Sunday, April 13, 2014

Randoms

Its been a minute guys. I've had a few people hit me up about the lack of posts. Sorrrrry. A lot's been going on and I haven't really had time to remember my numerous random thoughts but I have a few remembered. How has everyone been? Hope good. I just tried watching ep 1 of the new season of GoT and for one, had no idea what was going on and was just bored. I wanna be cool and love GoT like everyone else, why can't I get how awesome it is :(. The weather has become so beautiful it just automatically puts me in a good mood and made me happy. Speaking of happy, I have still been putting into practice my new resolution to think more positive no matter what and I think I have been doing good. Been thanking God more lately for the little things. I still feel undeserving and like the worst christian ever but wetin man go do but keep trying abi? Aite enough introspection. Let's random!


I had such high hope for Lent, especially after having a great one last year and learning so much but man. I failed this year. I am ashamed and feel bad :(

It was so weird but for the first time some few weeks ago, I considered divorce. I've always been the person who said divorce is not an option and I'll do my damndest. I think I must have read/heard/watched something that just made me wonder why I would want to feel trapped if it wasnt working. Don't get me wrong, I am not gonna get into it thinking "i could always get a divorce" not at all and I hope I never do. But if I ever get into that situ where I'm so unhappy and I feel trapped, why stay unhappy? I probably shouldn't put that in the atmosphere but my randoms are based on my honest random thoughts.

I think death wouldn't be so awful/able to handle better, if we actually knew what was on the other side. If we knew, I think it'd help knowing theres a chance you'd reunite or not wondering if they made heaven or not or they've faded to nothing and are truly at peace. The uncertainty just seems like you never get closure. We say they are at peace but how do we know for sure? Clearly from this you can tell I have questions about heaven and hell.

A guy friend once told me that for those guys who have been dating a girl for so long then break up then seemingly marry someone soon after, the girl is not new and has probably been in the picture for some time.

Speaking of, I still want someone to explain to me the theory of how people date for years and then as soon as they marry, it all falls to pieces.

"This idea that people need to throw [read: pay for] 'friends' showers needs to end...the drama/bickering that comes from them is just ridiculous. A least if the couple/parents are paying for it then they can do what they want. At the end of the day the celebrants don't even know the nonsense that went down and how 'friends' really feel about stuff #ShadesOverload. It's just ridic"  I got this from Repressed One and it made me chuckle cuz there's truth to it. You hear stories. Also, since when have there been baby showers for 2nd babies. Thought it was just for first babies only, no?

Please don't be the woman that doesn't know or understand what their man does for a living or earns his income read: Cynthia Bailey from RHOA

A year and some later, I still have no desire to date. How can we solve my problem?

Sometimes when I watch the news or read things, I wonder why some people deserve the kind of deaths they do. Why does a person deserve to be stabbed and raped to death? Why does someone need to be shot by accident? or in a plane crash? It just seems so cruel. Why them?

It truly is a blessing to wake up and not grumble about work.

Earlier this week, Karyn White a young 22 year old girl who was well known for her empowerment message. She had a tag line that had "I am strong, empowered and classy". It was said that she had a mental illness and commited suicide. Hopefully, this isn't disrespectful but I think is her case of the smoked mirrors. I am sure she was trying to manage her illness as best she could but clearly she was still struggling but to most she appeared to have it under control. It's quite sad and I wish she could have been helped but honestly, you never really know what people are going through.

I am gonna need people I know to slow down on their engagements!

I read something earlier that every 10 years we change and become different people. I mean, our core always stays the same but a lot of ideologies change. I can say for me, it is so true. The difference between who I was at 20 and who I am now is amazing. I'd never have predicted the type of person I am today.

As a Nigerian, is seeing a shrink/psychiatrist something that's a "must" mention to your future husband?

So doctors, explain ulcer to me. My nigerian self was made to believe that ulcer had something to do with not eating and all. In Amrika, I am told its some H Pylori bacteria that can be killed with antibiotics and something to do with lining. Can someone relate the two for me?

"Love isn't constant fireworks like in the movies. It's mostly the silent engine under the hood"

That's all I got. I hope yall have a wonderful and safe weekend and stay blessed! This is my current favorite song.


Tuesday, March 25, 2014

10 Life Lessons to Excel in your 30's

I came across this post written by Mark Manson on my timeline and I thought it was really good. So good that I posted it twice. As usual, I felt the need to share it with you guys with some thoughts of mine. I know it says 30's but I do think that if you are on the other side of 25 i.e closer to 30 then this should come in handy. Here goes.

1. Start saving for Retirement now, not later - For those who know me, I am a huge believer of saving. No matter how much you make, I believe a little portion should go to a savings account. I have a savings account where my company automatically deposits my requested amount straight in there and I act (ahem for the most part) like it doesn't exist. Even when I was making a paltry amount, I was depositing $50 every paycheck. It may not seem like much but it does add up. Especially when you forget it exists. Also, I am not savvy on trades and investing and such but I am told you get more return that way over a savings account which has like a 0.001% interest. Either way, saving is a good habit to have. It keeps you disciplined and you just never know.

2. Start taking care of your health now, not later - Ain't that the truth. I remember watching The Challenge a while back and Cyrus said the thing you learn about age is you have good intentions but your body just doesn't agree with you and has other plans. It's quite true. We still think we are invincible but our stomachs become less tolerant, we develop allergies, metabolism slows down. Better to start healthy habits now.

3. Don't spend time with people who don't treat you well - I get in trouble a lot for being honest about how I feel or saying what I think but honestly I woke up one day in my late twenties and just had less fucks to give (less not none). Basically, if you interfere with my happy, you have no purpose in my life. I also learned that it is okay to say no. People have a big problem with that word. Also at first read, its easy to think that it only applies to romantic relationships but it happens in friendships too. Why hang around or be with people who make you feel some type of way? They aren't necessarily bad people, maybe you just don't gel. Life's too short.

4. Be good to the people you care about - Everyone says life is short but I don't know if anyone really really believes this could apply to them. Well it is. And I probably spend more time than normal thinking about death but the one thing I do try to do is to let my loved ones know that i am thankful for all they've done for me and try to be there for them anyway I can. I've also tried to be less stingy with the I love yous.

5. You can't have everything, focus on doing a few things really well - Self explanatory. The actual article explains better. Now let me just find what I do really well besides watching tv. Although based on twitter, some people seem to be good at everything (snicker)

6. Don't be afraid of taking risks, you can still change - The blurb on the actual post says "all adults are winging it". That is comforting cuz Lord knows that I feel like a mess most times. Regarding risks, I have taken some risks in my life that actually paid off and some -__- You'd be amazed at the number of people that are actually scared of change. Read a tweet - "Watch out for the fear of failure especially the subtle kind. It prevents you from taking certain actions and comes with excellent excuses" The human mind can justify anything sha.

7. You must continue to grow and develop yourself - take a class, try something new, just try to be a better person each day. All na something abi?

8. Nobody (still) Knows what they are doing. Get used to it - I have nothing to add.

9. Invest in your family, it's worth it - At the rate most of my friends are losing their parents and watching my mom go through 2 cancer scares. You don't have to tell me twice to hold family close and cherish them. Parents know how to push our buttons but they're also the ones that will have your back and (un)fortunately if the normal life span occurs they'll be the ones to go first.

10. Be kind to yourself, respect yourself  - If I am being honest, this is probably the hardest on the list for me. I am waaay too hard on myself and I don't make the smartest decisions for myself. I will try to apply this more to myself this year.

Well those are the 10. Which ones do you struggle with or did you like the best. If you still have the energy, I'd encourage you to read the original post. The writer had older people send in their advice and he compiled based on the responses. The examples and stuff made it a good read - http://markmanson.net/10-life-lessons-excel-30s


Have a lovely week!

Friday, March 7, 2014

Friday Randoms

Hello Howdy folks. Hope you all had a good week, for those that observe, happy lenten season. You guys, winter might never end. I am really beginning to think this is a possibility. We woke up on monday to ice, sleet and snow. Granted it melted and its not as much as our northern brethren are getting but it was so cold. At some point, the weather said 18degrees feels like -8. March 20 is supposed to be the official first day of spring, make we dey observe. How about dem Oscars? I really enjoyed this year's telecast even if the winners were pretty much locked this year. I am glad they got rid of the cut of speech music. We had a lot of heartfelt and good speeches - standouts being Lupita's, Matthew McConaughey's and the Lopezes (best song for Frozen). It was just nice in general seeing the winners when they won, the cheers and hugs from their peers. Steve McQueen's happiness when 12 Years won best picture was too cute, just makes me smile. Recognition is good, no matter what they say. Ok let's random

There's a lot of yummy mummies floating around o. Seems everyone is now very conscious when pregnant and almost always bounce back to pre pregnancy body fast. The stomach seems to usually be the problem area. I still can't get used to the damage pregnancy does to bellies.

On Braxton Family Values, Tamar was doing an interview and she was asked to use one word to describe herself and she said "worthy". I can't tell you how much I loved this answer, it just encapsulates so much in one word. She was like I deserve the good things happening to me. I deserve my child, my accolades, my husband. Often times, we think we don't deserve certain things and why not?


"There are many men who don't like women, and they don't even know it. In their minds, it's "I love women doe". Nah, you like banging them" I saw this tweet and it's a thought I have had for a while. You hear some men speak and you're just like "do you even like women?" If you watch LAHHNY, you would have seen how Saigon always acted or if you watch Couples Therapy how Ghostface acted. A lot of men seem to have a severe distrust for women and if not for their need to have sex, probably won't even deal with them at all.

My friend had a status saying he judges women who post pics of what they receive for Valentine's day. I laughed but I guess its true, what really is the purpose of posting what you got for Vals besides to brag?

So Lent is here and I usually get a bit annoyed because it has become some fad and everyone asking "What are you giving up for Lent" and people announcing what they are giving up. I think of our relationships with God as personal so when people start announcing what they are giving up and make it seem thats it for Lent is giving up something its a bit annoying. 

For couples that keep breaking up and getting back together, how do you celebrate your anniversary and how many years you've been together?

Must suck to be allergic to latex

The good thing about having good sex is that you are having good sex, the bad thing is if you have the good sex with someone you don't end up with. I know I have randomed before about it and speaking to my married friends they say your spouse may not be your best sex but the other qualities make up for it. I say it again because it really is a huge fear of mine (refer back to my last post). Tonight on Grey's, Hunt broke up with someone that is everything he ever wanted because of that "thing" that he shared with Christina. She doesn't have everything he is looking for but he can't deny their chemistry and ended up cheating on his gf.

Speaking of, was watching something where the guy said he was anti labels because labels make everything serious. He was very happy with the girl he has been talking to (for 2 years) but he feels if he puts labels then it becomes serious and leads to marriage and he is totally not ready for that. I laughed because someone has told me those exact words before. So basically, some men run away from you because even though they are happy, that leads to marriage which they arent ready for - even though you aren't pressuring them to marry you. Got it.

I've noticed there's now a slew of *insert word that starts with F* Fridays now. Well I am one of them, please check out my Fan Friday page on www.taynement.com and let me know if you'd like to contribute

Have a lovely weekend guys. Be safe and stay blessed!




Tuesday, February 25, 2014

One or the Other?

I had been having this thought in my head for some time. Today a friend of mine sent me this post about what it's like to cheat. Somewhere in the article, this struck me:

"Sure, the sex wasn't great, but you learned from a six-year-long past relationship that great sex was the often the result of high drama, and high drama left you shaking on the ground after your old boyfriend shoved you out of a slow-moving car, his unfounded drunken shouts of "slut!" ringing in your ears. So when you finally extracted yourself from that nightmare and realized you needed a nice guy, one came along and the years flipped by, a ring appeared on your finger, a wedding took place, a home was made... and then what you suspected, but weren't quite sure you were missing, came along and kissed you in the dark"

Ok so you see, nowadays with all the marriage horror stories floating around, people make it seem like you can't have it all and you have to choose between a nice guy and ho hum sex/chemistry and great sex/chemistry and a jerk. You hear a lot of people say not to focus on the physical so much because it fades and instead find someone with a good heart. While it makes a lot of sense, it's never quite sat right with me. What's the difference between that and settling with someone only because "he's a good guy", doesn't that increase the chances of the last part of her sentence above that led her to cheat? I could be being naive but I do think its possible to have both the good guy and chemistry but I've heard quite a number of stories especially when the exciting guy is usually the guy that's no good for you. One of my biggest fears is ending up with someone who I don't find exciting but he was a good guy so I did it. I am getting ahead of myself seeing as I have no prospects but as a friend pointed out to me, the right person won't have me having doubts.

I do think this is what creates the high divorce rates in our generation. I think there has to be some inkling when you are about to marry the wrong person. Do you guys think so? I've always said that people don't have to be in love to get married, the most important thing is being at peace with your decision. Ah well. Another day, another thought. Have a lovely week!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

A Thought...and some

"Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren't inherently bad people, but they aren't the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well-being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself."

I am a total believer in the message above. I don't care who it is, if it's cutting into your happy, then cut it. But the message didn't strike a chord with me because of that. It struck a chord because I recognize that I could fit the description of the person causing the unhappy. I'll explain. See, I am a "unique" communicator, for lack of a better word. I get so many complaints about it. I don't like small talk or fluff or beating around the bush, I'd rather get straight to the point. Someone once told me that I start bbm conversations with her from the middle instead of the beginning. Another person has told me that I am pretty black and white with no grey area (this one i disagree with but everyone has their opinion). I guess my dislike of fluff makes my answers short/curt and i get complaints that I don't go into detail and it comes across as being difficult/rude, i think i got shady once sef. My biggest one is I am kind of a sucker for consistency and still haven't gotten it through my thick skull that people have a right to change their minds. Anyways, when I am in a convo with someone and we are discussing things, I bring up facts or a point of view based on what they have told me or what I know of them or I ask questions for clarity, in most cases where the view point has changed (and I am unaware of it), it comes across like I am being judgmental (and perhaps I am in some cases) which in turn makes the person defensive and the conversation completely takes a left turn. When I am conscious of repeat cases where this happens, or if I feel we just don't see things the same.I usually remove myself from the situation (based on an assumption and usually without notifying the person) and distance myself a little or censor myself because I don't want to be that person making someone feel like shit. In my head, its just better and safer.

I came across this blogpost by Ada that says you don't have to like someone to love the person. I am still not all the way sold on that logic but I did like the entire post. It says it is our spiritual duty to just love our neighbor, whether or not we agree with their life decisions or not. It made me question my habit of withdrawing and being censored, is that wrong? I shared the post with a friend of mine and she said she didn't think it was wrong and maybe distancing myself is my way of showing love for the betterment of myself and the other party. I told myself this year to try harder in remembering that I am just a friend and not a parent. I don't know man, arent you supposed to be honest with your friends? Where is the line between being honest and bringing your friends down unintentionally? Are you doing them a disservice being quiet?

Anyhue, I hope this made sense cuz it really was just one long drawn out thought as the title suggests. Happy Hump Day and have a lovely rest of the week!

Monday, February 3, 2014

Today I Will Make A Difference

This was written by Max Lucado. Hope this helps you have a great week.

Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference.



I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.



I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on victoriously. No failure is fatal. It’s OK to stumble… .
I will get up, it’s OK fail… . I will rise again. Today I will make a difference.



I will spend time with those I love. My spouse, my children, my family. A man can own the world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships. Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. Five quality minutes of talking or hugging or thanking or listening. Five undiluted minutes with my mate, children and friends.



Today I will make a difference.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Friday Randoms

Hey what do you know? 2 weeks in a row. January is finally over. It really dragged yo. Not that I am in any hurry for the months to start flying by sha. How about this Polar Vortex movie that;s now playing in a city near you. Crazy stuff. My friend was stuck in a gridlock in Atlanta for 21hrs with her baby. My mind was so blown by what was happening over there. Glad they got it sorted sha. The super bowl is on Sunday and I just wanna see my baby, Bruno Mars perform - oh and we won a grammy! wooohoo. It wasn't his first but the first that was televised- I digress. After that its valentines day. I only bring this up because every store, every promo email I get, its all they can talk about. It falls on a Friday this time which makes it seem even sadder for the unboo-eds like us hehe. Anyhueee let's take a ride on the random train!

Flaky people man...huuuuuuuuge pet peeve.

Champagne is really lucky it has status as a drink because it really doesn't taste all that.

So I was telling a coworker how I was trying to avoid all these weird hormones that might be in our foods and trying to eat organic eggs and milk. He was like I might as well save my money. He is of the belief that nothing is really good to eat unless you are growing your own food and hatching your own eggs. He is like because its a business they have to keep their stuff on the shelf and if it is packaged and doesn't go bad in 2 days then it just can't be that good for you. Sigh.

I find it amusing when unsingle/married people (read:females) state their disdain/dislike for Valentine's day. I find it annoying when unsingle/married men complain about it because they don't get all vexed for the other similar type holidays.

You know what's annoying when people up North rag on us down South for freaking out over little snow/ice. We get it, yall have snow rights but we arent used to it and we aren't equipped for it. Just leave us be.

I know I have said it before but I really do like success stories where people got rejected so many times but they never gave up and eventually made it. I also like the stories (maybe I shouldn't use the word like) that serve as a reminder that you never know what may happen tomorrow. Kim K was Brandy's assistant, now who's the more famous and richer one? Colby O' Donis was brought in to feature on Lady Gaga's first single "Just Dance" to help give her more visibility. Who is more famous now? Plus I am pretty sure people are like Colby who? Watched a youtube video about Bruno Mars' rise to fame and how he was dropped by how many labels since he was 18. May be silly but it somehow just gives me some hope. It's not how you start, it's how you finish, eh?

You know what hurts when in comes to human relations? If you don't try with a person and shit goes bad, at least you can be like sucks but I didn't try but when you try really hard with a person and the person just still doesn't acknowledge or notice you are trying. Its frustrating.

Most of you might have read the yoga story about a skinny white woman who felt some type of racism by a "heavy set" black woman. Infact the story is too stupid, I had no comment. You can google yoga+xo jane+racism, story will probably come up. You know how there's a thing like pretty girl entitlement - where pretty girls feels they are entitled to get stuff just cuz they are pretty, I do feel there's skinny girl entitlement. Maybe smaller girl entitlement is a better phrase. LAHHNY reminded me of this also when Tahiry and Rasheeda got into a fight. Tahiry is not skinny but is smaller than Rasheeda and naturally the first attack was Rasheeda was jealous of her body. Same happens on RHOA where digs are always made on Kandi and Phaedra's weight by Kenya.

I wonder about celebrity immigration. Do they get H1 too? Do studios and record labels file for them? Are they just offered citizenship?

I heard this on Real World and I shuddered at the kind of men that are out there: "Jenny is a prize to me. I don't want to fight for her. But I do want to win"

I leave you with some quotes:

"Every shoe has its size. If the shoe fits, wear it. If it doesn't fit, the shoe is good. The foot is good too. Just not for each other"

"Love is not maximum emotion. Love is maximum commitment" - Sinclair

Ok I thought I had more quotes but I can't find them. So have a lovely weekend. Be safe!