Thursday, July 30, 2015

Friday Randoms

Hello all. Hope you are all doing well. I really love summer. I never understand when people complain about the heat. I'd take this all day vs. the winter or fall. I really hate wearing coats and sweaters. Can you believe we have just 5 months left of this year? It feels like January was just here. Personally, it's just been a long ass year but this isn't about me. Let's random.

How are celebs able to rebound from relationships so quickly? Like it doesn't matter the age, circumstance or look you are guaranteed to hear of their new relationship almost immediately after a split. Thinking about it, it's just not reserved for celebs sha. There are people who are almost rarely single. They always have a significant other. How do you guys do it o?

How do you kick a person out your system?

How many of your friends were made online vs. physically in real life? Was talking to a friend who mentioned how he met his friend via some msn community thingie and it had me remembering a convo with another friend who said he thought most of my bridal party would be friends I made online (not even sure why he thought that). I thought about it and while I have made a lot of friends via online mediums, none of the people I have in mind for my bridal party right now (except 1, which is even a comma whether she's online) would be from online and most of my close friends are friends I made in college.

Those of you that have hope for Nigeria, where do you get it from? This is a serious question btw.

It's a bit awkward being friends with 2 people who were dating and are now split.

Why do celebs retweet their compliments? Don't they get enough attention? I noticed this is a common practice among reality stars sha, so that makes sense.

I envy people who are always on some "life is great" tip because I don't care if you positive patrolers come to get me but LIFE IS HARD. All the decisions, responsibilities and curve balls you have to deal with and navigate while preserving your sanity. It's hard biko.

I thought this was a really good read pertaining to life http://markmanson.net/question

Nigerians can be so extra about stuff. When they do stuff you'd think they've never done it before. Like they've never seen champagne before or traveled abroad or *insert any cool kid activity*. just be making noise about it up and dahn.

You can try to edit yourself taya to make people more comfortable around you but honestly, you can please everyone. Something will always still be an issue. Guess it is better to just be you. Noone is obligated to hang out with you or be your friend.

That's all I have for you guys. Have a great weekend. Be safe and stay prayed up.






Sunday, July 26, 2015

12 Steps to Self Care

I come across a lot of these things online and once upon a time I'd view them as cliches and roll my eyes but as I get older I have realized that these reminders are so necessary because once again, we know better but we don't do better.

1. If it feels wrong, don't do it

2.  Say [exactly] what you mean

3.  Don't be a people pleaser

4.  Trust your instincts

5.  Never speak bad about yourself

6.  Never give up on your dreams

7.  Don't be afraid to say no

8.  Don't be afraid to say yes

9.  Be kind to yourself

10. Let go of what you can't control

11. Stay away from drama and negativity

12. LOVE

Hope you found at least one thing that resonates? Which ones resonated with you? Have a lovely week ahead.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Friday Randoms

Hi all. Hope everyone had a good week. We are having a lot of thunderstorms here and it's kind of annoying just rain all the time. I don't think I got to say this but thank you to everyone who left a kind message or sent an email to me about my mom. I appreciate it and thank you for the prayers, they are much needed and truly appreciated. Regarding my last post about nature vs. nurture, I read this article last week about two sets of twins switched in error - http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/12/magazine/the-mixed-up-brothers-of-bogota.html?_r=1 - it was such a fascinating read and also mentioned in there was: One unexpected finding in his research suggested that the effect of a pair’s shared environment — say, their parents — had little bearing on personality. Genes and unique experiences — a semester abroad, an important friend — were more influential. Pretty fascinating. Anyways here are my randoms:

I have finally decided that I don't like it when an older woman dates a much younger man. More oft than not, she is gonna want stuff that he is not ready to give and it's kinda like what's the point?

Honestly, celebs living in their own world is a thing because they never seem to learn. I am totally not against Russell and Ciara being celibate not at all but why announce it? Someone responded to me that it gives inspiration for those practicing same which I kinda see but biko they are celebs. I can give you a long list of celebs who declared same and didn't follow through. I feel like Russell has invited a whole slew of people into their relationship, things always get blown out of proportion when you are a celeb. Also, the whole God told me to lead her etc rubbed me the wrong way. Breh, you just got a divorce, we are all sinners and learning.

I don't think it's harder to make friends as you get older, I think it's harder to find people you click with especially because your tolerance for bullshit is at a low.

Technology advancement is a bit scary. I look at some of the things we can do now and I am just like can we slow down?

If you watch Married to Medicine, you know Dr Jackie is constantly on some be skinny under the guise of be healthy tip and she borders on rudeness. One of the doctors made a comment that it's interesting hearing Dr Jackie make these comments when she has never had to struggle with her weight before and I think he had a point. Sometimes it's amusing seeing people who never had to struggle give all these tips like it's easy but if you have never had to struggle you get to have your cheat days and gorge on fattening foods and skip workouts and still be skinny where someone who struggles has to do twice the work. Long and short sha, sometimes some sensitivity is lacking.

Has anyone ever read an obituary that was honest? Every obituary seems to make the dead person a paragon of virtue of human being-hood. You aren't supposed to speak ill of the dead but is it ill if it's truth?

I listened to a podcast that made me think of people who reside in troubled countries. I honestly can't imagine what it would be like to live in a place where you are in fear 24/7.

I am always fascinated by people with pseudo or full on igbo accents who can't speak the language. One of my closest friends today, the day I met her and she said she couldn't speak I was all "who are you fronting for?". yes i am a mess.

I don't know if I will ever delete my mom from my bbm or my contacts. I miss her everyday.

Once again, always believe that the way you see yourself is definitely not how people see you.

Social Media is not a true representation of how people are really doing. People always make that mistake.

In today's episode of Taynement's irrational irks. I dislike when I am having a conversation with someone and they just start dropping links. I totally get why, to back up a point but I work in research and know that you can skew anything to back up whatever point you want to. Kinda like how you can find any bible passage for whatever you want to prove. But I'd just rather have a discussion that having to take a break and go read then come back. Remember i said it was irrational. Thanks.

Guys, self delusion is the way to go. If you truly believe you are the shit, nothing can phase you and you believe your hype. I know people who operate this way and it's totally working for them. So people, get your dose of self delusion today!

Have a wonderful week guys. Stay prayed up and be safe.

I love this song.










Sunday, July 5, 2015

Nature vs. Nurture

The other day I came across this tweet on my TL:

"i sometimes feel like the children of single parent homes or of divorce will stay in relationships LONG past the sell by date..."

I found this tweet silly because it reminded me of many sayings like this that I have heard in the past that seem to imply certain behaviors are solely or majorly found in people from single parent or divorced homes without recognizing that there are many scarred people that come from 2 parent/stayed together parents. Just because it's a 2 parent home doesn't mean it was rosy but anyways that's not my point. It led me to thinking whether people's lives/characteristics is because of their environment or their natural traits.

The age old Nature vs. Nurture question.

I still don't know where I stand on this question, but I think if I had to pick I'd pick Nature.

I think we are born with certain characteristics at birth that guide us through our decisions in life. Sure along the way, our experiences alter/modify, but I don't think the core of a person can be changed? or can it?

Another reason for those who might pick nurture. I met a couple. Married 50 years, been together about 54 years. They are a joy to be around. Still laugh together, hold hands etc. I asked what they thought was most important and he said she makes him laugh everyday. So basically, the epitome of a happy marriage. Now switch to their kids. A different story. I think except for one, none stayed married. Made bad dating decisions, single mom, problems with kids etc. They had an exemplary marriage to look up to so why?

I can recognize if people think I am making it simplistic with this example but i'd like to hear your thoughts. What do you think? What do you think has more influence in a person's life?

Nature vs. Nurture?

Thursday, June 25, 2015

An Irish Prayer

It's been a rough couple of months since I lost my mom. Sometimes, I look at myself and wonder how I am functioning. If you had ever told me how I would be if I ever lost my mom I would have told you I would have lost it, but here we are. Grief is a very strange thing. It's also a very confusing thing. You are full of questions but have no answers and won't get any because they are gone. It brings many different emotions that hit you at the weirdest times.

Every little thing reminds me of my mom and I can think of a memory to attach to it. It's an odd thing continuing and acting like life goes on when your world has stopped. Sometimes, I feel like a crazy person. After the funeral it was much worse. I felt so lost (I still do). I felt like I was walking around with a gaping hole. I was so confused and I didn't know what the purpose of life or God was. I couldn't pray. I tried reading the bible but everytime I read something that alluded to God protects his own or is always there, I'd shut down cuz all my mind told me was "LIES!!!".I felt like God abandoned me.

I found that people don't know what to say. I also found that as much empathy one may have, if they haven't lost a parent they didn't understand. You hear so many things - some insensitive, some that made me wonder "did they just say that?" and you have to understand they don't understand. I turned to friends, especially those who had lost a parent(or both), they understood me more and I was so desperate to find out how they survived this "trauma"(that's what I call it) because it just looked so bleak to me.

The funny part was as mad as I was at God, I had no other better solution. I somehow found my way back to prayer and I have to say it helped some. As I am talking to God and telling him to for once listen to me, I am also telling him I don't even know why I am praying to him but somehow I always end up having that need to pray (contradictory, right?). A friend of mine took it upon herself and gave me a stern, long talking to and it stuck. She explained her emotions when she lost her dad, how she still felt his presence, she called and prayed with me and for me, gave me perspective , listened to me whenever my anxiety crept up (which is often, i tell ya) and she got me a journal to write in because she said writing helps.

I think I am doing better now but I know I will never be the same. I am taking each day as it comes and it takes a conscious effort to get through each day with that ache. Thinking of the things I will never share with my mom again. I am not rushing myself or giving myself a time frame, I am allowing myself to grieve and mourn my mom. I don't know how long it will take but I am also just trying to have a better mindset of life. Life is indeed short. I still am not able to go to church ( I went once and it overwhelmed me, it felt like being in a building that betrayed me). So, I stick to mediating with God at home till I am ready.

I hope I continue to get better with each passing day and I intend to make my mom proud by bettering myself overall. Yesterday a friend of mine sent me this Irish prayer and I think it fits with where I want my mindset to be:

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow
For every tear, a smile
For every care, a promise
And a blessing in each trial.

For every problem life sends, 
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song
And an answer for each prayer.

Have a lovely weekend. Stay prayed up and be safe.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Friday Randoms

Today is a somber day in America. These occurrences against black people is getting too frequent and it's actually a bit frightening because really this could happen to any one of us. May the souls of all those lost rest in peace. Here we go with randoms dedicated to my friend, Swanboy.


What's the line between confidence and arrogance?

Pet Peeve: When people sound so sure about stuff they have no proof or know nothing about. It is quite common among Nigerians because for some reason saying "I don't know" is a crime.

Sometimes I think my being single bothers other people more than me myself.

I can't count the number of times I have been asked if I will do online dating. I don't know what the intentions or reasons are but I always side eye the question. Especially if I haven't complained to said person about not meeting people. I just find it annoying when people have some insight into my love life or lack thereof.

Speaking of love life, it's one thing to be private but it's a whole other thing to be in a relationship or quarter to engaged and be fellowshipping with single people about "our own time will come"

I know there are some people who suddenly have all the wisdom once they get married. I don't think anyone should expect to be cheated on. Not at all. That's unhealthy. At the same time, I don't think anyone is beyond being cheated on.

I had never been to a funeral before. For my first funeral to be my mom's, it was as awful or far worse than I expected it to be. I don't see how anyone's life can be the same after you have seen a loved one in a casket. Hands down the hardest thing I have ever had to experience.

Where do you consider home? Where the heart is? Where you feel at peace? *insert whatever else definition*. I don't know where I consider home. I have no ties to anywhere.

Sometimes, as human beings, we bring things upon ourselves - I call them man made problems. I don't consider it a situation where God is testing you or your faith. For example, if you lay with a person unprotected and you catch something. The rough patch you go through isn't a test. It's the consequence of a mistake. Mistakes are things we humans do a lot because we are...human. Now how we react and deal with the consequence whole different matter but before then, no need to bring the big man into something that we brought upon ourselves.

When a woman loses her husband, she's a widow. When a husband loses his wife, he is a widower. When children lose their parents they are orphans. What do you call someone who loses a child?

If you have a child and name them and you lose that child. Is it weird to name a future child the same name as the one you lost?

People underestimate the fear I have for doctors/hospitals/offices. Was at the doctor's office earlier and while waiting I nearly passed out from fear. By the time the doctor walked in I was trying to breathe and trying to loosen my loose shirt collar as if I was wearing a tie (dramatic much). She was like are you okay? Glad she was a nice doc sha, she knows my history and said I have ptsd from previous experiences. She also told me to maybe try hypnosis (hardy ha ha)

I really don't like "lol" as a filler in convos. I get that sometimes it's the only thing to say, I am guilty of it but when it's used every other message, it's like grrr.

Someone once asked if graveyards at some point cleared out the graves and headstones and if they didn't wouldn't we run out of space at some point. I thought that was a good point. I walked by a graveyard today and I saw a bunch of headstones of people born in the 1800's!! and died in like 1920's. I wonder if people still visit. Is it a leased space?

Guys please help a sister out and visit www.taynement.com and tell a friend to tell a friend. Thank you!

Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend. Remember to always stay prayed up and be safe.






Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Favour

I saw this tweet on my TL:

"Things people are struggling for, you get them easily without sweat. Without compromise. Just God's favour!"

I think I may have said this in my randoms before but this tweet reminded me how the word favor rubs me off the wrong way. I totally get wanting to sing your blessings to the world but I truly think there are other ways to do so without being smug? obnoxious? (are those the right words?)

We are told that God loves us all equally but when these self proclaimed favored people make these declarations, the word seems to take on a connotation like they are on a different level and are better in God's eyes. Like those who don't get them easily (to quote the lady above) are doing bad things and deserve to be punished.

Once again, I am not saying the praises of God shouldn't be declared publicly but more oft than not these declarations often comes across as bragging under the guise of praising God. I think you can tell when a declaration is genuine, I doubt it would include comparison to others.

My gripe of the day.