Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Who changed?

It always feels like it has been a while since I have actually blogged. Was racking my brain for a topic and finally decided to write about this. So you've heard how people say they "lose" (lose used loosely) friends when they get married. I have always wondered about this. I'm a bit older so most of my friends got married a while (a while being <5 a="" ago="" also="" are="" bad.="" be="" bit="" but="" can="" change="" changed="" different="" distance.="" do="" don="" dynamic="" exactly="" experience="" friends.="" friends="" from="" geographical="" go="" guys="" had="" have="" hitting="" i="" is="" it="" itself="" kids.="" like="" lol="" make="" marriage="" married.="" married="" most="" move="" my="" not="" of="" ogling="" on="" or="" out="" p="" relationships="" s="" shows="" so="" some="" sort="" t="" technology="" thanks="" that="" the="" they="" think="" to="" was="" what="" when="" where="" who="" with="" years="" you="">
All I've heard all my life and stuck in my head - Kids change everything. And I am inclined to believe its true. The biggest changes in relationships I have experienced have been when the kids came through. Kids as some of you may know require time and attention and also drains one of energy. It's like all priorities shift and all focus is about the kid and what kind of terrible person can complain about a friendship not being the same when a kid is involved. To me, that takes precedence so its best for me to suck it up and usually my default rears - slowly extract myself so as not to catch L's.

This brings up another point, half the time the friends don't realize that they are doing this because they are caught up in a whirlwind but there are people like me who just fade to the background and never voice their thoughts but that never comes up as a reason to why friendship changes. The default is to automatically blame the married person. Yes, there are some women who think that they are better than and can't associate with single women since they've been elevated but sometimes single people do withdraw and/or think they can't hang with them. Eg I was telling my married friend about some social activities I had done and she's like why don't you invite me? and I stopped and thought about it. I told her I dunno, she just got married and I just feel she's not interested but as I said it, it really didn't make sense. Being married doesn't mean being dead. So that's my bad.

Ultimately, I do think it's just a character thing and basically how your relationship is with the person. I have 3 friends all married and with kids. Friend A - nothing really changed with her, she's still down for a good time. Friend B - things drastically changed and she's just busy Friend C - for a while things changed and she was busy, when she realized how changed it was she made a conscious effort to try and check in more and makes actual phone calls so she doesn't get distracted like she does via chatting. Basically, the long and short of my ramble is sometimes I don't think its the married person's fault. Sometimes, it could be coincidental with the evolution of a friendship, afterall when things change with a single friend its not cuz they're married abi? What do y'all think?

1 comment:

MPB said...

I agree that the older we get relationships change sometimes between single friends too. I wonder if proximity makes a difference. Having a nanny might help too. Meanwhile I was trying to guess who your friends a,b,c were and yeah I ended up clueless lol