Thursday, March 1, 2012

[Guest] Friday Randoms

Howdy readers, been a minute huh? Woulda been an even longer minute if y'alls favorite guest randomer didn't send me stuff. I have been totally uninspired and just not up to it so my random/blogging tank is completely on E. Anyways hope you guys are doing well and enjoy!


On the eighth day, God created Whiskey.

It has occurred to me that throughout my time on this earth, I have never heard a non-Nigerian person use the word “Fumigate.”

I am convinced that while driving in traffic, the fastest lane is the one you just got out of. I am also convinced that there is never a red light when you need one. When I need to stop for a bit so as to send an important text or to dial a number to make an urgent call, ALL lights are green and the road is free flowing.

The other day, I got back to my office after a meeting and found a cupcake on my desk. Despite there being no note as to who left the cupcake, I ate it without the slightest fear that a co-worker could be trying to poison me. This is reason 6,946 why I LOVE America. God bless America abeg. If it was Nigeria, I would have said “My enemies shall never succeed” and thrown the cupcake in the dustbin.

Question for Lohi0, I was making scallops the other day and they came out a bit rubbery. Any tips as to what the best time/ method is for making pan seared scallops?

Dr. Wayne Dyer once said that “Good friends are God’s way of apologizing for our relatives.” He was spot on. I have some of the dearest friends in the world.

If the good Lord can see to it that a bolt of lightning strikes my neighbour’s ever loud and never silent barking dog, I will give an extra 10% in tithes. Walahi, it’s a covenant. We pray to the Lord, Lord hear our prayer.

Happy Lenten season to those of you that observe it but I have a question since I don’t. Now the idea of lent is to give up something for 40 days in an attempt to get closer to God. But if you have to give up something to get closer to God, why do it for 40 days? If something is an impediment to being closer to God, why not give it up altogether? Just my thoughts sha. Look forward to your responses.

While we are on the subject of lent, here’s an outstretched five fingered WAKA to those of you who give up sex for lent. If you want to give up something, why must it be something that affects your partner? After your 40 days are over you’re now down for loving again. NANsense.

I miss playing Ludo.

The 50 something year old woman in my office whose body can give J-Lo a run for her money is a walking sexual harassment lawsuit. In the words of Rashidi Yekini, “hand hi just luffit ”

I have said it before and it bears repeating. It is high time society puts a maximum height on geles during events. I mean why bother attending at all if we can’t see a damn thing because of the statuesque towers of Babel on your heads? Kilode?

Inspired by a friend, I have come up with a new side hustle. It involves going to Payless Shoe store to buy high heeled ladies shoes and Home Depot to buy a can of red paint. Who’s down?

I have been suffering from lower back pains for over a week now. So I went to spa and got an Ashiatsu massage. It was awesome and I felt like a new man. Later that day, I went to a friend’s house. He asked where I’d been and I told him I had just come from getting an Ashiatsu massage. He had no idea what it was and I described it to him and raved at how wonderful it felt, how the masseuse managed to soothe every aching muscle in my back etc. He looked at me in disgust, shook his head and said “You be comprehensive fool! You don kolo! You pay one hundred American dollars, not naira oh, dollars make pesin standa, dey match you for back.” I won’t lie, every feeling of relief dissipated afterwards.

Word of the day, Ultracrepidarian. I think you can think of people to whom it applies.

That’s about it folks. Wishing you a happy weekend and a great week ahead. In line with Taynement’s tradition, here’s a song to sign off.

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There you have it folks. This boy is crazy. You guys have a wonderful weekend. I am hitting the road again. As always, be safe!

9 comments:

TayneMent said...

The whole idea of Lent has just been taken to a different level by everyone. The whole point isn't to give up something to be closer. Lent is a somber moment to reflect on your relationship with God and see how you can improve it. Now in the past most people fasted to show sacrifice. Now if you aren't going to do it with food, you give up something that is a huge part of your life as sacrifice. Now, one could extend that and give up something that impedes your relationship with Christ with the whole goal being you get used to it in 40 days, so maybe when lent is over, you gradually lose the habit. Which is why it doesn't make sense when you give up sex because that's a sin anyways. Basically, the whole goal of lent isn't to give up stuff but to strengthen your relationship.

I had a Shiatsu massage last week too and it was the best massage I have ever gotten. He actually got all the kinks out but unlike you I utilized my Living Social and only paid $39.

Lol, my guest randoming friend is an Ultracrepidarian :p

I can never hear Closing Time again without thinking of the "Office" episode where they sang this over and over.

Thanks again for doing this

LohiO said...

Yay I get a mention! The trick to making sure your scallops are not rubbery is not to overcook them and not to manipulate them. Make sure they are dry. Use a tissue paper to pat them dry.Just put in a pan, 2-4mins on one side, use a tong, flip to the other side. 2-4mins again or until a little crisp. do not stir them. Remove them from heat, make whatever sauce and then toss them in a bowl or in the pan once the heat is off.

LOL @ My enemies shall never succeed!! LMAO! True story tho!

I'm in for the side hustle! I can be your Canadian connect! :D

Now I want to have a massage...:(

Have a good weekend Tayne and Guest!

Prism of an immigrant said...

LOL @ My enemies shall never succeed!! LMAO

neefemi said...

I've always thought given up stuff for Lent is an American coined situation. I don't recall that being the situation in Nigeria. And i had this same convo with somebody, cos it makes no sense to give up something for 40 days and literally pick it back up right after. Still with that said, i think the idea of staying clean, removing from your life anything that will make you sin while trying to hear from God is also a good thing. At the end of the day, what you give up during those 40days maybe something you can't totally live without as a human being, but making the effort to stay without it for those 40days, is you showing reverence to God. That's why God, was alone for the 40 days and 40nights i believe.

I think you are hilarious.

neefemi said...

O and Miss Taynement - isn't sex only a sin, outside of marriage or when you are being adulterous? I know of people who give it up during fast, in marriages.

Anonymous said...

My Pastor said women and men are not supposed to deny their spouses sex during marriage because of fasting without discussing it with their spouse.

Original Mgbeke said...

Ditto to the red line thing. But when you're rushing somewhere, that's when all the lights wanna be on that red status.

Lmaooo @ the cupcake random.

Shiatsu massage eh? *takes note*

Omo, those geles fit disturb cell phone reception o. Odikwa very risky!

MPB said...

LMBO about the cupcake and the traffic red lights....true talk!

jubekee said...

lol. @ Fumigate, just like i never heard a non-nigerian person use the word trafficator, i used it once, only once in this america.i laugh at myself everytime i remember that incident.
lol @ the cupcake, o my naija.