Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Do you remember?

I watch this show called Marriage Bootcamp on WE. It's a marriage/relationship bootcamp for reality stars. It's run by a married couple who are marriage counselors and they put the couples through many exercises to help them dig deep and communicate and try to solve the issues with their partners.

In one of the exercises, each person was asked if they remember a single event in their lives that shaped who they are and how they are in past and present relationships.

I thought that that was a very deep question and proceeded to ask a bunch of people I knew (and learned that people either don't like being asked deep questions or don't like digging deep into their lives). A lot of people told me that they couldn't think of one single event, which is fair. Some examples from the show were the death of a mom that caused him to feel guilt and made him shut down and now he tends to notice he shuts down a lot in relationships, someone had a mom break trophies she had earned in anger and she remembered seeing her as the enemy and she tends to look at her boyfriends as the enemy and if her mom could do that to her, what guarantee is there that they won't so she is guarded and feels unlovable.

And so I pose the question to you: Can you think of a single event that has shaped who you are and manifests itself in how you behave in relationships?

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Friday Randoms

I am lying here with a heated something something on my back cuz I  think I may have tweaked something. Old age is really real. The current weather is something that makes me smile inside. I am really going to miss the summer. I think everytime everyone says that life is short but I really don't think it resonates until it hits close, then we forget and go back to daily living till the next time but for real for real guys - life.is.short. Don't take it for granted that you wake up everyday like clockwork. life changes in the blink of an eye. Okay, enough bleak talk, thank you again for the interest you guys showed in the "Love or Something Like It series. I'd also like to say thank you to the contributor. Couldn't have been an easy thing to share that personal story. Okay let's random.

Why is it that when I get all dolled up, I look in the mirror, I see babe then I take a picture and I see dinosaur...why sway???!!

American kids ehn. They are spoiled. One of the ogas at work surprised her daughter for her birthday with 4 tickets to Maroon 5 and Nick Jonas concert on the beach and this babe said nah, she's not interested. Honestly, if I were the mother, I won't even tell the story, I go shame. I thought it was so selfish. Like if your mom did that for you, just for the thought you say thank you and "endure". Her loss though, I copped myself some tix.

I know this is mean but there are some people you observe that carry skinniness on their head and act like fat people aren't humans. You just wish them nothing but fatness.

Sometimes I catch myself in an argument with people about things I have seen with my own eyes in Nigeria. I think it's a bit ridiculous especially when these people haven't been home in a while and get all their info from social media and bella naija and the likes. Like why am I even wasting my time?

It really is a strange concept that we will all be dead someday.

Once you find someone annoying everything they do is annoying even if it's the way they blink.

Where do you draw the line between respecting a friend as an adult and letting them be vs. recognizing someone is your friend and calling them out on stuff when need be.

There are some people who feel some type of way about paying someone to clean their houses/apartments (common among Nigerians). Not I, sir. It's the bestest thing ever.

Why do Nigerians get so uppity about people who like well done steak. Live and let live. If it was so wrong, it wouldn't be an option at restaurants.

If you are cool with someone, like you get along well and no beef, but they consider you more of a friend than you do them, are you friends? How do you define a friend? In your everyday life do you label some people as acquaintances or do you just call everyone friend, whether loosely or not?

So you know the Christian argument about not messing with your body e.g no tattoos and how everything on your body was given to you by God. Also, every body part is supposed to have a purpose, yea? So is circumcision a sin? What is the purpose of a foreskin? protection?

Is it possible to be an alcoholic if you are addicted to just wine? I never really consider wine as alcohol but it is. Would I take it seriously if someone was an addict because they were addicted to Smirnoff Ice? I mean, it has alcohol, right?

I was thinking the other day. I always pray to God to take control when it comes to choosing a life partner for me and we all know he has a sense of humor. What if he sends me someone who wants to wait till marriage? As a struggling Christian trying to get right, this should make me happy but my fellow brethren, my heart sank a little.

I think a true measure of where you stand in your faith is how you feel about your death/rapture. If you are happy for it and can't wait then you good, fam. If the thought of it fills you with terror, then...get on right with the Lord yo.

Okay that's all I have for you guys. Have a lovely weekend. Stay safe and stay prayed up.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Love or Something Like It...[Part 4]

Ladies and Gents, we have come to the final part of the series. booo! Yea, even me myself, I'm sad to see it end. I never knew what I'd get. Well once again, if you know anyone willing to share any stories from Naij, send them my way. If not, thanks for going on this series with me. Here's Part 4.

We kept kissing for a bit till we heard something, so we stopped. He asked to come inside, but I said no. I said good night and went inside. I barely slept much that night. I tried to understand what was happening and why he was back in my life and why he couldn’t just focus on his wife. I tried to understand what it was about me that made him feel we could share this “bond” before and yet he was still able to marry someone else then come back to me and assume everything would continue just as normal. 

The next time we talked, I told him all the thoughts in my head and he pretty much just said his intention was never to hurt me. He didn’t understand it either but he felt we have something strong. Gosh, when he starts talking, I just lose all train of thought and get all mushy inside. He came over one evening to chill. We drank wine, watched tv, and chatted till things got steamy. We started kissing and before I knew it, clothes were off and there was this surge of passion. I kept telling him to slow down and that we probably shouldn’t, but he was like he really wants me. We were stopped by the fact that there were no condoms. He kept asking me like 5 times if I had any and I said no. He would stop and think about it then start again. It seemed like he had to think about if it was worth going raw or nah. I told him to stop and that there was no way we were going to have sex unprotected. 

Clothes came back on and I told him to just go. He left and two hours or so later, in the middle of the night, he called that he was outside the gate and he had to see me. I said no and that he should go back home. I hung up and stopped answering my phone. Boy, was he mad. I really don’t get how someone could be so upset with me when he’s the married one. When I woke up the next morning, I sent him a message apologizing. In the spirit of making up, we planned to hang out in a few days and spend time together. He came over again, and this time we were both prepared for what was going to happen. I don’t know how to really describe how good the sex was in words. Lots of pent up passion perhaps? I felt bad a tiny bit while we were doing it, but in my head, I kept thinking “dang, this is what I’ve been deprived of for a year?!” I completely enjoy sex with my boyfriend, but this one AGAIN made me feel a different kind of blissful pleasure. 

At the end of it all, we both had marks on different parts of our bodies. Wahala! I don’t understand my feelings for him and why they won’t just DIE. I don’t want to continue, but I don’t know how to end this. Other than my friend that knew he texted me, and another that knew that we were communicating casually, and well y’all reading this, I can’t tell my friends because 1. It’s embarrassing and I feel ashamed 2. I don’t want to hear the judgment 3. I don’t think anyone will give me constructive ways on how to end it. The only way it can end is if he cuts me off again. I’m not a strong enough person to do it on my own. 

Well there you have it, we have come to the end. Happy hump day and I promise to have randoms for you lot on Friday so check back in.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Love or something like it...[Part 3]

Hi folks, I completely forgot I owe you guys a story today. Thanks to a reader who reminded me lol. If you would like to catch up, the last two posts have been Part 1 and Part 2. Here's Part 3...

When I saw the number pop up, I knew it was him (I remembered the last four digits of his phone number). My heart started beating really fast and I was too scared to go to my messages and look at the message. I was with my friend so I told her and she offered to read it for me, but I said no. Thirty minutes later I finally opened it, while my heart was still beating fast. He wrote, “hey, how’ve you been? I know it’s been awhile but I had to clear my head. Just saying what’s up. Take care”. A year later and his excuse is he had to clear his head?? Well, mumu me replied and said “I’m fine. I understand, hope you’re good. Take care”. And that’s how we started communicating again. 

Texts turned to calls, which turned to let’s meet for lunch to discuss what really happened. The day we were to meet up, I was so nervous. I wanted to act all tough and nonchalant, but I knew I would fail. Lunch was good…surprisingly. We caught up on each others lives without mentioning the big elephant in the room. Then it came up and it was pretty much the same thing he was saying before. He said he didn’t know how much I cared about him considering I had a “backup” and he didn’t want to risk everything for me to not be serious. He said when he saw my calls, texts, and emails, he started realizing it more that I did really care about him (*side eye*). I told him that he made me doubt what we had was ever real and how even now, I think it’s all a game. I had to rush to a meeting so we left it at ok we’ve had our talk now and everyone can move on. 

A few hours after we met up, he texted to say thanks for meeting him and blah blah blah. I was like no p, I needed to close the chapter. He said that he would please like for us to be friends (*side eye*). I knew that was almost impossible, I mean really? And I said just that. I wondered to myself, why he was always in my life when I had a boyfriend; not that it made things any better, considering he was married. We went a few days not talking then we started texting again. We started talking about feelings again. We decided to meet up again. We met up for drinks, very chilled and nice. I had a good time because we were back to being gisting buddies and comfortable around each other. He was dropping me off at the end of the night and as I was about to get out of the car, he touched my arm...my thigh...then we kissed.

Keeping to the schedule, the fourth and final part to the story will be posted on Wednesday. Y'all have a good week and thanks for reading.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Love or something like it...[Part 2]

I promised part 2 and here it is....

Everything about it was just great and I don’t think it was the excitement of being with someone other than my boyfriend, because the sex with him (my boyfriend) was driving me crazy…in a bad way. Every time I tried to tell him about how blah he was, he said he’d change, but it was just a snoozefest. Anyway, back to engaged guy, we went from friends to lovers. We were inseparable, other than both going to work, we were always together. I could vent to him about anything as he would with me and we just understood each other in ways I’ve never known before. 

Of course the sex made it all the sweeter. We explored each other’s bodies in every inch of the house. I broke up with my boyfriend shortly after, not because of this guy, but just because I was over the relationship. We talked about the future and whether or not he’d end his engagement. I tried not to pressure him at all. Matter of fact, I didn’t want him to end it because of me and then if it didn’t work with me, he’d resent me for being the one to break up his 3 year relationship. I just felt like if they had their own issues, which they did, and decided to break up then cool. We would get into arguments and promised each other to always talk it out before we went to bed. We never just stayed mad at each other. Emotions were going crazy. Our like grew into love very quickly.  

It’s hard to tell this story without people saying I’m naïve and stupid, blah blah blah. I know guys are douchebags and they’re all in it for the same thing, but with all my bad experiences with guys, I know what we had and the love we shared. I can’t explain it, we just knew it. Despite not wanting him to use me as his break up catalyst, I finally kinda gave him an ultimatum. I involved my friends in this a lot because it was just too big of a situation for me to think clearly. Everyone pretty much said the same thing, leave that matter, he’s not leaving her, guys will always be guys, and so on and so forth. I basically gave him three weeks to decide what he wanted to do because I wasn’t going to just be here and accept being the other woman. 

We didn’t see each other for that period. While he was away I started hanging out with someone else that I had met a while back. He was cool and it was a good way to attempt to keep my mind off ol’ dude. Besides, from listening to my friends I figured in case he never leaves his fiancée, at least I’ll have a backup. Engaged Dude (going forward will be known as ED) and I communicated often while he was away, but we got in arguments a lot too. He kept telling me how both of them weren’t really talking like that and how he only had sex with her once just to quell her suspicion that something was up. She had asked him several times if he wanted to call off the wedding, but since he hadn’t decided yet, he said no. I would just get angry over everything he would say but still try to believe him. I kept telling him what my friends were saying and he would get mad at me for bringing people into our relationship. 

After three weeks, he still hadn’t decided. I told him about the guy I had been hanging with. Maybe, so he would know I wasn’t waiting around for him. He got angry. He said because if I really loved him like I said I did, I wouldn’t want to entertain anyone else. I started thinking through everything more while I was away and slowly started cutting our communication off. When I got back to town, things were getting more serious with the other guy and I had decided that he was probably a better decision for me than this one that would not call off his wedding. He still couldn’t give me a decision so I made one for us and ended it. 

We had our days when we would text here and there an I miss you, or he’d drive over to my place and we’d just talk a bit in the car. I thought we were maybe getting to a place where we could maybe say hi/bye ever so often; then he disappeared. I would text, call, email, etc, no response. Sometimes I would think about showing up at his house, but I guess I’m not that crazy. He cut me off completely. I eventually deleted his info from my phone so I wouldn’t attempt anymore, until the days I thought I was going crazy and would check my inboxes and google to try and get his number. 

I remember the day his wedding date came; I think I died a bit inside. I slowly began to wrap my head around everything and really believed all the people that told me this would happen and that it was all a game. I couldn’t believe how stupid I was.  I cried so much that day. Life eventually went on, but I thought about him all the time. I’d go to a restaurant or something and wonder if I would bump into him. If I did, what would I say? Would he be with her? Despite how angry I was at him, and myself I still felt deep down that I wanted to be with him and if he came back, I would agree.  Almost a year went by and I never ran into him, heard from him, nothing…until one day I got a text message…

Well there you have it people. I don't know when I will post the next part because I haven't received anything else from the person but I will post as soon as I get one - if I get one. Once again, if anyone has or knows anyone who would anonymously like to share any stories about living in Naij, please shoot me an email. Have a good rest of the week!

*Update - Part 3 will be posted on Sunday.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Love or something like it...[Part 1]

For those of you that have been longtime readers, you might remember not too long ago when I did a "Tales from Naij" series where different people had sent me stories about their experiences in Nigeria. I just got another one in my inbox and sharing with you guys. If you would like to catch up from the previous ones just type "Tales from Naij" or "Tales about Naij" in the search box. I will post these in parts and this is part 1. If you or anyone you know would like to send in any stories about life in Naij, doesn't matter what aspect of life, feel free to hit me up.

I had been single for as long as I can remember and most times when you have been single for that long, there comes a time when you just want to not be single anymore and to have your own someone. It’s crazy how I went from being single for years  to being a serial dater i.e. going from one relationship to another relationship. As I was getting out of one relationship, I was starting another one with no time for myself or to think about what went wrong.

When I moved to Nigeria, I started dating a guy in like a month. It started off all good, until I realized something was missing in the relationship. He just wasn’t it for me. My eyes started wandering. I somehow found myself with someone else (while I was still dating my boyfriend at first) who just seemed like the perfect one for me. Why was he so perfect? I have no idea. How did it happen? I also have no idea but I'll tell you what happened anyways. We were both in relationships; his was more serious, as he was engaged to be married soon. We met through a mutual friend and being both IJGB (I just got back) people, we had a lot to talk about. We could talk for lengths of time, hang out and it was just cool…friends. One evening, he called to ask if he could take me to dinner and wasn’t taking no for an answer. We had a great dinner, shared a bottle of wine and just talked about life in Nigeria, oh and about our significant others. 

At this time, I didn’t see him as anything but a friend as I had automatically friend zoned him when I found out he was engaged. He was just another one of my guy friends I could chill with and not have to worry bout all that extra stuff. After dinner he said we should go clubbing. The drinks were flowing; we danced, separately, and just had a good time. One bottle of Moet turned into two, which had me about ready to fall out. I ended up staying over at his house that night since he said I probably wouldn’t have light at my house. We slept in separate rooms (I slept mainly in the bathroom as I was throwing up and all). The next morning, he helped me nurse my hangover, we watched TV and just spent the day together. In my head, I was like dang, good men who don’t want anything still exist. 

For the next three days, I slept over (in my own room) and it just seemed normal. During the day while we both were at work, we would be chatting all through. One night when I was going to “my room”, he came in to make sure I was good and I’m not sure what exactly it was but he said something to me and that was the moment I looked at him differently. I went to bed with a part of me hoping he’d come back in the room in the middle of the night. But he didn’t. The next day as we were chatting, he said he needed to tell me something. He went on to say how he thinks he started having some feelings towards me and he knows its wrong. We talked about it all and I said I wouldn’t be able to stay at his house anymore so as not to fall into temptation. 

Honestly, I wasn’t worried about my boyfriend, but the fact that he was engaged made me want to respect his relationship more. He said he understood and it was a good idea. We were apart for one night and it felt like one week. The next evening, I said I’d just come over for our normal drink wine and watch old TV shows ritual. We talked about our feelings again and I decided to stay over. We went to our separate rooms, but this time he did come back later. There was no need for too much talking, we just cuddled and then…well you know the rest and it was amazing.

So guys, come back on Wednesday for the second part of this story. Have a great week!

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Friday Randoms

Hello all. Hope you are all doing well. I really love summer. I never understand when people complain about the heat. I'd take this all day vs. the winter or fall. I really hate wearing coats and sweaters. Can you believe we have just 5 months left of this year? It feels like January was just here. Personally, it's just been a long ass year but this isn't about me. Let's random.

How are celebs able to rebound from relationships so quickly? Like it doesn't matter the age, circumstance or look you are guaranteed to hear of their new relationship almost immediately after a split. Thinking about it, it's just not reserved for celebs sha. There are people who are almost rarely single. They always have a significant other. How do you guys do it o?

How do you kick a person out your system?

How many of your friends were made online vs. physically in real life? Was talking to a friend who mentioned how he met his friend via some msn community thingie and it had me remembering a convo with another friend who said he thought most of my bridal party would be friends I made online (not even sure why he thought that). I thought about it and while I have made a lot of friends via online mediums, none of the people I have in mind for my bridal party right now (except 1, which is even a comma whether she's online) would be from online and most of my close friends are friends I made in college.

Those of you that have hope for Nigeria, where do you get it from? This is a serious question btw.

It's a bit awkward being friends with 2 people who were dating and are now split.

Why do celebs retweet their compliments? Don't they get enough attention? I noticed this is a common practice among reality stars sha, so that makes sense.

I envy people who are always on some "life is great" tip because I don't care if you positive patrolers come to get me but LIFE IS HARD. All the decisions, responsibilities and curve balls you have to deal with and navigate while preserving your sanity. It's hard biko.

I thought this was a really good read pertaining to life http://markmanson.net/question

Nigerians can be so extra about stuff. When they do stuff you'd think they've never done it before. Like they've never seen champagne before or traveled abroad or *insert any cool kid activity*. just be making noise about it up and dahn.

You can try to edit yourself taya to make people more comfortable around you but honestly, you can please everyone. Something will always still be an issue. Guess it is better to just be you. Noone is obligated to hang out with you or be your friend.

That's all I have for you guys. Have a great weekend. Be safe and stay prayed up.