Happy Father's Day!
I came here to write this post and saw that my last post was a Mother's day posts. Oof! Oh well, thank God it's my blog.
Mothers/Fathers day is a tough one when you have lost either or both of your parents. I try to reach out to my friends who are having this experience on this day. Each year, I am noticing the list is increasing and honestly, I have said it before, aging makes me sad.
I reached out to a particular friend of mine and as were talking I realized that Father's day is yet another complicated feeling for me. My father is alive but I barely talk about him. A lot of people have commented that they thought my father was dead. It's mean to say he is but he is not a major factor in my life and that's how it's been for most of my life. I mean I didn't even have the luxury of emotionally unavailable but financially present.
It's odd to say you are an orphan when you have one parent alive but there is really no contribution on his end so does it count? When I look at odes and pics of people praising their dads, I realize that I will never know what it feels like to have a father's love. I feel a pang but I don't know what that pang is because you don't know what you are missing. Like I told my friend, it's not a death but it's a loss. I grieve for what I will never experience. That sounds more than I intend because it's something I have made my peace with and I don't dwell on it till I am reminded by an act or something I see.
Anyways, the best thing I can do is do my best to give my kids the best father possible so as not to repeat the cycle. To the fathers out there who are doing the damn thing and doing their best to raise their kids, more power to you and hope you have an amazing father's day.
Happy Father's Day everyone!!
Mothers/Fathers day is a tough one when you have lost either or both of your parents. I try to reach out to my friends who are having this experience on this day. Each year, I am noticing the list is increasing and honestly, I have said it before, aging makes me sad.
I reached out to a particular friend of mine and as were talking I realized that Father's day is yet another complicated feeling for me. My father is alive but I barely talk about him. A lot of people have commented that they thought my father was dead. It's mean to say he is but he is not a major factor in my life and that's how it's been for most of my life. I mean I didn't even have the luxury of emotionally unavailable but financially present.
It's odd to say you are an orphan when you have one parent alive but there is really no contribution on his end so does it count? When I look at odes and pics of people praising their dads, I realize that I will never know what it feels like to have a father's love. I feel a pang but I don't know what that pang is because you don't know what you are missing. Like I told my friend, it's not a death but it's a loss. I grieve for what I will never experience. That sounds more than I intend because it's something I have made my peace with and I don't dwell on it till I am reminded by an act or something I see.
Anyways, the best thing I can do is do my best to give my kids the best father possible so as not to repeat the cycle. To the fathers out there who are doing the damn thing and doing their best to raise their kids, more power to you and hope you have an amazing father's day.
Happy Father's Day everyone!!
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