Wednesday, March 25, 2015

The thing about religion...

I met someone this week who is Jewish. He was introduced to the religion by his wife. He believes in equality and social justices for all and actually does things about it to make it happen. He is all for gay rights. In his car, he keeps a basket of stuff that includes socks, gloves, hats, snacks, medicine, vitamins etc to give to homeless people he encounters that may be in need.

I also have a friend who is so generous with the kindest heart and is always looking out for the interest of everyone else before hers. In my time(s) of need, she has always shown up in a big way. She happens to be gay.

Based on the christian religion, these two people don't meet the criteria to make it into Heaven even though they are they epitome of loving their neighbors as they love themselves.

How sway?

Makes no sense to me.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Friday Randoms

Hi guys. The weekend is upon us again. There's no point counting down anyways because I feel like you blink and Friday is here. I mean we are almost done with the first quarter of the year, March will soon be over. I thought we were done with snow in these parts but of course not. We are expected to have snow tomorrow ironically the first day of Spring. Go figure.

This was a stressful week for me so I am kinda glad to see it almost over. Why does life have to be hard sometimes? Also why is it hard to walk away from something that is clearly not good for you? Anyone of you guys watch the Empire finale? It was such an acid trip. Everything and EVERYTHING was packed into those 2 hours. It was a hot mess but I loved it. Guess it makes sense why I love reality shows, huh? Okay let's random before I say what I am not supposed to say on here.

I am truly grateful for wine. I am currently sipping on some Berry White Cranberry something and the tart and sweet combination is making me feel nice. (says the girl with the alcohol tolerance of a 10 year old)

How are people on TV never freaked out by the disgusting bathrooms they seem to find themselves in (think of how disgusting the bathroom Olivia Pope was in was). They just casually stroll in and do what they need to do like the place isn't a germ trap.

I saw this quote "No one is successful because they are lucky" and I still don't know if I agree with it or not. What do you guys think?

I never understand when people refer to sleeping at like 7/8pm as napping. It's not a nap jo, it's sleep. Or is napping not restricted to a particular time of the day? I always thought it was a daytime thing.

I don't understand why working professionals can't get Spring Break. If children doing common school work need time off. How about us dealing with the stress of life and working 9-5 everyday with deadlines and stuff. A one week mental break would be awesome.

I really want to go on a European tour. I really just want to run away from my life. Anywhere might do.

When celebs die of an overdose and their fellow celeb friends start to commiserate and sing their praises, I often wonder if they knew that their friend had a drug problem and if they ever tried to help. They always seem to just speak about them like it wasn't an overdose.

When I meet old people that have never had cancer they are like wonders to me.

You know how people say if someone has a bad attitude like bitchy, crazy, unpleasant etc that it is harder for them to find a mate. I don't think I agree. I am watching Real World and this psychopath man with a terrible temper found himself a nice guy. You think about older naija couples where the dad is so chilled but the mom is like from a horror movie.

Every story that ends in a wedding is a successful story, eh? "I just knew she would be my wife/husband"

"Dating scares the crap out of everybody" Is that true? Aren't there people that love it? I have a friend on Tinder just for the fun of it.

I recently tried to read a physical book and it was so awkward. It was as hard as trying to text on a non smart phone. I actually never made it past the 3rd page. I will go back to it some day.

Well that's all I have for you guys. Work is about to send me on a flurry of travel so I am about to be acquainted with airports again. You guys have a great weekend and be safe.




Sunday, March 15, 2015

Friendships


"Friendship is like money, easier made than kept"

Friendships is one of those things I take very seriously. Some may consider it a bit too seriously. But I consider it serious because when you don't have family around they can be the family that you get to choose. One of my life lessons was that friendship does not have one straight definition. It means so many different things to different people.

When I was younger, I thought friendship was defined the same by everyone. I had certain expectations and things I thought friendship should be and when it wasn't meant I felt the other party has failed me. I've come to learn now that everyone is different and you can foist your beliefs on others. I have learned it is a tailor made thing and everyone has different expectations. I still have my expectations of what I feel a friendship should be but i have learned to not be so rigid about them.

In my observations of some people, it seems people are okay with a surface/shallow level of friendship. Surface being they party together, socialize together but when it comes down to the gritty stuff you will hear "we don't talk like that" but to the outside world they are practically bff's. Now while I get things aren't always what they seem to be it's still something that makes me go hmm. I have random'd before about people that have bridesmaids that they don't really care for and I have heard a case where someone was told in situations like that "don't be doing close friend for bridesmaids. Think about your shower and choose people who can make things happen for you". I didn't make this up.

Some friendships are out of habit. You have been friends so long it will just be weird to not be friends. Some friends are actually frenemies. Can't actually state why exactly they are friends or what they like about each other. Like I mentioned above, everyone has different definitions. Some are aware of some of these things and are okay with it.

The other thing about friendship is that it's true that life happens. All is well and good when you are young with no responsibilities but with the inclusion of a husband or kids or for some, distance. It changes dynamics. Your husband or boo becomes your go to person and your priority. Or how do you make someone prioritize their kids over you? People with more common interests or in similar stages in life naturally gravitate more to each other. Sometimes, I don't think they realize when it happens. I do believe you make time for what you want but life does happen.

Something I do believe in friendships is that it involves sacrifice. By sacrifice I mean, sometimes doing things that aren't convenient. Not everything one does should/will be convenient. Sometimes you have to go out of your way for your loved ones because they need you.  That's another thing I have learned and learned to lower expectations in that area.

I always say the friends department is somewhere that I have been blessed with but some times I do feel misunderstood. Like noone gets me - but that's everyone, right? Just like how tv/movies make fairytales out of romance, I think they do the same with friendships. I wonder why noone can read my mind and tell what I am thinking like they do on TV, lol. but real life. I am currently working on seeing the good in everything instead of the bad and being appreciative of everything no matter how small. It makes life easier and less stressful.

Here's the thing as human beings, when we think we have gripes against other people, it is 100% guaranteed that someone feels that way about you too. So no matter what expectations or disappointments you may have experienced just know that we aren't perfect and you have probably let someone down too. So appreciate the true friends that you have because good friends are hard to find.

For those that have been friends to me at different stages in my life. Thank you.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Friday Randoms

I didn't realize I hadn't done randoms in a while till someone brought it to my attention. Man, it's not my fault. As usual, the days are flying by. Can you believe that February is about to be over and March is peeking its head? I was here saying the winter has been mild and it hasn't been so bad and Nature laughed and now we are experiencing freezing temperatures. I mean, i prefer it to ice and snow because it's not like I have to stand outside. It's so amazing how cold it is here, some weeks ago I was in Houston and it was so warm it didn't even seem real. Anyways, enough winter chatter. Here's hoping spring is round the corner and warmer days are in my future. Let's random.

How come a lot of the cars used by reality stars in reality shows are white? Well the reality shows that have their stars posing as rich. probably rentals?

I feel like I now feel conscious about being able to provide for myself as a single woman. This is the effect of social media and observations from Lagos where it just seems like instead of it to be something to be pride of, I should be smh at myself for not being able to get men/toasters to do stuff for me. Also, it seems Naija guys in naija like that damsel in distress thing? I know I am being silly but I gotta tell you that it has crossed my mind.

I think I am bit sensitive to things concerning cancer now. I was reading a book where a character had it and I stalled for a while before continuing the book. It took me a while to watch "Wild" cuz of that too.

I envy Christina and Meredith's relationship. Their whole "person" thing. I think it's pretty cool when someone knows you so well and can read your unspoken feelings and deduce what you need without you saying it.

So, if love scenes are fake and all. How come actors are able to get a vein in the forehead as they "fake" moan in their sex scenes?

So Berry Dakara had a line in a blog post that said "It's fair to assume that most women have at least one guy that's interested" - I don't know if it's true or not but speaking for myself, it doesn't apply. Do you guys agree?

Apparently, I am caffeine resistant. Coffee doesn't work. Red Bull doesn't work.Tea and soda don't work. I need to find what can keep me awake.

When I hear some rags to riches story where they say "I came to America with only $100 in my pocket and a dream", my first thought is "Visa nko?", na so dem dey just enter America? Tell me about the visa part. How did you get papers?

I have said it before that i am not really sure how people afford weddings. I was thinking about it the other day and I am like I probably would have to forgo a wedding I want and just keep it court simple.

My life fantasy is for someone to just spoil and dote on me.

It's so annoying how everything is now racism. My twitter TL is so exhausting now. It doesn't matter what the topic is black twitter will find a way to reduce it to racism. It's very exhausting.

I've said it before. I have a big fear of ending up with the wrong person. How do people know when they are making the right decision? I think another scary situation is being married while your heart belongs to someone else. It's like competing with something you can't give. Like Lucious told Cookie "I've dated a lot of women and I was looking for you in all of them". No matter how great his Anika is, the thing is she will never be Cookie.

It's the Oscars this weekend. Don't forget to follow @taynementdotcom for red carpet commentary and visit www.taynement.com to get you prepared. I have a post that tells you the 25 movies to watch to get you prepared for the night.

That's all I got for you guys. Have a wonderful weekend. Stay warm.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

What is it about Kim Kardashian?

That riles people up.

Unless you are under a rock, Kim Kardashian-West is everywhere and anywhere you can think of. I've never seen anyone who has both the vitriol and public fascination of the public. A friend of mine says she thinks Kim is overexposed and while i don't doubt she enjoys the publicity, I also think a part of it can't be helped because no matter where she is, the paparazzi is sure to follow her and be there.

Anyways,all my yapping is because of her recent nude spread in a magazine. It had people all in a tizzy requesting she keep her clothes on and remember she is a wife and mother and I was wondering if people are uncomfortable with nudity or if it's really because it is Kim Kardashian. Because last I checked everyone's always proclaiming feminism and part of my understanding of feminism is the right to have a choice to do what you want. Also, last I checked, Rihanna is always naked but when she does it it's cool and bad ass. When Beyonce showed or shows her ass, somehow it's classy. Who defines the rules?

I think the issue is people think - even after many years - Kim Kardashian should be apologetic for how she got her fame and part of how she maintains her fame and she is not. I watch her show and since the birth of her child, she cares less about what people thinks about her. Don't get me wrong, she can be annoying o but I do feel she handles the massive amount of hate she gets well and continues to make her paper.

The funny part is some of the people on my TL who get on her case are the same ones who will say meen for x amount of dollars, I will definitely do x, y,z. Well, the thing is Kim is actually living that in reality. it's not a hypothetical situation. If she is proud of her body and her husband (the only person that should care) is okay with her being nude, then I don't understand what the problem is.


For anyone who has an issue with Kim being nude, what about it offends you?

Sunday, January 25, 2015

My Time in Nigeria

A reader had asked me to describe my time in Nigeria and what it was like and if I would or wouldn't move back and why or why not? So I shall do my best to recall my time and feelings then.

For those who don't know, the summer of 2009, I think I had what felt like the closest I would ever be to a nervous breakdown. I had just had enough of everything, most especially my job which I hated and was not even in a field that I wanted to be in. I looked around and realized if I didn't do something, I would end up so unhappy and still in this situation in another 5 years. So I did the typical thing most Nigerians who hit a wall in America do - quit my job, packed up my stuff, put it in storage and went to spend 3 months in Nigeria. And so it began.

I have to say that, that summer ranks as one of the best, if not the best summer of my life. It was the one time I had minimal responsibility and was able to let loose. I had a job for the summer at a startup telecommunications company (that is now defunct) and did the commute from the mainland to the island everyday, most times driving. That was a pain.

The biggest adjustment for me in Nigeria was the mentality. I just couldn't get with the program and I always felt like a fish out of water. I am sure if I had stayed longer maybe I would have gotten with the program? but man I wouldn't want to. I always think Nigeria changes you for the worse. Most people were so self centered and so materialistic and so concerned about appearances. An excerpt from a blog entry I posted back then:

I don't know what I was expecting when I came to do my little stint in Nigeria but I thought getting used to missing my little yankee comforts would be the biggest thing. But I decided, the biggest thing for me is getting used to the mentality. See, back in Yankee one of my pet peeves is when a fellow Nigerian tells me "You are so americanized"(wtf does that even mean?) but over here I think I can understand that statement. It could be because I am in Lagos but it seems everyone has that "one up you" mentality ie it feels like everyone wants to pull one over on you. I know its hard out here and everyone is a hustler but it's like humanity has dissapeared.Everyone is in competition with each other and not in a healthy way, in a materialistic way. lol, the sense of humor is also quite different, so you could find yourself laughing by yourself sometimes unless you have a fellow returnee with you. Nigeria still rocks tho!"

I still agree with the above (except for the Nigeria still rocks part). To combat this, I have to confess i hung out mostly with fellow returnees. I have to say that it is true that "Ain't no party like a Lagos party". I had a good time while I was there. Networking was like a 24/7 job, everywhere you go, you are trying to make a connection and there really are a lot of ambitious people. Speaking of that. It's amazing how there are ambitious people but at the same time there are the people who don't think outside the box in the office place. They just stay within the box and do as they are told. I found this frustrating. Dating or should I say attention from the opposite sex is never an issue in Nigeria. Now the quality? A whole different issue. I remember a guy who was on my case and it wasn't till I got back I realized he was a father of 3. 

So all this was 6 years ago. I always feel my time there doesn't make me equipped to give an objective opinion because I had a end date, it was a short period of time and it was a reprieve from my real life. Back then, I couldn't wait to come back right after graduation and live in Nigeria. But I had to look at it with realistic eyes. Would I move back now? Never say never but it isn't a preference right now. As many opportunities and things people say there are I still don't think Nigeria is for everyone and it is not for me right now.

For one, I think it would be too much pressure for me. I feel like living in Naij takes a daily amount of time to put up or keep up appearances and yes I am aware you can avoid that but I think it gets to you eventually. I don't want a life like that. At this age, I would like to be able to live in my own truth and not feel some type of way about it on a daily basis.

The Healthcare system - this is a big aspect in my life and I would like to live somewhere where I think I can trust the system. With everything going on with my mom and also thinking that this system killed my aunt. I have a special amount of resentment for Nigeria for this. To me, it represents a lot of things so wrong with our country and it infuriates me.

The simple things - the things that really should be simple become such a huge task and add stress to your life. simple things like customer service, justice system, things that should have structure that a nation with so many intelligent people should have but lacks is very frustrating. Everything is so expensive but necessary. You have to buy gas for gen. You have to pay shitload for internet that may or may not work. Human beings just generally not using common sense.

I always say the three things that could move me back are: family/dire circumstances, bad ass job with shitload of money and if I marry someone who wants to move back. Addressing #2, that's kinda standard. for all the cries of there's money to be paid, I think only a select few are fortunate. In my circle, most are trying to stay afloat and there's no millions being thrown at them. The jobs aren't just sitting a barrel waiting to be picked. If you have rich ass parents with a home, a car and a backup waiting for you. why not? You at least have a safety net while you pursue what you are looking for. I don't have that luxury so #2 would have to be given for me to even consider.

In summary, can i live in Nigeria? Yup. Do I want to? Nah not right now. I don't have a fondness in my heart for the country at the moment and it's just not for me right now. Maybe in another 10 years I could have a different story, afterall 5 years ago I was ready to move.

Sorry this is long but I hope I answered your question Anonymous Reader. If you have any more specific questions, I will be happy to answer them. I was there summer of 2009, so you can go back to those posts maybe I wrote some things there you would like to read.

How about for you guys out there, would you move back? For those that moved back, would you want to move back overseas or you love Nigeria?

Have a blessed week.







Sunday, January 18, 2015

What would you do?

As heard on the radio:

So this lady meets a guy at the coffee shop. They hit it off, go on a date. Date goes well and it becomes a full fledged relationship. She says the relationship is going well and it is the best sex she has ever had. She does notice that every month he seems to have new moves during sex but thinks nothing of it and shrugs it off.

One fine weekend she is chilling at his crib looking for what to watch and is going through the on demand menu and notices that in his pay per view listings there's a long list of gay porn that has been ordered. She is surprised but also doesn't know what to do and doesn't bring it up with him.

Now what would you do? shouldn't be the question I should ask because any healthy relationship the assumption is she would ask him wassup. My real question for you guys is, would it bother you if you found out your man had a thing for gay (male on male) porn? Would it be a deal breaker?

As for me, yep I think it would bother me as for dealbreaker, I am not sure but if it is going to bother me, I guess that counts as a deal breaker, huh? I asked this question on twitter and got different responses. While some (female) seem to think same way some women enjoy gay porn and it doesn't make them gay, so also it applies for men. While men responded saying no straight man would say they enjoy gay porn.

This made me delve deeper. Some years back, during the whole Frank Ocean coming out deal, I had asked a friend if she would be okay dating and potentially marrying a man who says that he has been with a man or two back in the day. She said yea she would be okay with it and love isn't defined by who you have sex with. I mean, I hear her but it was hard for me to believe especially from a Nigerian woman. Americans don't really care about stuff like that or so they say.

I stumbled upon that "My husband is not gay" show and watched an episode and I was just shaking my head. These women with men who are attracted to men also but do not identify as gay or bisexual are trying to explain to someone how nope their husbands aren't gay while being so defensive. One even said her husband is more attracted to men than women. There is a dinner scene where they are talking about it and one of the husbands even said you know how you see people and are tempted that he looks but doesn't do anything about it. But that he just doesn't do it to men but also women. That she should only be concerned if it enters the danger level. Then added, women rarely enter the danger zone...err wha?

You could just see it in the woman's eyes that she was bothered by it. I noticed this is the same look women on shows like Sister Wives or Polyamorous have in their eyes. Like, I don't get why in a bid to be progressive or maybe the desire to be loved? people would lie to themselves and be unhappy ultimately. I think human beings are inherently selfish and would like to feel they belong completely to someone. I mean, we struggle with it when we date someone of the same sexual orientation talkless of worrying about another gender or another party in the relationship.

I can accept that maybe because it is not for me, I could be looking at it with different eyes but i'll just say I am yet to meet or watch anyone who seemed truly convinced that being with someone or having a relationship with "progressive"/out the box ideologies such as the above mentioned are completely happy with it. There's just usually one person in the couple that seems not okay.

What say ye?