Sunday, October 17, 2010

Sigh

I couldn't think of a title. I don't even know what to blog about but I just felt the need to blog. This week wasn't the best of weeks for me, I just felt like there was a whole lot going on. I had many moments of just wanting to scream and being thrown on some island just so I can F5 myself. By the way, wouldn't it be awesome if we could just hit a button and just refresh our lives? Ok maybe not, because I know my own button will be broken by now.

My name is taynement and I am a comparer. It's not like I don't know any better because I do and I will be the first to give advice to people not to compare, but I have a chronic disease of constantly comparing myself to others and what makes it worse is I always see myself on the worse side of it all. I don't know why I always feel the other person is smarter, richer, skinnier (this one is true sha lol), prettier, *insert whatever else*. Like, I am smarter than this right? (or maybe not). I know all that glitters isn't gold and I know it is not a healthy thing to do but I can't help myself even when I see it sinks me deeper into a hole. My last bout of comparison, has me in a funk because I got to see and hear about two people who found their talent and started their own business and seem to be doing well and I am just like what do I have to offer? Why can't I start my own business? I can't even think of what I could do. It's not even like I am earning the big bucks my mates are earning. I am about to get my MBA and I am still waiting and wondering to see what that even means, having an MBA. And then this feeling of not being good enough, is making me eat away myself into oblivion. Blah! I really should stop. Anyways, hopefully I am just PMSing and I am talking out my ass. Just got done with two exams this week, one step closer to graduation. Hope you guys have a wonderful week ahead. Cheers.

12 comments:

ShadeNonconformist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ShadeNonconformist said...

Hang in there Tayne. I can see where you're coming from. But remember the "wise egbons" will always tell us that it's not where you start that matters, it is how you finish. Obviously it's hard when your mates seem to have it all and the truth is the grass may sometimes be greener on the other side. But instead of comparing yourself, try and see what you can learn from them. That's what I've been learning so far.

I should be the one comparing myself to others. For crying out loud you're working towards getting your MBA. That's pretty darn amazing. I on the other hand, have to re-take my LSAT and reapply to law school next year. That means I've lost this year and the next. But i can't kill myself or jump off 3rd mainland bridge. All i can do is make the most of the situation (Though i'm broke as hell, I do have a job that challenges me and I'm rediscovering my passion in other areas) and I thank God that at least i have the opportunity to reapply to law school. So you see, life is not as bad as we may think. There's always something to be thankful to God for. Sending e-hugs your way.

Miss Enigma a.k.a UnderCover07 said...

Let me first start off by saying it takes courage to openly admit that about urself...I compare myself too, and I've been wanting to air it out via a blog post but not enough courage to publicly admit it. *sigh*

Like the above commenter said, it's not how you start, but how you finish; I kip telling myself I'm not in a race with anybody else...just keep challenging myself to do better.

There are days when I cnt help but compare still, but I try to congratulate myself more on howfar I've come with God's help.

Have a wonderful week ahead dear!!! (((Hugs)))

Kash said...

I LOVE your blog because I can always relate to your posts! I'm a comparer too and as much as I know I shouldn't do it, I still do. At least you're getting your MBA...I feel like I'm at a standstill but it'll get better.

Wish you all the best girl!

Fabulo-la said...

u would be surprised to find out that lot of us are comparers.
Alot of us have just gotten weary with all the comparing. A lot of us also realised that even if u compare from now till kingdom come, it wont swap any hair on ur head for the other persons abi?

Im sure by now you realise tha a lot of us is err...*cough*

*Sigh* Taynement, dont beat urself up too hard.
It will only tire you out :)

LucidLilith said...

Jo-jor! Nothing do you!

You just in a funk, it will pass. Also, to be frank, you are not supposed to figure it all at once. Me - I am exactly in the same position that you are in, but I am not freaking out. I am thinking, trying to take it one day at a time, plan my future carefully.

Yes- you gift and passion will take its time to get to you but trust me, it will come.

I just started freelancing and I am laying the ground work for more clients...trust me...slow and steady wins the race.

Also - are you not the one that posted 44 lessons? One was "If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone elses, we'd grab ours back."

Stop comparing. You are exactly where you are meant to be.

Mamuje said...

Dont worry love. You'd be fine...very fine. Just pray about it.

Myne Whitman said...

What else can I add that has not been said? Hold up your head girl, you're smarter than this OK? Hugs..

Joxy said...

You're uniquely you, never forget that. You'll get to where you're supposed to, the important thing is not to give up on yourself. No point in comparisons, everyone's got a place where their shoe is pinching, it just might not be obvious to anyone else. Enjoy being who you are, and trust that God who has brought you thus far is more than able to finish what he has started. Hugs.

MPB said...

Not only do I love your post BUT I loved everyone's comments more. Looks like "comparing" is a human trait. I hope the funk lifts soon as you realize you are not alone and you have remarkable talents and accomplishments. Cyber hugs.

leggy said...

ive gotten to that point in my life where ive just stopped cos it doesnt even motivate me, it just makes me feel bad about the situation i am in. i make a conscious effort to snap out of it as soon as i find myself doing that.

... a teen. said...

Ma'am! :)
Well, let me try and justify your action with the saying that "we are only HUMAN."
I mean, I knoooooow that this saying has been used to justify nonsensical actions but yeah
See, we are only human, as smart as we are. As pretty as we are. As rich as we are, as privileged as we are, we have been programmed to believe that when one person constantly does waaay better than you normally do, they are a competitor.
You are all the things you believe you are but you compare yourself because it is a normal thing to do. What's not right is to believe o, so much in that comparison that you go and do some silly things or generate unnecessary hate for the innocent people.
Sooo, what I'm saying is it's normal to compare because : ask yourself this
how will you find a thing to better about yourself if you haven't seen such a good aspect of someone?
And nah, I'm not saying you should try to be like them. Just see one thing that can benefit you and see how you can work it to make you a better person.
*kisses*
:)