Thursday, May 18, 2017

Friday Randoms

Hiya folks. Long time no see. Summer is here! I love summer. Feels good to walk out the door and feel the sun on my skin instead of bitter cold winds. You will never catch me complaining about summer afterall for those of us who grew up in Naij, this was the weather we had all year round. I just got back from an awesome vacation but it has slowly faded to a memory as work just hit me in full force. I had like 5 back to back meetings today and I got home so drained. The 9-5 life can drain you sha. Just dealing with the corporate bs takes all the energy out of you. Let's random:


I have a recollection of randoming this before but it's my random and I will repeat if I want to. Our generation like to think that they are all open minded and non judgmental but there's a side eye when someone says they are not having sex or waiting till marriage.

Is it so terrible to say "if I get married" vs. "when I get married". Why do Nigerians think it's speaking ill will vs. really not knowing what your future holds?

I just finished reading this book called The 7 Levels of Intimacy (which I recommend to everyone especially anyone in a relationship). I don't know that it said anything so new but I liked how it broke down things. One of the things addressed was how success in a lot of things requires discipline but a lot of us don't want to apply it. Which is why we are always looking for quick fixes eg a quick way to lose weight vs the discipline required to eat less and work out more.

There was this thread on twitter that asked what was the craziest bible story to you? A lot of the responses just made me think that it's best not to scrutinize Christianity and the Bible with your brain because you would totally be left scratching your head

There are some things I see on social media that I know I would NEVER share but you know, sharing is relative. There are some things I am okay sharing that someone else would probably think is too much. Anyways, my point is there are some really open people and I have to say I admire them. There's something that seems so liberating about baring everything.

I don't know about you guys but most of the guys I have dated have been so closed off. When I was younger, I fooled myself into thinking that it was sexy and mysterious but now that my eyes have shined, I think it's such a stupid thing. Saying "that's how guys are" is also stupid. Fight me.

It's annoying when you have a big ass and people reduce you to just your ass. Guy hollers - oh, of course he did, look at all that ass or why are you single with all that ass you are packing? Ugh

I am so fascinated by Married at First Sight. In a recent episode one of the ladies said something that struck my soul. "It's so easy to love me during my lovable moments but I just realized that I have never had someone love me through my unlovable moments". Deep.

Wonder how catfish became synonymous with duping someone. Why those two creatures? cat and fish? why wasn't it something else like dogcrab? or horsecricket?

Unpopular opinion: on some level, I think eloping is a tad bit selfish. I totally get the no money for a big wedding angle but I think a dinner or a little party of loved ones is always doable. You guys know I have a thing about people all over you during their bad times and ditching you once they are situated and happy again. I think a celebration with all the people who care about you and who have been there through the bad and rough relationships is only right.

You know how I say people never see you the way you see yourself. Most people think they are a good person but what if you are not?

That's all I got for ya. Have a wonderful weekend. Take advantage of the great weather and be safe!


Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Risk

Anything worth having in life begins by taking a risk.
 
Risk is the Universe's way of pushing us to become more than what we are.
 
Risk is faith at the edge.
 
Risk is the pulsating essence of life.
 
Without risk, we are automatons going through our days with no purpose or meaning. 

We are safer, perhaps but we are also ironically, closer to death.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

2 Years

Today marked the second anniversary of my mom's death. There is a one week span between her birthday and her death so this year it (birthday) fell on Sunday which I didn't know was the UK and Naija mother's day, so that was like eek. It's been an emotionally nerve wracking few months but you know...life goes on.

It's been a weird emotion. I think at the back of my mind the countdown to the anniversary always begins from the start of the year and automatically takes me back to January of the year she died and how we felt every month to her death till then. Kinda like replaying it over. I still replay the day she died a lot in my head and everything I did that day right down to what I wore. It's ironic that at the moment she probably took her last breath, I had just deposited money for her hospital bills.

When she first passed, I got a lot of "it never goes away but it gets easier" and 2 years down I can't say that I have reached that level (and maybe it's too early). I don't think I have ever shed these many tears in my life this last year. The first year it was strictly just the pain but now it's like it has graduated and now manifests for no reason or for any tiny reason. It still feels so raw and surreal and painful mostly because almost everything is a reminder of her and everything I will never get to share with her.

For her anniversary, I decided I wouldn't let it be a day of wallowing and sadness and just honor her memory and try to be as upbeat as I can. I got a little sad when I got some texts and my cousins had her pic up (it's still a bit difficult to see her picture) but that passed. My brother face timed me by her graveside and we said a prayer. We've talked about the anxiousness of the approaching day before hand and talk a lot about how we feel day to day so that's helpful.

I'm grateful for the time spent with her and grateful for her life spent and to have been her child. Mama, you'll forever be in my heart. Love always. May your soul continue to rest in peace.

(Thank you all for listening to my ramblings. It helps a bit to write sometimes)

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Friday Randoms

Howdy Ho folks. There is one more day till March ends and just like that Q1 2016 is over. That being said, cold still dey catch us for here. Hey, Spring anytime you're ready show face o. We dey wait you. I had a great vacation two weeks ago in Vegas. I went to see my Backstreet Boys and it was so worth it. They still got it and it made me nostalgic for a bit. I lost my voice actually. Sounded like a toad for a few days. Good times with good people and I even won some money from the slot machines! The bad thing about vacation is you get back and its like you never went. Stress of real life hits you straight inna di chest as soon you get back like you never left. I don't have much randoms for yall today but figured I'd still drop the few I got. Here we go...

Had a conversation with someone who has very interesting and different views on life. One of the things he views differently is how people focus on certain things as the big things/decisions that determine our fate. For example, how people wonder should I go to this college or not?, should I take this job or not? because we believe whatever our decision us will have a big impact. He thinks it's the little every day decisions that we don't even think about or put much thought into that shape us more than that. Things like what we choose to eat everyday, picking up a phone to call someone, deciding to attend a party (where you might meet someone who has an impact on your life). I could see his point. What do you think?

You know how we always say certain reality show people are boring. my friend says that it's a fear of hers that she yabs some characters and think she is not that way or would appear different but what if you are actually boring and you just don't know it because you don't have cameras on you.

It's a wonder to me how people work out during lunch. How much does one get in in an hour? Is there enough time to change before and after and also shower? Maybe they have two hour lunches?

Speaking of work out, I really wish I was proficient in running and yoga

I know such is life but there is something a little sad about seeing about seeing someone in their late 40's go through heartbreak. I am not sure I can explain it but I have this thing about not dating the same way I dated in my 30's. Living longer, knowing better and doing better. Also, I feel like we put in time in heartbreaks younger and it seems a bit unfair to still be hurt in the older years. Make sense or nah?

Sometimes when I say I'm sleepy, the party on the other end of the convo says "why?" seeing as a number of people respond that way, I am assuming it's normal but it makes no sense in my head. Well, because I didn't get enough sleep or...I'm just sleepy. I have no idea why the feeling is in me. It's like if someone says "I'm hungry" and someone asks "why?" They didn't eat or they just are hungry.

Someone told me I was dark the other day. I didn't argue. Really can't. I know what they meant. It's a bit sad but it is what it is. I wish it were different but it isn't. I acknowledge my flaws and also acknowledge my attempts to be/do better.

You know that game we play where we guess who is good in bed just by their outward appearance or mannerisms and zero fact. Well I think Nicole Kidman would be good at the sex but then Keith Urban looks dry, which made me wonder what their sex is like (don't judge me, it's called Friday RANDOMS) :D

Well, that's all I got. Have a wonderful and safe weekend.





Thursday, March 16, 2017

Friday Randoms

Hi guys. Happy friday. As I type this, I am so tired. Work is kicking my ass and I am so burnt out. But much needed vacation starts tomorrow and it couldn't have come at a better time. We had a snow storm few days ago and it's quite cold here. Guys, what is going on in our country o?What kind of wickedness giving to people? How can these people expect to make heaven? On the other side, North Korea is ready to show us pepper. Okay o. Keep on rocking, 45. Keep on rocking. Anyways, let's random.

You get married. Your partner dies. You find out he/she has been cheating on you. How do you even mourn? Who do you direct your anger to?

Was talking about this with a friend and he asked if I had a friend in this situation who didn't know their partner was cheating and I knew, would I tell my friend? I had to think about that for a second but I don't think I will because at this stage, what is the point? It just seems cruel. How about you, would you tell?

My brother is younger than me and has not been married up to a year but I gotta tell you that I admire his marriage.

Man. Being a human being is so hard. Sometimes I wish I was more carefree and not so by the book or so aware. Life would probably be much simpler and I'd enjoy it more.

Last year, Shonda Rhimes "Year of Yes" was the best book I read. She mentioned something called Blue Sky Syndrome. Where she implied that human beings are more in love with the idea of making goals and existing and getting comfortable in the idea of having goals than actually achieving those goals. I think she speaks some truth.

I read this on someone's blog. To paraphrase "When things usually come easy for you, it's easier to give up on things quickly when things get rough" agree or disagree?


I have been binge watching Golden Girls on Hulu. The show has held up really well. Also, the shade on that show is on one hunned. Anyways, it led me to a google worm hole where I learned 3 of the 4 costars died in succession in 2008, 2009 and 2010. Betty White is the last living star and I wonder how she feels. How aware is she of her mortality? Heck. How does it feel when you are really old and know that inevitably, death is around the corner.

Speaking of death. It's such a pretty scary and traumatic thing. It's such a cruel thing that is part of the life cycle and I am not sure how we are supposed to keep on living and functioning as normal.

What does it mean when a person moves on so fast? Does it mean they never cared or they genuinely just moved on that fast?

Someone recently asked me what I have learned from self help books about happiness and I said: It's easier to be happy when things are going your way. Probably sounds like an obnoxious answer but it's true. They seem to have some reference point of a breakthrough that made them want to be happy. The closest book I have read was Rick Warren's wife's book but it came before her son committed suicide. I would love to hear her take on finding happiness after such a devastating loss. I think that would resonate more with me.

Being a parent seems like hard work

I am always surprised at certain things people don't know. I just haven't figured out yet if I am the exception or the anomaly

I am rewatching Mad Men from beginning. If you'd like to watch along with me, I am blogging each episode at http://rewatchingmadmen.blogspot.com/

Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend!





Saturday, March 4, 2017

Friends With Exes

I have had this discussion with a handful of friends and I decided to write about it. If you have had the discussion with me, then you would know that I think being friends with an ex is a very completely unnecessary something. While I am guilty of this, I still firmly stand with the stance that it is completely unnecessary. For some reason, every time I say this people seem to think I have said that you should treat them like dirt and be completely mean to them. Nope, definitely not what I mean.

Most times when I make this statement, almost always the response from women is "doesn't it depend how the break up was?" fair enough, true but how many breakups were oh so pleasant? Not saying they don't exist just saying it is not the case in most cases. Look at it both ways, if the fault was yours or the fault was his and he treated you like crap. What is the need to be friends with this person that hurt you so much or that you hurt so much? I've always been fascinated by how we women are able to romanticize any situation and gloss over grimy stuff because that is the only reason why we probably believe that someone who didn't care about our emotions before has suddenly transformed to this wonderful friend that we can't do without. Flip the script and let it be a female friend who showed you who they are, the forgiveness doesn't come as quickly as it does for an ex. (this is probably where sex comes in)

While people get older and mature and could be genuinely sorry for their past behavior, most times I tend to notice that women are the ones who make a much bigger deal about how this friendship was so deep and was a connection; while men acknowledge yes we were friends and it's a shame how it went down and move on with their lives. Another reason I find it unnecessary is almost always when a woman decides to be friends with her ex, chances are high they will end up in the sack together again. Ending up in the sack again, brings up those rosy dreams and story lines again, satisfied that yes we truly had a different kind of connection while the man is thinking hey we have an understanding and we've moved past the murk while living their lives like its golden.

Alright. Now, take away the exes that get back together. In the long run, I often wonder what the point of being friends in when if one person moves on, not sure their significant others would be happy about this friendship. Out of respect for them, they might cut you off or drastically reduce contact so basically, the friendship has a shelf life.

Overall honestly, while I think it's nice, I think we need to get over the hang up of feeling like not being friends with an ex signifies something more like say, it means you are an awful person or you are doing something wrong. Being civil with someone and not being all buddy buddy doesn't mean you don't wish them well, its more self preservation. One of the friends I spoke with said "but it's not easy to just remove someone you've known for a long time just like that" and that is true but some things that are right for us are not easy but we do it to better ourselves. Also, in some cases some exes don't speak for a while and rekindle it. If you were able to survive during that time you weren't speaking, pretty sure you'll both be okay if it isn't rekindled.

Funny enough, I ran across this article that says that only narcissists and psychopaths love to stay friends with their exes and it gave me a chuckle. To cover all my bases - I am not saying it's the cases in all situations. I based this on my observations and personal experiences. I have written from a female perspective as I am one.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Friday Randoms

Howdy ho, people. It is friday again. Yippee! Gosh, work has been so busy my brain hasn't had a breather and I keep counting down to the weekend from sheer exhaustion. Thank God Monday is a holiday. Looking forward to it. How are you guys enjoying the Trump era? Never a dull moment abi? I don't know whether to laugh or cry because I have no idea where we are headed. I sha do know that this man is infallible and I am not sure who or what can take him down. Anyways, let's random.

Do me, I must do you. How petty is too petty?

Earlier in the month, I celebrated 7 years at my company and somehow I felt shame. I feel like people in our generation switch jobs frequently that staying long is just...I don't even know

On that note, time is crazy because the same way I look at people who have spent like 22 years at a company and realize that it is so easy to become that person.

A guy friend of mine told me that he side eyes guys who still chase anything in a skirt like their life depends on it. He says he sees it as an indicator of someone who isn't where they want to be in life so they re-channel their energy into scoring with women. Guys, do you agree?

This brand of Christianity, that promotes the notion that God loves some people more or better hence them being more favored or that bad things that happen to you are your fault, is very annoying

"Enjoy the view of your backyard even if it is covered in weeds"

I randomly thought of Beyonce's OB GYN. How do you peer into a highly revered woman's vagina and not get home and tell anyone? Who is her OB GYN?

Saw an article with the headline: "I love my daughter but I wish I hadn't had her". Someone made a comment that they feel for people who feel this way because there is really no space in society that allows people who feel this way to admit that having kids effed up their lives. Like with most things, you can't really be honest because it would be viewed as negative. So you swallow your words and continue to live with society's expectations

Going through my old emails brings me more sadness than happiness

I truly don't understand these reality shows where moms leave their kids in a different city almost always for a love interest. I think it's irresponsible. Once you have a kid, all decisions should be based on them

Emotional strength is a thing. I never realized how much of an important thing it is. Some people never get to strengthen and grow theirs

I have never been hooked up. I don't know what this says about me :(

Lent is around the corner. With it comes the what are you giving up for lent questions. I strongly support everyone who participates as long as it is in connection with the spirit and reason of Lent but at some point it became like Lent is this costume party and everyone asking others what are you giving up makes it sound like what are you dressing up as to the party? The 40 days is supposed to be a personal, spiritual moment between you and your God and as such what you choose to sacrifice during that spiritual journey should be between you two. As always, I am probably overthinking it.

Well, that's all I got. The weather is supposed to go from 30 degrees to mid 60's this weekend. This is how people get sick but I intend to take advantage. My friend got this amazing pastries in Atlanta and I am on the hunt to find them in my hood, so might take the train into the city and go scout Chinatown (don't judge me). Have a great weekend and stay blessed!!