Sunday, January 18, 2015

What would you do?

As heard on the radio:

So this lady meets a guy at the coffee shop. They hit it off, go on a date. Date goes well and it becomes a full fledged relationship. She says the relationship is going well and it is the best sex she has ever had. She does notice that every month he seems to have new moves during sex but thinks nothing of it and shrugs it off.

One fine weekend she is chilling at his crib looking for what to watch and is going through the on demand menu and notices that in his pay per view listings there's a long list of gay porn that has been ordered. She is surprised but also doesn't know what to do and doesn't bring it up with him.

Now what would you do? shouldn't be the question I should ask because any healthy relationship the assumption is she would ask him wassup. My real question for you guys is, would it bother you if you found out your man had a thing for gay (male on male) porn? Would it be a deal breaker?

As for me, yep I think it would bother me as for dealbreaker, I am not sure but if it is going to bother me, I guess that counts as a deal breaker, huh? I asked this question on twitter and got different responses. While some (female) seem to think same way some women enjoy gay porn and it doesn't make them gay, so also it applies for men. While men responded saying no straight man would say they enjoy gay porn.

This made me delve deeper. Some years back, during the whole Frank Ocean coming out deal, I had asked a friend if she would be okay dating and potentially marrying a man who says that he has been with a man or two back in the day. She said yea she would be okay with it and love isn't defined by who you have sex with. I mean, I hear her but it was hard for me to believe especially from a Nigerian woman. Americans don't really care about stuff like that or so they say.

I stumbled upon that "My husband is not gay" show and watched an episode and I was just shaking my head. These women with men who are attracted to men also but do not identify as gay or bisexual are trying to explain to someone how nope their husbands aren't gay while being so defensive. One even said her husband is more attracted to men than women. There is a dinner scene where they are talking about it and one of the husbands even said you know how you see people and are tempted that he looks but doesn't do anything about it. But that he just doesn't do it to men but also women. That she should only be concerned if it enters the danger level. Then added, women rarely enter the danger zone...err wha?

You could just see it in the woman's eyes that she was bothered by it. I noticed this is the same look women on shows like Sister Wives or Polyamorous have in their eyes. Like, I don't get why in a bid to be progressive or maybe the desire to be loved? people would lie to themselves and be unhappy ultimately. I think human beings are inherently selfish and would like to feel they belong completely to someone. I mean, we struggle with it when we date someone of the same sexual orientation talkless of worrying about another gender or another party in the relationship.

I can accept that maybe because it is not for me, I could be looking at it with different eyes but i'll just say I am yet to meet or watch anyone who seemed truly convinced that being with someone or having a relationship with "progressive"/out the box ideologies such as the above mentioned are completely happy with it. There's just usually one person in the couple that seems not okay.

What say ye?

4 comments:

mizchif said...

Hmmmmmm, many things.

First off i know i've had that "spectrum" conversation with you before Re:sex.
Now i don't really believe that a straight straight dude would have a thing for gay p0rn however would i have a problem with it? No.
But we already know i'm not well.

I know i'm a little too progressive in my outlook sometimes but having accepted that there are people who really and honestly are somewhere "inbetween" as regards sexuality i don't think one should have a higher level of worry with such a person. I know that i can't accept to be with a man who admits and is clearly more attracted to men but if he had a curiosity that he acted on once upon a time, that's ok. But it has to be a curiosity he considers satisfied and now knows which end he leans majorly towards.

I don't know how much sense this makes, but ya.

Nutty J. said...

A straight guy won't have a thing for gay porn

I would not have anything with a guy who likes gay porn...

...from clap to dance. Not taking that chance

yujubee said...

Yes, there is a problem.

Clara said...

I don't think I could stay with a guy like that. I'd be worried he was just using me as a cover...