The Source..

 I got a notification from Neuyogi saying "just checking in, its been months!" Indeed it has. In 2020, months basically means decades. It's been a crazy year guys. A lot and I mean a lot has happened. I am exhausted in all ways. In my exhaustion, I am still grateful and thankful for the blessings and the way God has guided us all through.  Today I heard about a mother and daughter dying in a fire and I stopped for a second just thinking if she was feeling grateful for making it through 2020 and then 2 weeks to the end of the year - poof - they're gone. That's just one thing 2020 has reminded us of. You think you know but you have no idea. My brain is dead at the moment so I don't have any topics at head but I figured I would steal this Q&A that I got from Dami's blog  . I know it would be much better if it had pics but please reference above. A girl is tired so just make do with text okay? My Can't Miss Podcast(s). ..I listen to a bunch of podcasts...

 Yep. Your eyes aren't deceiving you. It's been a while since I had one of these but someone (you know yourself) bugged me to get one up ASAP and now I am here to keep my word. I don't even know whether I have had many random thoughts or if I have and they are just not thoughts I'll utter out loud. They are just safer in my brain. I hope everyone has been relatively okay this year. It's very easy to say 2020 has been a wash so far, but for some, it has actually been a good year. It's kind of crazy how save for the not socializing (as much) and not traveling, life has not changed much for some people while for others, life has changed so drastically. Like I mentioned in my birthday post, it's only by the grace of God that I have made it through this year. I feel like it has been a wasted year for me but I won't get into that. Enough rambling. Let's random. I'm watching 90 day fiance. One of the ladies gets mad at her man. She starts packing up her...

Yes, guys. We've been through so many +1's together, which just reminds me how long I have had this blog. A reader actually reminded me that I had to put up a +1 post ASAP. But yea, another year another birthday for me and in spite of COVID and its other agents, it truly was a great birthday. I felt the love from everyone and I truly appreciated being able to have the love. My love isn't the biggest birthday person and I am. He's learned really quickly and also learning my love languages and he really came through for me for my birthday. It's ironic that I ended up with a photographer (seeing as I don't like taking pics) but he took some great photos of me some time ago and made them nice for my birthday. He truly is my favorite gift. It was non stop call galore from friends and family and I had to just fling my phone aside just to even take a shower. We had reservations to have lunch outside with a waterfront view but the weather was awful. It stormed so bad th...

I'd been having some thoughts in my head lately and in my brain, they connected so I thought I'd write about it but now that I am, I am hoping that it makes sense. I feel I have to remind you guys that I am a serious person. I can have a good time but I am self aware enough to know that I am a serious person who could do with some chill, sometimes.  I don't know if I consider it a flaw or not, I guess it can be because it's probably what contributes to my anxiety and always overthinking stuff. But on the flip, it's a plus for me, in that it helps in my self introspection/evaluation with my life goal of living an intentional life. I have always been fascinated by the human psyche so I tend to never take things at surface level. I always want to know the why or the layers that led to something because as complex as life is, there is always a pattern that pieces everything together so to me it's like a psyche jigsaw puzzle. I quietly got married some time ago and a...

I came here to write this post and saw that my last post was a Mother's day posts. Oof! Oh well, thank God it's my blog. Mothers/Fathers day is a tough one when you have lost either or both of your parents. I try to reach out to my friends who are having this experience on this day. Each year, I am noticing the list is increasing and honestly, I have said it before, aging makes me sad. I reached out to a particular friend of mine and as were talking I realized that Father's day is yet another complicated feeling for me. My father is alive but I barely talk about him. A lot of people have commented that they thought my father was dead. It's mean to say he is but he is not a major factor in my life and that's how it's been for most of my life. I mean I didn't even have the luxury of emotionally unavailable but financially present. It's odd to say you are an orphan when you have one parent alive but there is really no contribution on his end so does i...

Yesterday was Mother's Day. Mother's Day always comes with a myriad of emotions for me ever since I lost my mom. Somehow, some way it has been 5 years since I lost her and it still hits me like a ton of bricks. It's a lingering, never going anywhere hole but often times it hits harder at its own convenience and Mother's Day is one of them. I saw a quote from Prince Harry that said it best "Missing a mother is like missing some sort of security.You need that as a son and it falls away when you lose your mother. But everything I do reminds me of her" Like with some of the other big dates, I begin to feel the sinking feeling like a week before. On the day of when I reach for my phone (as an addict), I forget in the usual morning grogginess but social media suddenly reminds me its today. The slew of pics and homages hit and I try to take a deep breath because I have to have a conscious day. Conscious day means no room for mindless consumption. Conscious de...

Hi Guys, Hope everyone is staying safe. It's been...honestly don't know how long it has been...since COVID has been dropped on our heads and I don't know how to honestly say how I am doing. On the surface, I want to say I am fine but if I dig deeper, I don't know if that is true. My mind is always racing. I am wondering when all this is going to end. If, it is going to end because if we have to be honest, based on all the reports coming out, NOONE knows ANYTHING about this virus. The news changes from day to day on what to look out for. Even surviving seems to come with consequences, as we now hear how survivors are in need of dialysis. I know people who have lost their jobs, had hours cut, some of us in the job market or being furloughed. All of that comes with a lot of uncertainty. I think about all the businesses shut down and how owners have to decide whether to stay open or shut down with no income coming in. When I take my walks around the neighborhood, I se...

Yesterday on twitter, I came across a tweet that read: "The friendship is the most important part of being FWB tbh. That’s why it’s friends with benefits not benefits with friends. Think about it" Now, the person was being cheeky but I had responded before I realized that. So my thoughts on this. The misleading thing about that title is thinking the person you are getting and giving benefits to is your friend. Now granted, we all define friends differently but once you get into a casual situationship or situation where you are just scratching each others itch then something about the friendship is pushed to the bottom, it's no longer a friendship but now a sexual understanding/arrangement. It shouldn't be explained but I feel I have to. Whenever opinions are made it is not always fact and does not always apply to every single situation. In this case if this goes on for a long time without evolving to a relationship this is what I am referring to. A FWB situa...

If you are reading this can you even believe what is going on right now? Because I can't. Every day I wake up and consume news I shouldn't be consuming in such copious amounts and fuel my anxiety. It honestly doesn't feel real to me. It is so surreal to know that we are actually living out something that will be in the history books and it is not a movie or a book. And to think people aren't taking this seriously. The way this has been handled by the govt. has been an absolute joke. We had a headstart. We did nothing. Even now with all the measures being taken and telling us to socially distance ourselves, it all seems so laughable to me because everyday planes are taking off and landing in different countries and the virus continues to spread. The Mr and I were talking the other day and we were saying how no matter how cautious you are, it just seems impossible to prevent any virus particles 100%. We just have so much interaction with everything. From mail ...

Hi Guys! Welcome to my not Youtube channel. I kid. I am going to be hella random. How is everyone doing? Is your year going well? Do you feel as hopeful as you did the beginning of the year? How are we feeling about the democratic party and the debates? I have caught a few and honestly I want to be optimistic but man, I just think he is going to get four more years. Which do you think America is ready for first - a gay president or a female president? Till today I will never not be in awe that America voted a black President - twice. Like the first time okay, but in retrospect how did Obama beat McCain that seems to be the epitome of everything America loves. Obama scares me a bit. Noone is that perfect and his whole story was just easy breezy relatively. Everyone is crazy about Love is Blind on Netflix. If you don't know about it, welp. Get to know more about it here . Lent is here again. Once again, I implore people to not low key use it as a diet plan and try to ...

I have this affliction where I never fully enjoy good moments because I think it's too good to be true and surely something is waiting for me around the corner. This is an affliction because when the shoe actually drops you never know if it was going to be anyways or if it was a self fulfilling prophecy. All that to say that I pushed past that fear and had me a positive reflective last post for my year in review and 2020 was like "aww you are cute" and here we are at me trying to paddle and keep myself afloat just like old times. I suppose that's what I get for not ringing in the new year in church (but on the flip side of that I got to finally kiss someone at midnight. Can you believe I just never have in my big age? For the most part I have spent a lot of new years on a plane, flying back to America. the rest were either with family praying or in church) But that doesn't change my resolve. I resolved to practice trusting God and turning all things over to hi...