Year in Review - 2019

I can't believe we have come to the end of the year. The end of the year is such a mixed bag of emotions. I feel hopeful, I feel scared, I feel morbid and I feel resolved to do better with each passing year. I feel hopeful because 365 days is a lot of time for many things to happen, the unexpected good and bad. Scared because of the possible bad lurking around the corner. Morbid because each year is another age marker and one year closer to death (and I don't like this at all, it's scary) and resolved because I think about what I want to do better, how I want to be better and what I will be doing to put this in motion.

My friend asked me what I would rate 2019 out of 10 and I said 7 and if you have been following me, you'll know that's a pretty damn good grade. I have had a pretty rough couple of years and I think I was pretty much just numb by the beginning of 2019. I entered into the year unemployed, squatting at a friend's place. On New Year's day, I went to a friend's church and the pastor pretty much prayed for us and told us the good news would come rolling. The 4th of January, I got a job offer from one of the interviews I had and that made me pretty optimistic about the year.

February I moved into my own place and I remember being so grateful that I could buy groceries I actually wanted, including two-ply tissue. I bought wine and used Uber Eats for the first time in my life and cried while praying and thanking God for allowing me this moment. And that is how my year started.

My year was definitely full of ups and downs but mostly ups because I made progress in my attitude and I think it solidified my thought that it really is just easier to have a positive mindset when things are going better. But either way, I am grateful for the year and for making it to the end of another.

Next year, I want to continue to do better. One thing I took away from this year is that God definitely showed up in my moments of need. I may not even have noticed but looking back, the timing was too coincidental with each occasion and that segue ways into my goal for next year. I want to learn to trust God. Like absolutely lean in and believe that His ways are not our ways. I worry so much. Like a lot. My anxiety is always on 1000. It's pretty stressful. Every thing becomes a big deal and I get so thrown when I am derailed. That's not healthy or good and can affect relationships.

So for 2020, I am going to work on myself. Believe in myself more and not be overruled by my insecurities and fears and just...be. I'll probably feel lighter. I want to enjoy life and worry less. Continue to do the things that make me happy. Continue to be intentional and continue to will, expect and accept good things in my life. I hope to have more laughs, more travels and more peace. It is not going to be easy because life ain't shit but I am willing to do the work.

I wish you guys a wonderful and prosperous New Year. I know the world is crazy and life can be hard but I hope we all pursue and enjoy our moments of happiness and enjoy them. Happy New Year's once again and once again thank you for still being with me on this blog ride. God bless you all!