Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Hardest Thing....and a little bit of everything

Hello my little bloglettes, how are you all doing? Hope everyone is doing well and hanging in there in this journey called life. I had a good weekend myself. Finally and for the first time ever, I got to visit California, specifically Los Angeles. I happened to find a cheap ticket earlier in the year, chose a random date and bought it. It was a chilled trip compared to my other trips, no clubbing or wilding out. I went sight seeing by myself, saw the Walk of Fame, the Chinese Theater, Saddle Ranch (they film a reality show about it on Vh1). Drove around The Grove, Laurel Canyon, Sunset Blvd et al. While walking around, I ran into a Top Chef tour thingie and got to see Jaimie and Antonia. My coworker was nice enough to enter me to see a Jay Leno taping and I got selected, so many frustrated GPS and Cali traffic moments later I made it into the (freezing) studio. Jay Leno looks just like he does on TV. Josh Duhamel is just as gorgeous in person and so is Jill Scott. Anthony Hamilton is just as...homeless looking and short. Man, they make you do a lot of clapping, I felt like either the applause screen was flashing or the hype man was signaling the audience to clap every second.

Met up with ShadeNonconform, who suggested an Ethiopian restaurant that was pretty good. Tried a brunch place that served the most AMAZING red velvet pancakes, had those with 2 glasses of Cranberry Buzzes (Cranberry juice + Champagne)and I was a bit buzzed. Went to the Santa Monica Pier/Beach. I love the beach, played a bit in the water, took a long walk. It was nice. Hit up a dessert shop that stays open late. Funny, how I always wanted to live there, but I don't think I want to anymore. Bits of the place reminded me of being on the Island in Lagos.

Anyways, to make sense of the title of my blog, this trip came at a good time cuz I hadn't been in a good head space for about a week or so before I left. I had some time to think over my "vacay" and sort some things out. While I am a work in progress, like everyone else, one of the things I realized is that one of the hardest things for me is being vulnerable. I have had a variation of this convo with two of my friends - where I thought I was carefree and let it all hang out but as one of them pointed out, anytime I let it out, it took a lot of prodding on their part. Hmm, the dictionary defines vulnerable as capable of being physically or emotionally wounded. So logically, maybe it's a fear of being emotionally wounded? I have no clue because I can't tell you why it is so. The closest I can come up with is I think I just got so used to reigning my emotions in and keeping it lock tight, combined with having difficulty expressing it.

Blah who knows, I know some may think that some things I say on here show that I can be vulnerable and that's true but trust me I still keep it rather surface on here lol. My final question is, Do you think being vulnerable is a behavioral trait or something inspired by the company around you?i.e your friends/partner etc.

Hope everyone has a great week ahead. Monday just likes to sneak up on us sha. I am lying in my room practically naked because it looks like the vents in my room aren't working and it's so hot. I'm gonna attempt to sleep, I say attempt because sleep is hit or miss with me and try to start my week of right with positive vibes. Yeehaw! lol

Enjoy the song I stole my title from Frank Ocean - The Hardest Thing

">

12 comments:

Madame Sting said...

Sounds like u had fun by yourself. I should learn how to do that.

Myne Whitman said...

It is indeed one of the hardest things to open oneself up to others. Having people you trust around you can help but having a self-contained personality from the get-go can be a big barrier. I am a WIP...

PS. You had a great time in LA, love it.

Anonymous said...

If I may be so bold, your blog is not very vulnerable. You give an excellent tour guide rendition of your day or week and keep the personal stuff out. Somehow you manage to still suck me in.
I asked a question in your last -Randoms post that you have not answered so I will rephrase. What the heck happened to Chuck Bass?

Anonymous said...

You're making me want to go back to LA! I think I need to plan a trip for later in the yr.

Glad you had fun Cily!

Yankeenaijababe said...

Relaxation and reflection is key to success...happy for YOU! You are on the right track, everything would happen at the perfect timing. Muah!

kitkat said...

u definitely had fun!

MPB said...

Your vacation reminds me of "eat, pray, love" sometimes it is good to sojourn alone and medidate so to speak without all the noise and demands of work. Being open/vulnerable depends on you, your life experience, and those around you. baby steps...

LohiO said...

I want to take a solo trip badly! Like so bad!!! I need it too!..::( Sounds like a good weekend.

I have only been vulnerable once in my life. It was not a good feeling. Don't ever want to feel like that again.

LucidLilith said...

Jay Leno taping hunh? wow! Jealous. I don't know why I have never been to California...except for a stopover at sfo.

I gotta travel more.

Etoile Oye said...

everyone needs a little time away. Glad you got it. Your trip sounds like it was fun.

R.One said...

lol@ Anthony H looking homeless as usual.

I tried Ethiopian once...doubt i'd give it another try. Good to read you had a good time and sorted things out. I've tried to talk myself into solo trips...ain't happened yet.

Vulnerable...hmm. so is it a feeling or a state of mind? Is it being able to say how you feel or 'allowing' yourself feel certain things? hmmm

Jaycee said...

The extent of our vulnerabilities is character-driven. I'm usually only vulnerable when I'm certain my close confidants will understand my heart, not in front of many people. Still, there's no preventing heart break. Broken emotions always pave the way to complete healing, so we must learn to open up with our emotions sometimes. :)