Tuesday, June 2, 2009

My Country, Nigeria

Ah! For those of you that may not know, Yours Truly had an idea to do a stint in Naija for a lirru while. My reasoning is that unlike others, I just don't want to move back cold turkey. I haven't lived here for like 10+years, I can't just assume I will move back and love it. So I will be here for some time and see what it's like. I am still embarassed by the fact that other countries like Ghana, Kenya, Togo etc have 24/7 light but a whole socalled giant of Africa doesn't, smh.

Anywhoo, I love my country but I can't help but shake my head at it and the people in it. I always dread that last leg flight to Nigeria when 90% of the people one the plane are Nigerians. My people are always so ..what's the word? uncouth? I don;t know but that's when the people are arguing about being "chanced" in line or yelling at officials for rules that are clear everywhere eg this lady defending her choice to have bottles of orange juice in her handluggage - "It's for the kids, they are thirsty" - like really? Everyone knows NO LIQUIDS ON FLIGHT.sigh. 

We get on the plane.(Why oh why do I never sit beside a cute, civilised person?:(). Gosh, I was beside a woman whose breath could kill and whose odor could resurrect someone from a coma. During the flight, she randomly burst into gospel songs, asked me to shut the window, constantly left her cup on my refreshment table because she didn't want to open up hers, kept waking me up when I didn't want refreshments and even after I said I didn't want any she still got the peanuts for me and threw it in my purse, like WTF?sigh

As we descended, I saw all the cramped houses, bad roads, trash everywhere but my heart smiled, "I am home". Anyways, we thank God for journey mercies and complete luggage(after they already tried to wayo me, when I spoke my yoruba, you shoulda seen his face. Anyways, I get to the customs line and Lord have mercy did I wish I could whip out my camera phone.  Do not wear a muscle shirt if you have a one gallon stomach, do not wear a wig that looks like you cut it out of a rug, do not wear a tank top if your taco meat chest hair is out to play..sigh.

It's been 2 days already but I have tricked my brain into thinking its in a Sauna, the generator sound has become akin to silence basically it's a normal sound now, you cannot drive a car without a horn in naija, it doesnt matter whether you need it or not just honk your horn. I have already been warned that I will be married off and I should be prepared for the "options", my dress is too short, too much cleavage showing etc etc. It's gonna be an interesting journey but I think I am ready for the ride. I start work tomorrow, that will be another dimension. I hope I am able to continue blogging and keep you guys updated. Have a lovely week!

PS - RIP to the passengers on the Airfrance flight.

10 comments:

Original Mgbeke said...

Awwww, I enjoyed reading this. I can already feel the essence of Naija in your words and gosh I miss home. LOL, I always say that you need a horn to drive in Naija. It's ok if you don't have rearview mirrors…a horn will do. LMAO @ your seat mate…oh Jesus, you try o! Keep us updated ooo.

Ms. Catwalq said...

Oh, you have not seen anything yet. U going to be working for yourself or for someone? Cos that's a blog all on its own

naijagirl said...

hahahaha. this post is cracking me up in many ways. I can relate to some of these from my last visit. I was told to be prepared for naija people on that last leg. such things crack me up and i see them as entertainment except when i really need quiet. the lady sitting next to you was a character....now, you know why i always say i need to be 2 or more to travel to naija.

LovePaprika said...

in there can never be anywhere like nija! ah ahn! I am moving back this june and dreading it! totally! I mean really! I need the Lord cause so many things irritate me...e.g.

GIRLS!! OMG! like the little things that get them excited... no self respect whatsoever! or genuine embrace for independence! I don't blame some Nigerian men...

at the woman who did that to u on the flight! Are you like joking!

Reverence said...

yaay!! I am def looking forward to updates.

LOL @ the woman next to you, i think she wanted you to get your ticket money's worth.

oh have you gotten the "you have added" comments yet? thats my current annoyance with maija people.

TayneMent said...

ehn Reverence are you trynna tell me something? No oh i didn't get any of that.

Reverence said...

LMAO!! no o!
I guess i was projecting a.ka. hoping i was not teh only one getting the comments *sigh*

MPB said...

lol at customs and the uncouth people.

Ada said...

wtf? I dread such obnoxious and pesty seat mates..arggg

Elle Woods said...

We get on the plane.(Why oh why do I never sit beside a cute, civilised person?:(). Gosh, I was beside a woman whose breath could kill and whose odor could resurrect someone from a coma. During the flight, she randomly burst into gospel songs, asked me to shut the window, constantly left her cup on my refreshment table because she didn't want to open up hers, kept waking me up when I didn't want refreshments and even after I said I didn't want any she still got the peanuts for me and threw it in my purse, like WTF?sigh

buahahaha...this one just killed me.