Sunday, August 26, 2012

For women who are "difficult" to love

Leggy has been posting little quotes and excerpts from the poetry of Warsan Shire and I have been liking what I read. I looked her up and she is a 23 year old Kenyan born Somali Brit woman. I think her name is cool and she seems like an interesting person. I say this because, for one pictures of her show her in hijabs or her hair covered, then there are the other set of pics that have a huge hoop between her nostrils.

Interesting quote and excerpt from an interview:

I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.


HL: Who taught you most about love?
WS: I think it was probably my parents.They taught me more about the absence of love. They taught me about love through the loss of it…
HL: Can you explain a little more?
WS: For a long while, I was obsessed about the breakdown of my parents’ marriage. Because I admired both of them so much separately, I couldn’t understand or make sense of how it couldn’t work. And as I grew up, the more I learned and the more I realized that sometimes it just doesn’t work out. The more I saw them as human beings and as people who have feelings and have memories, secrets and all the rest of it, I definitely made peace with it.  I learned what I want from what I don’t want.

The title of my blogpost is from a poem of hers below:

you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth

his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial 
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who 
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake

but even when sleeping you could feel 
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Ev/Ocho fiasco

I know this is stale news now but I had mentioned that I was going to do a post on this, so better late than never.

So, unless you were under a rock you must have heard of the domestic violence situation between reality star, Evelyn Lozada and football player Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson. The alleged story is that they were in a car, (a smart car I might add, have you seen how tiny dem things are?) and Evelyn spies a receipt for condoms, we can assume they don't use that because Mrs Johnson confronts him, they get into an argument, he allegedly head butts her, she runs to her neighbour's house, who in turn calls the cops and has Chad arrested.

Now, if you don't watch Basketball Wives, I have to give you a rundown on Evelyn. Evelyn, especially last season is a bully. She was in a 10yr relationship with a retired NBA player, Antoine Walker, was supposed to get married but called it off last minute. She has a daughter. She's one of those loud, cussing, "I keep it real" women. To be fair, she does have her soft moments but those are overshadowed waaay more by her anger issues. Last season, she threw a bottle of wine at another woman, she lept on a table to whoop another woman's ass, cussed out someone for calling the cops for being slapped by another woman, the list goes on and on. If you don't know Chad, Chad is like that grown man that never grew up, forever always joking and never being serious - at least not on tv. He had one of those flavor of love type dating shows, looking for "love". He has 4 kids. At some point, changed his legal name to Ochocinco as a nod to his jersey number.(He changed it back to Johnson, so Evelyn could have a proper last name).

Anyone with half a brain, could tell that this relationship was doomed. Almost everyone was convinced it was some kind of publicity stunt that had lasted way too long. They met on twitter (of course, the stomping ground for people now cuz it's too hard to meet people in real life anymore lol) and we saw when she went to go visit him for the first time in Cincinnati (they slept together that first time). We saw their relationship play out, how they keep trading barbs at each other and he kept joking that he was marrying her for her money. I think the one line that stood out to me was when he told her (as a joke of course :/) that "she was like that last pizza slice that nobody wanted". The babe laughed sha but whatever, they got married.

Ok, now fast forward to this incident and my biggest surprise has been the reaction of my peers to this situation. I am of the belief that noone and I mean noone deserves to be a victim of domestic violence - man or woman. I never thought being a celebrity played a part in gathering favor in situations like this but I think it does. I did a quick survey and asked some people their thoughts on the situation and I got a lot of "I feel bad for him, he has lost everything". While yes that is true, it was interesting to see that it wasn't the fact that someone had been hurt to the point of getting stitches. Since when did domestic violence become this casual thing that you should get over? Even when the Rihanna one happened, where that girl was pummelled, it was "Oh she's an island girl, she probably started it etc"

Which leads me to another point. I told a friend that if I have sons, I am raising them to believe that under no circumstance should they hit a woman, if it gets to that point or nearing that point to walk away and my friend said "wow. good luck with that" and I was here wondering if I was stupid in believing that. My friend believes that a man shouldn't hit a woman but if she hits first then she shouldn't be surprised whatever happens next. Which is fine because it's what he believes, I just happen to disagree. I think it is wrong for a woman to hit a man but I think once that happens the man should walk away. Why? Whether he is a celeb or not there's just way too much for him to lose and it is just not worth it. The man always gets the blame and him saying she hit me first won't change the overall picture of a woman with injuries. Only Chad and Evelyn know what happened that night but if it is as it is, dude is waay stronger, he is a football player whatever damage she did on him physically, I couldn't see it but his is on hers.

On the subject of men who beat women. I am of the belief that men who do so don't do it once. Do you agree or not? Also, what if you met a great guy, no reason for concern or anything but then you find out he has a record for domestic violence and he admitted yes he did hit a woman, would that be a deal breaker for you?

I don't agree with all the extra shenanigans Evelyn is trynna pull about being a spokesperson and all because she is making it seem like being beat is some trendy club. Some have said karma is a bitch and they don't fel sorry for her, well if that's how it works the next time something bad happens to someone and I go well you deserve it for whatever bad thing you did before because karma is a bitch. We are all works in progress, noone is perfect. These women have to forever live with the fact that they were beat up or hit by a man they loved, again I don't wish that on anyone. It's a terrible thing that Chad has to lose everything over this incident but just as life works we bear consequences for things done. Again, i wasn't there with them, I don't know if Evelyn is innocent or not seeing as she has a temper. We could blame Evelyn for ruining his life but if he never head butted in the first place and walked away, we wouldn't even be talking about this.

What are your thoughts on the whole situation?

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Friday Randoms

Hello beautiful people! No you haven't stumbled on the wrong page, I actually do have randoms for today, whaddyaknow? Ok, I'll stop kidding around. No really, how have you guys been? Hope you guys are having a great summer. Sad to think that fall is already peeking its head through. Thankfully, down here in Texas, we get extra grace period before fall cometh. Life has been good, can't complain too much. Thankful for the good and the bad. Could always strive to be better. Before I start randoming, lemme just say you guys should never apologize for long comments (yujubee, I am looking at you :p). I welcome all comments no discrimination on length. Also, Sabira if you are reading this, where did you gooooo? Okay random time.


I watch a lot of reality shows/competitions. I hate, hate, hate when they have to work in teams or groups. It's just frustrating to watch.

Sidebar: I am watching Project Runway and watching this bald, fat man talking about working with plus sizes is very challenging. Idiot.

What are everyone's thoughts on reincarnation? When you sit and think about it, it kinda makes sense. (Ok i have to say when I had this thought i had a formulated thought, but as i type this I am blank)

The whole concept of deja vu is kinda creepy. I have them quite a number of times and everytime i have them I am a bit spooked.

How are serial braggers not uncomfortable when they brag? Maybe they aren't aware they are bragging?

I mentioned the other day that I have never been to a traditional wedding/engagement and some people thought it strange. I just never have. I don't think I am missing out on much though.

I have mentioned this before (on twitter) but it's hard for my brain to compute a virgin (who is waiting till marriage for religious reasons) dressing or being provocative in a sexual manner. Hear me out. Being a virgin, doesn't mean you have to be a drab prude, not at all. But if you are a virgin, to adhere to God's laws of being pure it kinda contradicts to incite sexual excitement on purpose by dressing provocatively, no? I had this thought because I was thinking of athlete, Lolo Jones who posed nude on a cover of a magazine and Adriana Lima who said as a devout catholic she waited till marriage but is a Victoria Secret's model who struts her stuff in barely there underwear. Anybody get what I am trying to say? If you disagree, please feel free to share.

How do I phrase this without being crass? There is nothing like familiar penis/vagina. Some would argue that the same could be said for new penis/vagina. (Ugh why does ours -vagina- have to sound so clinical?)

I think I will do a separate post on the Ev/Ocho situation.

Speaking of which, I am sooo not a fan of Terrell Owens. I think most of it comes from him always whining about his dad not being there and he has a kid or two he openly admitted to never seeing. on purpose. mschew.

Oprah is interviewing Rihanna on Sunday. Naturally, the Chris Brown questions come up. She looks genuine in the clips I have seen especially when she breaks down in tears. One of the things she said that struck a chord was the hurt from losing Chris as a friend. It's so true. When you break up or end things with someone you were romantically involved with, the loss of that friendship or what you thought was a friendship can be very hurtful. Not that you don't move on but It's like those memories, inside jokes etc that you had are an experience that you never get to share again with anyone else.

Most Nigerians have been making public their intentions to be in Rio in 2016. It makes me chuckle. 4 years is such a long time and a lot can happen in that time especially at our age, we aren't exactly spring chickens. I was at a thing the other day and it was weird to think that some of my friends there will be 40 by the next olympics. Yes I have older friends lol.

I am close to clueless when it comes to rings. I don't know what the cuts are or what carats or what's good or not but one thing I am kind of uncomfortable with is a comment on "a small ring". I don't know how much they cost but I don't think they run cheap. When it's not like we are rolling in dough, it's not a bad thing to respect ya pocket. God willing, for those who want to there's always a chance to upgrade.

That being said, many years later I still wonder how people afford weddings.

Do priests get annual reviews on their pastoral skills like we do at our jobs?

It's a nice thing when you are able to be comfortable and be yourself around someone.

Always be grateful for your health.

For a person who wants kids, I think it is very strange that i am a bit scared of pregnant bellies. I can't even describe it but there's something about them just big, round and sticking out and sometimes they move. At an old job, my pregnant coworker knew this and kept coming up behind me to spook me out and watch me squirm.

Today, someone told me that she doesn't think a Nigerian is for me. Not that I am closed minded to non-Nigerians but I have heard that quite a bit and I keep wondering why they think so. Me and my surveys, I took a quick one and the overwhelming response was I can't be with a typical Nigerian man lol. Like everything else, there are no rules and stuff to these things. I don't think it's the nationality or a race that's the determining factor. Just being with someone whose character you are compatible with.

Aite folks, that's all I have for yall today. Have a wonderful wonderful weekend. I am gonna have fun and I think I will be going to Six Flags too even though I am terrified of heights.Be safe!

Love the lyrics and is from the last album of theirs that I connected with.




Friday, August 3, 2012

I'm still here

Hi guys. I've been a terrible blogger. I have been busy and I have also had blogger's block. I don't have anything to talk about and you guys haven't served me up any ideas :p. This is not a random but I guess a bunch of tidbits off the top of my head.

I just saw the Dark Knight few hours ago and I am still undecided on how I felt about it. It definitely wasn't bad and I see how he was trying to wrap everything up in a bow, but some scenes were longer than it could have been and there was a handful of corny moments but I will sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning.

How about Gabby Douglas? It's such a cool thing to be 16 and have a gold medal.Not a lot of people can say they competed in the Olympics first of all, so to win a gold medal is actually pretty cool. I should say though that I have mucho respect for all athletes. It takes an immense amount of discipline to achieve the level that they do and to that, I doff my hat.

What are your thoughts on the whole Chik fil-a brouhaha? I know 2 of my friends who are boycotting the chain based on the issue. The tipping point seems to be the fact that they are actually donating money to anti-LGBT organizations. I find funny that during all this chik fil a has managed to have a records setting day in sales. They do say all publicity is good publicity.

Should we skip the massacre that was laid on us by Team USA? I think we should.  "We are grateful for qualifying :/"

I can't help but think that summer is slowly moving away from us but we are focusing on the positive, yea?

I have a bad habit. Every now and then, ok maybe that should be ever so often, I get into this zone/head space where I really don't feel like talking to anyone. I kinda retreat and just live life in my own lane. Sometimes, I have friends thinking something is wrong and sometimes there isn't. It's just a bad habit.

Listen, God took time to create some men. This comment is inspired by my senses being fed a huge amount of olympic eye candy.

Why are cherries so expensive?

The big 3-0 looms.

My friend made a comment that we were tricked by the phrase "pursuit of happiness", that there is no happiness. We just stay pursuing and pursuing and if there was actual happiness, it would be called the "attainment of happiness". Made me chuckle and I am fully aware that this is where as a Christian I should be saying that it's a load of crock and true happiness can be found in the Lord.

Some time ago, my friend mentioned a quote "the more things change, the more things stay the same". I didn't get it then, but I do get it now.


Ok I am all out. I just felt I had to show face and say hi to you guys, I am still here! Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend, as always stay safe and if you have any topic suggestions or questions for me, please feel free to hit me up. Muah!!

PS Happy happy birthday to my wonderful Original Mgbeke, who never gives up on me, is patient and always ever willing to listen to my woes. Hope you have an awesome day my friend.