Saturday, December 11, 2010

Being a Single Girl

I just got off the phone with my mom. Based on my title, I am sure you know where I am headed with this. She asked me who I was talking to these days and I said noone. Then I asked her why there is all this emphasis on marriage, when in most cases chances are you have the rest of your life to be married and few years to maximize your alone time. I told her how my cousin said I should enjoy the time I have alone. My mom now launched into a it's a lie, they are happy with their spouses why shouldn't you be too?sigh. Anyways, she said her bottom line is that she feels the longer I wait the slimmer the pickings and she doesn't want that for me blah blah blah. I don't know why we have this conversation over and over and over again.

I would love to claim that I am a strong, superwoman immune to her mom's words but I got off the phone, saw a lovey dovey bb status update from one of my friends and I started thinking. My friend had expressed the other day, how she feels that ever since she got engaged there has been a change from her single friends and I told her that it's inevitable when that happens because headspace is different. My mom told me that also, she says you won't listen to me but just watch when all your friends get married. I am beginning to see the change in dynamics which is natural anyways and I wonder if I am ready for it. I am not quite sure if it's a couples world because I am single or if it really is a couple's world. I don't go out much but the few times I do, it seems like it is.

I want to make it clear that this is not a woe is me post, this is just usually how I feel after I talk to my mom. I do want to be married someday, I am definitely not anti-marriage. Granted, I have no fairytales about it but like I told my mom, I can't do anything about it and I just wish I wouldn't be treated like a leper sometimes just because I'm not married or popped out a kid. I think I don't feel so bad because I still yarn with my friends but most of them are in serious relationships which (by God's grace) will be successful, it kinda makes me sad to think that some day it won't be the way it is now. Here's where you will say "but you too you will be married abi?" but nah my brain doesn't operate that way lol. Ok I am done rambling, as usual I couldn't get out all the things I really wanted to say, so as usual make the most sense you can out of what I wrote. Have a wonderful weekend guys!!

PS for anyone wondering, I am 28. :)

11 comments:

etoile Oye said...

mothers and marriage! hmm... I wrote about it some time ago. u know what? she will be even unhappier if you are in an awful marriage so take your time...
http://etoileoye.blogspot.com/2010/07/wo-kunu-wo-he.html

Anonymous said...

I've had similar conversations with my Mom. And I'm 31 so you can imagine the intensity of those conversations...I always feel down after one of her sessions so I totally understand how you feel.

Original Mgbeke said...

What kind of change is your friend observing?

ShadeNonconformist said...

Don't be too sad ma:)

I say take your time. Most people hope to be married once and it's important that one does it right. No need to rush and such.

I really do believe in maximizing one's alone time& blossoming into someone who is able to be in a relationship (married or single). Some people don't understand that it's necessary.

Yeah ditto OM, what change is your friend observing?

I don't know if it's a couple's world. I see it more as "the world". lol. That don't make no dam sense but oh well...

Anonymous said...

Dont be too sad Tayne. I'm 25, done with all the schooling and in a successful career and most of my friends are married. There are 4 of us that are still single. I'm happy with my life and know I will be married someday if its God's will but the whole leper feeling stings sometimes and I am just entering my late 20s (It started when I turned 23).
I have a friend who is a yr younger also very successful and people wonder if she will find a man with all her success. When I hear that I want to lunge at someone and rip their eyes out. Anyway this long rant is to say, your time will come...at the right time. As long as you are keeping yourself open to the idea. Keep prepping you to be someone's helpmate.
Too many unhappy marriages out here for us to be rushing into anything. I want to do this marriage thing once. I want to be able to face the hardships of marriage as a whole person (cause I hear it is no child's play).
God help us all.
For the record-you will make some man really happy, you are such a well rounded and interesting person. My young friend reminds me of you (well the little I know of you), she introduced me to your friday randoms...she is just as random.

Ok long comment over.

MPB said...

I really love the comments people left on this. Interesting question/observation about "is it a couple's world"? Naaa I don't think so, I think it's about the people who surround you. Most of my friends here are either single or in long distance relationships...so i dont notice the lovey dovey couply things much.

Kash said...

I'm 24 and last night I went to a party with my mom and she introduced me to her friend then proceeded to say "we're looking for a husband for her so if you know anyone..." To say I was angry and embarrassed is an understatement.

Our convos always tend to revolve around why I'm still single and how once I hit 25 next yr, it'll only go downhill from there as far as the dating world blah blah blah. Welp, at this point I'm going with the flow...whatever happens, happens. I'm not rushing into a relationship because I don't want to hear my mother's mouth.

Nutty J. said...

Girly...expect the pressure. Just dont let it break you. Its natural for your mum to worry...hopefully you too will worry about ur daughter like that...

Just go with the flow...keep ur chin up and dont let the pressure make you settle for less than you deserve

Omotee! said...

yeah i feel u totally. am 28 too. am just a bit luckier cos my mum never pressured me or showed that she was worried even tho i knew sometimes she gets worried.
i had to contend with aunts/family friends who wanted to marry me off at all cost.

just keep reminding her that its better u take ur time than end up with a no gooder in a rush. u''ll be fine.

LucidLilith said...

Don't let it get to you. If you do, you will end up rushing into a marriage that may be a big mistake.

Listen to your mother. In fact, practice the "yes ma'am" responses. After you hang up, go do your own thing.

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