Friday, November 20, 2015

Friday Randoms

Howdy Ho peoples. How are you? Hope you are doing well. As for me, I am very tired and I am so glad it is Friday. I just got back from vacation and catching up to the real world just tired me out. You know, sometimes I think vacations are a scam. You are supposed to go and be all rejuvenated but one day back into the real world and everything is all wiped out. But I think I am extra tired because it was multiple destinations and just before I left I had traveled for work and basically came home and swapped suitcases. So I haven't had the time to catch my breath. My poor babies are suffering and by poor babies I mean my tv shows. I have been trying so hard to catch up and with all the new releases, I am so behind! *sobs*. How about this global warming fall we are having I don't know whether to be scared or be happy. Anyways, let me get to random-ing.

When Mark Wahlberg hosted the Pope's visit to Philly, there was a moment where he told the Pope that he gives God all the credit for all the blessings in his life. Which I get. But then my first thought was of Ted the movie  and Entourage and how raunchy/offensive they were but they made him money, do you consider that from God?

I can't imagine what first time sex is like for a gay man. Then again, I just learned that there are some tops who have never been bottoms so have never received. How do they establish their positions when they first meet? What if it is like a one night stand? How do they discuss and establish who is getting it?

I still don't understand how there are Nigerians in America who were raised in Nigeria who don't care about genotypes.

I couldn't remember if I had randomed about this before or tweeted about it but just like you can identify those with new money, you can also identify those who are new *insert what applies* . I think they could also be considered like late bloomers who are doing things at a much later time but feel the need for it to be publicly known.

Who was the first person to go skydiving? Like, by jove you know what? I am going to fly way up high into the sky and jump down to the ground. Whee!!! :/

Someone described the loss of a parent as like losing the last/only person that would ever truly love you for who you are. So apt.

If I was ever given one wish in the world, it would be complete and utter trust in God and believing that he will take care of me.

Do you personally know a social climber?

Watching a show and the lady said that she doesn't like the process of opening up and trusting and getting to know people which is why she always goes back to exes. Made sense.

Am I a bad black person because I don't get offended by some of these outrages? I felt no anger because Asis Ansari or Mindy Kaling don't date white people on their show. Welp!

In this week's edition of my singledom, I was given advice to stop wearing my glasses out and wear makeup more :( #foreveralone

Going through Sabirah's comments in her Thursday tidbits and a commenter mentioned how she knows deep down she doesn't want to get married and felt relief at the break up of her relationship and I thought that was really honest of her. I always admire when Nigerians are honest about their stances on things. Same person asked the question "Do people ever believe you when you tell them who you are?" and I thought that was so true. People stay fixated on their ideology of you or what they want you to be.

Anyways that's all I have for you folks. Please help a sister out and visit  I hope you all have a pleasant and wonderful thanksgiving. Be sure to find at least one thing to be grateful for and hope you will be around people you love. Have a wonderful weekend and be safe.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Thy Will Be Done

I am pretty sure that at some point, I have blogged or wondered what the point of prayer is when at the end of the day, it all depends on the will of God.

Let me backtrack a little. Something I have also said before is that I don't believe that being a positive, happy go lucky person guarantees or brings you good things. It just means you can handle things better and it's also just a better attitude to have in this tough world we live in.

I was in a discussion where people vehemently disagreed with me on this and said when you pray hard and think positively about something and believe it then it comes to pass. Which is all great and dandy but I've thought about it and whatever hope there was in me believing it, it was dashed when my mom passed away. I don't think I believed anything harder or was so sure about someone pulling through. So that's where I stand and I kinda don't like feeling guilty or made to feel guilty for having that stance.

Anyways, it brings me to the point where people always end things with at the end of the day let the will of God be done. I can roll with that. I also roll with not understanding what the cotdamn big picture is but He knows better, abi? The long and short of my story is it took me some time to get to this place. I now accept his will is ultimately what matters. It was funny that while going back and forth in my mind I came across a lot of bible meditations and verses that talked about accepting the will of God.

And then the crux of it, when I was thinking of what to post...sometimes when I think or miss my mom, I go through my old emails and read emails we sent to each other because we emailed a lot and what did I run into yesterday but this...coincidence, huh? I can just hear preaching to me and me saying "yes mommy, i've heard" Love you momma.

Here's what I came across from her:

Finding God's Will
By Elaine Creasman

As I have been facing a difficult challenge lately, I find myself crying out to God, "What should I do?" Which way to go seems unclear. I want to do what's right, but every choice seems to have its drawbacks.
Slipping into negative emotions and negative thinking makes things even murkier.
"Please show me Your will and Your way," I have prayed.
What God has done is to reveal to me the next step to take. He doesn't show me the complete picture of where He's leading me and how He will bring me to the other side.
The key is to believe He will show me His will, and He will carry me through this just as He has brought me through every other trial in my life.
Discovering God's will is tied in to being still. The Word says,
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10 ESV.
When I forget that He is God or fail to act that way, I try to plow ahead doing whatever comes to mind. That makes matters worse.
When I embrace fully what my Sunday School teacher has been repeating lately, "He is God, and I am not," I can trust Him to lead me.
When going through hard times, being still before the Lord to discover His will can seem impossible. It's especially challenging when the enemy is bombarding my mind with thoughts that bring on moments or multiple moments of doubt, fear, and unbelief.
One of the reasons it can be rough discovering God's will in difficult times is that I ask myself, "How can this thing that's happening to me possibly be God's will?" and "How can a loving God allow this?"
The faith side of me says, "God does allow bad things, but He brings good out of them—if I submit to Him and trust Him with the outcome."
I confess that too often I try to stay in control and straighten out a difficult situation or a heart-tearing relationship conflict on my own. That doesn't work.
I notice when I try to do it on my own, love does not lead the way.
One thing I've become ever more certain of is this: "Love is always God's will and God's way." If I'm unwilling to love, this shows that I have not been fully set free. I'm moving back into bondage.
When I love even though others have hurt me, God is present and working. The other person may not change in every way I desire, but God changes my heart to become more like His. That's what trials are for—to transform me into the image of Christ. Changing me is God's will.
As I've been submitting to Him with an attitude of, "Lord, do what You need to do in me to make me more like You," the hardness in my heart is melting away. I'm embracing what Jesus said,
"Not my will, but Yours be done." Luke 22:42 ESV
There is great joy in discovering God's will. There is even greater joy when I'm willing to embrace it and live it. I'm excited to see what God has in store in the days, weeks, and months ahead. He is so good.
Have a great week guys.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

The Hide Hide Culture

So last weekend, I attended a girls night bbq that was loads of fun. It was a mixed crowd of both American and Nigerian women. There was a group among the American women that happened to be close friends and they shared with us how they go on couples retreats and share stuff with each other. They shared some of the things with us that ranged from personal to sexual and one of them told us some of the things she didn't know and had learned just by talking to the women.

I thought about the night and I admired how open they were. I mentioned this fact to some of my friends there and also added that Nigerians would never do that. They disagreed with me and said it depends who it was and within their circle they would and they do. Unfortunately, I don't think I agree with them. I think it's just ingrained in us to just keep stuff hidden and put best foot forward. Hell, till today some of us still have that superstition of never giving out our travel dates even though we know better just because that's just how we are raised.

Thinking further, I wonder what is it we are so afraid of? You bring this up and the first thing Nigerians will tell you is that "something something trust" (I am guilty of that) but okay for some certain things though eg you have post partum depression and you share with someone, what is so terrible about people knowing that? Is the issue that we care so much about what people think? or we are in some subconscious competition and want to be better

This topic came about because I was reading about Hayden Pannettiere's struggle with post partum depression and it occured to me that I don't personally know any Nigerian who has been through it. I think of all the other things we go through as a nation but don't speak on it and end up feeling alone or less than because we aren't like everyone else. 

Oh well. just jumbled thoughts on a Tuesday night.

PS Meanwhile, I feel like I have been posting to empty halls. hellooooo? is anyone out there still reading?

Monday, October 5, 2015

What have you done?

I honestly try to think of things to blog about besides Friday Randoms but sometimes I think people don't want to read anything but Friday Randoms and people always tell me that noone has time to read anymore but oh well. I shall still try. In my trying, I thought of this blog post by Social Hermit where she made a list of 26 things she would like to do before she is 26. Granted, I am waaay older, I still think it is a fun list and a fun guide if you are looking for things to do or if you would like to enter the scary scary world that is adulthood. I will cross out the things that I have done. Okay here we go....

1.       Read the whole bible
2.      Take swimming lessons
3.      Take pole dancing classes
4.      Become proficient at yoga
5.      Visit 5 new states in the U.S.
6.      Go to a gun range
7.     Bake 2 cakes from scratch
8.     Go to at least 4 music concerts/festivals
9.     Go to one concert alone
10.  Start and grow an herb/vegetable garden
11.   Watch The Godfather trilogy
12.  Watch The note book
13.  Write 3 fiction pieces
14.  Have at least $3,000 in savings
15.   Read 15 books on my Nigerian literature list
16.  run a 5K (ok does walk/jog count?)
17.   Take a cooking class
18.  See a Broadway show
19.  Complete project 333
20. Make 3 original dishes
21.  Take a bubble bath – wine, candles, book etc
22. Vacation on an island (is riviera maya an island?)
23. Host a game night
24. Read 4 non-fiction books
25.  Visit a new country in Europe
26. Visit the grand canyon
I'd like to know what you have done or what you hope to do. Have a great week ahead people.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Friday Randoms

It's funny how your mood can change in an instant. I am currently in a bad mood. I am tired from working on something that took forever. I wasn't going to random but I actually do have randoms this week and I figured I might as well do it.

At the Emmy's Lisa Cholodenko won an Emmy and the announcer pronounced it with such ease. If that was an African name it would have for sure been butchered. So is it really pronunciation that's difficult or the origin of the name?

You might have caught wind of the whole brouhaha about Will's Smith's accent as a Nigerian man in the new movie "Concussion". A friend of mine thinks it's not a big deal. I think it is because we allow these things slide. When a movie star wants to portray an Australian they don't just wing it and give us a Brit accent hoping it will slide. There seems to be one universal African accent that sounds like it's from Eastern or Southern Africa. It'll be nice if effort was made to make it sound at least close to the real thing.

This whole voltroning for black nominees at award shows to win just because they are black, needs to stop. I am really not sure how we are "winning" if the win is because they are black vs. their talent.

I will never understand when people say "I am bored" when they live in America. There's so much to do!

I love cards. I save them too. I have a shoebox where I keep all my cards from yonder. Part of adulting is the dwindling number of cards you get as you get older. I only got one this year :(

Don't you guys think Trevor Noah and The Weeknd look alike? I know the dada is blocking the view but I promise they look alike.

Life can be a lot sometimes. Sometimes, I wish I could be more open and share on the blog but unfortunately I cannot forget that the internet is not a safe space.

People who don't have HIV but marry HIV positive people are heroes.

If any of you watch The League. It's about a group of friends who play fantasy football. In the group of friends is Andre. He is the bottom of the pole. Not that they don't love him but he is the one they pick on, laugh at behind and to his face but I can't even tell if he knows or not. Even if he knows he's just so glad to be in a group of friends I think he lets it slide. This had me thinking whether one would know if they were the "bottom of the pole" in their group of friends. It's a slippery slope because again it's not that they aren't there for him but he's still the butt of most of their jokes.

Someone once told me that they believe that if you want something so bad that you will get it. I don't believe in that theory. I believe life deals you cards and you just make best of what you are dealt. An example is I know of people who want kids so badly and have been praying for one for so long, if it was dependent on the desire they would have had dozens of kids by now abi?

As an adult grief is difficult enough. I can't imagine how a child processes that emotion. I watch kids who are so close to their parents like my boss's only child who calls her so many times a day or like Kroy (Kim from RHOA's husband) their 2 yr old son just thinks Kroy walks on water and does everything he does. Imagine telling him his dad passed away at that young and age, how do you make sense of whatever it is they feel considering they arent developed?

That's all I have. Hope you all have a great weekend.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Friday [Guest] Randoms

Gosh this week has been a long week and I am so ready for Friday especially since I am doing absolutely nada this weekend. Except going to the dentist. I told a friend that I'd rather go to the dentist than the doctor and she thought that was weird. I have no anxiety going to dentists. Or maybe I got spoiled by my fabulous dentist in Dallas. Anyways as the title suggests, today's randoms are a guest random by my friend Swanboy. Every now and then, when I don't post randoms, he will hit me up to let me know that randoms aren't up and as is my reflex answer whenever I am hit up about randoms I let him know that he is welcome to guest random - and this applies to all of you. Anyone who would like to guest random, please feel free o. Hit me up and we will make it happen. So anyways, here are his randoms:

I got to observe three female friends of mine who are heavily pregnant. Ladies, standing ovation to you. One of my male friends who is married to one of them said he’d rather be childless than go through what women go through to give birth. No seriously, mo gbedi fun yin! I salute you.

Apparently, “man buns” are now in. Here it is for those who don’t know what I mean.  . I saw a male coworker wear one some months ago. I honestly thought dude decided to become a Samurai. Had no idea it was fashion.

I have seen too many good things happen to bad people and vice-versa to believe in Karma. Sometimes life just happens, we get dealt the cards we are dealt. All we can do is pray God gives us the ability to deal.

In that same vein, I really get mad when people say “it’s part of God’s plan” when bad or tragic stuff happens. I’m a believing Christian, but I will never understand how  people, especially good people, going through pain and loss, is an avenue to attain some godly master plan. The Jewish character Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof said “God, I know we are the chosen people, but once in a while, could you please choose someone else?”

Oil prices are the lowest they’ve been in recent history. Gas is less than $2 a gallon in some places. Why are airlines still charging an arm, a leg and the soul of your firstborn for flights biko?

Oh and if anyone is traveling to Nigeria for the holidays, please bring me back a bottle of groundnuts. I would be eternally in your debt.  

When did doctors in US hospitals stop wearing their white coats? You go to a hospital now and can’t identify who a doctor is. Everyone is in scrubs. Even the janitor is in scrubs.

Children of God, remove anyone or anything that stands in the way of peace from your life. Life is too short to let anyone, no matter how related come between you and peace of mind. This is a lesson many Nigerians need to learn. Oyibo people have mostly perfected the ability to excise peace-stealers from their lives. The first time I heard an American man say that he has not spoken to his mother in almost 20 years, I was shocked. Now I get.

It’s amazing how much information you can get at work by simply sitting quietly in a locked toilet stall in the men’s restroom.

When you think of a good, witty comeback to something someone said, weeks after they said it. Sigh…

It is 2015 and there are some Nigerian men who still think that women are not naturally as horny, or as sexually promiscuous as men. SMH. Heard someone say that the ONLY reason a woman would cheat is if her husband or S.O. isn’t “handling business at home”. Sigh... E go do am like feem.

For Nigerians who move to America, marry, have kids and live here, are the kids Nigerian-American or African-American? At what stage do Americans of Nigerian heritage become African-Americans?

Speaking of which, Nigerians that understandably come here to born pikin for the sake of American kpali, then go back. Just pray a Republican doesn’t get elected President. Otherwise izzalova Jackie, don cry, don beg.

You call customer service. The automated system asks for your information. You give it. Repeatedly.  You later get transferred to a live person who proceeds to ask you for the same information you spent the last 5 minutes of your lifespan giving to the automated system. This is why some people out of frustration join ISIS.

Saw this quote, I liked it. "Give someone strength when they have none, and maybe one day they will give it back to you when you are weak" 

That's about it folks, have a wonderful weekend.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Friday Randoms

And just like that it is Friday again. I shouldn't be surprised especially since we are in the -mber months that have a reputation for practically flying us into christmas. Truly grateful the weather is still nice even though I think it's like one last hurrah before the cold aka fall befalls us. Thank you, you kind citizens for all the birthday wishes. I truly appreciate it. I had a great time. I went to Toronto and attended the Toronto Film Festival and it was so up my alley and so fun and my icing was my brother being in town. A few of my friends are coming into town this weekend so the celebration continues. Once again we thank God for another year. Let us random, shall we.

I think I may have mentioned how I watch "Bachelor in Paradise" and how I feel like it mirrors how things are in real life between men and women. In one case, this couple was one of the established couples in the house. Guy and girl was on same page - seemingly. He was going along with everything, saying the right things and girl was giddy and so secure. Next thing we see a side by side of the girl with her girls gushing and the guy saying he is unsure and his feelings aren't there and he tells us that he has "that feeling where you are lying with someone yet you feel alone" chei my peoples. That entered deeply. What is even life? A pot of beans that's what.

Someone asked me this: Would you rather watch a one hour movie of your best memories or a 5 minute trailer of your future? ( I chose memories)

Thinking of this question made me realize that I don't believe you can change your future. I think there are different paths to something but our destination is already predetermined. I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Watching a pro football athlete learn he has cancer let's me know that cancer is no respecter of anyone and honestly you can reduce chances but if a man who is of peak athleticism and works out like crazy, gets it. What chances do we mere people have?

"How's work?" "What's up with you?" "how was your night?" (err i slept) How are you supposed to answer these questions. Death to small talk!!!

I don't believe karma exists. I was thinking of Dr Dre and how he abused these women and he is flourishing out here with more money than I will ever see in this life, celebrated movie and career while Me'chelle is languishing in reality tv purgatory and fighting off depression and being suicidal. I know i know, you karma believers are gonna tell me you don't know where it hits them. Meh.

I was told about someone who had a mental disorder and died from a drug overdose. He also was a church goer and always used to give to the needy. How are people with mental disorders judged by God seeing as they have no control over their mental faculties?

How do you define a hoe? I heard a funny definition this weekend.

How long should one hold on to a dream? When do you give up? I have also noticed that people who give this "never give up" speech are usually kinda still young (and as i typed this I am recalling examples of older people realizing dreams on reality tv, so I am probably wrong there)

I dislike the logic of having more than one kid or x number of kids "in case something happens to one". One, there's no rule that kids die in 1's. Two, why is the worstest case scenario the reason to decide on number of kids and three, the statement makes it seem like the death of one kid is suddenly eased by the presence of another but it doesn't work that way because grief is a strange thing. You see parents who are so consumed by the death of one child there's no time for the rest. Yes, I can see the logic of having kids to keep you company or to be there for you but overall it's just a weird reason to me. I used to have it when I was younger. My reason for wanting more than one kid is just for them to have built in allies in their siblings.

I've read a number of books by British authors and why oh why do the insist on making British heroines stupid? They never have their lives together and are always so sniffelly and useless, really.

Before I leave you, I share with you what I was told. Whenever you make goals, make specific goals. A lot of us tend to make broad goals which allows for it not to be met but specific goals gives you direction on what and how to work for it.

Well, that's all I've got for you guys. Have a wonderful weekend. Stay blessed and support my sister site. You can also subscribe here. look for the subscribe button on the right and voila!