Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Way Too Much


There's like way too much going on in the world. What in the fuck is happening??!!

My friend says it has always been this way but we are just way over exposed now. Which is probably true. My only social media involvement is Twitter and it has been so overwhelming that I can't imagine how I would have managed the news cycle on all the platforms.

The most current headline is the whole sexual harassment scandal with Harvey Weinstein and all the dregs its bringing up. Dredging up all the ugliness that is being harassed by men in power and the silence women have to go through. Right on its heels is the whole kneeling saga and the NFL really thinking they have the right to tell players what they can or can't do. Let's not forget our Commander In Chief and the endless sound bytes he provides us.

What propelled me to write today is the whole NFL shit show. Because it's just another indicator of things that have always been. As if as black people we haven't been oppressed enough. First of all, the kneeling started as a protest to black men being slaughtered (you damn straight i said slaughtered) by men who are supposed to protect us and people/government acting like it's just another day in the office when it would be nice to be seen as people.

Somehow, somewhere along the way the narrative has changed to the flag and anthem being disrespected and vets not being honored or some bullshit. Like huh?? And then now the NFL issued some statement that all players have to stand.

Here's what really gets my goat. I can't help but see it as yet another form of oppression. I could be wrong but I think I heard the same instructions given for NBA players. Assume that's true, why is it the leagues that have a generous number of black players where this is issued? Why does a team owner think it's okay to tell a grown ass man what he can't or can't do?

What we consider entertainment is a job for these men. Most of these men got into this to escape the hood and a system designed to fail them before they even start. This is now their livelihood. These owners know this. Now you put them in a bind on what to do as they are dependent on a salary. I mean, how many of us would leave our 9-5's to stand up for a principle when we have bills to pay? How much more can we take? It just frustrates me to no end.

Americans truly have a knack for missing the mark because somehow the Weinstein saga has turned to night watch on who is commenting and who is not and who is standing up for who and isn't instead of focusing on the person who committed the crime and vilifying him. Ugh.

A white guy...oh sorry "kid" as the media refers to him, just shot a police officer dead and was apprehended. Alive. But let it be a black man who is unarmed and all of a sudden trained police officers fear for their lives. Oh and the officer who tackled and cuffed a nurse fighting for her patient's rights just got fired. Don't think any of the beast who shot black men dead have been fired so quickly, if at all.

I don't know. I am probably rambling but my heart is sick at all that is going on. It's even sicker because I don't have the hope that some have that this is pulling back the veils that some have on what the country is really like and will propel change because while I agree that the veil is being pulled back, I also think the people in charge are giving confidence to the ugly hearted people who now feel even more comfortable spreading their heinous crimes.

BTW fuck everyone who voted for Trump or said Hillary was just as bad. You must be out your damn mind.

Friday, October 6, 2017

The Marriage Cult

My title is sort of an internal joke from years ago when I was talking to a friend of mine. See, she had just got married and it seemed like it set off something in her mom because suddenly her mom started sharing with her things she had gone through in marriage that she had never mentioned before. In addition, to what my friend had learned as a newbie in marriage she had said: "I'm telling you, it's a cult. No-one tells you the real deal until you are in it and by then it's too late to get out" and at the time it made me chuckle.

Fast forward many years and with the state of marriage in these modern times, I think back to that and wonder if she wasn't entirely serious. Being a Nigerian, it has always been a source of wonder to me how mothers - because most of them endured their marriage rather than enjoyed it - still have this vigor in pushing their kids to marriage without the words of wisdom to accompany it and help them do better and not go through what they went through. And I mean this for sons and daughters alike.

I remember the "words of wisdom" my mom gave me and I remember telling her that yea, I probably won't be reaching out to her for advice. Most Nigerian mother advice involve suffering of some kind or being the bigger person and I explicitly asked her if she expected me to go into marriage defeated already.

I wonder if it is just a case of not airing your dirty laundry in public, so you stay mum? Is there some kind of line between that and being honest to others about what marriage entails? On the flip, maybe it is one of those things that can't really be explained just experienced so people play dumb till you are in it.

Not that there isn't some gender war on twitter every other day but the most recent one really had me scratching my head. Someone said that our parents generation suffered because they cared too much about what others think. There's probably some truth to that.

The other side of the argument is when people use words of the Bible to justify being unhappy in a marriage. Yesterday I commented on that and wondered if that's how people really see God. As someone who would rather see them unhappy, as long as they are upholding words and rules. Doesn't seem to gel for me.

Anyways, once again as a disclaimer. I don't think all marriages are doom and gloom and destined for suffering and unhappiness. I just think there's a lot that is not being talked about so people are aware of the seriousness of the journey they are about to take. I talked to a handful of friends (not scientific enough sample size) and they mentioned how they didn't get a talk from their moms on what to expect from marriage.

At the end of the day, we can only just hope and pray that we get it right. Did you get any talks from your parents that didn't include endurance as the main key? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Monday, September 11, 2017

+1 - 2017 Edition

Hi Guys, I know we have been on this journey together for a while because I have written so many "+1" posts to commemorate my birthdays. Well yesterday was another one. I am thankful for having a birthday and that the grace of God kept me to witness another. I am a huge birthday person and I get so giddy and excited for my birthday. I never understand people who get all weird about birthdays and getting older cuz the way I see it, it's older or death. I am always doing something for it and planning ahead and all that but thinking about yesterday, I am wondering if those days are behind me.

Birthdays don't feel the same anymore, since my mom passed. I remember the first birthday without her, I sobbed and sobbed. Last year, I think I felt more of grateful because I had just gone through a major health mountain and was recovering from surgery so it was more of a thanksgiving in my head but I felt the sadness in my chest. I was actually at a club in PR at midnight with my wonderful friends and I just felt this tightness. This year, I had started making plans and had a big party planned. I had even told some of my friends to mark their calendars.  I switched it to a trip to celebrate with my cousins but somewhere along the line I lost all zeal and cancelled everything. I wasn't feeling celebratory and decided I wanted to have a quiet one just chilling by myself and maybe trying to sort these conflicting feelings in me.

My birthday was by no means terrible. My darling Mgbeke decided to come down and not let me have a quiet birthday. At midnight, she was dancing around trying to ginger me and said a prayer for me. I went to church in the morning and we had a boozy brunch and she got me the most delicious and pretty cake. The birthday wishes rolled in throughout the day and I felt the love. I was grateful that I shared it with a friend than the plan of just chilling and sorting cuz I probably would have felt worse.

I don't know if this is the new birthday feeling for me but I am hoping it is not and it passes but thankful for the opportunity to still be alive in relative good health. I am employed and able to pay my bills and splurge on some things. I have family and friends that are completely awesome and I thank God for having them in my life. I am looking forward and hoping I have a year full of happiness and alignment where things align according to God's will for my life.

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Friday Randoms

Hiya guys. I have had randoms these past few weeks but I have been so stressed and busy with work that come Friday, I am so exhausted and it totally slips my mind. Man, is it just me or has life been a whirlwind with the news cycle. Hurricane Harvey truly was something else, it's so hard to believe I was there the weekend before weather all nice and sunny, we blinked and devastation. I am thankful that my friends and family are okay and they made it through. My thoughts and prayers go out to all the people who went through it and especially those who have to start all over after losing everything. May God provide for them and give them the strength to rebuild.

Summer is almost over here as we are experiencing cooler temperatures. I mourn for summer. Labor day weekend is finally here!!! I have been counting down ehn. I totally need the break. I have no plans which is perfectly fine. Maybe I will eat and drink myself to stupor with my best friend, Netflix :D. Okay, I shall stop rambling. Let's random.

I've asked many a different man about their alleged physical preferences and the reality of what they end up with (which are usually different) and the answers I get don't usually make sense so I think it's time to accept I am probably overthinking it. (I don't really think that hehe)

When I was in college, I used to pray for boobs so bad. Weight gain has given me boobs and I am still not used to it. I am still not used to being referred to as someone with boobs like when people are discussing and use me as an example. I remember when an ex said the first thing he noticed about me was my boobs. Up until then, I was so used to my butt being noticed that I actually said "huh, what do you mean my boobs?"

The term "hen night" makes me cringe. Of all the names, how did we settle on "hen night"? Why are the guy ones not called "cock night"

Speaking of terminologies, how come we have "cat lady", bag lady" as insulting terms for women but we don't have that for men. Na only to insult us society knows.

I always feel some type of way when just because/I just think so is given as a reason. I was talking to a friend who was telling me how he thinks a certain producer was racist. I asked why and I think I got a round about answer, so I eventually said "so you have no basis?" and he's like "yup, i just think so". Grr could have saved me a convo hehe

How come men will know behavioral characteristics about you and state how they don't like or approve of it. Instead of just exiting and going to find the one that you like, they'll prefer to stay and instead try to change or correct you. To be fair, I guess we all do it?

I don't believe that any decision based on emotion ends up being a good one. I'm a shut downer. If I get highly upset or emotional, I prefer to take a breather and keep shut and think about both sides vs. reacting immediately and saying things I will regret. Shutting down is a blessing and a curse. Blessing because it has probably saved me from some regrets and curse because I can't imagine that it is fun for the other party.

Do you believe God can or can't be criticized? Why?

That's all I have for you today. Hope you guys have a blessed weekend. Enjoy life and tell your friends and family how much you love them. Life is short guys.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Friday Randoms

I don't know about y'all and where you live but in my neck of the woods, it's been a rain fest. I mean we talking cloudy, dreary days. Like it was hot one minute and next in the morning we were in the 60's. Saturday is supposed to be a high of 72. In July. Meanwhile, thunderstorm and rain all weekend. How do people still not believe in climate change? Sha Sha, hope everyone is having a great summer. Last year, I was on bedrest for most of the summer so I am trying to make the best of this summer and have as much fun as I can. So far, so good. Before I random, can i just say America is in shambles. It's a damn shame. Let's random.

You wake up one day and you are not attracted to your spouse. What do you do? How do you handle that?

It's so funny the different things we categorize as personal. I think I am a private person but there are certain things I don't consider personal but other people have told me are personal to them. Or maybe I am not private? hmm.

It's so tempting to treat people how they treat you and not over extend for someone who will not do the same for you. But too bad you can't really override your true nature.

It's funny to me how packing your own lunch is a foreign concept to some people. Natural to them is buying lunch everyday. Meanwhile for me it's like how can you buy lunch everyday?! That's like throwing money down the drain.

What do you call your grandma's sister? I randomly remembered how my cousin's kids used to call my mom Aunty Nana.

Maybe it's all the new babies all around me but that irrational feeling of failure for never giving my mom grandkids resurrected recently.

My friend believes that being celibate means not just no sexual intercourse, no self pleasure no toys no nothing. I don't necessarily believe that. Sometimes sex comes with complications because of the person attached to the penis/vagina. If people still have needs but are trying to take a step back/clear head they can still be celibate and still self pleasurize? or nah?

Is having a green card vs. being a citizen something Nigerians consider embarrassing? I am not sure but it's a vibe I get especially during election times. Or maybe it's a thing of privacy? (going back to my previous random). I sha don't think it's anything to be embarrassed about. At the end of the day we are all just immigrants looking for a better life than what our country offers us.

Saw a tweet that said "I feel like life is better in your thirties than your twenties" I had to pause and think about that. I still have no answer. Those of you in your thirties, what say ye?

I am really not sure there's a good way to die. It's either you die suddenly with no warning, no goodbyes or nothing or you know you are dying but it is this long painful process.

Have a great weekend guys. Be safe and stay blessed

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Midlife Crisis

The other day my friend asked me if I thought everyone goes through a mid life crisis.

I said yes. Depending on how you define mid life crisis.

I define mid life crisis as taking stock of your life at a certain age and not being satisfied with where you are. I feel everyone goes through that - well save for the people who have perfect lives and blessings or uber optimistic people who don't acknowledge problems and still see the glass half full - at some point in their lives.

It's funny how there is a quarter life crisis terminology for when you are in your mid twenties. Does that mean life is just that stressful that the crisis starts as early as that with the major mid life crisis waiting for you when you are much older?

I was speaking to an intern today who was looking for direction and feeling like she didn't have a handle on what she wanted to do. She made a comment like she just has to figure out what she wants to do. In my head I was like "you're probably never going to ever be so sure".

Isn't that how adulting works? You just make the best decision at the time and hope to God it works out. Even when I feel like ok this is the right thing to do without a doubt. I can't say that I don't second guess my decision.

What do you guys think? Does everyone go through a mid life crisis?

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Friday Randoms

The official first day of summer was yesterday. Ope o! We haven't been able to fight off the rain but at least we have the warm weather going. Soon come, the sun will follow it and shine wella wella. Everyone always asks if you have plans for the summer. I have absolutely zilch plans. I think the only one plan I have is to try paddle boarding. My friend said she was gonna teach me how to. That's about it. But hey, life is what happens while making plans, right? The question is probably what plans does the summer have for me? Last summer was a nightmare, so let's hope it's kinder to me this year. Time to random!

What makes a person a selfish person? What would make you call a person selfish?

Think of a relative or immediate family member you love so much and respect and one day you hear that they have been accused of sexual assault. What do you do? I see people give so much grief to people who still are friendly with their family members that have been accused and I just wondered, if your relative tells you they didn't do it. Wouldn't you be inclined to believe them?

A coworker told me a story of how he was so mad at his ex moving on so quickly even though he cheated on her while they were in a relationship. loool. men are interesting.

Why is it so hard for men to listen to a woman vent? Do they think we are that helpless that a solution has to be offered?

You know...perception is reality. People will always see what they want to see. You can laugh and joke and list all the happy things you have mentioned but if someone wants to see you as this angry, sad person then that's exactly what you are. They'll only remember the moments that corroborate with that perception.

I was being a dolt with my friend and the heifer completely called me out on it. After eating humble pie and apologizing, I gotta say I was hella impressed. Respect.

The world has progressed and we now have coed baby showers. In my mind guys are coerced to come for them but then again is there a chance they actually enjoy it? Why did it become coed?

If you are with a woman who has not orgasmed from sex with you. Will that bother you?

I heard somewhere that when a woman cannot orgasm from sex that it is a mental thing like maybe there's not a complete or deep connection/trust formed. Someone disagreed with me but I think I actually agree.

While we are on the subject, there's no such thing as not knowing if you had an orgasm or not after sex. You can't miss an orgasm. Not sure why people say that.

I find it weird when Nigerians categorize a period of time with yankee seasons. Then again it's only summer they use. It's hot all year round :/

Irks me when women call other women "babe"

The Kardashians have turned anxiety into something you pick up at the store. Every little thing, they have anxiety.

In my big age, I am learning how to let people be. People aren't always receptive to input especially if you weren't asked. Everyone is grown and perfectly capable of doing things they're own way even if it is different from mine. It is not something that comes easy for me as I feel like I've lived 500 lifetimes and have a lot of knowledge to impart on different situations lol. But yea, valuable lesson.

That's all I got for you beautiful folks. 4th of July is next weekend. Hope y'all got big plans. Make sure you do it big for two as I will probably be my usual boring self and hang out with my TV. Have a lovely weekend!