Friday, December 12, 2014

Some days...

When it feels like your car is broken down on the highway and everyone is just zooming by in their working vehicle.

You realize that even when your world stops, the world doesn't stop.

They say joy cometh in the morning. I'm still waiting for my joy.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

45 and 5 Lessons

Hi guys. It's been a minute since I have been here. Life is kicking my ass but I refuse to let it make me its bitch.

Before I do this post I want to address a comment/request I received from Anonymous about detailing my time in Nigeria. I did blog during my time there but I am not sure what angle you are looking for. Is this for personal knowledge or just a good read because I am not sure when I can get to it. If it's for personal knowledge please feel free to hit me up via email ( or if I know you (which I am guessing is how you knew I did a stint?) you can hit me up and I will be happy to answer or address any questions you may have.

Ok on to today's post which is kind of a cheat. It's 50 life lessons by Regina Brett which she wrote right before she turned 50. I know we see so many of these things but its funny how there's always something that resonates. Probably because as human beings, we know better but don't always do better. Anyway here they are:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift..

Some of the ones that resonate for me: 13, 14, 15, 22, 31 (i struggle with believing it), 33 (I need to believe in), 38 ( I need to make a habit), 50 is very true.

Do you have any faves?

Have a lovely weekend.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

The Heart Wants What It Wants

I am indifferent towards Selena Gomez as a person but I have a couple of her songs on the iPod. She makes catchy tunes and yall know I am an agbaya. I'll listen to anything as long as it makes my ears happy. Anyway she released a new song/video earlier in the week called "The heart wants what it wants", which I like and which I think is probably her most honest song to date because clearly it is about her roller coaster relationship with Justin Bieber.

The song is quite relatable and I feel most women have been there at some point in their lives. You know...that time when you meet that one guy and all is well at first then things go south but you still keep going on and you have this unhealthy dependency/situationship that noone is ready to leave even though you want to and wish you could with every fiber of your being. I always call that guy the "Mr. Big" of your life. For those who know me, I really disliked Mr. Big. I didn't think he was nice to Carrie but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't shake him off. Ultimately, it worked out for them because TV but for the most part it's really not the case.

I often wondered if it was better or worse for Selena that she met her Mr Big young. I am leaning towards better because there is enough time to get over him but at the same time she is still young and figuring herself out that might make it harder to deal. Anyways here's the song. Below is the monologue she gives before the song starts. Let me know what you think.

"When I was on stage and I was thinking of… I know him though, and I know that I know his heart, and I know what he wouldn't do to hurt me.
But I didn't realize that I'm feeling so confident and feeling so great about myself and then it just can be completely shattered by one something so stupid. But then you make me feel crazy, you make me feel like it's my fault. I was in pain"
[sidebar: Why do guys default to making you feel like it is your fault and you are the crazy one? It's amazing how many similar stories I have heard]

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Never too busy

This was floating on my timeline and was a status for one of my bbm's contacts:

"We're adults and busy. No reason to be in constant contact with you to prove my friendship to you. Just know when/if you need me, I'm here"

A lot of people were cosigning this statement but I do not agree with this at all. The statement itself just sounds so cold and like those people that feel cool that they can cut people off whenever. Ok maybe that's a harsh comparison.

The line "I don't need to prove my friendship to you". I mean, since when does being in constant contact mean proving a friendship? I simmered and remembered when I was much younger and felt that a friend who never reached out didn't really care. I know better now but I did acknowledge that maybe that is what they meant.

I admit that when it comes to things like these I am a big sap and I am a sentimental person. But the main things that nullifies the statement above is technology. There are SO many ways to get in contact with a person. I (personally) don't need a full gab long ass session on the phone as contact. I feel like as long as you are friends with someone, a simple hi, hope you are well every now and then or when they cross your mind goes a long way.

Yes, we are adults and busy but what is important in life is our loved ones. We are also adults and as such are dealing with various responsibilities and stress. Everyone is dealing with something, small or big. Sometimes, what helps or saves us is that human contact or knowledge that someone is in your corner. Sometimes, the person you are compelled to share with isn't even someone you gab with all the time.

It does say "Just know when/if you need me, I'm here". That's true. For some, it's hard to reach out or just bring up and that simple "sup?" might be all the difference.

Anyhue, I totally feel silly now because I probably read too much into this and didn't need to make much ado about nothing. It's how I felt when I read it and I said I was going to write about it. So here it is.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Sunday, October 26, 2014

20 Random Things

It's been floating around and I figure it'll be fun to do. You will probably see things you already know about me as I have done these things a number of times but ah well.

1. I am a fake Nigerian because I can't handle pepper/spicy stuff. The day I realized people use more than 1 habanero when cooking, my eyes nearly popped out. I'll still eat it but I just don't handle it very well.

2. I really, really LOVE the artist - The Weeknd. I really do.

3. I have a huge massive fear of dogs. It doesn't matter how small or large or toothless they are. I just have an irrational fear of them. People never believe me or understand the magnitude of my fear and always try to tell me their dog is different. I think my friend with the chihuahua really understood when I burst into tears in her room.

4. I love a good deal. I search, plot, plan for what will be a good financial deal and save myself a few bucks in the long run.

5. I do not know the complete correct lyrics to any song. Not even for The Weeknd. I don't know why. Ad libs and runs though? I have that nailed down to a T. No matter how old the song.

6.  In all my years of living, no eye doctor has been able to fit me in contacts that work for me. My contacts are always dancing Azonto in my eyes. I have astigmatism, so I wear toric lenses but even then they move so much and become blurry. I have even had two different brands for each eye prescribed for me and yet. I have an eye test coming up, we shall see.

7. I think I am slowly giving up on heels. Them shit hurt! Old age no good :(

8. I really don't like tea. I drink tea when I am under the weather. Team Coffee all day, everyday.

9. As much tv as I watch, I really hate cop/detective/whodunnit shows. Which is probably why I knew How to Get Away With Murder wouldn't be my thing.

10. As much as I'd rather do everything the right way and the right time, I sometimes feel like I have failed my mom by not giving her a grandchild at my age.

11. I am an over thinker. And as such, I worry a lot. I have self diagnosed myself with anxiety. Whenever I am anxious and have a lot on my mind, I have a disgusting habit where I rip off the skin around my fingers and my cuticles. I just keep biting and tearing it off (sounds worse than it is lol)

12. I am not the tidiest person but I can be quite anal about things. There are just certain things I am particular about. I like things a certain way.

13. As much as I do not like shopping - and I really should rephrase that to clothes and makeup shopping. I loooove to grocery shop. If there was a job to grocery shop for people that would be fun (is there a job like that?)

14. I like doing different things to my hair. I am also a weavaholic.

15. I hate animals.

16. I don't have a fear of bugs or insects which is helpful cuz my new place is by greenery so I get unexpected "guests" all the time but they don't phase me. Now rats/mice. I don't play that.

17. I think I travel a lot and I never had a fear of flying but recent events have suddenly made me nervous. As my mom would say, its not necessarily you I am worried about but the world is kinda crazy now. And it is true. Strange things have just been happening recently.

18. I am avid concert goer. I am not at the point where I am wondering, who else I would like to see in person because I think I have seen everyone I would like to see.

19. I stan for Man U and Rooney is my guy. No matter what they say.

20. I still cite my braces as one of the best things I have ever spent my money on *flashes 32*

That's all my 20. Anyone who wants to do it, is free to. Did you learn anything new about me?

Saturday, October 18, 2014

My Harry Potter Experience

Before I go into my post. I don't respond individually to comments unless I am asked a question, but I always try to respond in the post after. So I wanted to say thank you to you guys for your kind thoughts and comments on my last post. I appreciate it. I truly was having a bad day that day but we keep on trucking and I am hanging in there and taking each day as it comes. For those who reached out to me offline, thank you to you too. I appreciate it. Ok on to Harry Potter.

So I had just arrived in America when the Harry Potter phenomenon was taking place and I read the first one for sure. I don't remember how many more I read but I stopped reading. Fast forward many more years later, I had always said I wanted to read the whole series. Amazon has a Netflix type program except it's for books and in August, the best friend informed me that first timers get a 30 day free trial. Decided to take the opportunity to read all 7 books in the series.

The books were great. I loved them and enjoyed them very much. I was very much in awe of how JK Rowling was able to write a book that could appeal to adults and kids at the same time. You could tell every story was well thought out and fleshed out, that and the characters. Everything was connected. So while I liked the series as a whole, Book 5 was the exception. It was such a doozy and took me forever to get through. It just dragged.

I found Harry Potter so annoying. My god. What a brat! I know he'd been through a lot and was fighting for his life and all but geez mr. get a grip on your temper. He was so impulsive and had a huge savior complex. At first, I thought I liked Dumbledore but honestly, noone can be that even keel. It got annoying after a while. my favorite character was Ginny Weasley. She was just a confident person that wouldn't take any shit. And clearly her milkshakes brought constant boys to the yard (ok that sounded dirtier than it really is but you catch my drift)

I don't think I can say much more without giving any spoilers but overall, I am glad I read it and all the kudos to J.K Rowling.

Monday, October 13, 2014

The Other Side of Cancer

Cancer just doesn't eat away at the insides of a person. It just burns a hole through any and everyone around it.

The other side of cancer that isn't discussed is how it affects the loved ones of the person who has the cancer. You can't really complain because ultimately it is seen as a better situation than the person who actually has the cancer.

It's a terrible feeling watching someone you love suffer and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

Everyday you try and be there for the person, you try to encourage and be kind and just transfer all the love you have for them, secretly hoping all your goodwill will cure them and make them better even though you know it's not possible. You say these things but the thing about cancer is you never know the outcome. It does as it pleases.

You are racked with guilt because no matter how much you do, it never seems enough. Doctor to Doctor, treatment to treatment everything costs money so there's that - the financial cost of it all.

You don't have the relationship you once had. You can't laugh, joke or seek advice or share personal worries and fears because everything becomes about the cancer. Survival is the main goal. You aren't there to add to their worries but to make them feel better.

When you are (what feels like) a million miles away, everything is magnified. Every missed phone call, every doctor visit, waiting for a prognosis. When you speak on the phone and you can hear your loved one trying to put on a brave face. Everything just weighs on you. It's like you have a permanent knot in your stomach.

Again, not a damn thing you can do. No magic wand to wave it all away.

There are good days and bad days (Although right now, I can't think of the good days). Today was just one of the bad days.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Friday Randoms

Hi Folks. We are in October. Like 90 more days till we are in 2015. Like how scary is that? 2 thousand and freaking 15. chei! *thinks of what to say* I don't know what jibber jabber to jabber you guys with so I guess I will just random.

Just as we Christians are hypocritical, I am usually amused by Muslims who hold so true to their no-pork rule but will willingly break every other rule there is. I often wonder why it is the biggest sacrilege but everything else such as sex or drinking goes. I knew someone who wouldn't touch pork with a 10 foot pole but he drank and smoked like a chimney and owned a couple of strip clubs. funny, eh?

Some things you think are common basic human courtesy, really aren't.

In that same vein, how do you handle not doing the most for people? If you are doing something nice or doing things for a person from the goodness of your heart and because you care but you know if situations are flipped it wouldn't even occur to the person to do for you. Do you just do because that's what your spirit/nature tells you to or you don't because it won't be reciprocated? If the latter, doesn't it make it seem like you are doing stuff for reward? If former, at what point are you a mumu?

A tweet came across my timeline the other day talking about people seeking validation via tweets but the avatar of the person was in booty shorts and top a bit spread eagled on a pole. Maybe it was from a pole dancing class but it felt contradictory to me. or no?

Whenever someone says "I'll make it up to you" to me. I take it with a grain of salt. It don't mean shit. Nothing is ever made up.

When you are going through the worst or a rough patch in your life. It stings seeing that "I am blessed/favored etc" declaration. You just think about your life and wonder why God doesn't love you like he does them.

Sometimes, I think I believe that the further you are from God/less religious/not that strong in your faith, the less troubles and wahala you have in your life. ( I am a little angry at God now so this might change)

Honestly, people that don't keep their dogs on a leash INFURIATE me! Ughh.

How do kids know to call their parents mommy and daddy when no one else calls them that?

If I ever had to pick between short or long hair, it will always be long hair - on anybody. I keep trying to figure out why. Even though I chopped off my hair for a brief moment some time ago. I am just team long hair. I also have never met anyone who i preferred with short hair, not even Toni Braxton and Halle Berry. It's strange. Don't get me wrong, it's not utter hatred o. Like some short dos are just too fierce for words and its definitely a refreshing different look, some women rock the hell outta of it but if you had me pick I'll almost always go for the long.

People always say they prefer to hear the truth or people being straightforward but I don't think that's the case. It's better to be fake nice, fake laugh, "lol" and destroy behind back than being honest and direct.

Please those kids that sang "No Flex Zone" how old are they? Why are they already calling people ho's and telling women to "sit on their Balmain zipper"? Uwa e mebi (hope the Igbo police don't fine me for this)

I totally get why it is easier to say fine when you are asked how you are rather than answering honestly. You don't want to be that debbie downer that always has one calamity after the other. Na to just say fine, smile, keep ya head up and move on.

There was a topic about porn the other day and people were giving a reason for watching porn is to learn stuff. I mean sure, maybe people learn from porn but it's not always realistic. Besides that, anything I know how to do, I didn't learn from porn. Anyone who has learned from porn, please I'd like to hear.

Guys, please check out and tell a friend to tell a friend and tell everyone you know.

That's all I have for you guys. Have a wonderful weekend and remain blessed.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

What do you like most about....

...your significant other?

Ok..ok..before you guys roll your eyes and are tired of me and my questions. I promise this one wasn't me. Someone asked me to do it and said they would be interested in seeing what people's answers were. So I went ahead and asked friends of mine in relationships - although I should mention that most of them are married - and below are answers that I got verbatim, no edits. Enjoy! (Is enjoy the right word?)

"I love his commitment. Looooooove it"

"One thing caught my attention, another thing sparked my interest. me a thin woman (lepa toh bad). Eccentricity... Her thought process is different from most women out there"

"Oh gosh. It's not just one thing. He's goofy, a genuinely good person that makes me want to be one too. Smart, gosh he's so smart. And he loves me fiercely. Oh and he's cute too"

"He's patient, understanding, fun(ny), has a hustler's spirit, strong leader and we have physical chemistry"

"He's a great listener, extremely understanding, always has my back, great shoulder and totally supportive"

"I like the fact that she understands me and tolerates me. She is more grounded than a lot of girls I know. She wants me to do well always and is always worried about me. I have never been more physically attracted to anyone else plus I think she has good maternal instincts and will be a great mother and house manager (although she will not be a housewife)"

"I like the way she sleeps after sex"

"I find him to be very interesting...knowledgeable about a lot of things so our conversations are never boring. He is very smart...I am a sucker for smart dudes. He is very open minded yet certain about his beliefs. He has crooked teeth. He is religious and loves music...very affectionate. He is generous too"

"His sense of humor. The fact that he can be corrected and he's kind"

"His simplicity. What you see is what you get. No second guessing necessary. His friendliness. His welcoming nature. Most people are immediately at ease in his presence"

"The most important aspect of her is she's loyal and has my best interests at heart. That to me is her most important quality, knowing she has my back.  She's also to quote my dad, "very enterprising". She's able to find creative solutions to issues.  Add those to other qualities such as looks and compatibility, it becomes clear why I decided she was the one to marry"

" I like how I can be with her, not doing anything and it's still a good time. We don't even have to talk and we're just happy to be with each other"

"His calm and cheerful spirit. His ability to forgive and look past anything. His patience and desire to improve himself. The way he laughs. His uncomplicated life perspective. How helpful he is with everything in the house. I'm currently sick and doctor says I shouldn't do anything... he will work come home, cook, grocery shop, do laundry, give me back massages. . Even when I get sad that he's doing so much...he just laughs through it. It's incredible"

Well, those are the answers that I received...i go love oooo one day (we hope). Hope you enjoyed/liked it. Did  you have any favorites? If you'd like to add yours in the comment section that's fine too. Have a wonderful week guys :)

Wednesday, September 10, 2014


Here we are again. Another year has rolled by and I am one year older. I am currently sniffling with a splitting headache and my throat feels like there's a mini fire in it. My body finally gave out on me on my birthday. Regardless, I am still thankful and grateful to see another year. As always, it's been an eventful year with the good and the bad mixed in together.

I thank you God for everything and I thank you for the Grace to see another year. I thank you for prayers answered and prayers yet unanswered. I thank you for the good people you have given me as friends who genuinely have my best interests at heart. Continue to bless them for me.

Thank you to those who have reached already to wish me a happy birthday. I appreciate you all.

Happy Birthday to me.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

[Guest] Friday Randoms

Howdy guys. Hope you guys had a good week. Man, I only worked 3 days this week but it felt like 500. I totally enjoyed my labor day weekend. Me and some college friends of mine spent the long weekend at a resort in Arizona and it was so much fun. Kinda hard to believe that I have known some of these people for about 15 years and even harder to believe that people I partied with now have kids that they are responsible for. Life goes by fast sha! I have another eventful weekend ahead. Meeen, I miss my lay in weekends at home..ok not really but it's almost coming to an end. Fall is round the corner. Can you believe Christmas is 3 months away??!!!!

Today's randoms are by a friend of mine who has guested before (and you guys loved so much). If anyone would like to guest random, please feel free to hit me up. Here we go:

I have come to the considered opinion that Linda Ikeji is a shameless agbaya. Dazzol.  As they say on twitter, “argue on your TL.”

I saw a lady’s tweet over the weekend saying that a “cocksure” guy hollering at a chick without being “a touch nervous is street harassment”. Wondafu!  She also said that the “MERE (emphasis mine) sight of a group of men on the street evokes fear.” Replace men with black and we’d rightly start forming voltron.  It is one thing to rail against entitled men who misbehave, that’s valid because it happens. I’ve seen it and asked the guys to leave the chick alone. But which kin ebolic yans be this one? So without any action whatsoever, a group of men are by definition dangerous brutes? Sigh, my homie Kermit said I should go and buy sugar for the tea he’s making. I can’t abeg. Oro rirun. Shior!

I will never understand why people feel the need to “announce” their departure from social media. If you want to unplug for a bit do so. Whenever I read an “I’ll be leaving Facebook or twitter soon” post, first thing I wonder is if there’ll be a send forth ceremony and how much the aso-ebi is?

You know you’ve overdosed on wedding planning mode when as a guy, you find yourself voluntarily watching, nay DVRing “Four Weddings” on TLC.

Speaking of wedding planning, I was talking to a white coworker (guy) the other day. He too is in wedding planning mode and is pulling hair out. Women often complain about guys not wanting to be involved in the wedding planning and leaving it all to them. My coworker’s problem is that he actually has an opinion. He started out not sending oh, then his fiancĂ© got on him. Now, dude genuinely cares what colour the napkins should be in relation to the tablecloth and other finicky stuff. This is causing wahala, but I must agree with the guy. You can’t start vexing when awon boys now have an opinion when they originally didn’t send. As for me, let’s just say that I’ve been affirmatively nodding like an agama lizard drinking quite a lot of tea lately. That is the solution to world peace in these situations.

Ehen question: Is there a derogatory word for white people in any Nigerian language? Oyibo simply means a white person. It’s descriptive, not derogatory. Funny how we have a derogatory word for American blacks (Akata-which means wild cat), but don’t seem to have one for white people. At least none that I’ve heard sha.

Translate “sha” as used above to English. Please tell me what you come up with because I can’t.              
See ehn, I don’t get people who just balk at trends in an attempt to appear too cool for school. Let us look at the ALS Ice-Bucket challenge trend for instance. Until a couple of weeks ago, many people had no clue what ALS was. Now many people do and money has been raised for ALS research. That’s a good thing. If you don’t want to pour ice water on your body and shake in the frigid cold like a cow’s dick afterwards, that’s fine, but allow people who do.  
“There is nothing so pitiful as a young cynic because he has gone from knowing nothing to believing nothing.” Maya Angelou. I like very much. That was me years ago.
The adigunjales (armed robbers) at United are now selling December tickets to Nigeria from the U.S at $2500. Fear God na. See ehn, those who take a wife and two kids to Nigeria during Christmas season are the real heroes. Especially when you realize that for that amount, there are so many other places one could visit.  Unless there’s an event like a wedding or funeral, Thailand dey, Dubai dey, Hong Kong dey, Carribean dey, ati bee bee lo. (etcetera). One will now use all this money to travel to Nigeria to experience NEPA, go-slow and “what did you bring for us?” relatives. Diarris God.
Then again, authentic Suya and roasted groundnut questionably bottled in a used bottle of Schnapps is worth the trip.
A friend shared this link which lists 10 ways to sound smart in a meeting a work. I LOLed because I’ve done quite a few of these
Movie recommendation: The Hundred Foot Journey starring Helen Mirren, Manish Dayal, Om Puri and a remarkable looking Charlotte Le Bon (Loved her accent too).  Saw it over the weekend and loved it. Taynement, expect a review.
Prayer request for the week: That the almighty God in his infinite mercies should smite (yes smite) my new neigbour’s incessantly barking dog, so that I can sleep. Lord hear our prayer.
Taynement here - so, my friend's sign out song was Sia's "Chandelier", as I have posted that before I decided to overrule and post a song choice of mine (It's my blog and I post what I wanna *sticks tongue out*). Thank you for the guest randoms!

There was absolutely no bias in choosing this song -___-

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The Writer

You wait for a silence
I wait for a word
Lying next to your frame
Girl unobserved
You change your position
And you're changing me
Casting these shadows
Where they shouldn't be

We're interrupted
By the heat of the sun
Trying to prevent
What's already begun
Oh, you're just a body
I can smell your skin
And when we feel it
You're wearing thin

Oh, but I've got a plan
And why don't you be the artist?
And make me out of clay?
Why don't you be the writer?
And decide the words I say?
'Cause I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only it's too hard to ask
Won't you try to help me?

Sat on your sofa
It's all broken springs
This isn't the place for
Those violin strings
Oh, I try out a smile
And I aim it at you
Oh, you must have missed it
You always do

Oh, but I've got a plan
And why don't you be the artist?
And make me out of clay?
Oh, why don't you be the writer?
And decide the words I say?
‘Cause I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only it’s too hard to ask
Won't you try to help me?

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Mercy on Me

Lord have mercy on my soul
For I have walked the sinful road
That I'm down on my knees
Lord have mercy on me, please

Ohh yeah

Jesus, I must confess
That in all my loneliness
I've forsaken and I've sinned
Leaving fragments of a man so broken

I could tell you what I've done
Or should I tell you where I went wrong?

Well the more that I start to play
My deceitful, evil ways
Keep on growing stronger by the day

Oh lord have mercy on my soul
For I have walked a sinful road
So I'm gonna get down on my knees
Beg forgiveness to help set me free
Lord have mercy on me, please

Mother Mary full of grace
In my weakness, I've lost faith
I've been careless, and I have been warned
And the devil inside me is torn
God bless the men that I have scorned

So don't let me fool around no more
Send your angels down to guide me through that door
Well I've gone and confessed my regrets
And I pray I'm not held in contempt
I'm so lost, and I need you to help me repent

Oh lord have mercy on my soul
Oh I'm begging, I'm pleeding, I'm needing
I want you to know
So I'm down upon my knees
Oh lord, I need forgiveness
I need forgiveness from you

Wednesday, August 27, 2014


Not a quitter, 
But I need to give up this fight 
For my sanity, my pride 
Do I leave? Do I stay and try? 

Cause any minute, 
You will say the words goodbye 
Give me love, then change your mind 
And break all that I am inside 

That's why I'm never gonna love this way again 
I'm never gonna give my heart again 
Cause every time I try 
I end up broken 
I end up broken (Oh oh ooh ooh) 
I end up broken (Oh oh ooh ooh) 
I end up broken (Oh oh ooh ooh) 
I end up broken (Oh oh ooh ooh) 

These are stars 
These are the days 
And they shine for you and me 
So tell me why do we stand in the rain? 

Cause any minute, 
We will both be killing time 
Tryna save you and I 
And that's no way to live 

Someday you'll miss my love 
Yes my love 
You'll remember what you had 
And I'll forget the past 
And move on to someone else 
A love I can feel 

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Who You Are

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah yeah I stare at my reflection in the mirror
Why am I doing this to myself?
Losing my mind on a tiny error
I nearly left the real me on the shelf
No, no, no, no, no,no

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart

Tears don't mean you're losing
Everybody's bruising
Just be true to who you are

Who you are, who you are, who you are
Who you are, who you are, who you are no no no no no no
Who you are, who you are, who you are who you are who you are
Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah
The more I try the less it's working, yeah, yeah, yeah
'Cause everything inside me screams
No, no, no, no, no,no,no,no

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart

But tears don't mean you're losing
Everybody's bruising
There's nothing wrong with who you are

Don't lose it all in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing
Everybody's bruising
Just be true to who you are
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Monday, August 25, 2014

Breathe Me

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Sunday, August 24, 2014

We all Try

I believe Jehovah Jireh
I believe there's heaven 
I believe in war 
I believe a woman's temple 
gives her the right to choose
but baby don't abort
I believe that marriage isn't 
between a man & woman 
but between love and love 
and I believe you when you say that 
you've lost all faith 
but you must believe in something 
something something 
you gotta believe in something 
something something 
I still believe in man 
a wise one asked me why
cause i just don't believe we're wicked 
i know that we sin but i do believe we try 
we all try 
the girls try 
the boys try 
women try 
men try 
you and I 
try try we all try 

I don't believe in time travel 
I don't believe our nation's flag is on the moon 
I don't believe our lives are simple 
and I don't believe they're short 
this is interlude 
I don't believe my hands are cleanly 
can't believe that you would 
let me touch your heart 
she didn't believe me when i said that 
I lost my faith 
said you must believe in something
something something 
you gotta believe in something 
something something

I still believe in man 
a wise one asked me why
cause i just don't believe we're wicked 
I know that we sin but i do believe we try 
we all try 
the girls try 
the boys try 
women try 
men try 
you and I 
try try we all try

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Friday Randoms

Hi folks..Happy Friday to all of you'se. Hope you had a good week? I had a good week. Busy, busy and topped with an act of kindness I can't believe. Men, work was so busy, I feel like we had 10 days crammed into this week. That being said, I still love my job and it really isn't stressful. I am learning a lot and enjoying what I learn. It's so funny because you pray for something so long you don't even realize when it gets answered because it took so long. I pray for the tiniest and the largest things. Before I moved into this apartment, I prayed so hard for God to help me find a place that I could afford but fit what I wanted. I was so frustrated one day cuz I couldn't find anything, I headed straight to the liquor store and drowned my sorrows. The day I found the apartment, it took me like less than 30 minutes to decide. Same goes for my new job. I got tired of searching and applying but when I got this position it happened so quickly I didn't even know what hit me or in Nigerian terms "I never experred it". Long and short, our ways are not God's ways and we (I) really should trust him more. He always comes through...when it's the right time. Shut up, Taynement and random.

So you know how I always wonder what celebrities have herpes? I also wonder which ones have had abortions.

I am usually surprised when people comment on the number of sex scenes or how steamy of shows on premium channel networks (HBO, Showtime et al). I pretty much expect them. They get leeway and free reign to say and show whatever compared to network and cable tv channels. No one tops Spartacus sha. Sheesh.

I really need to stop thinking most questions I am asked are stupid questions.

I used to think having a stable job or just being financially okay - being able to pay your bills and some would be a quality most guys would appreciate or find important. A friend of mine was saying how the people she's seeing being wifed up don't seem to have these and are pretty much financially dependent on their boos. So I asked. I mean I don't see as a deciding factor but thought it'll be important. Was surprised to see some men say nope. It'll be nice but not a deal breaker. One friend was completely blown as to why I would think it was important to a man (whaaaa?). I will say the more I asked, the more I found men who said yes it'll be important ( It is not coincidence that the men who said it wasn't important were igbo hehe). Anyhow, this is why I keep failing. I am forming self sufficient when I should be doing damsel in distress and living a paid for life.

My sidebar above. Whatever, to people who side eye me when I say I don't want an Igbo man. Na una sabi. Igbo men in this life have shown me pepper. But the gods who are above have a sense of humor, watch me end up with one *shudders*

Would you date a man who has been separated for 2 years, not living together and all but just not officially divorced?

You meet a nice guy/girl, you're willing to gbensh. you find out he/she is married/has a girlfriend/boyfriend, but he/she assures you it's an open relationship (and it's verified). Would you still go for it?

Sometimes when I tweet I wonder if I would be okay if these were my last tweets. When people die on twitter, I go to their time lines to see what their last tweets were and what state of mind they were in. So, I put myself in those shoes and wonder what people would think.

Most times, I really just want to be in my corner and keep shut. You can't please everyone. Human relations is exhausting.

Well, that's all I have. Y'all have a great weekend. Stay blessed and be safe. And take some time to visit 

My current favorite song.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Friday Randoms

In the midst of the chaotic world that we seem to be living in, I stick out my hand and wave hello to you guys. Seriously guys, what the hell is going on in the world? I feel like my head is spinning. Every corner you turn to something is going to. Either a plane has crashed, a notable figure has died, wars being fought, a black man being shot, diseases spreading. sheeesh. Na only this world waka come? What can one do but just hope and pray for God's protection and strength for those feeling these situations way worse than we do. On my end, it's been a fun summer and I am a little bummed that it is about to end. I am about to face my first real winter since I have been in America. Fun. NOT! But yea, I have been doing things, especially my favorite - traveling. I had a two week break and realized that the next 4 weekends I will not be in my house. My mother keeps asking me when I will stop being adventurous (to her, traveling is adventurous o) and settle down? (code for marry). She's right sha, the birthday is coming soon. Babes don dey old o! Let's random.

While a human being has a say in how someone else treats them, it takes a certain type of evil person to intentionally toy with someone else's emotions.

Thinking about the after life. Just being heaven or hell doesnt seem to be sufficient. Actually I will abandon this thought and do a post on it some time.

You see that flawless remix people were screeching about? Wackity wack wack. Yes I said it.

I like this post by Leggy - I think a lot of times people try to regulate your feelings based on how they would react but sometimes it's okay to just go through the process and feel all the feelings. Blessed are the friends who are patient and let you be.

It truly amazes me that Masters of Sex gets polarizing reactions, I just feel everyone should love it. It really is so good. I don't understand people not liking it...just like my boo, The Weeknd.

So someone on my timeline tweeted a story of how his friend who was staying with him, in town to be a best man for a wedding came home saying the wedding was cancelled. Why? The pastor told the groom that it wasn't right and he called it off. Now the person said he didn't understand how pastors have a strong say or hold on a person and I have to agree. Now don't get me wrong, I don't knock it if that's what a person chooses to do but it's just not my thing. Especially these naija ones that always have a hint of doom in their "seeings". My mom used to have a habit of sic-ing pastors on me and they always see or have instructions even when stuff they say never came to fruition. I had enough and I had to put my foot down. I told her that she could pray for me but please, no more pastor to tell me what to do. We all have access to God biko.

I don't believe that being positive brings good things to your life. I believe that it is so much more easier to be positive when your life is for the most part easy peezy and things always work out for you. I do believe that being positive does help with rough times but it doesn't guarantee good things.

Watched a documentary on Showtime The Real L Word: Being Gay in Mississippi. On more than one occasion, the religious people for their argument compared being gay to being a child molester. They kept saying, do you think they can help being attracted to kids? For a second, I actually paused and was like hmmm before I slapped myself and remembered that one doesn't hurt anyone, while the other one is hella hella hurtful and not consensual. What was i thinking??

My cousin was telling me how she doesn't enjoy being pregnant. I found it cool that she was being honest and honestly it's okay if she doesn't enjoy it. Sometimes, I feel society tries to tell you what you must feel (see above). I know some friends who are like "oh its so awesome" and "it's what you make of it" which is great, maybe it was their experience but really how do you make what you feel about pregnancy. Either you have a manageable, rough or great pregnancy, abi?

Who was the first person to do certain things like skydiving, riding a rollercoaster....dem no fear?

Why does Canada get our tv shows, news and channels? We don't get theirs. Copy Copy country.

A few quotes for you:

"You never really move on till you meet someone better"

"Your body is an amazing apartment you live in for free. Your self-doubt is the rich aunt who also lives there. Humor her but mostly ignore"

"Stay away from people who make you feel like you're hard to love"

That's all folks. Have a wonderful weekend and as always be safe!

This song makes me smile. Just a fun, carefree song.