Monday, October 5, 2015

What have you done?

I honestly try to think of things to blog about besides Friday Randoms but sometimes I think people don't want to read anything but Friday Randoms and people always tell me that noone has time to read anymore but oh well. I shall still try. In my trying, I thought of this blog post by Social Hermit where she made a list of 26 things she would like to do before she is 26. Granted, I am waaay older, I still think it is a fun list and a fun guide if you are looking for things to do or if you would like to enter the scary scary world that is adulthood. I will cross out the things that I have done. Okay here we go....

1.       Read the whole bible
2.      Take swimming lessons
3.      Take pole dancing classes
4.      Become proficient at yoga
5.      Visit 5 new states in the U.S.
6.      Go to a gun range
7.     Bake 2 cakes from scratch
8.     Go to at least 4 music concerts/festivals
9.     Go to one concert alone
10.  Start and grow an herb/vegetable garden
11.   Watch The Godfather trilogy
12.  Watch The note book
13.  Write 3 fiction pieces
14.  Have at least $3,000 in savings
15.   Read 15 books on my Nigerian literature list
16.  run a 5K (ok does walk/jog count?)
17.   Take a cooking class
18.  See a Broadway show
19.  Complete project 333
20. Make 3 original dishes
21.  Take a bubble bath – wine, candles, book etc
22. Vacation on an island (is riviera maya an island?)
23. Host a game night
24. Read 4 non-fiction books
25.  Visit a new country in Europe
26. Visit the grand canyon
I'd like to know what you have done or what you hope to do. Have a great week ahead people.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Friday Randoms

It's funny how your mood can change in an instant. I am currently in a bad mood. I am tired from working on something that took forever. I wasn't going to random but I actually do have randoms this week and I figured I might as well do it.

At the Emmy's Lisa Cholodenko won an Emmy and the announcer pronounced it with such ease. If that was an African name it would have for sure been butchered. So is it really pronunciation that's difficult or the origin of the name?

You might have caught wind of the whole brouhaha about Will's Smith's accent as a Nigerian man in the new movie "Concussion". A friend of mine thinks it's not a big deal. I think it is because we allow these things slide. When a movie star wants to portray an Australian they don't just wing it and give us a Brit accent hoping it will slide. There seems to be one universal African accent that sounds like it's from Eastern or Southern Africa. It'll be nice if effort was made to make it sound at least close to the real thing.

This whole voltroning for black nominees at award shows to win just because they are black, needs to stop. I am really not sure how we are "winning" if the win is because they are black vs. their talent.

I will never understand when people say "I am bored" when they live in America. There's so much to do!

I love cards. I save them too. I have a shoebox where I keep all my cards from yonder. Part of adulting is the dwindling number of cards you get as you get older. I only got one this year :(

Don't you guys think Trevor Noah and The Weeknd look alike? I know the dada is blocking the view but I promise they look alike.

Life can be a lot sometimes. Sometimes, I wish I could be more open and share on the blog but unfortunately I cannot forget that the internet is not a safe space.

People who don't have HIV but marry HIV positive people are heroes.

If any of you watch The League. It's about a group of friends who play fantasy football. In the group of friends is Andre. He is the bottom of the pole. Not that they don't love him but he is the one they pick on, laugh at behind and to his face but I can't even tell if he knows or not. Even if he knows he's just so glad to be in a group of friends I think he lets it slide. This had me thinking whether one would know if they were the "bottom of the pole" in their group of friends. It's a slippery slope because again it's not that they aren't there for him but he's still the butt of most of their jokes.

Someone once told me that they believe that if you want something so bad that you will get it. I don't believe in that theory. I believe life deals you cards and you just make best of what you are dealt. An example is I know of people who want kids so badly and have been praying for one for so long, if it was dependent on the desire they would have had dozens of kids by now abi?

As an adult grief is difficult enough. I can't imagine how a child processes that emotion. I watch kids who are so close to their parents like my boss's only child who calls her so many times a day or like Kroy (Kim from RHOA's husband) their 2 yr old son just thinks Kroy walks on water and does everything he does. Imagine telling him his dad passed away at that young and age, how do you make sense of whatever it is they feel considering they arent developed?

That's all I have. Hope you all have a great weekend.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Friday [Guest] Randoms

Gosh this week has been a long week and I am so ready for Friday especially since I am doing absolutely nada this weekend. Except going to the dentist. I told a friend that I'd rather go to the dentist than the doctor and she thought that was weird. I have no anxiety going to dentists. Or maybe I got spoiled by my fabulous dentist in Dallas. Anyways as the title suggests, today's randoms are a guest random by my friend Swanboy. Every now and then, when I don't post randoms, he will hit me up to let me know that randoms aren't up and as is my reflex answer whenever I am hit up about randoms I let him know that he is welcome to guest random - and this applies to all of you. Anyone who would like to guest random, please feel free o. Hit me up and we will make it happen. So anyways, here are his randoms:

I got to observe three female friends of mine who are heavily pregnant. Ladies, standing ovation to you. One of my male friends who is married to one of them said he’d rather be childless than go through what women go through to give birth. No seriously, mo gbedi fun yin! I salute you.

Apparently, “man buns” are now in. Here it is for those who don’t know what I mean.  . I saw a male coworker wear one some months ago. I honestly thought dude decided to become a Samurai. Had no idea it was fashion.

I have seen too many good things happen to bad people and vice-versa to believe in Karma. Sometimes life just happens, we get dealt the cards we are dealt. All we can do is pray God gives us the ability to deal.

In that same vein, I really get mad when people say “it’s part of God’s plan” when bad or tragic stuff happens. I’m a believing Christian, but I will never understand how  people, especially good people, going through pain and loss, is an avenue to attain some godly master plan. The Jewish character Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof said “God, I know we are the chosen people, but once in a while, could you please choose someone else?”

Oil prices are the lowest they’ve been in recent history. Gas is less than $2 a gallon in some places. Why are airlines still charging an arm, a leg and the soul of your firstborn for flights biko?

Oh and if anyone is traveling to Nigeria for the holidays, please bring me back a bottle of groundnuts. I would be eternally in your debt.  

When did doctors in US hospitals stop wearing their white coats? You go to a hospital now and can’t identify who a doctor is. Everyone is in scrubs. Even the janitor is in scrubs.

Children of God, remove anyone or anything that stands in the way of peace from your life. Life is too short to let anyone, no matter how related come between you and peace of mind. This is a lesson many Nigerians need to learn. Oyibo people have mostly perfected the ability to excise peace-stealers from their lives. The first time I heard an American man say that he has not spoken to his mother in almost 20 years, I was shocked. Now I get.

It’s amazing how much information you can get at work by simply sitting quietly in a locked toilet stall in the men’s restroom.

When you think of a good, witty comeback to something someone said, weeks after they said it. Sigh…

It is 2015 and there are some Nigerian men who still think that women are not naturally as horny, or as sexually promiscuous as men. SMH. Heard someone say that the ONLY reason a woman would cheat is if her husband or S.O. isn’t “handling business at home”. Sigh... E go do am like feem.

For Nigerians who move to America, marry, have kids and live here, are the kids Nigerian-American or African-American? At what stage do Americans of Nigerian heritage become African-Americans?

Speaking of which, Nigerians that understandably come here to born pikin for the sake of American kpali, then go back. Just pray a Republican doesn’t get elected President. Otherwise izzalova Jackie, don cry, don beg.

You call customer service. The automated system asks for your information. You give it. Repeatedly.  You later get transferred to a live person who proceeds to ask you for the same information you spent the last 5 minutes of your lifespan giving to the automated system. This is why some people out of frustration join ISIS.

Saw this quote, I liked it. "Give someone strength when they have none, and maybe one day they will give it back to you when you are weak" 

That's about it folks, have a wonderful weekend.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Friday Randoms

And just like that it is Friday again. I shouldn't be surprised especially since we are in the -mber months that have a reputation for practically flying us into christmas. Truly grateful the weather is still nice even though I think it's like one last hurrah before the cold aka fall befalls us. Thank you, you kind citizens for all the birthday wishes. I truly appreciate it. I had a great time. I went to Toronto and attended the Toronto Film Festival and it was so up my alley and so fun and my icing was my brother being in town. A few of my friends are coming into town this weekend so the celebration continues. Once again we thank God for another year. Let us random, shall we.

I think I may have mentioned how I watch "Bachelor in Paradise" and how I feel like it mirrors how things are in real life between men and women. In one case, this couple was one of the established couples in the house. Guy and girl was on same page - seemingly. He was going along with everything, saying the right things and girl was giddy and so secure. Next thing we see a side by side of the girl with her girls gushing and the guy saying he is unsure and his feelings aren't there and he tells us that he has "that feeling where you are lying with someone yet you feel alone" chei my peoples. That entered deeply. What is even life? A pot of beans that's what.

Someone asked me this: Would you rather watch a one hour movie of your best memories or a 5 minute trailer of your future? ( I chose memories)

Thinking of this question made me realize that I don't believe you can change your future. I think there are different paths to something but our destination is already predetermined. I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Watching a pro football athlete learn he has cancer let's me know that cancer is no respecter of anyone and honestly you can reduce chances but if a man who is of peak athleticism and works out like crazy, gets it. What chances do we mere people have?

"How's work?" "What's up with you?" "how was your night?" (err i slept) How are you supposed to answer these questions. Death to small talk!!!

I don't believe karma exists. I was thinking of Dr Dre and how he abused these women and he is flourishing out here with more money than I will ever see in this life, celebrated movie and career while Me'chelle is languishing in reality tv purgatory and fighting off depression and being suicidal. I know i know, you karma believers are gonna tell me you don't know where it hits them. Meh.

I was told about someone who had a mental disorder and died from a drug overdose. He also was a church goer and always used to give to the needy. How are people with mental disorders judged by God seeing as they have no control over their mental faculties?

How do you define a hoe? I heard a funny definition this weekend.

How long should one hold on to a dream? When do you give up? I have also noticed that people who give this "never give up" speech are usually kinda still young (and as i typed this I am recalling examples of older people realizing dreams on reality tv, so I am probably wrong there)

I dislike the logic of having more than one kid or x number of kids "in case something happens to one". One, there's no rule that kids die in 1's. Two, why is the worstest case scenario the reason to decide on number of kids and three, the statement makes it seem like the death of one kid is suddenly eased by the presence of another but it doesn't work that way because grief is a strange thing. You see parents who are so consumed by the death of one child there's no time for the rest. Yes, I can see the logic of having kids to keep you company or to be there for you but overall it's just a weird reason to me. I used to have it when I was younger. My reason for wanting more than one kid is just for them to have built in allies in their siblings.

I've read a number of books by British authors and why oh why do the insist on making British heroines stupid? They never have their lives together and are always so sniffelly and useless, really.

Before I leave you, I share with you what I was told. Whenever you make goals, make specific goals. A lot of us tend to make broad goals which allows for it not to be met but specific goals gives you direction on what and how to work for it.

Well, that's all I've got for you guys. Have a wonderful weekend. Stay blessed and support my sister site. You can also subscribe here. look for the subscribe button on the right and voila!

Thursday, September 10, 2015


Another year, Another birthday.

I tried remembering how many +1 posts I have done. I am grateful for every time I get to see another year and I am a big birthday person but as you guys know this one was different. It was the first one without mom and I think I had some anxiety leading up to it not sure how or what I was going to feel today. I went to do my usual midnight prayers and it suddenly hit me. Midnight was when she would usually call me and sing happy birthday to me and the realization that "Mom" wouldn't be flashing on my phone screen got so overwhelming and I switched off my phone and sobbed my eyes out to the point where my eyes and head hurt. I read my bible and it was actually a chapter about strength and drawing strength from God. I wiped my eyes and went to sleep.

I woke up okay, getting ready for work and truly grateful for another year. Work was okay and some of my coworkers took me to lunch and the chef was kind enough to give me some type of birthday dessert with a candle and all. I am currently supposed to be on a plane headed somewhere but at 2pm I got a text from the airline saying that my flight was cancelled due to weather. I tried calling and they said call volume was too high, wait time was like an hour some and hung up. So I got into my car and headed on down to the airport. I managed to get a flight rescheduled and fingers crossed it works out.

I knew I had grown when in all this I was still laughing and smiling and just going with it without frustration and banging my head on the wall. Sometimes you just learn that things work out as they should.

So on this anniversary on the day of taynement, I thank God for a new year. I thank God for my thoughtful coworkers, my wonderful friends who called, messaged and checked in, the kind people on social media who I don't know personally but still wished me a happy birthday. I hope God continues to teach me lessons and I actually learn them. I hope he is always by my side and sees me through my good and bad times. I hope to be a better person and I wish myself nothing but blessings and grace in my life. Thank you God.

Happy birthday to me.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Friday Randoms

I am so glad the long week is over and Friday is here and also that it is a long weekend. I am hella tired and so glad I am sitting my ass home for once, even if I am on the move again next week. Long way of saying Cheers to the long weekend! Did you guys watch the highly boring VMAs? How did that show go to shit? Kanye was really the highlight. That guy is off his rockers. I have no gist to share with you guys so I will just go right ahead and dive into randoms.

If you don't have weight issues, you should thank your lucky stars. Being disciplined and sticking to this health/fitness thing is not easy at all.

My newly married friend was yarning me about guilt free sex and it had me wondering how that works. Say you have been dating for years and been pre-maritaling all this time. Do you get married and suddenly your pre-marital sin debt is wiped away? What if you die the day after your wedding? Are you free of that sin?

Do you think that watching porn while married is a sin? (I think it is). Also, some people think that certain sexual acts are sinful even if you are married. If you are one of those, please feel free to share which you think it is. I know some people still think oral or anal even with a spouse is a sin.

Do you guys think there is such a thing as being addicted to sadness? Like there are people who enjoy being sad? Also, sometimes I think people who have seemingly/relatively good lives feel guilty and try to make up things to feel among or relate? Maybe I am alone on this.

Speaking of relating, I know sometimes people don't know what to say in certain situations but it's irksome when people give examples that aren't even on the same scale. Americans are guilty of this a lot. I give example. Met this lady not long ago and told her I am not from here and just moved and she goes oh me too, I moved also. I am like oh really? nice, how long ago? and she says 12 years ago. errr :/

Listening to a speaker at a meeting and as I am watching her, all I could think was how she looked (or was shaped) like a young boy and it made me appreciate how variety is so nice and essential because as I am wondering how someone would like that, there are a bajillion people who would find her uber attractive. Same for myself, one person might think I have too much meat on my bones and another will think I am the best thing since sliced bread. Isn't life grand?

The pain is real guys. I am really not sure how people go through this twice.

I enjoy volunteering and try to do it as often as I can. I did recently and while I was doing it I had the thought that this is probably what I'd like to do when I retire and have too much time on my hands. We really should be grateful for what we have in our lives. People have it hard. Noone should be begging for something as basic as milk, really. Noone. May I also use this platform to give you a nudge or push if you can donate anything to any food bank close to you or even clothes. Please do so. There is a great need out there. Ok, I am done.

*back to regularly scheduled programming*

Twitter is the one place where people who haven't experienced something will be the loudest ones telling you what to do most notably men telling women how to act or feel "in their experience", please what experience? as a woman??

It's also the place where everyone is an expert on all topics even the things they otherwise wouldn't have glanced at if not for twitter. It's sha a fun space to be in.

It takes a lot for me to open up and share certain things about myself. When i do and don't get the response I'd like, I clam up.

I clam up very easily. It's just the easiest thing for me to do.

You know, some spirits just don't gel. And this applies to romantic or just platonic regular friendships. Never try to force something that don't fit.

When men wear their badges on their belt loop, they know where the eyes are drawn to, right?

Speaking of the direction the eyes are drawn to, when I see men in flat front pants or any pants really with no bulge, I always do a mental "hmm..."

Wine should be an essential on a grocery list.

You know how Nigerians like to think they are modern and stuff, sometimes I think we are gonna be the way we are for a long time. I never really understood the 9 day rule that Yorubas observe when they have a baby where the name isn't revealed. I've always wondered why people of our generation observe it. Someone recently told me the reason why when I asked - even though I think they got defensive despite the fact I didn't even say anything but basically the answer included it being just a tradition and since they don't mind it, why not? I think a lot of traditions will be carried down for this reason and the saying "the more things change, the more things stay the same" will apply.

As I was asked earlier in the week "Do you have a "one that got away?" (Nah, i don't. I did a mental stock in my head and I swear I have dated crappy people. They can only go away quite far on a jet plane. thank you very much)

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Have a great weekend, be safe and have fun.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Do you remember?

I watch this show called Marriage Bootcamp on WE. It's a marriage/relationship bootcamp for reality stars. It's run by a married couple who are marriage counselors and they put the couples through many exercises to help them dig deep and communicate and try to solve the issues with their partners.

In one of the exercises, each person was asked if they remember a single event in their lives that shaped who they are and how they are in past and present relationships.

I thought that that was a very deep question and proceeded to ask a bunch of people I knew (and learned that people either don't like being asked deep questions or don't like digging deep into their lives). A lot of people told me that they couldn't think of one single event, which is fair. Some examples from the show were the death of a mom that caused him to feel guilt and made him shut down and now he tends to notice he shuts down a lot in relationships, someone had a mom break trophies she had earned in anger and she remembered seeing her as the enemy and she tends to look at her boyfriends as the enemy and if her mom could do that to her, what guarantee is there that they won't so she is guarded and feels unlovable.

And so I pose the question to you: Can you think of a single event that has shaped who you are and manifests itself in how you behave in relationships?