Thursday, July 27, 2017

Friday Randoms

I don't know about y'all and where you live but in my neck of the woods, it's been a rain fest. I mean we talking cloudy, dreary days. Like it was hot one minute and next in the morning we were in the 60's. Saturday is supposed to be a high of 72. In July. Meanwhile, thunderstorm and rain all weekend. How do people still not believe in climate change? Sha Sha, hope everyone is having a great summer. Last year, I was on bedrest for most of the summer so I am trying to make the best of this summer and have as much fun as I can. So far, so good. Before I random, can i just say America is in shambles. It's a damn shame. Let's random.

You wake up one day and you are not attracted to your spouse. What do you do? How do you handle that?

It's so funny the different things we categorize as personal. I think I am a private person but there are certain things I don't consider personal but other people have told me are personal to them. Or maybe I am not private? hmm.

It's so tempting to treat people how they treat you and not over extend for someone who will not do the same for you. But too bad you can't really override your true nature.

It's funny to me how packing your own lunch is a foreign concept to some people. Natural to them is buying lunch everyday. Meanwhile for me it's like how can you buy lunch everyday?! That's like throwing money down the drain.

What do you call your grandma's sister? I randomly remembered how my cousin's kids used to call my mom Aunty Nana.

Maybe it's all the new babies all around me but that irrational feeling of failure for never giving my mom grandkids resurrected recently.

My friend believes that being celibate means not just no sexual intercourse, no self pleasure no toys no nothing. I don't necessarily believe that. Sometimes sex comes with complications because of the person attached to the penis/vagina. If people still have needs but are trying to take a step back/clear head they can still be celibate and still self pleasurize? or nah?

Is having a green card vs. being a citizen something Nigerians consider embarrassing? I am not sure but it's a vibe I get especially during election times. Or maybe it's a thing of privacy? (going back to my previous random). I sha don't think it's anything to be embarrassed about. At the end of the day we are all just immigrants looking for a better life than what our country offers us.

Saw a tweet that said "I feel like life is better in your thirties than your twenties" I had to pause and think about that. I still have no answer. Those of you in your thirties, what say ye?

I am really not sure there's a good way to die. It's either you die suddenly with no warning, no goodbyes or nothing or you know you are dying but it is this long painful process.

Have a great weekend guys. Be safe and stay blessed


Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Midlife Crisis

The other day my friend asked me if I thought everyone goes through a mid life crisis.

I said yes. Depending on how you define mid life crisis.

I define mid life crisis as taking stock of your life at a certain age and not being satisfied with where you are. I feel everyone goes through that - well save for the people who have perfect lives and blessings or uber optimistic people who don't acknowledge problems and still see the glass half full - at some point in their lives.

It's funny how there is a quarter life crisis terminology for when you are in your mid twenties. Does that mean life is just that stressful that the crisis starts as early as that with the major mid life crisis waiting for you when you are much older?

I was speaking to an intern today who was looking for direction and feeling like she didn't have a handle on what she wanted to do. She made a comment like she just has to figure out what she wants to do. In my head I was like "you're probably never going to ever be so sure".

Isn't that how adulting works? You just make the best decision at the time and hope to God it works out. Even when I feel like ok this is the right thing to do without a doubt. I can't say that I don't second guess my decision.

What do you guys think? Does everyone go through a mid life crisis?


Thursday, June 22, 2017

Friday Randoms

The official first day of summer was yesterday. Ope o! We haven't been able to fight off the rain but at least we have the warm weather going. Soon come, the sun will follow it and shine wella wella. Everyone always asks if you have plans for the summer. I have absolutely zilch plans. I think the only one plan I have is to try paddle boarding. My friend said she was gonna teach me how to. That's about it. But hey, life is what happens while making plans, right? The question is probably what plans does the summer have for me? Last summer was a nightmare, so let's hope it's kinder to me this year. Time to random!

What makes a person a selfish person? What would make you call a person selfish?

Think of a relative or immediate family member you love so much and respect and one day you hear that they have been accused of sexual assault. What do you do? I see people give so much grief to people who still are friendly with their family members that have been accused and I just wondered, if your relative tells you they didn't do it. Wouldn't you be inclined to believe them?

A coworker told me a story of how he was so mad at his ex moving on so quickly even though he cheated on her while they were in a relationship. loool. men are interesting.

Why is it so hard for men to listen to a woman vent? Do they think we are that helpless that a solution has to be offered?

You know...perception is reality. People will always see what they want to see. You can laugh and joke and list all the happy things you have mentioned but if someone wants to see you as this angry, sad person then that's exactly what you are. They'll only remember the moments that corroborate with that perception.

I was being a dolt with my friend and the heifer completely called me out on it. After eating humble pie and apologizing, I gotta say I was hella impressed. Respect.

The world has progressed and we now have coed baby showers. In my mind guys are coerced to come for them but then again is there a chance they actually enjoy it? Why did it become coed?

If you are with a woman who has not orgasmed from sex with you. Will that bother you?

I heard somewhere that when a woman cannot orgasm from sex that it is a mental thing like maybe there's not a complete or deep connection/trust formed. Someone disagreed with me but I think I actually agree.

While we are on the subject, there's no such thing as not knowing if you had an orgasm or not after sex. You can't miss an orgasm. Not sure why people say that.

I find it weird when Nigerians categorize a period of time with yankee seasons. Then again it's only summer they use. It's hot all year round :/

Irks me when women call other women "babe"

The Kardashians have turned anxiety into something you pick up at the store. Every little thing, they have anxiety.

In my big age, I am learning how to let people be. People aren't always receptive to input especially if you weren't asked. Everyone is grown and perfectly capable of doing things they're own way even if it is different from mine. It is not something that comes easy for me as I feel like I've lived 500 lifetimes and have a lot of knowledge to impart on different situations lol. But yea, valuable lesson.

That's all I got for you beautiful folks. 4th of July is next weekend. Hope y'all got big plans. Make sure you do it big for two as I will probably be my usual boring self and hang out with my TV. Have a lovely weekend!






Friday, June 2, 2017

Friday Randoms

Happy Friday yall. This week was the longest short week ever at least for me. It was so busy at work and I just felt lethargic from my travels last weekend. Speaking of - it's amazing how American Airlines continue to find levels to being the shitty airline that they are. Tufia. We are in June but last week somehow, we were in the 50's. The sun is out now but who knows how long it will last. Ah well. Let's random.

For some reason, I used to think masturbation wasn't really needed when married. (Don't even ask me why I don't think it applies to being in a relationship) as per regular knacks. Anyways, I know better now but I wonder if the stats show that people masturbate less when married? But as I type this, I remember they say you have less sex as the years go by so maybe not? Yup, what a mess of a random. Jumbled thoughts.

I'd like to end up with someone who knows me in and out and can read me like a book. Is that a lofty wish? like the actual someone being able to know you that well?

There's such a thin line between a lot of things. Like thin line between self confident and arrogant, . Weird. Who decides what keeps things on either end of the line.

I am having such an epic mid life crisis. Nothing makes sense these days. Life is hard *sobs*

One morning, I realized I was chatting with 4 different people and we were complaining about work. Totally realizing that one should be grateful to have work to complain about but man that 9-5 can wear you down man. The politics and bs and your fate being in someone else's hands. It gets tiresome.

Why is it that other races look out for their own peeps except us black peeps? I remember when I was unemployed and went to the Black MBA conference. The black peeps were so snooty and condescending. I particularly remember this one lady that was so condescending to me. I actually cried that day sha. Maybe it was unemployment stress that made me react but she actually said she wanted to "mold" me as I have potential. Someone that probably wasn't much older than me. Na wa. A friend pointed out that some of them reach a certain status and want to be the only ones so to speak among the elite.

I am still so fascinated by social media. I observed a friend curating pics for the gram from a trip and it was so...interesting. I hear people talking how xyz viewed their pics and didn't even like it. And it's mentioned so casually like that's a normal thing. I think sometimes before I post something I ask myself what my motivation is. Is this to show off or let people know I'm living the life? or is it purely of no intent? It's so easy to be caught up in the world sha, we are still humans afterall. Shoo, I wish real life was like that where I can curate the life I want.

Speaking of toxic. I stopped listening to The Read. I just didn't like the vibes and it became all mean girl-y. They're kind of obnoxious too and just stay cursing people out and they are always right. Blech.

What are your thoughts on giving back an engagement ring if you break up? Whatever your stance can you tell me why you think so? Thanks!

www.taynement.com and www.rewatchingmadmen.blogspot.com

Yall have a great weekend. If you have good weather, enjoy it!


Thursday, May 18, 2017

Friday Randoms

Hiya folks. Long time no see. Summer is here! I love summer. Feels good to walk out the door and feel the sun on my skin instead of bitter cold winds. You will never catch me complaining about summer afterall for those of us who grew up in Naij, this was the weather we had all year round. I just got back from an awesome vacation but it has slowly faded to a memory as work just hit me in full force. I had like 5 back to back meetings today and I got home so drained. The 9-5 life can drain you sha. Just dealing with the corporate bs takes all the energy out of you. Let's random:


I have a recollection of randoming this before but it's my random and I will repeat if I want to. Our generation like to think that they are all open minded and non judgmental but there's a side eye when someone says they are not having sex or waiting till marriage.

Is it so terrible to say "if I get married" vs. "when I get married". Why do Nigerians think it's speaking ill will vs. really not knowing what your future holds?

I just finished reading this book called The 7 Levels of Intimacy (which I recommend to everyone especially anyone in a relationship). I don't know that it said anything so new but I liked how it broke down things. One of the things addressed was how success in a lot of things requires discipline but a lot of us don't want to apply it. Which is why we are always looking for quick fixes eg a quick way to lose weight vs the discipline required to eat less and work out more.

There was this thread on twitter that asked what was the craziest bible story to you? A lot of the responses just made me think that it's best not to scrutinize Christianity and the Bible with your brain because you would totally be left scratching your head

There are some things I see on social media that I know I would NEVER share but you know, sharing is relative. There are some things I am okay sharing that someone else would probably think is too much. Anyways, my point is there are some really open people and I have to say I admire them. There's something that seems so liberating about baring everything.

I don't know about you guys but most of the guys I have dated have been so closed off. When I was younger, I fooled myself into thinking that it was sexy and mysterious but now that my eyes have shined, I think it's such a stupid thing. Saying "that's how guys are" is also stupid. Fight me.

It's annoying when you have a big ass and people reduce you to just your ass. Guy hollers - oh, of course he did, look at all that ass or why are you single with all that ass you are packing? Ugh

I am so fascinated by Married at First Sight. In a recent episode one of the ladies said something that struck my soul. "It's so easy to love me during my lovable moments but I just realized that I have never had someone love me through my unlovable moments". Deep.

Wonder how catfish became synonymous with duping someone. Why those two creatures? cat and fish? why wasn't it something else like dogcrab? or horsecricket?

Unpopular opinion: on some level, I think eloping is a tad bit selfish. I totally get the no money for a big wedding angle but I think a dinner or a little party of loved ones is always doable. You guys know I have a thing about people all over you during their bad times and ditching you once they are situated and happy again. I think a celebration with all the people who care about you and who have been there through the bad and rough relationships is only right.

You know how I say people never see you the way you see yourself. Most people think they are a good person but what if you are not?

That's all I got for ya. Have a wonderful weekend. Take advantage of the great weather and be safe!


Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Risk

Anything worth having in life begins by taking a risk.
 
Risk is the Universe's way of pushing us to become more than what we are.
 
Risk is faith at the edge.
 
Risk is the pulsating essence of life.
 
Without risk, we are automatons going through our days with no purpose or meaning. 

We are safer, perhaps but we are also ironically, closer to death.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

2 Years

Today marked the second anniversary of my mom's death. There is a one week span between her birthday and her death so this year it (birthday) fell on Sunday which I didn't know was the UK and Naija mother's day, so that was like eek. It's been an emotionally nerve wracking few months but you know...life goes on.

It's been a weird emotion. I think at the back of my mind the countdown to the anniversary always begins from the start of the year and automatically takes me back to January of the year she died and how we felt every month to her death till then. Kinda like replaying it over. I still replay the day she died a lot in my head and everything I did that day right down to what I wore. It's ironic that at the moment she probably took her last breath, I had just deposited money for her hospital bills.

When she first passed, I got a lot of "it never goes away but it gets easier" and 2 years down I can't say that I have reached that level (and maybe it's too early). I don't think I have ever shed these many tears in my life this last year. The first year it was strictly just the pain but now it's like it has graduated and now manifests for no reason or for any tiny reason. It still feels so raw and surreal and painful mostly because almost everything is a reminder of her and everything I will never get to share with her.

For her anniversary, I decided I wouldn't let it be a day of wallowing and sadness and just honor her memory and try to be as upbeat as I can. I got a little sad when I got some texts and my cousins had her pic up (it's still a bit difficult to see her picture) but that passed. My brother face timed me by her graveside and we said a prayer. We've talked about the anxiousness of the approaching day before hand and talk a lot about how we feel day to day so that's helpful.

I'm grateful for the time spent with her and grateful for her life spent and to have been her child. Mama, you'll forever be in my heart. Love always. May your soul continue to rest in peace.

(Thank you all for listening to my ramblings. It helps a bit to write sometimes)