Thursday, March 16, 2017

Friday Randoms

Hi guys. Happy friday. As I type this, I am so tired. Work is kicking my ass and I am so burnt out. But much needed vacation starts tomorrow and it couldn't have come at a better time. We had a snow storm few days ago and it's quite cold here. Guys, what is going on in our country o?What kind of wickedness giving to people? How can these people expect to make heaven? On the other side, North Korea is ready to show us pepper. Okay o. Keep on rocking, 45. Keep on rocking. Anyways, let's random.

You get married. Your partner dies. You find out he/she has been cheating on you. How do you even mourn? Who do you direct your anger to?

Was talking about this with a friend and he asked if I had a friend in this situation who didn't know their partner was cheating and I knew, would I tell my friend? I had to think about that for a second but I don't think I will because at this stage, what is the point? It just seems cruel. How about you, would you tell?

My brother is younger than me and has not been married up to a year but I gotta tell you that I admire his marriage.

Man. Being a human being is so hard. Sometimes I wish I was more carefree and not so by the book or so aware. Life would probably be much simpler and I'd enjoy it more.

Last year, Shonda Rhimes "Year of Yes" was the best book I read. She mentioned something called Blue Sky Syndrome. Where she implied that human beings are more in love with the idea of making goals and existing and getting comfortable in the idea of having goals than actually achieving those goals. I think she speaks some truth.

I read this on someone's blog. To paraphrase "When things usually come easy for you, it's easier to give up on things quickly when things get rough" agree or disagree?


I have been binge watching Golden Girls on Hulu. The show has held up really well. Also, the shade on that show is on one hunned. Anyways, it led me to a google worm hole where I learned 3 of the 4 costars died in succession in 2008, 2009 and 2010. Betty White is the last living star and I wonder how she feels. How aware is she of her mortality? Heck. How does it feel when you are really old and know that inevitably, death is around the corner.

Speaking of death. It's such a pretty scary and traumatic thing. It's such a cruel thing that is part of the life cycle and I am not sure how we are supposed to keep on living and functioning as normal.

What does it mean when a person moves on so fast? Does it mean they never cared or they genuinely just moved on that fast?

Someone recently asked me what I have learned from self help books about happiness and I said: It's easier to be happy when things are going your way. Probably sounds like an obnoxious answer but it's true. They seem to have some reference point of a breakthrough that made them want to be happy. The closest book I have read was Rick Warren's wife's book but it came before her son committed suicide. I would love to hear her take on finding happiness after such a devastating loss. I think that would resonate more with me.

Being a parent seems like hard work

I am always surprised at certain things people don't know. I just haven't figured out yet if I am the exception or the anomaly

I am rewatching Mad Men from beginning. If you'd like to watch along with me, I am blogging each episode at http://rewatchingmadmen.blogspot.com/

Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend!





Saturday, March 4, 2017

Friends With Exes

I have had this discussion with a handful of friends and I decided to write about it. If you have had the discussion with me, then you would know that I think being friends with an ex is a very completely unnecessary something. While I am guilty of this, I still firmly stand with the stance that it is completely unnecessary. For some reason, every time I say this people seem to think I have said that you should treat them like dirt and be completely mean to them. Nope, definitely not what I mean.

Most times when I make this statement, almost always the response from women is "doesn't it depend how the break up was?" fair enough, true but how many breakups were oh so pleasant? Not saying they don't exist just saying it is not the case in most cases. Look at it both ways, if the fault was yours or the fault was his and he treated you like crap. What is the need to be friends with this person that hurt you so much or that you hurt so much? I've always been fascinated by how we women are able to romanticize any situation and gloss over grimy stuff because that is the only reason why we probably believe that someone who didn't care about our emotions before has suddenly transformed to this wonderful friend that we can't do without. Flip the script and let it be a female friend who showed you who they are, the forgiveness doesn't come as quickly as it does for an ex. (this is probably where sex comes in)

While people get older and mature and could be genuinely sorry for their past behavior, most times I tend to notice that women are the ones who make a much bigger deal about how this friendship was so deep and was a connection; while men acknowledge yes we were friends and it's a shame how it went down and move on with their lives. Another reason I find it unnecessary is almost always when a woman decides to be friends with her ex, chances are high they will end up in the sack together again. Ending up in the sack again, brings up those rosy dreams and story lines again, satisfied that yes we truly had a different kind of connection while the man is thinking hey we have an understanding and we've moved past the murk while living their lives like its golden.

Alright. Now, take away the exes that get back together. In the long run, I often wonder what the point of being friends in when if one person moves on, not sure their significant others would be happy about this friendship. Out of respect for them, they might cut you off or drastically reduce contact so basically, the friendship has a shelf life.

Overall honestly, while I think it's nice, I think we need to get over the hang up of feeling like not being friends with an ex signifies something more like say, it means you are an awful person or you are doing something wrong. Being civil with someone and not being all buddy buddy doesn't mean you don't wish them well, its more self preservation. One of the friends I spoke with said "but it's not easy to just remove someone you've known for a long time just like that" and that is true but some things that are right for us are not easy but we do it to better ourselves. Also, in some cases some exes don't speak for a while and rekindle it. If you were able to survive during that time you weren't speaking, pretty sure you'll both be okay if it isn't rekindled.

Funny enough, I ran across this article that says that only narcissists and psychopaths love to stay friends with their exes and it gave me a chuckle. To cover all my bases - I am not saying it's the cases in all situations. I based this on my observations and personal experiences. I have written from a female perspective as I am one.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Friday Randoms

Howdy ho, people. It is friday again. Yippee! Gosh, work has been so busy my brain hasn't had a breather and I keep counting down to the weekend from sheer exhaustion. Thank God Monday is a holiday. Looking forward to it. How are you guys enjoying the Trump era? Never a dull moment abi? I don't know whether to laugh or cry because I have no idea where we are headed. I sha do know that this man is infallible and I am not sure who or what can take him down. Anyways, let's random.

Do me, I must do you. How petty is too petty?

Earlier in the month, I celebrated 7 years at my company and somehow I felt shame. I feel like people in our generation switch jobs frequently that staying long is just...I don't even know

On that note, time is crazy because the same way I look at people who have spent like 22 years at a company and realize that it is so easy to become that person.

A guy friend of mine told me that he side eyes guys who still chase anything in a skirt like their life depends on it. He says he sees it as an indicator of someone who isn't where they want to be in life so they re-channel their energy into scoring with women. Guys, do you agree?

This brand of Christianity, that promotes the notion that God loves some people more or better hence them being more favored or that bad things that happen to you are your fault, is very annoying

"Enjoy the view of your backyard even if it is covered in weeds"

I randomly thought of Beyonce's OB GYN. How do you peer into a highly revered woman's vagina and not get home and tell anyone? Who is her OB GYN?

Saw an article with the headline: "I love my daughter but I wish I hadn't had her". Someone made a comment that they feel for people who feel this way because there is really no space in society that allows people who feel this way to admit that having kids effed up their lives. Like with most things, you can't really be honest because it would be viewed as negative. So you swallow your words and continue to live with society's expectations

Going through my old emails brings me more sadness than happiness

I truly don't understand these reality shows where moms leave their kids in a different city almost always for a love interest. I think it's irresponsible. Once you have a kid, all decisions should be based on them

Emotional strength is a thing. I never realized how much of an important thing it is. Some people never get to strengthen and grow theirs

I have never been hooked up. I don't know what this says about me :(

Lent is around the corner. With it comes the what are you giving up for lent questions. I strongly support everyone who participates as long as it is in connection with the spirit and reason of Lent but at some point it became like Lent is this costume party and everyone asking others what are you giving up makes it sound like what are you dressing up as to the party? The 40 days is supposed to be a personal, spiritual moment between you and your God and as such what you choose to sacrifice during that spiritual journey should be between you two. As always, I am probably overthinking it.

Well, that's all I got. The weather is supposed to go from 30 degrees to mid 60's this weekend. This is how people get sick but I intend to take advantage. My friend got this amazing pastries in Atlanta and I am on the hunt to find them in my hood, so might take the train into the city and go scout Chinatown (don't judge me). Have a great weekend and stay blessed!!






Thursday, January 26, 2017

Friday Randoms

*Stretch* *Yawn* Yup, we are still in January. I mean, it's not like I am hoping for the month or year to fly away but you feel the slowness the most during the week when you are just waiting for 5pm to hit and the day.is.just.dragging. Now when you do it for 5 days. It really just feels like eternity. This winter is so weird. One glimpse of mild winter then reallllly cold. The one we are going through now is since inauguration, sun has not shown face and rain has been coming to play. Ah well. Had a fun busy weekend last weekend, so I am looking forward to vegging it out this weekend. Let the randomization begin:

Bleh. I hate when things are not organic and seem put on

It's not a good feeling when you don't feel that "safe" feeling around people you felt comfortable around

Wonder if doctors have to consciously shut off being a doctor and being so factual and scientific when relating outside of work or if it happens naturally

I read this book that begins with a man describing the reason he married his wife. He said he was a middle of the road guy and never aimed for the top and basically just lived an average life so when it came to marriage, he basically took the same approach and married an "unremarkable woman" i.e there was nothing exciting about her and she fulfilled all functions of a wife. Discussing it with a friend and she says she knows cases like that in real life and another prayer you gotta prat in life is that someone doesn't choose you for the wrong reason. Whoosh. It's hard out there in this dating jungle.

When someone miscarries a baby in a pair of twins, does the surviving twin always feel like a part of them is missing?

I watched a couple of reality shows where women with significant others cheated on them with another woman and the men didn't even bat an eyelid. I thought that was a bit strange. I asked a friend and she said her boyfriend said he wouldn't mind. And it made me wonder. If the reason is that it's just sex then can we assume you won't lose your shit over a man? I would think that they would be upset that the commitment and exclusive agreement was broken. Or it doesn't mean anything anymore?

The little things that make you realize you have grown in character

Was talking to someone about this whole renting vs. owning deal and the person threw out to just make sure you put 20% down. Is that easy? It's not like we are talking about $100 here. We tend to throw things out there like its just a piece of cake - just eat right and exercise, just freeze eggs, just quit the addiction. Like I always say, we all know the things to do but it's not so easy to implement because if it were we'd all be in utopia

Anybody ever wonder how many times they will be married?

I tweeted this earlier this week: Ladies, no matter how close you think you are to a guy, his loyalty is to his boys

What is life like without having weight issues? :( Then again skinny people still always complain. I had someone with washboard abs ask me if she is bigger since the last time I saw her and how she needs to lose weight. Guess we humans are never satisfied.

Honestly never noticed till someone pointed out to me that Nigerians who go to jand for college tend to not stay there and end up moving back to naija vs. those in Yankee that stay by all means necessary. Found that interesting.

I just found the memorial of some lady at my job who died in October but for some reason I just now saw it. She didn't work in my department but I always saw her in the elevator or the cafeteria. I asked our admin what happened and she was telling me how she had surgery and was doing really well and from nowhere took a nosedive and it reminded me of when my mom had chemo. She had 6 rounds. After the 5th round, she was soooo good we were already praising God for a miracle and before we could finish she took a sharp turn. Was telling my friend this and she told me that it's actually a medical thing. Where your body knows it's about to give out so it has this moment of euphoria so to speak and then just kaput. The human body is kind of an amazing thing.

Well, that's all I have for you today. I hope you guys have a fantastic weekend. Stay blessed and stay warm if you are in one of the colder places.




Wednesday, January 25, 2017

The Hopefuls

I recently read a book that I gave 5 stars to on Goodreads (feel free to add me as a friend: taynement). Now, on the surface it looks like a chick lit, easy breezy read - which it kind of is but it resonated so deeply with me because it touched on topics my friends and I have been discussing of late and also it made me ask myself some questions.

The book is centered upon a couple that move from New York to Washington D.C due to the husband's career based in politics. Upon getting there, the wife, who is a writer and was laid off in NY,  finds it difficult to get a job and hates everything about D.C. Till she meets another transplant couple, Ash and Jimmy and things get a little brighter but also marks the beginning of a weird co-dependent friendship. The book touches heavily on D.C life and describes it as rife with jealousy, fake, gossipy and full of society climbers.

It's told from the perspective of Beth (the wife) and she takes us through her life of meeting her husband, Matt to when things take a turn. Some topics that came up that resonated with me:


  • Why do people really get married? Does it matter what age? Sometimes people are honest with their spouses on what they would like or what they believe in and sometimes the other party doesn't pay attention or take it seriously. The whole "opposites attract" thing - is that helpful or harmful in a relationship?
  • Matt was just one of those positive guys and saw the move as a start of something new while Beth chose to just wallow in her D.C hate. This is an example of how attitude can help or hurt a situation
  • In-laws - you gotta pray to God you get good ones
  • Parents are oh so significant in shaping your life knowingly and unknowingly. I mean once you describe your first born as "the first pancake is never good and is the one you throw out", where do you go from there?
  • Jealousy/Envy grows between characters in the book and at some point Beth thinks "The Dillons are just so lucky, so charmed. Everything is working out for them, life is unfolding exactly as it should - and most of the time, it seems like it is all happening without any effort on their part" - Where does one draw the line between being a bad person for being envious or just being a human being feeling normal emotions for being envious?
  • Sometimes, charmed on the outside and people who try to put up a "all is well" front might be dealing with major stuff internally and that's their way of dealing
  • Among 2 characters, one clearly had all the ingredients but was less successful. The one thing the other person had was charisma, which gave him an edge especially in his career. It was a reminder that sometimes life isn't what humans call "fair"
  • At the end of the day, your Day 1 friends can't compete with new ones. They know you in a way that can't be duplicated bu new ones.
  • Having a child does change everything
  • Sometimes, you just peer into a friendship and you just know its the beginning of the end or just feel like did I ever know this person?
  • While I thought Beth was introspective. When I finished the book, I was perusing reviews on Goodreads (not a lot of people loved this book as much as I did) and they really didn't like Beth, they thought she was too passive. I only thought she was passive when it came to getting a job but it reminded me of a quote someone said to her in the book "You're always letting things happen to you. You just wait to react. Do Something" That's good life advise to everyone.
  • How do you react as your spouse drifts away from you? Matt gets more and more passionate about his career while Beth is just chilling. As we get older, we get new interests and probably change. How do you deal with the change?
There were probably more points in the book but I will stop here. Not even sure why this book was called The Hopefuls sef. But if you have read or plan to read it, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. 





Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Naija Man Loyalty

I had a conversation over Christmas with my cousin and my friend. Per usual we were talking about dating and the subject of dating a non-Nigerian came up and my friend said she didn't think it was for her while my cousin said she would prefer being married to a Nigerian and this had me thinking.

I completely think everyone has a right to a preference and there is nothing wrong with wanting to end up with a Nigerian but I have always wondered why Nigerian women are so committed to dating only Nigerian men considering Naija men are the completely opposite.

98% of the time, the reason you will hear is "I want someone that gets it" and I stop and wonder, gets what exactly? Okay, the music, the culture, the food, the language. I am not downplaying the difficulties of dating someone from a different culture. Not at all but I feel like I can argue any of the points above. After all, most of us came from a different culture, came to America and adjusted just fine. Heck it's hard enough dating someone from a different background, so if people can make that work, I think this too could be made to work.

So my argument from time, as I told my aunty years ago when I informed her I was going on a date with a white person and she proceeded to tell me how she does not approve of me marrying (yes marrying) a white person that will not allow her come visit whenever she wants and make her uncomfortable. I digress. My argument from time is that I don't think it's a color thing and it is more of a character thing. If you are marrying a person who isn't willing to learn or compromise on your culture (and vice versa) then that's a decision you have chosen to make.

If you are a twitter user, you may have noticed that the gender wars have been on 100. For all the #menarescum tweets and complaints of how patriarchal naija men can be it's always amusing to me that people would still choose that over someone who might be understanding about gender roles or not worry about certain traditions that allow for women to "endure", so to speak.

Overall sha, I am not saying that dating someone from a different culture is easy by no means. I just think naija women should keep an open mind and not limit themselves to just naija men. As you never know what may be behind the door.

Friday, December 30, 2016

2016: Year in Review

Can you guys believe we have just one more day left in the year? I am totally stealing Original Mgbeke's format in doing my review so here we go.

 I feel like I remember January 1st like it was yesterday. I brought in the New Year in church because my brother made us go to midnight mass. It was so long and we did praise and worship for so long till midnight struck and we all wished each other a happy new year. But it was nice as my brother and I used the time and for the first time kinda talked about losing our mom. Bringing in the new year at church is not the norm for me, probably because majority of the time I am on a plane back to the States from Nigeria. Although, I am not one that believes where you start your new year determines how your year will be (with how shitty my years have been, maybe there is something to it, eh?)

It's always easy to base the whole year on how it ended because if it was good you forget the bad in the earlier months and vice versa. I am not really sure how to rate my year because for the better part of it my health made me its bitch and I was doing rounds making friends with all kinds of doctors and that in itself was a pain in the ass. So when I think of my year that is what I remember.

The first half of the year started out decently, I was determined in everything including my health and fitness. Was eating clean and working out like i had a gun to my head all mostly towards the goal of the highlight of my year which was my brother's wedding. I was gonna do momma-sister of the groom and I wasn't going to let my momma down. I never say this but boy did I slay. Guys, your girl looked good. It was an awesome day. We weren't sure how we were going to make it work financially but we did and everything went perfectly.

Some good things that happened this year:


  • Found a gym/trainer I genuinely love and makes me enjoy working out. We have a lot of fun and its a great community
  • My brother's wedding. Everything coming together.
  • My awesome, super duper friends who continue to be the constant bright spots in my life through the many storms. Those of you who read, please know I love and appreciate una die. Thank you for everything.
  • My family. Who just makes everything better.
  • My surgeon. Whoosh. After my Dr washed her hands off me and said my case don pass her power, she referred me to a specialist who I am so grateful for. I had to have major surgery in the summer that in the wrong hands would have been a different story. This man is so kind and thorough (no joke, I wait like 3hr+ just to see him) and I am glad my body was in his hands. Thankful I made it through that.
  • My Aunty and I have our moments but she came through for me during recuperation when I couldn't do anything for myself. She was patient with me and we made it through the weeks without an argument and I feel our relationship took a turn from there, which is a big deal if you know our history.
  • My job. I am grateful to still have a job that provided me with benefits and were so understanding because Lord know the amount of time I took off this year, not everyone would have been that understanding,
  • Did some traveling this year which is always fun for me. Hit up Atlanta twice, Houston, New Orleans, Naija twice, London and Puerto Rico
  • I had a goal to read 20 books and I did 28! That's a big deal to me hehe
  • My cousin's wedding. I always forget what having family around is like but when I am around them, I just want to soak them all in because it feels really nice.
  • Christmas. After a dismal thanksgiving, I was expecting to have a lowkey Christmas but things switched up last minute and I got to spend it with family and (see above) it was really great.
Those are some of the highlights that I can remember at the moment. Looking into 2017, I am once again going to try to be a better person and be proactive about this change. The best friend suggested a thankful challenge that we are going to do. I will be making a vision board and visualizing all the things that I would like to see in the upcoming year. 

Life can be hard but we can only do what we can to trudge through and be as happy as we can. This time last year, I remember breaking down to my friend and telling her that I was terrified about 2016 because who knows what it holds and I can't take it anymore. But I won't do that for 2017 and enter it with fear. I will enter calm as I can be and hope for the best because for everything I thought would destroy me, I am still here so what is the point in worrying?

I am wishing you all a fantastic new year and hoping it comes with everything you wish yourself for you and your loved ones. May God be with us all and continue to guide and protect us. Amen. See you on the other side!!!