Sunday, March 15, 2015
"Friendship is like money, easier made than kept"
Friendships is one of those things I take very seriously. Some may consider it a bit too seriously. But I consider it serious because when you don't have family around they can be the family that you get to choose. One of my life lessons was that friendship does not have one straight definition. It means so many different things to different people.
When I was younger, I thought friendship was defined the same by everyone. I had certain expectations and things I thought friendship should be and when it wasn't meant I felt the other party has failed me. I've come to learn now that everyone is different and you can foist your beliefs on others. I have learned it is a tailor made thing and everyone has different expectations. I still have my expectations of what I feel a friendship should be but i have learned to not be so rigid about them.
In my observations of some people, it seems people are okay with a surface/shallow level of friendship. Surface being they party together, socialize together but when it comes down to the gritty stuff you will hear "we don't talk like that" but to the outside world they are practically bff's. Now while I get things aren't always what they seem to be it's still something that makes me go hmm. I have random'd before about people that have bridesmaids that they don't really care for and I have heard a case where someone was told in situations like that "don't be doing close friend for bridesmaids. Think about your shower and choose people who can make things happen for you". I didn't make this up.
Some friendships are out of habit. You have been friends so long it will just be weird to not be friends. Some friends are actually frenemies. Can't actually state why exactly they are friends or what they like about each other. Like I mentioned above, everyone has different definitions. Some are aware of some of these things and are okay with it.
The other thing about friendship is that it's true that life happens. All is well and good when you are young with no responsibilities but with the inclusion of a husband or kids or for some, distance. It changes dynamics. Your husband or boo becomes your go to person and your priority. Or how do you make someone prioritize their kids over you? People with more common interests or in similar stages in life naturally gravitate more to each other. Sometimes, I don't think they realize when it happens. I do believe you make time for what you want but life does happen.
Something I do believe in friendships is that it involves sacrifice. By sacrifice I mean, sometimes doing things that aren't convenient. Not everything one does should/will be convenient. Sometimes you have to go out of your way for your loved ones because they need you. That's another thing I have learned and learned to lower expectations in that area.
I always say the friends department is somewhere that I have been blessed with but some times I do feel misunderstood. Like noone gets me - but that's everyone, right? Just like how tv/movies make fairytales out of romance, I think they do the same with friendships. I wonder why noone can read my mind and tell what I am thinking like they do on TV, lol. but real life. I am currently working on seeing the good in everything instead of the bad and being appreciative of everything no matter how small. It makes life easier and less stressful.
Here's the thing as human beings, when we think we have gripes against other people, it is 100% guaranteed that someone feels that way about you too. So no matter what expectations or disappointments you may have experienced just know that we aren't perfect and you have probably let someone down too. So appreciate the true friends that you have because good friends are hard to find.
For those that have been friends to me at different stages in my life. Thank you.