Thursday, February 9, 2012

Friday [Guest] Randoms

Hiya people. Hope you all had a great week. I definitely had nothing for you guys this week but a friend of mine sent me these guest randoms in the mail. Hope you guys enjoy and if you ever want to do a guest random, feel free to hit me up and let me know - taynement@gmail.com. Here we go:


Despite being a Christian, I can’t stand self-righteous people and I relish messing with them. This week one such person posted a question thread online about whether it was “godly for a MARRIED (emphasis mine) woman to give her husband a blowjob.” After reading a bunch of sanctimonious nonsense as to how it’s sinful etc, I replied “Fuck yeah it’s godly, there’s a reason why we men automatically say ‘Oh God’ when it’s being done!” The many fire and brimstone replies entertained me for days.

One of these days, I’m going to give a full reply instead of “fine and you?” when I step into an elevator and some random person asks me “how are you doing.” Just to see if he/she really cares to know.

I’m beginning to think that when I haven’t prayed in a while, God ensures I have a bad nightmare so I can wake up in the middle of the night and begin to bind and cast. It has happened too many times for it to be a coincidence.

I have a dream that one day, my fellow Nigerians will learn that it is rude to forward an invitation sent to you to five other people without the permission of the person who invited you.

A recent picture of a very haggard looking and filthy Majek Fashek is making the rounds on Facebook. I was so heartbroken when I saw it. I got to meet him when I was a kid and he was in his prime. Majek Fashek and Ras Kimono defined Nigerian Reggae music for me. I hope Majek Fashek gets better soon.

Anytime I read about something on Wikipedia, I regret that my parents paid top dollar for my college tuition. There is hardly anything you can’t learn in deep detail on there.

I am convinced that when the devil is too busy, he sends traffic cops to do his work for him.

I love watching Modern Family, but the image of Phil being the perpetual moron is beginning to annoy me. It dovetailed with this article http://www.couriermail.com.au/ipad/man-up-and-dump-the-jackass-image/story-fn6ck620-1226233993723. I found sometime ago talking about how dads/men are increasingly and consistently portrayed as bumbling idiots.

You gotta love Nigerian parents; they acknowledge that they were wrong but insist that YOU apologize.

Ladies, sewing one yard out of the three yards issued to you for aso-ebi doesn’t mean you are going to attract a man at the reception :)

Doesn’t Jack Nicholson act movies anymore or have I missed something? Speaking of movies, I was excited to learn that Thandie Newton would be cast as an Igbo girl in the movie “Half of a Yellow Sun.” I was however disappointed to learn of the stupid outrage some Nigerians displayed at the fact that a non-Ibo person is portraying an Igbo girl. Others were saying a darker skinned person should have been cast. Here’s my take and I will try to be as polite as possible: IT IS CALLED ACTING FOR A REASON YOU TWEEDLEDUM TRIBALISTIC TWATS! :)

A friend of mine opined that Yoruba is the official language of Nigerian pop music. As in, you can hardly hear a popular song or a song is not as entertaining without the use of a Yoruba word or line in the lyrics. I am not as deeply informed on music as Taynement is but I am inclined to agree.

If I could switch lives with anyone in the world, it would be Anthony Bourdain’s.

Why don’t Nigerian restaurants in the US (at least the ones I have been to) serve dessert? In fact is there a Nigerian dessert? I took some American friends of mine to eat at a Nigerian restaurant. They enjoyed the food and wanted to order a Nigerian dessert item. When I asked the waiter if there was any, he fell silent and we were looking at each other like monkeys in a banana convention.

I finally learned to knot a tie properly. I never learned because while growing up, it would look horrible when I tried to knot it somehow and so my dad would simply knot it for me perfectly. I have been getting away with having my dad pre-knot the ties for me and I’ll simply adjust them. He would visit and I will give him all the ties I bought for him to pre-knot. One day late last year, I stood before my computer and played instructional videos for hours until I got it right. My friend asked me what finally made me do it. I replied that my dad just retired, is getting old and it dawned on me that one day he won’t be here to knot them for me or my sons when I have them. My dad still feels the need to knot my ties when he visits :)

I keep telling Taynement that she needs to post more Naija/African music. Here’s one I just found to sign off. Have a blessed weekend folks!

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14 comments:

HoneyDame said...

LMAAAAOOOO!!!! This is definitely the definition of "Random".....
You are definitely a mischievous person! Lord knows I always question the use of schooling. Most of the things I am taught, I know are only theoretical...so woris the point gan-an sef?!
The one yard clothing got me rotflmao....too funny but well said! Their whole outfit nor even reach do nappy for my fat-ass niece! Shio!

As for the "Half of a Yellow everything....". While I still have misgivings about how Thandie will interpret the role, at the end of the day, it is their money and if the author of the book herself doesnt see anything wrong, mbok, what can you and I do?

#bless#

Taynement said...

The whole Phil Dunphy thing, for goodness sakes it's a comedy. We are at the stage where Americans will find something to gripe about. Yea he is shown as moronic but it makes for good laugh. It's the formula. Sofia Vergara better go complain for being depicted as sexy. Everyone should relax jo.

I think the Hausas might have a dessert but I am not sure

LohiO said...

HAHAHAHAHA I love your friend!!! Can he be my friend too!!!

Lol at the first one!! OMG! so wrong!!!

Aww about the tie knotting tale. cool story bro.

As an aspiring Nigerian chef, I have researched desserts and have come up with two. Coconut Candy and Tapioca...

I am in the process of inventing some new recipes tho using materials I know are readily available..like ZOBO sicles- POPsicle zobo flavor..LOL! or stuff with banana's. :D

The fact you want to be Anthony Bourdain>>>>>>>>>>>>

K i should stop now..Loved this!

Ada said...

ermmm dessert is that left over iyan(this side we dont pound) in the pot. with the small soup remaining.
yes.lol

Please I disgaree. I believe they should use a realistic actor for that kainenene actor. wtf does mixed race thandie newton have to do with that.... too poor!

Asampetee said...

Love these randoms and wish I could go in one by one but I'll prolly start a new post

I like Phil...he can be dumb but is totally useful... it's almost like saying not all smart women should come across as controlling and bossy RE: Monica..Bones...Claire to name a few

x

MPB said...

nice randoms! sorry i know that's a lame comment. Happy friday tayney.

Miss Enigma said...

The best part of this post for me is the tie-knoting bond you share with your Dad. I pray that some day my kids would bond over a lot of things with myself and their Dad (whoever that turns out to be lol)

Its those memories that last forever. Just beautiful.

neefemi said...

This was fun...

Original Mgbeke said...

This was a fun read. LMFAO @ "Oh God" and the fire and brimstone comments. I mean, folks need to chill. What kinda Q is that sef??

I found the dad knotting tie thing very cute.

Sewing one yard fit find babes man o. Don't rain on their parade :D

Etoile Oye said...

Please, can I share your friend? Things that made me laugh, bj comment and sewing 1/3 yards. I hope your friend visits again soon.

LucidLilith said...

Funny random .... "monkeys in a banana conversation"

Anonymous said...

Thank you all for your kind comments

@Honeydame and Ada, let's wait and see on Newton. I didn't expect Forest Whitaker to play Idi Amin in last King of Scotland so well and they did make up on his complexion. Besides Newton (to me) appears just light skinned not unlike many Igbo girls, especially rich ones.

@LohiO, checked out your blog. I'm a huge foodie and always out for new recipes to try so I look forward to your updates.

@Asampetee, guess it's a working TV formula. Everyone loves Raymond, Homer Simpson etc. No biggie sha.

@MPB, Gracias

@Miss Enigma, thanks, yeah it IS a bond oh and Amen to your prayer.

@Neefemi, glad you were entertained.

@original, it's been known to work in some cases sha. The fun part for me is when they elbow each other to catch bouquet in their one yard outfits. I keep thinking "just add mud."

@Etoile, share ke? I'm all yours jare.

@LucidLilith, I think you have the best blog name ever. You Jewish?

Last but not least, thanks to Taynement for letting me use her blog. H

Happy Simp day to you all.

Etoile Oye said...

Taynement, you heard our guest. He's all mine. Kindly arrange the redemption of my prize.

jubekee said...

LMAOOOOO. lawd! @ladies sewing one yard. and nigerian restaurant. lol. food for thought , got to think up some nigerian desserts, icecream? no? lol.@lohi o, yea tapioca is yum.