Hi guys. It's been a minute since I have been here. Life is kicking my ass but I refuse to let it make me its bitch.
Before I do this post I want to address a comment/request I received from Anonymous about detailing my time in Nigeria. I did blog during my time there but I am not sure what angle you are looking for. Is this for personal knowledge or just a good read because I am not sure when I can get to it. If it's for personal knowledge please feel free to hit me up via email (firstname.lastname@example.org) or if I know you (which I am guessing is how you knew I did a stint?) you can hit me up and I will be happy to answer or address any questions you may have.
Ok on to today's post which is kind of a cheat. It's 50 life lessons by Regina Brett which she wrote right before she turned 50. I know we see so many of these things but its funny how there's always something that resonates. Probably because as human beings, we know better but don't always do better. Anyway here they are:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift..
Some of the ones that resonate for me: 13, 14, 15, 22, 31 (i struggle with believing it), 33 (I need to believe in), 38 ( I need to make a habit), 50 is very true.
I am indifferent towards Selena Gomez as a person but I have a couple of her songs on the iPod. She makes catchy tunes and yall know I am an agbaya. I'll listen to anything as long as it makes my ears happy. Anyway she released a new song/video earlier in the week called "The heart wants what it wants", which I like and which I think is probably her most honest song to date because clearly it is about her roller coaster relationship with Justin Bieber.
The song is quite relatable and I feel most women have been there at some point in their lives. You know...that time when you meet that one guy and all is well at first then things go south but you still keep going on and you have this unhealthy dependency/situationship that noone is ready to leave even though you want to and wish you could with every fiber of your being. I always call that guy the "Mr. Big" of your life. For those who know me, I really disliked Mr. Big. I didn't think he was nice to Carrie but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't shake him off. Ultimately, it worked out for them because TV but for the most part it's really not the case.
I often wondered if it was better or worse for Selena that she met her Mr Big young. I am leaning towards better because there is enough time to get over him but at the same time she is still young and figuring herself out that might make it harder to deal. Anyways here's the song. Below is the monologue she gives before the song starts. Let me know what you think.
"When I was on stage and I was thinking of… I know him though, and I know that I know his heart, and I know what he wouldn't do to hurt me.
But I didn't realize that I'm feeling so confident and feeling so great about myself and then it just can be completely shattered by one thing...by something so stupid. But then you make me feel crazy, you make me feel like it's my fault. I was in pain"
[sidebar: Why do guys default to making you feel like it is your fault and you are the crazy one? It's amazing how many similar stories I have heard]
This was floating on my timeline and was a status for one of my bbm's contacts:
"We're adults and busy. No reason to be in constant contact with you to prove my friendship to you. Just know when/if you need me, I'm here"
A lot of people were cosigning this statement but I do not agree with this at all. The statement itself just sounds so cold and like those people that feel cool that they can cut people off whenever. Ok maybe that's a harsh comparison.
The line "I don't need to prove my friendship to you". I mean, since when does being in constant contact mean proving a friendship? I simmered and remembered when I was much younger and felt that a friend who never reached out didn't really care. I know better now but I did acknowledge that maybe that is what they meant.
I admit that when it comes to things like these I am a big sap and I am a sentimental person. But the main things that nullifies the statement above is technology. There are SO many ways to get in contact with a person. I (personally) don't need a full gab long ass session on the phone as contact. I feel like as long as you are friends with someone, a simple hi, hope you are well every now and then or when they cross your mind goes a long way.
Yes, we are adults and busy but what is important in life is our loved ones. We are also adults and as such are dealing with various responsibilities and stress. Everyone is dealing with something, small or big. Sometimes, what helps or saves us is that human contact or knowledge that someone is in your corner. Sometimes, the person you are compelled to share with isn't even someone you gab with all the time.
It does say "Just know when/if you need me, I'm here". That's true. For some, it's hard to reach out or just bring up and that simple "sup?" might be all the difference.
Anyhue, I totally feel silly now because I probably read too much into this and didn't need to make much ado about nothing. It's how I felt when I read it and I said I was going to write about it. So here it is.
It's been floating around and I figure it'll be fun to do. You will probably see things you already know about me as I have done these things a number of times but ah well.
1. I am a fake Nigerian because I can't handle pepper/spicy stuff. The day I realized people use more than 1 habanero when cooking, my eyes nearly popped out. I'll still eat it but I just don't handle it very well.
2. I really, really LOVE the artist - The Weeknd. I really do.
3. I have a huge massive fear of dogs. It doesn't matter how small or large or toothless they are. I just have an irrational fear of them. People never believe me or understand the magnitude of my fear and always try to tell me their dog is different. I think my friend with the chihuahua really understood when I burst into tears in her room.
4. I love a good deal. I search, plot, plan for what will be a good financial deal and save myself a few bucks in the long run.
5. I do not know the complete correct lyrics to any song. Not even for The Weeknd. I don't know why. Ad libs and runs though? I have that nailed down to a T. No matter how old the song.
6. In all my years of living, no eye doctor has been able to fit me in contacts that work for me. My contacts are always dancing Azonto in my eyes. I have astigmatism, so I wear toric lenses but even then they move so much and become blurry. I have even had two different brands for each eye prescribed for me and yet. I have an eye test coming up, we shall see.
7. I think I am slowly giving up on heels. Them shit hurt! Old age no good :(
8. I really don't like tea. I drink tea when I am under the weather. Team Coffee all day, everyday.
9. As much tv as I watch, I really hate cop/detective/whodunnit shows. Which is probably why I knew How to Get Away With Murder wouldn't be my thing.
10. As much as I'd rather do everything the right way and the right time, I sometimes feel like I have failed my mom by not giving her a grandchild at my age.
11. I am an over thinker. And as such, I worry a lot. I have self diagnosed myself with anxiety. Whenever I am anxious and have a lot on my mind, I have a disgusting habit where I rip off the skin around my fingers and my cuticles. I just keep biting and tearing it off (sounds worse than it is lol)
12. I am not the tidiest person but I can be quite anal about things. There are just certain things I am particular about. I like things a certain way.
13. As much as I do not like shopping - and I really should rephrase that to clothes and makeup shopping. I loooove to grocery shop. If there was a job to grocery shop for people that would be fun (is there a job like that?)
14. I like doing different things to my hair. I am also a weavaholic.
15. I hate animals.
16. I don't have a fear of bugs or insects which is helpful cuz my new place is by greenery so I get unexpected "guests" all the time but they don't phase me. Now rats/mice. I don't play that.
17. I think I travel a lot and I never had a fear of flying but recent events have suddenly made me nervous. As my mom would say, its not necessarily you I am worried about but the world is kinda crazy now. And it is true. Strange things have just been happening recently.
18. I am avid concert goer. I am not at the point where I am wondering, who else I would like to see in person because I think I have seen everyone I would like to see.
19. I stan for Man U and Rooney is my guy. No matter what they say.
20. I still cite my braces as one of the best things I have ever spent my money on *flashes 32*
That's all my 20. Anyone who wants to do it, is free to. Did you learn anything new about me?
Before I go into my post. I don't respond individually to comments unless I am asked a question, but I always try to respond in the post after. So I wanted to say thank you to you guys for your kind thoughts and comments on my last post. I appreciate it. I truly was having a bad day that day but we keep on trucking and I am hanging in there and taking each day as it comes. For those who reached out to me offline, thank you to you too. I appreciate it. Ok on to Harry Potter.
So I had just arrived in America when the Harry Potter phenomenon was taking place and I read the first one for sure. I don't remember how many more I read but I stopped reading. Fast forward many more years later, I had always said I wanted to read the whole series. Amazon has a Netflix type program except it's for books and in August, the best friend informed me that first timers get a 30 day free trial. Decided to take the opportunity to read all 7 books in the series.
The books were great. I loved them and enjoyed them very much. I was very much in awe of how JK Rowling was able to write a book that could appeal to adults and kids at the same time. You could tell every story was well thought out and fleshed out, that and the characters. Everything was connected. So while I liked the series as a whole, Book 5 was the exception. It was such a doozy and took me forever to get through. It just dragged.
I found Harry Potter so annoying. My god. What a brat! I know he'd been through a lot and was fighting for his life and all but geez mr. get a grip on your temper. He was so impulsive and had a huge savior complex. At first, I thought I liked Dumbledore but honestly, noone can be that even keel. It got annoying after a while. my favorite character was Ginny Weasley. She was just a confident person that wouldn't take any shit. And clearly her milkshakes brought constant boys to the yard (ok that sounded dirtier than it really is but you catch my drift)
I don't think I can say much more without giving any spoilers but overall, I am glad I read it and all the kudos to J.K Rowling.
Cancer just doesn't eat away at the insides of a person. It just burns a hole through any and everyone around it.
The other side of cancer that isn't discussed is how it affects the loved ones of the person who has the cancer. You can't really complain because ultimately it is seen as a better situation than the person who actually has the cancer.
It's a terrible feeling watching someone you love suffer and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.
Everyday you try and be there for the person, you try to encourage and be kind and just transfer all the love you have for them, secretly hoping all your goodwill will cure them and make them better even though you know it's not possible. You say these things but the thing about cancer is you never know the outcome. It does as it pleases.
You are racked with guilt because no matter how much you do, it never seems enough. Doctor to Doctor, treatment to treatment everything costs money so there's that - the financial cost of it all.
You don't have the relationship you once had. You can't laugh, joke or seek advice or share personal worries and fears because everything becomes about the cancer. Survival is the main goal. You aren't there to add to their worries but to make them feel better.
When you are (what feels like) a million miles away, everything is magnified. Every missed phone call, every doctor visit, waiting for a prognosis. When you speak on the phone and you can hear your loved one trying to put on a brave face. Everything just weighs on you. It's like you have a permanent knot in your stomach.
Again, not a damn thing you can do. No magic wand to wave it all away.
There are good days and bad days (Although right now, I can't think of the good days). Today was just one of the bad days.