Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Who changed?

It always feels like it has been a while since I have actually blogged. Was racking my brain for a topic and finally decided to write about this. So you've heard how people say they "lose" (lose used loosely) friends when they get married. I have always wondered about this. I'm a bit older so most of my friends got married a while (a while being <5 a="" ago="" also="" are="" bad.="" be="" bit="" but="" can="" change="" changed="" different="" distance.="" do="" don="" dynamic="" exactly="" experience="" friends.="" friends="" from="" geographical="" go="" guys="" had="" have="" hitting="" i="" is="" it="" itself="" kids.="" like="" lol="" make="" marriage="" married.="" married="" most="" move="" my="" not="" of="" ogling="" on="" or="" out="" p="" relationships="" s="" shows="" so="" some="" sort="" t="" technology="" thanks="" that="" the="" they="" think="" to="" was="" what="" when="" where="" who="" with="" years="" you="">
All I've heard all my life and stuck in my head - Kids change everything. And I am inclined to believe its true. The biggest changes in relationships I have experienced have been when the kids came through. Kids as some of you may know require time and attention and also drains one of energy. It's like all priorities shift and all focus is about the kid and what kind of terrible person can complain about a friendship not being the same when a kid is involved. To me, that takes precedence so its best for me to suck it up and usually my default rears - slowly extract myself so as not to catch L's.

This brings up another point, half the time the friends don't realize that they are doing this because they are caught up in a whirlwind but there are people like me who just fade to the background and never voice their thoughts but that never comes up as a reason to why friendship changes. The default is to automatically blame the married person. Yes, there are some women who think that they are better than and can't associate with single women since they've been elevated but sometimes single people do withdraw and/or think they can't hang with them. Eg I was telling my married friend about some social activities I had done and she's like why don't you invite me? and I stopped and thought about it. I told her I dunno, she just got married and I just feel she's not interested but as I said it, it really didn't make sense. Being married doesn't mean being dead. So that's my bad.

Ultimately, I do think it's just a character thing and basically how your relationship is with the person. I have 3 friends all married and with kids. Friend A - nothing really changed with her, she's still down for a good time. Friend B - things drastically changed and she's just busy Friend C - for a while things changed and she was busy, when she realized how changed it was she made a conscious effort to try and check in more and makes actual phone calls so she doesn't get distracted like she does via chatting. Basically, the long and short of my ramble is sometimes I don't think its the married person's fault. Sometimes, it could be coincidental with the evolution of a friendship, afterall when things change with a single friend its not cuz they're married abi? What do y'all think?

Sunday, April 13, 2014


Its been a minute guys. I've had a few people hit me up about the lack of posts. Sorrrrry. A lot's been going on and I haven't really had time to remember my numerous random thoughts but I have a few remembered. How has everyone been? Hope good. I just tried watching ep 1 of the new season of GoT and for one, had no idea what was going on and was just bored. I wanna be cool and love GoT like everyone else, why can't I get how awesome it is :(. The weather has become so beautiful it just automatically puts me in a good mood and made me happy. Speaking of happy, I have still been putting into practice my new resolution to think more positive no matter what and I think I have been doing good. Been thanking God more lately for the little things. I still feel undeserving and like the worst christian ever but wetin man go do but keep trying abi? Aite enough introspection. Let's random!

I had such high hope for Lent, especially after having a great one last year and learning so much but man. I failed this year. I am ashamed and feel bad :(

It was so weird but for the first time some few weeks ago, I considered divorce. I've always been the person who said divorce is not an option and I'll do my damndest. I think I must have read/heard/watched something that just made me wonder why I would want to feel trapped if it wasnt working. Don't get me wrong, I am not gonna get into it thinking "i could always get a divorce" not at all and I hope I never do. But if I ever get into that situ where I'm so unhappy and I feel trapped, why stay unhappy? I probably shouldn't put that in the atmosphere but my randoms are based on my honest random thoughts.

I think death wouldn't be so awful/able to handle better, if we actually knew what was on the other side. If we knew, I think it'd help knowing theres a chance you'd reunite or not wondering if they made heaven or not or they've faded to nothing and are truly at peace. The uncertainty just seems like you never get closure. We say they are at peace but how do we know for sure? Clearly from this you can tell I have questions about heaven and hell.

A guy friend once told me that for those guys who have been dating a girl for so long then break up then seemingly marry someone soon after, the girl is not new and has probably been in the picture for some time.

Speaking of, I still want someone to explain to me the theory of how people date for years and then as soon as they marry, it all falls to pieces.

"This idea that people need to throw [read: pay for] 'friends' showers needs to end...the drama/bickering that comes from them is just ridiculous. A least if the couple/parents are paying for it then they can do what they want. At the end of the day the celebrants don't even know the nonsense that went down and how 'friends' really feel about stuff #ShadesOverload. It's just ridic"  I got this from Repressed One and it made me chuckle cuz there's truth to it. You hear stories. Also, since when have there been baby showers for 2nd babies. Thought it was just for first babies only, no?

Please don't be the woman that doesn't know or understand what their man does for a living or earns his income read: Cynthia Bailey from RHOA

A year and some later, I still have no desire to date. How can we solve my problem?

Sometimes when I watch the news or read things, I wonder why some people deserve the kind of deaths they do. Why does a person deserve to be stabbed and raped to death? Why does someone need to be shot by accident? or in a plane crash? It just seems so cruel. Why them?

It truly is a blessing to wake up and not grumble about work.

Earlier this week, Karyn White a young 22 year old girl who was well known for her empowerment message. She had a tag line that had "I am strong, empowered and classy". It was said that she had a mental illness and commited suicide. Hopefully, this isn't disrespectful but I think is her case of the smoked mirrors. I am sure she was trying to manage her illness as best she could but clearly she was still struggling but to most she appeared to have it under control. It's quite sad and I wish she could have been helped but honestly, you never really know what people are going through.

I am gonna need people I know to slow down on their engagements!

I read something earlier that every 10 years we change and become different people. I mean, our core always stays the same but a lot of ideologies change. I can say for me, it is so true. The difference between who I was at 20 and who I am now is amazing. I'd never have predicted the type of person I am today.

As a Nigerian, is seeing a shrink/psychiatrist something that's a "must" mention to your future husband?

So doctors, explain ulcer to me. My nigerian self was made to believe that ulcer had something to do with not eating and all. In Amrika, I am told its some H Pylori bacteria that can be killed with antibiotics and something to do with lining. Can someone relate the two for me?

"Love isn't constant fireworks like in the movies. It's mostly the silent engine under the hood"

That's all I got. I hope yall have a wonderful and safe weekend and stay blessed! This is my current favorite song.