between Addison and herself and she told him:

"okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. but, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake,hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. so pick me, choose me, love me".

Dear God, I cringed. I remember feeling so embarassed for Meredith. I remember wondering what kind of woman loses her pride and dignity for a man all in the name of love. *insert image of Igbo woman spitting and saying "Tufia!".

Well I was 24 then...

....Now I'm almost 29

And boy do I get it.... (umm not saying I don reach Meredith level oh, that was deep)

You see for some, it's pretty easy to just let people in and let things be and for others e.g me it requires more effort, effort I am willing to put in as much as I can. Looking back, I think that was a brave thing she did. She put herself out there, laid all her cards on the table and took a risk. Risks can be good..and can be bad. There are only two ways it can turn out. If things do go bad, like the resilient human beings that we are, we will recover.

Okay na, all my long tori was resurrected because I came across a speech Meredith gave on the most recent season that reminded me of the speech above and maybe shift small in my chair:

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone.It wasnt cos I thot I'd be happy alone.It was becos I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart,I might not make it.It's easier to be alone, because what if u learn that u need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? If you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can u even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage.It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? Could go on forever.


This is where the discuss part comes in. I would really love to hear what your thoughts are on this, I think I gave my thoughts on this in my yakking above. Have a wonderful rest of the week!

PS Those of you who like to give me your opinion via chat or bbm mba mba, I don't want to hear, write it here :D

30 comments:

kitkat said...

i dunno man, i dnt think it's cool to lay out your cards to a man like that especially when you're not hundred percent sure where u stand with him. Meredith is a brave one for sure.
Many chicks these days do the whole, I'm not going to put my all into a relationship cos i'll shatter into a million pieces if it doesnt work. How can we have this mentality of not opening ourselves to love jst to avoid a heartbreak we arent even sure of. Love is a beautiful thing regardless of all the flaws and obstacles surrounding it. Shying away from love under the guise of "protection" would only cause u more pain cos at the end of the day, we are mere mortals and we all want to love and be loved.

MPB said...

A wise person once told me that love humbles you. i didn't really get it until I experienced how difficult it is to let go of your sense of righteousness, pride, walls. To love completely requires risk and yes Meredith's action was quite impressive back then and even now that I can truly say I get it.

Kate said...

KitKat aka Monday Lover is on point yo! I think that's the hard part of being in a relationship..knowing you depend so much on this one person for most of your emotional support is kinda scary..especially when you think about it not being forever.

On the flipside..I believe that if a relationship like that ends...eventually you are able to heal and move on..I don't agree with 'losing love being like organ damage'..i think it's more like a scar..the heart heals. You might never forget..or end up like the crazy cat lady/hairless rat lady but..you can move on.

Giagerry said...

Im of the opinion that it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all---I think thats how the saying goes though, but yeah, true love isnt the kind of love that makes you analyze how to handle the pain if the love is lost even while the love is still on or hasnt yet began.
I think people dwell so much on the idea of "how will I cope if this "love" is lost" and end up not having it at all, I dont believe this is a better option though.
Have you ever seen an old widow who still talks about the love she shared with her late husband and how it makes her glow? Yup, thats the type of real love we are supposed to embrace if we are interested in it.
On the point of laying your cards all out--Im a fan of it(not time to waste-Life comes at you fast), but how Meredith did it? I doubt if I can use that approach of laying my cards all out tho! There have to be more subtle ways--we gotta find it!lOl

Someone said "Love is always beautiful. It's people who insist on being ugly at times."

Madame Sting said...

I was like ha! When i read the last piece of cheesecake part. I don't know if i can love someone enough to let them have my last piece of cheesecake but that's besides the point.

To the main tory at hand...If you don't think about it, you would say she's making sense but like you said life is all about taking risks and having hope. Human beings are very resilient and heart breaks might feel like they can kill you but they usually don't :) I think that was a very dramatic and cynical statement.

Madame Sting said...

I was referring to the second statement. As for the first, it's not everyone you should put yourself out there for. You should weigh the situation and decide if it worth putting all your cards on the table and begging a guy to pick me. I don't know about that sha. Maybe i just haven't met the guy and if do, i hope i don't have to beg him to pick me.

Anonymous said...

On the issue of Meredith, didn't Derek choose her, then his wife, then her again?
Isn't that the scenario that all you ladies would love to avoid?
Just my $3.50.

Taynement said...

Thanks for your $3.50, Anonymous.
The point was laying all your cards on the table and realizing that it doesn't always yield gold, sometimes you get shit on.

Oh yea, in a perfect world it'd be a scenario I'd like to avoid.

my 0.50cent change

Anonymous said...

Well, you said she "recovered" - you left out the part where she tried to kill herself.
I'm all for being brave and taking risks, but putting yourself through an emotional spin cycle over and over (pun intended) will leave you wanting to end your life because you're exhausted and want peace and quiet.
*flips two quarters at Taynement* you can keep the change honey.

taynement said...

I didn't say she recovered.

You are taking this to the extreme. I used the first example just cuz it tied in with the last speech. It's a TV show. Even in reality, I think it's extreme to want to end your life because things didn't work out with someone. For the most part, everyone gets hurt and heals as best as they can.

Again, my whole point was about taking risks, maybe I should have added within reason.

Anonymous said...

I don't mean to be argumentative but you realize that the character Meredith is very extreme and unrealistic??
You just highlighted one part of her, I'm using her other traits/actions to make my point.
I'll stop now.

*damn waste of $3.50*

Rebirth said...

Love is about taking risks, you just have to be careful about who you take the risk with. I have loved before and been really hurt but that does not mean i've given up on love.

Who knows, the gamble may pay off someday. As hurtful as heartbreak is every time, the pain ends someday

taynement said...

Anonymous, it's okay. comments are welcome.

I realize meredith is unrealistic and extreme. It's a TV show that needs a storyline that's why I have been emphasizing that the focus isn't Meredith and the continuing storyline, I just used one side of her as an example because of the topic at hand.

LohiO said...

I know love is a risk and for you to feel it 100% you do have to be vulnerable and lay all your cards on the table. However why should I put all my cards out for someone like Derek in this situation who was not sure about what he wanted and needed to be given some kind of ultimatum? I think that is a mistake people make, being vulnerable for the wrong person and for the wrong reasons.

I do not know how to lay ALL my cards on the table. I guess it is because I have not yet met someone who is worth all that and more. I am the ambiguous type. tell you what you need to know type. I don't know what hurt feels like because I have never been through it and I will pass for now. I like my heart in full form.:D

LohiO said...

p.s why haven't you been tweeting?

taynement said...

I think that is a mistake people make, being vulnerable for the wrong person and for the wrong reasons.

-----------------------------

agreed

Original Mgbeke said...

Much as I preach to folks to put themselves out there, I have no idea how to do this. I am very fueled by a fear of rejection and I tend to give back what I get. If you don't seem like you're in, I won't be the one to lay my cards all out on the table like that. Long story short, when it comes to matters of heart, I am definitely not a risk taker. Yours truly likes to play it very cautiously.

Hahahahah @ handing folks their $.50 change.

MPB said...

I think it's interesting how some comments say people make the mistake of being vulnerable for the wrong person, as if it is so easy and so obvious. "Wrong" people always seem right in the beginning. Ultimately, you have to pick how you want to handle love, like a game of poker or like skydiving. I am neither a gambler nor an adrenaline seeker, but I believe taking a risk on love is definitely a worthy cause if you are faced with the choice.

Taynement said...

MPB, sometimes I do think it's obvious and you can tell when someone or something is not right but we tend to ignore it and make up excuses to turn a blind eye to it.

R.One said...

Even tho sometimes there are obvious signs, like MPB said, it's not always easy knowing a person is 'wrong'. Can we say Derek is the 'wrong' person now...even with his going back and forth? What if she hadn't done what she did? Point is, it [appears it] paid off for her

That said..."If you don't seem like you're in, I won't be the one to lay my cards all out on the table like that" Chuurrcchhh!!! I'm not a risk taker with heart matters...someones gotta do it and it ain't gon be me...starting out anyways.

Sadly, more and more, in this day and age the woman is expected to do more 'laying it all on the line'. Men are now saying if she doesn't show me she really wants it--'on the the next one'...I Digress.

I dont get that 'its better to have loved...' line but i do know loving and being loved back is a great thing. A brokern heart will heal...we just need to make sure it doesn't break our psyche.

Beg a man to pick me?? Nnaaaaa meehnnn!!!! lemme just say- God grant me wisdom to do what i need to do in any given situation. Amen!!

EDJ said...

I think its great to take a risk on something as "life changing" as "love" since the payout could be HUGE.

Obviously this is easier said than done. 1.5 times in my life I took a romantic risk that didn't pay off. I'm still alive and well-adjusted.

I think the misconception some ppl have is that "love" will break you if its not returned. This implies that the rejected person has no control over what happens after a rejection. Only YOU can fix YOU if your risk doesn't pay off. As soon as you realize you are always in control of your reaction, you'll see that risk taking is not that "risky" afterall.

You can only be "broken" if you let yourself be "broken". If love isn't returned its not the end of the world and it is completely within your power to move on from a rejection as soon as you decide to move on.

So,its not really a "risk" as long as you trust yourself to move on from it if things dont work out.

Nice Anon said...

Errr * scratches head*
I think it is sensible to give as much as you're getting. if two people fall in love for example.. there's no way to quantify that love if what they both feel is genuine for each other.
On the other hand; it is good to put things into perspective.Use your head and tackle things and if you no see any sensible result.. na to bounce be dat!

Jibbs said...

Sometimes, I think we overanalyze things. There's no other way to truly love than to put everything on the table. The problem often times is, who are we putting everything on the table for? I *truly* believe in that killer feminine instinct, and I feel if we truly listen to it as opposed to rationalize it away...knowing when to put all your cards on the table won't be as difficult. I didn't say east...I said "as difficulty'. No other way to know if something is worth it, or the full potential of something until you've given it a 150% fair chance. My $4.50.

Jibbs said...

@EDJ...churrcccccccccccccch!

Etoile Oye said...

Hmm... I agree with Gee on the fact that it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. The thought of dying alone doesn't have much appeal but then again, there is no assurance you won't die alone if you give love a chance.

This is one of the biggest gamble we must take and one with ever changing risks because even if you make the most best choice today, there is no guarantee because people change. Seeing how much is out of our control, I think we should make the most educated guess, get the strongest parachute and jump when the time is right. There is no assurance of a safe landing, but with ample preparation and caution, the ride will be worth it.

As for the Meredith story, I am not a Meredith in this regard. If I have to do so much to get you to be with me, chances are I'll have to make the same kind of effort to keep you with me. I don't have that energy and sometimes, I may be the one needing convincing to stay. I need you to want it as much as I do.

Reverence said...

you know you really cut me with that first sentence, you know how i feel about GA. anyhoo, i thought it was meredith"s finest moments cos she was finally honest with herself.

i dont think there is anything wrong with being honest, the older i get the more i realize that life goes on. No matter how sucky a situation is, we can/will get through it.

so the whole protect yourself thing may not be all that necessary

P.S i am not saying totally ignore the signs o!

Diyani said...

As with anything, live fully or get out and don't participate at all. I think love as with anything in our lives is first our choice to determine what type of experience we want and if you meet someone that gives you the slightest inclination that this may be that.. that type of experience that changes your core and helps define your state of happiness.. yes, ask to be chosen, loved or picked and if you are then enjoy the amazing experience for what it is and if not.. well, at least you gave your best. sometimes the other party may not know if or experience the same.. maybe that is probably because i am a selfish hedonist and my pleasure requires that I take control of it.. maybe.. lol. But would one go to school or work or any other thing we do in life and say we won't put out all for the right reason (money/education/qualification)? yes, I have relegated matters of the heart to school.. lol but my point is we owe it to ourselves to enjoy every part of life.. positive or negative..(there is no good without bad, acceptance without rejection.. ying and yang.. get it?) depriving ourselves of the experience because our heart may not heal.. well, i don't get it. Its resilient and seeks to be loved.. why not give it a shot even if its just to experience a few weeks of bliss? About not going on the spin cycle.. unfortunately the one who chooses you and lays his heart on the line at some point may still end up putting you through the spin cycle so why let the future that may or may not happen be a determinant for exciting but risky behavior ;)

mizchif said...

First of all how dare you slander my Grey's?????
Funny thing is all the sex they used to have in the earlier seasons put me off it, but i like it better now.

I think that second quote was from the scene where she came home with the baby and her husband had left.
This love matter sha *sigh*

I used to be one of those lay it bare, put it all out there, all or nothing type of girl. I dunno if i am anymore, i've been single too long to know, or maybe that's why i'm single, because i know that i may not be capable of holding back and i'm wary of unrequited feelings.

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