Monday, February 13, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day

Hello people. The reason for bleeding grocery stores the last few weeks is finally here - Valentine's Day. I think this might be the most hated on "holiday". Most people stay holding pickets and making a big deal about how they can't stand what it's become or why there must be one day to show love yada yada. It's not that serious people, it's just one of the many "holidays". I have spent more years val-less than being val-ed and I have no problem with the holiday. I think love is a beautiful thing. I also think it's something everyone wants ultimately in their life and anyone who says otherwise gets a big fat yimu from me.

That word "love". So frequently used. So frequently misused. So many definitions. Some say it's a feeling. Some say it's a decision. Point is, it means different things to different people. No one is wrong or right, it's ultimately whatever works for you and whoever you are loving. I was having a conversation with my friend, who is in a fairly new but serious relationship. I asked him if he was in love and he said he was past that. I asked what went beyond being in love.His response: "When you are in love, you don't tend to think, the next phase is moving past that to where u love and 'appreciate' the other person". Made sense to me, what do you guys think?

I am not a believer that there is only one person for everyone, so on the rare occasions I use the term "the one", I usually mean the one you decided to spend the rest of your life. For every married person I have asked "how did you know?", I think the answer you get the most is "You just know". My friend above thinks that from day one when you see and start communicating with a person, based on the feeling they give you, you can kinda open urself up to the idea of forever and ever with them. He says you still play the whole "let's see where it goes" but in your mind, you already know where youu want it to go. So in honor of Valentine's day, I got 3 of my [married]friends to write a lil' something on when they knew they were ready to spend forever with their spouses.

FRIEND 1 (male)

I knew she was/is the one mainly through prayer for discernment. My biggest desire for a wife was to be equally yolked, and as we dated, over time God made it possible for me to discern or recognize and confirm the various ways in which we were balanced. For example: Our families are both born again and earnestly God fearing, we both believe deeply in the commitment of marriage, its design and its realities (and take the time to feed our understanding of it), we both believe in communication and go out of our way to work through it, we enjoy the same kind of music, a good number of our differences are complementary (and I am able to accept the few that aren’t with humility, because I know that I carry a few of such hard knuckles with me too), I can go on… In the end, there wasn’t/isn’t a single bone in my body that thought otherwise – she’s and always will be the one!

FRIEND 2 (female)

I can't say there was ONE thing or a light bulb moment that told me my husband was the "one". I do know that when my thinking changed from "am I willing to deal with this" to "how am I going to handle this" when we faced challenges/differences - I was ready to marry this man. To me, it signified that I had accepted what I knew or didn't know about him (as he did, me) and was ready to face any challenges that may come our way.

FRIEND 3 (male)

I didn't have a big bang that made me realize she was the one. I always knew she had "wifey potential" but marriage was a far off thought. I didn't have a specific incident that made it clear but one day, sitting in the car with her, it was just obvious.

Nice, eh? 3 different stories, 3 different perspectives but the common factor is that - they just knew. Hope you guys have a wonderful day, for those of you celebrating Valentine's day enjoy your day and be sure to appreciate your partner.

In honor of Whitney Houston, I'll use one of her songs.



Original Mgbeke said...

Enjoyed this read...

I'm with you. I'm neutral about Valentines day. Nothing do the people who enjoy it, and as a single girl who's also spent more years being val-less than val'ed, it's just another day to me.

Your friend's comment on loving and appreciating makes sense. Nice perspective.

Seems like everyone just 'knows' 'cos that's what I hear a lot of. All in all, I liked everyone's stories most especially the bit where the guy was sitting in a car with the girl, and it hit him.

Nen said...

Honestly I dull/am dulled most years, but I still love the holiday. Love is a beautiful thang.

I agree with your friend. Love should trascend the mushy stuff. There has to be that appreciation for the other party that's more cerebral than emotional. At least for me.

Happy Valentine's Day Tayne. Sometimes I love you other times I wanna smack the shit outta ya. Today, it's love.

LohiO said...

Very cool read.

I am indifferent regarding the holiday. I just like to see people happy and if this makes them happy then cool.

I very well agree with your guy friend. Its getting past that emotion controlled feeling to something more! Lovely post again!

Happy Valentines day hun!!!!

MPB said...

I found your friends' perspectives on how they knew profound.....hee hee hee

dosh said...

Oh love, you spend forever and a day looking for it and one day you "just know". Love eeeeet!!!

mizchif said...


lol. It's funny how as much as i like to form hard babe i'm really a sappy mushball deep deep down inside.

I want to say i've spent more years being val-less than val'ed but the honest truth is i don't remember ever being val'ed (mean say e never happen before) until this yr of course (rather unexpectedly too)

I love love, so vals day is alright in my book.