The Source..

I am currently overwhelmed and up to my eyeballs in abuse stories. I've always been very riled up whenever I hear of injustices against people. Life is not fair I know but I don't think I will ever understand why life is cruel. But abuse is just another level of cruelty that is not leveled to people by fate but by the hands of another human. I just finished Leaving Neverland and as much as I never believed MJ ever did those things, noone watching can deny the pain of those two men especially Jimmy Safechuck. This is not including R.Kelly's documentary. I have avoided the podcast about Larry Nasser because I don't think I can take it. I am reading a book where a lady recounts her time as a counselor where she met a 13 year old who had had sex with 5 men and sucked off 10 men and currently had a 32 year old boyfriend who came by to pick her up everyday. Then the other day, a coworker from my former place of work was telling me how one of our coworkers was being beaten s...

You guys, we are about to enter the last month of Q1 2019. I don't think there is any point keeping time anymore since it has decided to do its own thing and just fly by. This winter needs to come and be going. I am tired of being cold and wearing coats. There's supposed to be snow in my neck of the woods tomorrow. Life has been good so far this year and I am really thankful to God. I know I should be embracing and enjoying it but being the person I am, I am in a heightened state of anxiety waiting for the "balancing" of things going okay at the moment. Sigh. I don't have much to random but I figured it was better for me to blog my little randoms than go ghost another week. So let's random, shall we? I hate conflict. I come off as a straight shooter but somewhere along the line, I learned about myself  that as much as I like straight forwardness, I find that I will let a lot of things slide to keep the peace and I know how that sounds but it sounds worse...

February is here. Just like that 2019 is flying by like its predecessor. I had a great January. To the point where I am wondering if I should be scared but I am also learning to live in the moment. My post today are lyrics from a song. Should be well known by now how obsessed I am with The Greatest Showman soundtrack (the movie is available on HBO on demand). It's been over a year and I am still not sick of it. I love every single song on it, some more than others. I didn't like this particular song and while it is a pseudo love song, I like the message it comes with and is in line with the life I want to live. I want to live a life that is bold and not a scared one. If you live long enough you know that life comes with a lot of downfalls. It's almost inevitable. But that shouldn't be what fuels our decisions. Any decision based on fear, almost always doesn't lead to anything good. I always add the caveat that making a bold decision, doesn't automatically le...

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE! This is my first post of the year, shame on me. I know it's kind of late but I hope everyone had a great holiday. I had convinced myself - even though, I didn't have the means - that I would be in Nigeria for the holidays. So imagine my surprise when that absolutely did not happen and I found myself with no Christmas plans. It was my first Christmas since I moved to America (20 years ago), that I did not spend with family but it was still a good one. My friends are truly MVP. Wishing everyone a fantastic year ahead filled with love and laughter. Lord knows we need it in these weird times we are living in. Let's random. When you really think about it, the term almond milk is so weird. Like it is truly from a nut and yet we call it milk. Or the fact that we have creamers that say they are non dairy products.Why? As a baseline, I think parents will mess up their kids. I think the hope is to not mess them up more than the minimal threshold. S...

After all the months of saying time is flying by and Christmas is almost here, it is actually here. Actually it has come and gone and we are now on the final day of the year. Just like that. The end of the year brings a lot of reflection and resolutions. A time to reset and for some, to be hopeful. The last few years haven't been so kind to me, so the new year always fills me with some kind of dread and worry on what the new year could possibly come with. But I am forcing myself to believe that 2019 will be different. Only because, it has to be. 2018 was definitely not the greatest as it started out with not so good news and me having to make a big decision. Or taking a leap of faith. My medical woes had me sick for half the year from all the medication and I had to have yet another procedure, although this one was minor. I didn't get to spend Christmas with my family for the first time in a very long time. One of my closest friends lost her dad this year and he was such a gr...

Hi. Don't know if you noticed but it's cold out there. Like really cold. And the worst hasn't even hit. Oh, also we are in the last month of the year. As in 2018 is almost over and we are about to enter 2019. And oh yea, "he" is still President. I hate winter. I hate the cold. I'd rather be hot. Please don't come defend the cold with "I love fall fashion". Can't relate. All the whining aside, we thank God we are here, able to feel the cold. How are you getting ready for the holidays? Do you have your Christmas shopping done? Or do you have a tree set up in your home? One of my goals is to be one day grown enough to have a tree in my place of abode. Right after I have an abode, I fully make home. Okay, enough rambling. Let's random. In some odd sort of way, I think it must be freeing to be selfish. Not worrying or being aware of anything but your orbit. You feel no obligation and that comes with less guilt and less responsibility. Eve...

Two days ago, I get on my twitter and there's numerous tweets saying that Tosyn Bucknor, a well known naija personality had passed away from complications from having sickle cell anemia. It was shocking. I didn't know her personally but we followed each other and she was a fellow Man U fan. She seemed to live a full life and lived it to the fullest. She might have had an inkling that she had a short time here as seen in this poem she wrote below: But Tosyn's death seems to be one of so many these days. It's not even about being at the age because it is just not older people who seem to be passing away. There just seems to be death everywhere at all ages and it is a bit upsetting. I hate how final death is. I hate how it causes this ripple effect for those left behind, the grief that never heals and the hole that never gets filled. The questions that never get answered and worst of all the not knowing for sure what happens after since noone has ever come back and ...

Just like that, the cold came. Time for coats and chill and for all the fashion people that will be shouting fall fashion and layering. Mschew. I am not happy about this but what can I do. The year is also almost over and for the first time in many years I have no plans for Christmas, which makes me sad but guess it's on par with the majority of this year for me. I don't mean to always be a downer you guys. Please pray for me. I want to be less gloom and more joy. In the spirit of more joy, I did have a fantastic vacation recently where I got to see my family and that always adds pockets of joy to my life. I went to Cape Town, which has to be one of the most gorgeous places. Almost every place looks like a damn post card in the background and also to Abu Dhabi, which was more of a family wedding, so didn't do as much exploring. Let me see if I can rustle up some randoms. This week I found out that the average length of time couples date before they get married is 4.9 ...

Sigh you guys. I think I am filled with so much anger and confusion. I recently watched two things back to back that centered around religion that just has me fuming. First, I watched "3 Wives, 1 Husband" on Netflix. It's about families who are fundamental mormons and believe in polygamy. The reasoning is that having many wives and many kids is spiritual and brings you closer to God. Basically like how God manages the whole world, this is a very tiny fraction of them managing a big, chaotic family. They are uber religious and pray all the time. My thing is, anytime I watch anything about polygamous marriages, it is almost always guaranteed that the women are miserable and the man is the only one who seems happy with the arrangement. In one of the families, the second wife was so visibly miserable. She barely spoke, arms always crossed. The third wife was like after the honeymoon period was over she was like "What was I thinking?" but nope they keep saying ...

Not long ago, I went speed dating with a friend. I have been speed dating before, many years ago and actually matched with someone. We spoke a lot on the phone, went on a date but it never led to anything. Anyways, I went because I figured it was something to do that could be fun, so I didn't have any expectations. Hopefully the picture above can be enlarged but it basically was my summary of the night. I had surveyed the room before we got started and had our 5 mins with each guy and I didn't spot anyone that sparked my interest. Let's just say that the pickings for the night were not of the best quality. In my extensive history of 2 whole speed dating events the similarities I picked up on was that a lot of Indians seem to enjoy this, there are people who legit do this as a hobby (one guy said he has been to about 50+ of these and also medical doctors - usually Indian again are huge fans). The bunch was so eccentric. I mean the one black guy was so stoned he coul...