The Cheating Phenomenom

Last week in my random thread, I mentioned I would blog about this whole Sandra Bullock cheating thing. In 2008, I had blogged about Bad Luck Oscar and I guess unless your name is Meryl Streep you are not beyond the wrath of the Best Actress Curse of splitting with your S.O. Ok enough chitchat. This situation is not unique to Sandra Bullock and I don't have my thoughts all wrapped up on this subject because I cannot think or explain the actions of another person. But you have to admit, we have heard stories of cheating EVERYWHERE. Like lately it sounds so rampant especially among the Naija community (let's not even talk about Naija itself). I've really tried to understand why men cheat especially because I waver, sometimes I think just because a man cheated doesn't mean he doesn't love you but sometimes I think it means just that. How is a man able to cheat and still be the most awesome bf/husband to his gf/wife? I have guy friends who cheat and I have tried to ask the reason, some of what I have heard are: "I dunno", "Because we can", "because we do stupid stuff", pretty much no answer. If they don't know, I won't even try to wonder why they do it.

I think the reason why Sandra Bullock's case makes me sad is how much she was in love with her man. Declaring it publicly to all, thanking him at every award show, I mean at the Oscars, the dude was even tearing up. This was a woman who got married at 40 because she didn't trust men like that, she said that Jesse was the first man who made her feel like "he got her back". She stuck her neck out and backed him up with his custody battle for his child. I think that's the worst part about it and cheating in general is after you sort of brag about your man and stand up for him and then it turns out ol' dude has been gbenshing another chic(or several) behind your back. It has to be so embarrassing.

I don't really think I have a point, hence the allovertheplacedness of my post but hopefully you made some sense out of it.

P.S I know women cheat also but for this post it was focused only on men.


MPB said…
First..i guess. I was really hoping to see if your readers can shed more insight if any with their comments. Guess i will be back.
lani said…
I don't know much about the Sandra Bullock story but sometimes the other party has a role to play in leading the man to cheat....
Jaycee said…
So Sandra Bullock got married at 40 and he ends up breaking her heart? Sad...wish I could shed more light on "cheating," but I have no clue.

If you really love someone why go to such lengths? It's the constant battle between love & lust.
Nice Anon said…
That is why it isn't advisable to go bragging so much about someone. We are all human beings at the end of the day so you never know what your spouse is really doing.
Kate said…
erm..lani? how do you lead a man to cheat? seriously? please elaborate.

Poor Sandy...i love her. I always thought she'd end up with Keanu Reeves. That jesse james is a loser. I dont understand how you can say she may have led him to cheat.This is a man..stand up and say i'm a loser and i want to be with a tatted up freak. All these men and their jump offs coming out of the woodworks. If you felt there was a problem..why didnt u say something and try and fix it? (I dont know that he didnt). I'm just mad cuz of the "leading comment"...arrrggghh!!
neefemi said…
its very sad... hope she can find happiness through it all
Anonymous said…
Often, when men cheat, it has nothing to do with them not loving their wife/gf/s.o or because they are having problems with their wife/gf/s.o.
Alot of men just get such a rush from being with different women - it really has nothing to do with what their wife/gf/s.o is like.
It's a thrill, it makes men feel alive, feel like worthy men.
Every man has these needs at some point but some successfully managed to channel it on something other than cheating.
You just gotta know the type of man you have....
Harry-Rami Itie said…
Awww... It is so sad... God help her
Omosi T said…
Blogger ate my original comment.

Vanilla Gorilla was tearing up because he knew yawa was coming, ode.

Most men cheat because they can. They are conditioned to believe that it is part of manliness.

Sandy B had a right to brag, she was high on happiness, she's not the first and she won't be the last to praise their SO.

I willing to bet it's not being embarrassed that is the most painful thing but the fact that someone, crapped on your heart and trust then set them on fire for good measure.
Anonymous said…
i feel so bad for her...its like he made a fool of her in front of the whole world
Good Naija Girl said…
I know lani used the word sometimes but his comment still makes me sort of cranky.

I don't care how much temptation or aggravation we're faced with, we still have a decision to make as individuals in response. I am not saying you won't be tempted but come on, you made a vow on what was arguably the most important and memorable day of your life. If you take a moment to think of the repercussions of your actions, I think you'll be able to avoid engaging in infidelity. I seriously think people who know that they have a roving eye should not marry, unless they have decided to enter into an open marriage and their partner is aware of this.

I heard in the news that women literally throw themselves at these public figures who keep getting in trouble with regard to infidelity but come on guys...after the first woman throws herself at you and you dodge that bullet, wouldn't you do what you need to do to avoid the situation? I'm sure some of those women can be very persistent but why put yourself in those dangerous situations? A star who can use his or her money to make practically anything happen is not going to convince me that he or she can't hire security guards to keep EVERYONE except their significant other away from them! Nonsense!

Can you tell that infidelity really gets me stirred up?
lani said…
For starters I never said and I'm not saying it's right to cheat, never has and never will be.

From my experience and those round me , a woman's insecurity can place a barrier between her and her man. Her insecurities can lead her to be nagging, untrusting and creating a tense atmosphere when there shouldn't be. She could actually be the one creating thoughts of infidelity in his head, thoughts that may have been sown by her friends.

At the end of the day, there is no excuse, but to prevent it from happening we need to get to the root of the matter and not just stereotype. I mean I was with a female colleague teaching kids in church and SHE said "men are dogs". If they keep hearing those kind of statements around they will live their lives based on it.

It is also a 2 way thing, if the roles were reversed I probably would say the same thing. All I'm saying is look within you first before looking at our partner. be the best you can be.

Like I said I do not know about the Sandra Bullock (a woman I've loved since SPEED) case, but she waited this long shows the kind of mentality she had. I don't know her personally so I wouldn't go into that. And cheating is still an immoral act. All I'm saying is what role does the partner play?

Hope we all have happy homes

diyani said…
lol @ leading sometimes.. as someone said its a choice like every action if you chose to then oh well.. but I have heard that men generally like the rush and newness..women do to but we generally curb the appetite considering what we might lose or what might be said or just morals...not that men don't have morals, a lot of them do.. Cheating0- best answered or explained by Seinfield a few weeks ago- married 15 yrs- Its not that we all dont think about it but at the end of the day I have to think of all the mental adjustments I must go through to even do it-- lowering morals, disregarding promises, considering judgment, rationalizations, guilt, internal conflict and several other adjustments just for a few hours that might ruin one life, spouse, children for a couple hours of fun..might be exciting but truly not worth it.. (at least thats what I got from what he said..) and if ever thats definitely a good deterrence...

Vanilla gorrilla.. LOL.. they come in all flavors.
Anonymous said…
Lani has a point, lets face it no one's a saint and a guy can only handle so much. besides, no one knows the intricacies of the story. all we know is what we've heard and Wat we've heard is not enough to make a judgment call.

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