Thursday, February 16, 2017

Friday Randoms

Howdy ho, people. It is friday again. Yippee! Gosh, work has been so busy my brain hasn't had a breather and I keep counting down to the weekend from sheer exhaustion. Thank God Monday is a holiday. Looking forward to it. How are you guys enjoying the Trump era? Never a dull moment abi? I don't know whether to laugh or cry because I have no idea where we are headed. I sha do know that this man is infallible and I am not sure who or what can take him down. Anyways, let's random.

Do me, I must do you. How petty is too petty?

Earlier in the month, I celebrated 7 years at my company and somehow I felt shame. I feel like people in our generation switch jobs frequently that staying long is just...I don't even know

On that note, time is crazy because the same way I look at people who have spent like 22 years at a company and realize that it is so easy to become that person.

A guy friend of mine told me that he side eyes guys who still chase anything in a skirt like their life depends on it. He says he sees it as an indicator of someone who isn't where they want to be in life so they re-channel their energy into scoring with women. Guys, do you agree?

This brand of Christianity, that promotes the notion that God loves some people more or better hence them being more favored or that bad things that happen to you are your fault, is very annoying

"Enjoy the view of your backyard even if it is covered in weeds"

I randomly thought of Beyonce's OB GYN. How do you peer into a highly revered woman's vagina and not get home and tell anyone? Who is her OB GYN?

Saw an article with the headline: "I love my daughter but I wish I hadn't had her". Someone made a comment that they feel for people who feel this way because there is really no space in society that allows people who feel this way to admit that having kids effed up their lives. Like with most things, you can't really be honest because it would be viewed as negative. So you swallow your words and continue to live with society's expectations

Going through my old emails brings me more sadness than happiness

I truly don't understand these reality shows where moms leave their kids in a different city almost always for a love interest. I think it's irresponsible. Once you have a kid, all decisions should be based on them

Emotional strength is a thing. I never realized how much of an important thing it is. Some people never get to strengthen and grow theirs

I have never been hooked up. I don't know what this says about me :(

Lent is around the corner. With it comes the what are you giving up for lent questions. I strongly support everyone who participates as long as it is in connection with the spirit and reason of Lent but at some point it became like Lent is this costume party and everyone asking others what are you giving up makes it sound like what are you dressing up as to the party? The 40 days is supposed to be a personal, spiritual moment between you and your God and as such what you choose to sacrifice during that spiritual journey should be between you two. As always, I am probably overthinking it.

Well, that's all I got. The weather is supposed to go from 30 degrees to mid 60's this weekend. This is how people get sick but I intend to take advantage. My friend got this amazing pastries in Atlanta and I am on the hunt to find them in my hood, so might take the train into the city and go scout Chinatown (don't judge me). Have a great weekend and stay blessed!!






Thursday, January 26, 2017

Friday Randoms

*Stretch* *Yawn* Yup, we are still in January. I mean, it's not like I am hoping for the month or year to fly away but you feel the slowness the most during the week when you are just waiting for 5pm to hit and the day.is.just.dragging. Now when you do it for 5 days. It really just feels like eternity. This winter is so weird. One glimpse of mild winter then reallllly cold. The one we are going through now is since inauguration, sun has not shown face and rain has been coming to play. Ah well. Had a fun busy weekend last weekend, so I am looking forward to vegging it out this weekend. Let the randomization begin:

Bleh. I hate when things are not organic and seem put on

It's not a good feeling when you don't feel that "safe" feeling around people you felt comfortable around

Wonder if doctors have to consciously shut off being a doctor and being so factual and scientific when relating outside of work or if it happens naturally

I read this book that begins with a man describing the reason he married his wife. He said he was a middle of the road guy and never aimed for the top and basically just lived an average life so when it came to marriage, he basically took the same approach and married an "unremarkable woman" i.e there was nothing exciting about her and she fulfilled all functions of a wife. Discussing it with a friend and she says she knows cases like that in real life and another prayer you gotta prat in life is that someone doesn't choose you for the wrong reason. Whoosh. It's hard out there in this dating jungle.

When someone miscarries a baby in a pair of twins, does the surviving twin always feel like a part of them is missing?

I watched a couple of reality shows where women with significant others cheated on them with another woman and the men didn't even bat an eyelid. I thought that was a bit strange. I asked a friend and she said her boyfriend said he wouldn't mind. And it made me wonder. If the reason is that it's just sex then can we assume you won't lose your shit over a man? I would think that they would be upset that the commitment and exclusive agreement was broken. Or it doesn't mean anything anymore?

The little things that make you realize you have grown in character

Was talking to someone about this whole renting vs. owning deal and the person threw out to just make sure you put 20% down. Is that easy? It's not like we are talking about $100 here. We tend to throw things out there like its just a piece of cake - just eat right and exercise, just freeze eggs, just quit the addiction. Like I always say, we all know the things to do but it's not so easy to implement because if it were we'd all be in utopia

Anybody ever wonder how many times they will be married?

I tweeted this earlier this week: Ladies, no matter how close you think you are to a guy, his loyalty is to his boys

What is life like without having weight issues? :( Then again skinny people still always complain. I had someone with washboard abs ask me if she is bigger since the last time I saw her and how she needs to lose weight. Guess we humans are never satisfied.

Honestly never noticed till someone pointed out to me that Nigerians who go to jand for college tend to not stay there and end up moving back to naija vs. those in Yankee that stay by all means necessary. Found that interesting.

I just found the memorial of some lady at my job who died in October but for some reason I just now saw it. She didn't work in my department but I always saw her in the elevator or the cafeteria. I asked our admin what happened and she was telling me how she had surgery and was doing really well and from nowhere took a nosedive and it reminded me of when my mom had chemo. She had 6 rounds. After the 5th round, she was soooo good we were already praising God for a miracle and before we could finish she took a sharp turn. Was telling my friend this and she told me that it's actually a medical thing. Where your body knows it's about to give out so it has this moment of euphoria so to speak and then just kaput. The human body is kind of an amazing thing.

Well, that's all I have for you today. I hope you guys have a fantastic weekend. Stay blessed and stay warm if you are in one of the colder places.




Wednesday, January 25, 2017

The Hopefuls

I recently read a book that I gave 5 stars to on Goodreads (feel free to add me as a friend: taynement). Now, on the surface it looks like a chick lit, easy breezy read - which it kind of is but it resonated so deeply with me because it touched on topics my friends and I have been discussing of late and also it made me ask myself some questions.

The book is centered upon a couple that move from New York to Washington D.C due to the husband's career based in politics. Upon getting there, the wife, who is a writer and was laid off in NY,  finds it difficult to get a job and hates everything about D.C. Till she meets another transplant couple, Ash and Jimmy and things get a little brighter but also marks the beginning of a weird co-dependent friendship. The book touches heavily on D.C life and describes it as rife with jealousy, fake, gossipy and full of society climbers.

It's told from the perspective of Beth (the wife) and she takes us through her life of meeting her husband, Matt to when things take a turn. Some topics that came up that resonated with me:


  • Why do people really get married? Does it matter what age? Sometimes people are honest with their spouses on what they would like or what they believe in and sometimes the other party doesn't pay attention or take it seriously. The whole "opposites attract" thing - is that helpful or harmful in a relationship?
  • Matt was just one of those positive guys and saw the move as a start of something new while Beth chose to just wallow in her D.C hate. This is an example of how attitude can help or hurt a situation
  • In-laws - you gotta pray to God you get good ones
  • Parents are oh so significant in shaping your life knowingly and unknowingly. I mean once you describe your first born as "the first pancake is never good and is the one you throw out", where do you go from there?
  • Jealousy/Envy grows between characters in the book and at some point Beth thinks "The Dillons are just so lucky, so charmed. Everything is working out for them, life is unfolding exactly as it should - and most of the time, it seems like it is all happening without any effort on their part" - Where does one draw the line between being a bad person for being envious or just being a human being feeling normal emotions for being envious?
  • Sometimes, charmed on the outside and people who try to put up a "all is well" front might be dealing with major stuff internally and that's their way of dealing
  • Among 2 characters, one clearly had all the ingredients but was less successful. The one thing the other person had was charisma, which gave him an edge especially in his career. It was a reminder that sometimes life isn't what humans call "fair"
  • At the end of the day, your Day 1 friends can't compete with new ones. They know you in a way that can't be duplicated bu new ones.
  • Having a child does change everything
  • Sometimes, you just peer into a friendship and you just know its the beginning of the end or just feel like did I ever know this person?
  • While I thought Beth was introspective. When I finished the book, I was perusing reviews on Goodreads (not a lot of people loved this book as much as I did) and they really didn't like Beth, they thought she was too passive. I only thought she was passive when it came to getting a job but it reminded me of a quote someone said to her in the book "You're always letting things happen to you. You just wait to react. Do Something" That's good life advise to everyone.
  • How do you react as your spouse drifts away from you? Matt gets more and more passionate about his career while Beth is just chilling. As we get older, we get new interests and probably change. How do you deal with the change?
There were probably more points in the book but I will stop here. Not even sure why this book was called The Hopefuls sef. But if you have read or plan to read it, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. 





Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Naija Man Loyalty

I had a conversation over Christmas with my cousin and my friend. Per usual we were talking about dating and the subject of dating a non-Nigerian came up and my friend said she didn't think it was for her while my cousin said she would prefer being married to a Nigerian and this had me thinking.

I completely think everyone has a right to a preference and there is nothing wrong with wanting to end up with a Nigerian but I have always wondered why Nigerian women are so committed to dating only Nigerian men considering Naija men are the completely opposite.

98% of the time, the reason you will hear is "I want someone that gets it" and I stop and wonder, gets what exactly? Okay, the music, the culture, the food, the language. I am not downplaying the difficulties of dating someone from a different culture. Not at all but I feel like I can argue any of the points above. After all, most of us came from a different culture, came to America and adjusted just fine. Heck it's hard enough dating someone from a different background, so if people can make that work, I think this too could be made to work.

So my argument from time, as I told my aunty years ago when I informed her I was going on a date with a white person and she proceeded to tell me how she does not approve of me marrying (yes marrying) a white person that will not allow her come visit whenever she wants and make her uncomfortable. I digress. My argument from time is that I don't think it's a color thing and it is more of a character thing. If you are marrying a person who isn't willing to learn or compromise on your culture (and vice versa) then that's a decision you have chosen to make.

If you are a twitter user, you may have noticed that the gender wars have been on 100. For all the #menarescum tweets and complaints of how patriarchal naija men can be it's always amusing to me that people would still choose that over someone who might be understanding about gender roles or not worry about certain traditions that allow for women to "endure", so to speak.

Overall sha, I am not saying that dating someone from a different culture is easy by no means. I just think naija women should keep an open mind and not limit themselves to just naija men. As you never know what may be behind the door.

Friday, December 30, 2016

2016: Year in Review

Can you guys believe we have just one more day left in the year? I am totally stealing Original Mgbeke's format in doing my review so here we go.

 I feel like I remember January 1st like it was yesterday. I brought in the New Year in church because my brother made us go to midnight mass. It was so long and we did praise and worship for so long till midnight struck and we all wished each other a happy new year. But it was nice as my brother and I used the time and for the first time kinda talked about losing our mom. Bringing in the new year at church is not the norm for me, probably because majority of the time I am on a plane back to the States from Nigeria. Although, I am not one that believes where you start your new year determines how your year will be (with how shitty my years have been, maybe there is something to it, eh?)

It's always easy to base the whole year on how it ended because if it was good you forget the bad in the earlier months and vice versa. I am not really sure how to rate my year because for the better part of it my health made me its bitch and I was doing rounds making friends with all kinds of doctors and that in itself was a pain in the ass. So when I think of my year that is what I remember.

The first half of the year started out decently, I was determined in everything including my health and fitness. Was eating clean and working out like i had a gun to my head all mostly towards the goal of the highlight of my year which was my brother's wedding. I was gonna do momma-sister of the groom and I wasn't going to let my momma down. I never say this but boy did I slay. Guys, your girl looked good. It was an awesome day. We weren't sure how we were going to make it work financially but we did and everything went perfectly.

Some good things that happened this year:


  • Found a gym/trainer I genuinely love and makes me enjoy working out. We have a lot of fun and its a great community
  • My brother's wedding. Everything coming together.
  • My awesome, super duper friends who continue to be the constant bright spots in my life through the many storms. Those of you who read, please know I love and appreciate una die. Thank you for everything.
  • My family. Who just makes everything better.
  • My surgeon. Whoosh. After my Dr washed her hands off me and said my case don pass her power, she referred me to a specialist who I am so grateful for. I had to have major surgery in the summer that in the wrong hands would have been a different story. This man is so kind and thorough (no joke, I wait like 3hr+ just to see him) and I am glad my body was in his hands. Thankful I made it through that.
  • My Aunty and I have our moments but she came through for me during recuperation when I couldn't do anything for myself. She was patient with me and we made it through the weeks without an argument and I feel our relationship took a turn from there, which is a big deal if you know our history.
  • My job. I am grateful to still have a job that provided me with benefits and were so understanding because Lord know the amount of time I took off this year, not everyone would have been that understanding,
  • Did some traveling this year which is always fun for me. Hit up Atlanta twice, Houston, New Orleans, Naija twice, London and Puerto Rico
  • I had a goal to read 20 books and I did 28! That's a big deal to me hehe
  • My cousin's wedding. I always forget what having family around is like but when I am around them, I just want to soak them all in because it feels really nice.
  • Christmas. After a dismal thanksgiving, I was expecting to have a lowkey Christmas but things switched up last minute and I got to spend it with family and (see above) it was really great.
Those are some of the highlights that I can remember at the moment. Looking into 2017, I am once again going to try to be a better person and be proactive about this change. The best friend suggested a thankful challenge that we are going to do. I will be making a vision board and visualizing all the things that I would like to see in the upcoming year. 

Life can be hard but we can only do what we can to trudge through and be as happy as we can. This time last year, I remember breaking down to my friend and telling her that I was terrified about 2016 because who knows what it holds and I can't take it anymore. But I won't do that for 2017 and enter it with fear. I will enter calm as I can be and hope for the best because for everything I thought would destroy me, I am still here so what is the point in worrying?

I am wishing you all a fantastic new year and hoping it comes with everything you wish yourself for you and your loved ones. May God be with us all and continue to guide and protect us. Amen. See you on the other side!!!

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Friday Randoms

Well, I guess I did have one more post before Christmas and I am here. I can't tell you guys how much I have been looking forward to this break. I am totally just burnt out and ready to chill. I had all the plans to bum and tv per usual but plans changed and looks like I will be headed out of town. This is my first Christmas without my brother in like forever. He told me the other day that he can't believe I am not home and he had got so used to having me around every Christmas. He also added that this should never happen again. God willing it shan't. Is shan't a word? It always sounds wrong. Okay, let's random.

The people who do break ups to make ups, how do they count how long they have been together?

"Good friends hear the unspoken words"

While beauty is subjective and everyone has their own tastes, I feel like there's this thing Americans do where they latch on to a dark skinned celeb and over praise and (what feels like) oversell her beauty. I get the angle that the standard of beauty is one way so it is a way of promoting diverse beauty standards. But it almost feels like overcompensation of some sorts

On more than one occasion, I have heard a lot of people say wedding planning brought out the worst in the bride (hmm, why only the bride?) and in some cases led to a breakup. Was thinking about that. Is that an accurate statement or was the person's behavior always there and it was just a situation that showed it more. Or am I saying the same thing here?

This might not make sense but there is some kind of sadness for people who die in October, November and December. Kind of like a "ughh almost made it" (to the next year)

Why do we place so much emphasis on January? Actually, I know the answer to that. Markers are always a helpful thing for humans but certain aspects like oh 2016 sucks let it go. Time doesn't necessarily keep bad things away. Life keeps on going.

I totally can understand people who don't like my pessimism but unfortunately in the cases it apply, it is how I feel. But I think I would rather be honest with my emotions than faking the funk and dying inside.

Speaking of which, unawareness and a lack of introspection is an epidemic in our generation

How or why do people work out with regular bras?

When I was in college, me and a friend went to a group of friends' (all guys) home and one of the guys cooked. We all ate and stacked our dishes in the sink and went back to the living room to chill. Not long after, he called us aside and gave us a speech on how we never know who is watching and how the right thing to do would have been to wash the dishes. I acknowledged the convo and went back to the living room. My friend went into the kitchen and began doing dishes. Fast forward many many years later, guess which two people are married with kids and guess who is single? These things on social media ain't bants people. Do the needful and get chose o. Don't be left behind!

Speaking to a friend earlier in the week who just had a baby. Asked her how mommyhood is and she said "Crazy hard. I don't recommend it" (not sure if it makes a difference that she is not Nigerian). Anyways another convo with another friend (Nigerian) and she tells me how she does not particularly want kids. I ask why and she says "honestly, I am lazy and I don't like 24/7 work". I feel like we are conditioned to just have kids because it is the thing to do.

Situation: Man has a one night stand with a woman. Next morning woman says she is trans and got a vagina 10 years ago. An argument ensues. Man says woman is obligated to tell him that. She says why? I am a woman, you enjoyed the sex. If you see me as a woman what about it makes you feel some type of way? Also, you don't see me being mad that you did not tell me about your past and bad things you have done. Are you obligated to tell me that? See before this, I was full on that you should always have full disclosure but this made me think. I think if you stil have a penis then definitely should tell but if you don't why should you. I would love to hear your opinion on this.

Well my lovely people. That's all I have for you today. Do me a solid and visit www.taynement.com for some entertainment content, including the best shows I watched in 2016. Have a lovely blessed Christmas and wishing you and your loved ones all of God's blessings and smiles. Merry Christmas!!


Thursday, December 15, 2016

Being Human

Being a human being is so tough. Navigating relationships, trying to be kind, trying to be a better person. I wake up every day trying and hoping to be a better person but I feel I fall short more often than not. Every time people hear some part of my life story, I get a "you're so strong" and I get so uncomfortable because I don't think I am at all.

You know how people say tough situations and things that happen in life shouldn't consume you and you should rise above it and think positive and hope for better days yada yada. I am not one of those people. I will admittedly say that I am one of those people who has let life experiences consume me and I am not quite sure how to get out of that hole. I have a lot of trepidation, not a lot of hope and a (un)healthy dose of skepticism. What's so strong about that?

I am also not one of those people who state their flaws with pride and thinks this is it, you should just deal. I am not proud to be that person. In fact, I want to be one of the "God is good", "God is forever faithful", "He's always looking out for me" people. I would love to have that feeling of being free and hopeful and trusting and just having an easy breezy life but I feel like every time I resolve to do so, life gives be some big fat yimu like "you wish".

The biggest thing I struggle with is that feeling of feeling stuck. Based on stories/tweets/what have you, it would appear that a lot of us feel that way but on the flip there just seems to be a lot more people who are also flourishing. All around me, I see people progressing in jobs, love, family, life and just doing big things and it always makes me question my standing in life. Will I ever catch up?

This is why people warn about the dangers of comparison. It can take you down a terrible wormhole. My brother tries to remind me that everyone has a different path and things can change in a heart beat. And of course he is right. Part of my goals for next year is to find a way to make peace and celebrate the victories of others and be patient, content and be gracious with whatever the hell is going on in my own life. Afterall, in the end we all die, eh?

I am not sure if I will post by Christmas but just in case a very merry merry Christmas to you all! Hope you have a fantastic one with your loved ones and I will catch you maybe next year? haha.