Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Good Wife

Howdy folks, don't mind my title. I just finished watching Season 1 and 2 of the "The Good Wife" and I am very impressed. I couldn't think of a title for this post, so I just went with that. Ok let me get to the koko of my blog post.

"All men want freaks they just dont want them for a wife" - Spike Lee

"Men marry the ‘good girl,’ become unsatistfied & then have the side-chick to do all the things they’re uncomfortable doing with their wife"

"Some men are never able to reconcile the reality. In their minds, wife = good girl, side-chick = bad girl. They cannot be one & the same"


So I read the above this morning on this teeny site you might have heard of called Twitter. The person went further and asked the fellas if they would allow their woman to be completely freaky with them and not judge them? She was of the belief that most men will say that they won't judge the female in question believing they are liberal and go ahead to judge their non-wife partner (lol) and end up looking for a traditional(read: less freaky) woman when it's time to get married.

Ok for those of you saying define freaky. My definition is someone who is open and willing to try almost anything sexually.

Anyways, Yours Truly completely agrees with the author especially when it comes to Nigerian men. It's not like they don't enjoy the openness but something about having a wife that is that "open" I dunno sits uncomfortably with them. I spoke to two of my male friends about this. The first one said he didn't think that was the case, at least speaking for himself but being a man of very little words, I didn't get enough info to satisfy my curiosity so I asked the second friend and he agreed with me that unfortunately that *is* the case with most men and most men can't handle freaks as wives. I didn't understand, so I asked why and his theory was maybe they can't handle or reconcile the freaky women also being the mother of their children, he also thought that maybe some guys have issues with what they do sexually and feel that there is something inherently dirty about it and don't want that with their wives.

I just started scratching my head sha, I don't understand how we (females) are the confused gender. I mean all we hear from our beloved rap stars who permeate the brain of our lovely men is wanting a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed (in a past convo, another guy friend of mine says that whether a couple has good or bad sex is dependent on the guy but that's another post for another time) but it looks like women are being penalized for it anyways because if you say you no do, dem say you be prude. If you say you do, now you are too freaky to be the mother of my children. They end up with the prude and then cheat on her with the freak because he is not satisfied - mon dieu! My friend did ask if I thought my freakiness or lack of it (whichever the case may be) is aiding/hurting my marriage chances lol. I replied with a no. I would hope that I wouldn't end up with someone whose decision is solely based on my freak o meter and not other qualities about me.

Ok I am sure this isn't all I wanted to say but I have a horrible headache and I have had this thing for like a week now and I have to step away from the screen but please feel free as usual to share your pov? What do you think? Should you hold back with someone so you don't get judged or just do your thing judgement be damned? Have a great week!!

17 comments:

HeavyFeathers said...

yep, Naija men generally have issues with wanting to marry their "mother" and having a proper woman. Sometimes it seems a woman can't win.. if you aren't as open minded then its a desire to search outside..if you are open-minded its a fear that you're too "exposed".. either way, judgment be damned. One must be sexually fulfilled as best as possible so, if you are a freak.. be one, if not cool. But be you.

MPB said...

Men lie and are confused. When it comes to sexual acts, I feel i will be running in circles if I am trying to project what I think he wants me to be. Sex is about intimacy and acceptance. So, I do what makes ME comfortable (which in some people's book involves things that makes me freaky but to others not so freaky e.g the use of toys). Which reminds me that freakometers are so subjective. I will say that when he puts that ring on my finger, I am willing to increase my freakiness by stepping out of my comfort zone (e.g. filming videos and such) BUT some things will never change like unless I am raped, I don't intend to have anal sex. SO if he needs a sidechick for that...then i married the wrong guy...
oooh random, i know many supposed "bad" girls who are happily married including ex-strippers. I also know a couple of "good" girls who are ripe for the plucking and unmarried. So yeah, men are confused.

kitkat said...

i totally agree with you.. guys re just so annoying hey. they want their wifesto be a younger version of their mum while they still go ahead to look 4 the so called "bad chicks" outside their matrimonial home :(
i still think its possible 4 a lady to combine the two. I cld be tha sweet, caring, motherly wife and still be one sexy vixen in the bedroom,lol.. if he cheats on me, i'll enter the nearest "ekenedilichukwu" bus back to my papa's house :p

Mgbeks said...

I shall be myself (whatever that is).
I tell ya, men are quite a confused bunch. A male friend of mine spoke on this a while ago. He said there are some sexual acts he would never do with his wife, so as not to taint his perception of her...but would happily do with a jump off. I was like, you can't be serious.
How can females expect to have great with these men if the men intend to hold back? Hmmph!
I also wonder what they define as freaky. It'd better not be some 'watered' down ish either.

Aniwoos, like I said. I will be moi, so dude better accept me whichever way I come.

And I'm with MPB, a lot of the so-called bad girls are married. And according to men, they are married because they know what it takes to get and keep a man + their sexual experiences are a plus because men like freaks. Heck, one born again guy even said that men don't want a woman to be churchy 360, even a man of God wants a lil spice in between the sheets so umm...confusion much?
I tire sha.

Oh, and I won't apologize for this long comment because I know you like long comments :-D

Original Mgbeke said...

I just had to laugh small. The word verification is some letters shy of being 'chinedu'. It's 'chinedne'.

chuck bass said...

Men aren't confused.
Before you snort/laugh/throw something at the screen, please clue me in...what kind of man are you talking about??

There are all kinds of men out there, (as I'm sure most of you ladies know) and as such they fit into different categories.

Some cannot marry a freak... (Because he's chased and fucked too many)
Some cannot do certain things to/with their wives (because they married someone they are sexually incompatible with)

The list goes on.

Consider this:
Those bad-girls/freaks/whores that you ladies seem to be oh-so-concerned about have only one thing to attract a man.
Sex.
If a man is looking for a sohphisticated woman? Good conversation? Or just one that can COOK?
these women would be useless to him
(and men know this)

Im sure it warms the cockles to yell "men are confused" because I'm sure you ladies have heard such about your gender quite a bit, but the truth is we aren't confused at all.
So y'all can keep that trophy.

LohiO said...

Hmm this you Chuck Bass has found himself to our comment section *Waves* Hi!!!! LOL!

*onto the post*

I would agree for the most part. Isn't it the same way you would want a man who is good in bed but who hasn't slept with half of Lagos? I think it is because people resonate freaks with being hoes so (some) men cannot handle that. I dunno. Human beings are confused...#sigh!

Omotee! said...

I just asked my colleague's opinion on this and he seems kinda different from other men. His wife was his definition of freaky and that didnt disqualify her from being his wife cos he loves her first and foremost.

Me? Well i think he is one in a hundred i guess. but really, maybe most men arent that confused. its a matter of who wins the game where the winner gets the MRS. unfortunately for us women, we never know the rules or how to play, we just find out we either won or lost. sad.

a guy could marry cos she's got big jugs and butt or cos she looks like his wonderful mum. whatever works for him.

so, i will be myself. as freaky as i can get for whoever to handle it.

Omotee! said...

Sorry, am gonna say more.

I know lots of guys who disqualify you from marriage cos of the very reason they fell in love with you. which is very twisted i think.

my problem with guys who want freaky girlfriends and conventional goody two shoe wives is this: you marry goody two shoes, who is too goody to try freaky things. then u start missing miss freaky and then start screwing around. WHAT IS THAT?!
just marry the woman that makes you happy, shikena!

Kash said...

Interesting post...

One of the ministers at my old church divorced his wife because as he told my brother in law "she didn't do enough for him in the bedroom".

One of my male friends was talking to this girl and was doing everything in the world to get her to date him...in their "talking" stage they finally had sex or whatever and he found out she;s a serious freak and he then told me he can't dtae her anymore cos she's too freaky. I never really thought that was a problem for guys, thought that would be a plus but he said nah, the fact that she's that freaky and willing to do anything in the bedroom with him scares him...umm ok.

I'm confused now.

neefemi said...

I like Chuck Bass

In other news i think that a man wants you to be a freak even as good as you are, he just doesn't want you to be on a "hoe" level, esp when he knows he wasn't the only one and doesn't want to think you have done it with others. O well, do you. My man better be able to sexually satisfy me on a freaky level. That is all

chuck bass said...

"unfortunately for us women, we never know the rules or how to play, we just find out we either won or lost"
----------------
this is the kind of thinking that makes me laugh...
its like applied physics...some people get it...some people dont.
you dont walk into class talking about "i didn't know what to study"
men are NOT complicated...
the problem is that women want to know the man they're going to marry (or at least be interested in marrying) AHEAD OF TIME
why?
so that they can prepare for him
and
so that they have control

if this issue was in the hands of women, all these frivolous complaints would stop.
but it isn't soooo....carry on.

Anonymous said...

Apparently, your sources haven't rogered Calabar women lately.

Anonymous said...

Well here' how I see it. I would like to know the age/generational level of those whom you're asking because I think it is generational. I would be pleasantly surprised to find any Nigerian girl in my generation that is a virgin (technical or otherwise), the fact is that we are a more sexually liberated generation than the one before. We openly discuss sexual needs, desires etc. Now the question is how much sexual desire can men handle. Each man's libido obviously differs and so when a man encounters a lady whose sexual proclivities are different from his, she is called a freak or a nymph.

Most guys I know would be surprised to be dating someone who hasn't had sex before. That being said, we are not looking for the village bicycle. But the idea that a girl having high sexual desires and libido disqualifies her sounds archaic to me. I think "Chuck Bass" said it best. It's a question of what a lady brings to the table, men know if all a girl has to offer is sex and act accordingly.

Rita said...

What better way is there to try all the stuff (except perverted acts), grow in intimacy and love, know what man and woman really like, if not in marriage?

"Miss bad girl" may want to be a wife someday...what then does she do when she becomes a wife?

LucidLilith said...

I always say, pick your partners with care...if you pick a guy who likes being with you...then he won't mind whether or not you are a freak in the bedroom. In fact, if you both learn together....well then the sky is the limit. As per naija men...dem get as dem be. They have a whole different criteria for their wants.

Dammie said...

lol! this is a very interesting topic. n yes i think men are confused..you might say that i am a typical "good girl" but the idea of the good "wife" is just another kettle of fish. I don't want to be the good "wife" she sounds prudish and boring and the role is tasking and then you end up being cheated on. WTH?!

Its this whole idea of fitting into predefined roles. I don't know if it really makes a difference but I think being a good(all rounder) woman for a good(all rounder) man is much more ideal.