Checking In

Hi My Lovelies, it has been a minute and a half and a thousand seconds. Life has gotten in the way (yup, I know gotten is not a word but I like using it). I don't think I could have ever envisioned this year. When my mom passed, a friend gave me a journal that's a 5 year journal (I have mentioned that here before) so it's just a few lines but all 5 years are on the same page, so you get to see progress or lack thereof. My years seemed to be the same and quite frankly, I was embarassed seeing the same pain points over and over. I told myself this year had to be the breakthrough year.

Last year was so weird, it was consumed mostly by my unemployment (I was suddenly laid off by my company. Blindside was an understatement but it was also the best thing that has happened to me) and health issues. It was so rough and heavy is the word I'd use to describe it. I got through solely by the grace of God and my family and friends. During that time I decided I wanted to lead an intentional life. I've had people ask what intentional life means. For me, intentional means making a decision and taking things in my hands vs. waiting for things to happen to me.

I started with my former company. I had an opportunity to still stay or take a severance but I knew in my heart it was time to take a leap of faith and look for more. With no job in hand, I decided to take a leap of faith despite the fear in my heart. There were other occurences that I consider private but all I'll say is I'm grateful.

Life is not one big fairy tale and its not to say there hasn't been downs but it's all part of the experience and all I ask is the grace and the strength to get through the downs. I suffer from acute anxiety so Lord knows its a struggle to take things in stride. Even when things are decent, I am still worrying about how long this will last or how long before the error is discovered?

Anyways, I have been reading and watching videos on crazy faith and trying to practice that but it's hard af. But I have to constantly remind myself of things in the past and how someway, somehow I got through it and I'll be remiss to think it was all on my power alone.

I know one thing I did different was I spent New Year's at church. I've always said that I didn't think it made a difference where you spent the New Year but is it coincidence that my one decent year in a while was when I spent it at church? hmmm. It's such a crazy thing because just a few years ago, I was over it all and thought faith was some myth. I don't even still know where I stand on that. As in, am I telling myself its faith because its what I know or is it just fate and there is no rhyme or reason?

Adulting is such a bizarre thing, it's like you just never know where the head or tail is and what you should be chasing. I'm entereing a new chapter in my life and its crazy how the future can be exciting and yet still nerve wracking (do you say nerve wrecking? - eww).  That small reminder that we are just one tiny little atom in a whole big universe.

Anyways, cheers to the rest of the year. I'd love to hear how you guys are doing. Feel free to drop an update in the comment section. Muah!