One or the Other?

I had been having this thought in my head for some time. Today a friend of mine sent me this post about what it's like to cheat. Somewhere in the article, this struck me:

"Sure, the sex wasn't great, but you learned from a six-year-long past relationship that great sex was the often the result of high drama, and high drama left you shaking on the ground after your old boyfriend shoved you out of a slow-moving car, his unfounded drunken shouts of "slut!" ringing in your ears. So when you finally extracted yourself from that nightmare and realized you needed a nice guy, one came along and the years flipped by, a ring appeared on your finger, a wedding took place, a home was made... and then what you suspected, but weren't quite sure you were missing, came along and kissed you in the dark"

Ok so you see, nowadays with all the marriage horror stories floating around, people make it seem like you can't have it all and you have to choose between a nice guy and ho hum sex/chemistry and great sex/chemistry and a jerk. You hear a lot of people say not to focus on the physical so much because it fades and instead find someone with a good heart. While it makes a lot of sense, it's never quite sat right with me. What's the difference between that and settling with someone only because "he's a good guy", doesn't that increase the chances of the last part of her sentence above that led her to cheat? I could be being naive but I do think its possible to have both the good guy and chemistry but I've heard quite a number of stories especially when the exciting guy is usually the guy that's no good for you. One of my biggest fears is ending up with someone who I don't find exciting but he was a good guy so I did it. I am getting ahead of myself seeing as I have no prospects but as a friend pointed out to me, the right person won't have me having doubts.

I do think this is what creates the high divorce rates in our generation. I think there has to be some inkling when you are about to marry the wrong person. Do you guys think so? I've always said that people don't have to be in love to get married, the most important thing is being at peace with your decision. Ah well. Another day, another thought. Have a lovely week!


Molara Brown said…
Life is such a bitch, the guy you are having a great time with might be a jerk or you end up with the good guy who sparks does not fly with just to be happy...sometimes I hate this life.
Berry Dakara said…
From personal experience, the passion and excitement with the bad boy left me wrecked when it was over. With the good boy, there might not be so much passion, but the love is deeper and more mature. It might seem less exciting but look at it this way: is no need for drama (aka passion) to get off, pun intended.
leggy said…
i'm still sitting here with the thought that you can have it all, i think people say all these things to justify the fact that they settled. so good/nice guys cannot be passionate?
Original Mgbeke said…
I want to have it all. All these women collecting the so-called "swagga boys" who are actually great nko? Yep, people always be like "don't focus on the physical" but if I don't feel excited about you when we walk down the aisle, when will it ever happen?
Thing is, I'm not even one for self-punishment and don't like jerks so I can't say I'm looking for a bad boy jackass...just someone that I click with and excites me as an individual. He might look or seem corny to the rest of the world but as long as I'm happy about him that's all that matters.

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