Hi Guys, I know we have been on this journey together for a while because I have written so many "+1" posts to commemorate my birthdays. Well yesterday was another one. I am thankful for having a birthday and that the grace of God kept me to witness another. I am a huge birthday person and I get so giddy and excited for my birthday. I never understand people who get all weird about birthdays and getting older cuz the way I see it, it's older or death. I am always doing something for it and planning ahead and all that but thinking about yesterday, I am wondering if those days are behind me.
Birthdays don't feel the same anymore, since my mom passed. I remember the first birthday without her, I sobbed and sobbed. Last year, I think I felt more of grateful because I had just gone through a major health mountain and was recovering from surgery so it was more of a thanksgiving in my head but I felt the sadness in my chest. I was actually at a club in PR at midnight with my wonderful friends and I just felt this tightness. This year, I had started making plans and had a big party planned. I had even told some of my friends to mark their calendars. I switched it to a trip to celebrate with my cousins but somewhere along the line I lost all zeal and cancelled everything. I wasn't feeling celebratory and decided I wanted to have a quiet one just chilling by myself and maybe trying to sort these conflicting feelings in me.
My birthday was by no means terrible. My darling Mgbeke decided to come down and not let me have a quiet birthday. At midnight, she was dancing around trying to ginger me and said a prayer for me. I went to church in the morning and we had a boozy brunch and she got me the most delicious and pretty cake. The birthday wishes rolled in throughout the day and I felt the love. I was grateful that I shared it with a friend than the plan of just chilling and sorting cuz I probably would have felt worse.
I don't know if this is the new birthday feeling for me but I am hoping it is not and it passes but thankful for the opportunity to still be alive in relative good health. I am employed and able to pay my bills and splurge on some things. I have family and friends that are completely awesome and I thank God for having them in my life. I am looking forward and hoping I have a year full of happiness and alignment where things align according to God's will for my life.
Happy Birthday to me!!!