Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Men speak, Women speak..or do they?

What would be the best course of action?…Do you talk about something that bothers/affects you and is important to you or do you Not talk about it because your partner doesn't quite see it the same way and there is a tendency it’ll make them feel like they are being accused of not doing enough?” Sounds like a lose-lose situation to me, No?

The last time I tried to blog, I was trying to blog about a statement a friend had made about women's inability to communicate what they want. As I tried to write it out with the very many different scenarios, it got complicated (go figure) that I just abandoned, don't even think I saved the draft sef. Anyhue, I peeped the above from RepOne's blog so I figured I'll give it another go without thinking too much about it.

The above scenario is just one of many examples where a woman decides to take the high road and not communicate what they are thinking/feeling. Noone wants to be the one that cuts their partner down. Let's use the example of your partner not pleasing you in bed. I for one feel you should be able to say something but there are many others who feel silence is better. They say they don't want to make him feel like he is inadequate or it'll be a blow to his ego.

Look around you and I am sure you will find a million and one articles that mention how irrational/overemotional/sensitive women are. It's like some agreed creed and it flows over sometimes(I said sometimes). You say something and it's either you are pms'ing or you are overreacting or you are being sensitive. That gets annoying and can lead to someone second guessing whatever it is they want to say and wondering if they are over reacting or not. By the time you've mulled it over so many times, you're just over it and you'd rather not talk about it anymore.

Let's look at a scenario, where a guy is feeling a girl and vice versa. They aren't dating officially but are "talking" (whatever that means). Even though the general consensus is "you're free to date anyone you want", often times much like a friends with benefits situation, the girl catches feelings and it becomes murky. So while dude feels hey, she knows where I stand and maybe does something that the chic is not happy about. It's difficult for the girl to say what she really wants or is not happy about because she supposedly knew what she was getting into and can't act all possessive. On the flip, she could say she wants more but in most cases would rather be in her "arranged" situation than speak her mind.

Girl and Guy have been flirting. Girl is feeling Guy but just won't come right out and say it but shows jealous streaks when she sees Guy flirting with other girls. That's a case by case basis because some girls are okay telling a dude straight up and some feel if he really was feeling me he would say something. In this case, Girl not communicating could be a fear of rejection or shyness.

The last scenario I would get in is one I saw on Twitter:
Girl:I don't think its working out, I think we should break up
Boy: Ok fine
Girl: Why can't you fight for me?

This situation na long ting. See women are more nurturing that's why when you hear a convo between two women and one asks how are you? the other says fine, the other lady will say "you sure you are okay, you seem a bit down". For most guys, its a fly buy convo, "wassup", "i'M good" "cool". So when a girl says something like the above, it's because she is unhappy with her situation and instead of leaving this situation, still wants to try even though it's a dead end and is hoping the guy would probe some more and by him doing that means he really likes her (that was tedious to type sha). Let me stop rambling. Quite frankly, it's more the exception to find a woman that is straight up direct when it comes to matters of the heart. It would make sense for her to just flat out say what it is the problem is but I'd like to believe she should have mentioned it before coming to a let's break up solution.

In general, I just feel men and women reason differently and communication is no different. As much as men may say, we don't say what we want, guys are guilty of this also especially when they shut down. When you have expressed dissatisfaction over a certain situation and you've told your s.o over and over, it just gets to a point where you just keep quiet. When it feels like there's a wall and the guy decides to stick to his guns, there's no point trying, it's usually easier to keep mum. Or when a guy chooses to lead a woman on instead of being upfront about his intentions that counts as a man not expressing what he wants (although my friend - The Counselor- says a woman should take responsibility and have the "what are we doing?" convo if he doesn't say anything) I do think another reason is when a woman is unsure. At the point where a woman is unsure of where she stands with a man, I think it makes it difficult for a woman to express herself. Oh yea, add overthinking to the mix.

Ok, disjointed much? I am shutting my laptop off now. I'd like to hear what you think


kitkat said...

i hink women are better communicators than men. women are deeper beings(lol) and some things we say may have emotional undertones that guys jst dont pick up on. Like if a girl is mad at her dude and he doesnt know, if he tries to cuddle, she may be like "i'm tired" and she'll expect him 2 realize sumn is wrong and she's mad at him. the average guy may jst take her word for it and assume she's jst tired..cos they are very straight forward thinkers and they never bother to analyze our statements while we always expect them to understand the subtle statements we make. ok bye,lol

LadyNgo said...

I don't think one or the other are necessarily better communicators. i just think men and women communicate differently in general, and then further individuals communicate differently as well.

Like kitkat said, women often send signals rather than just coming out and saying "dont touch me you bastard, you pissed me off today" lol

My philosophy about being a better communicator has to start with learning how your friend/partner/family member/etc communicates.