Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I promise to tell the truth and nothing but the...oh wait..

Hi Guys. Thanks for the comments on my last post, obviously I haven't uncluttered my mind cuz I am up at 3.30am lol, but I did get some sleep sha. Today's post is a post by a friend of mine who we shall refer to as VerbalFornication. Enjoy and don't forget to leave your comments.

We have all heard the phrase, so cliché that I don’t even need to repeat it hailing honesty in its dark twisted forms. Dark? Twisted? Come on! No its true. Lets forget that political correctedness is slowly eating away at society’s individualistic thoughts and expression like gastric acid and stomach lining. My focus is on relationships and the faux pact we make with our significant other to be honest “no matter what” while the truth is…it matters a great deal.

“Honey does this dress make me look fat?”


If it didn’t why would she ask you? I mean before you two started dating she would dress herself and come to conclusions however biased or jaded they were without your input. So why does it suddenly matter?

How many men/women have you slept with?

Was your ex better than me in bed?

These are just some of the many many questions that significant others ask (yes women AND men) which there is only ONE satisfactory answer. Now consider telling the truth, which could have one of three outcomes:

1. He or she doesn’t really care either way what the answer is. They would just like to KNOW – this scenario is rare. So rare that we shall not delve into the psyche of such individuals at this time.
2. You give the RIGHT answer. – all is well! You have passed the test (wait that was a test?) YES it was. Because you COULD fail by giving the wrong answer.
3. You give the WRONG answer. – all hell breaks loose. She becomes quiet, moody, weepy. He scorns you, mistrusts you, all of a sudden he thinks you’re a whore…

The fact is we would have to use our knowledge of the person we are dealing with in order to answer any personal questions. Sort of like when you are in a job interview.

In relationships I have always felt that the truth is the best option even if it blows up in your face. But that does not make for a long relationship and you will surely find yourself with a constant expiration date of 3-6 months; a bevy of ex-girlfriends who dumped you “suddenly” and a deep-seated envy of those jerks whom you KNOW you are better than, but always seem to end up with your girl.

So guys, lie to your girl.
Ladies, lie to your man.
They want you to.
They NEED you to.
Everyone has insecurities, and wants someone to make those insecurities go away


miss.fab said...

I support this motion.

Neefemi said...

I don't agree.I simply do not want to be lied to by my partner and vice versa.

If i ask him if i look fat in a dress its either because i'm having a fat day where i feel bloated and unsexy or i simply want a second opinion to my assessment. There is nothing wrong with that.

There should never be a wrong or right answer, there should simply be the truth. In more complicated issues of course the truth could end up being very hurtful, but for the question to have come up in the first place there was a reason and not just mere curiosity at which point i want the truth.

I think there are lies you tell to protect your kid, to protect your parents and even your friends but from my significant other i don't believe in it. But thats my opinion

Kash said...

Omg I had this same convo with oneof my male friends last night!!

I believe in complete honesty though.

Myne Whitman said...

OK, you can fumble on issue like does this make me look fat? Who asks those questions even, don't they have mirrors? But please don't lie to your partner. You may get them, you may even stay together for a while, but when the sh*t hits the fan! Uh oh...

kitkat said...

nah mann i believe in truth.
i do enough of lying to myself to please me.. i dnt need another person doing that too,lol.
i wld prefer u tellin me the truth cos even though it may hurt me sometimes, atleast when his response is a positive one, it wld make me real happy cos i knw he genuinely means it.
on the other hand if he keeps saying wat i wnt to hear, i'll knw he's jst saying it to please me..and cmon..sometimes i really may want an unbiased genuine answer :)

Reverence said...

i am no the fence about this, i am a firm believer in the truth but my soft core self may not be able to handle some "truths"

LohiO said...

I don't like being lied to..it is my biggest pet peeve...I am not speaking with my closest friend cos he lied to me......
I don't support this!

LucidLilith said...

Tell the truth on a need to know basis. I still can't get that picture of a blacked-out turtle only in his boxers in a vegas hotel lobby. I can't!

RepOne said...

What is truth sef? lol. Shebi there are levels of lies?

"Nothing but the Truth" can be overrated...life ain't black n white.
Sometimes it does more harm than good. Sometimes we really cant handle it. Nobody likes to be lied to...i say just don't lie about stuff that could come out.

I dont know why people ask these questions listed sha. In all things apply wisdom. Ignorance can be bliss, it can also be disastrous.

I do agree with the last statement.

VerbalFornication said...

I feel like I have to jump in here...I'm a huge advocate of honesty...I tell the brutal truth as our lovely host will tell you.
So everyone screaming bloody murder at my endorsement of lying should calm down.
You need to read this post again.
Because I think y'all missed some key facts in there.
I wrote this from the perspective that honesty does not always work...
...Especially if you're with someone who simply cannot handle hearing the truth all the time.
You may not want to be lied to by your partner.
But what are going to do when you realize he/she needs you to lie to them??

Kate said...

There's no need to lie or to make someone lie just to avoid an argument..take the do i look fat scenario..it's all in the wording..instead of saying
"Do I look fat in this?"...just say
"Yay or Nay?"...
and he'll respond
"Nay...why dont you wear something else..like that potato sack i dyed black specially for you that brings out your shape..and beautiful eyes!"

Problem solved.

Swanboy said...

I think frankness is always the best way to go, what matters is HOW one expresses oneself. They say all is fair in love and war. Well, there is another common denominator to relationships and international relations-diplomacy. "Diplomacy is defined as the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that the person looks forward to the trip"-Caskie Skinnett.

So when she asks you, "Does this dress make me look fat?", If it does, you say "I don't think the dress optimally projects your pulchritude."

How many men/ women have you slept with? If one was very sexually adventurous, the answer could be "None that I care to remember, let's focus on us"

AT the end of the day, someone who loves you, loves you for you. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't put yourself in the best light possible. I love the analogy you made to a job interview. Truth of the mattter is that if our bosses can record our lives everyday, none of us would have jobs. We present the best image of ourselves that we can while attempting to our own selves be true. That is just life and relationships are no different. Here endeth the reading.

One can be franks

AuralAdultery said...

Yes is always the wrong answer to the does this make me look fat question. It's either "no" or "I think you look better in dress X".
You women make like you can handle it, but you can't.

On the sex tip, ya'll can handle it even less, especially when you feel like dude is at the top of the heap. I've (stupidly) told women where they rank on the list and it never ends well. I guess at the heart of it, people don't want to be compared (unless they're coming out *way* on top!)

dhjax said...

guess we all know who we are with and what they can handle.. I do tell it as it is sometimes...Just not all the time..

Yankeenaijababe said...

Very true, couldn't say it any better but be careful when lying to them, it has led to countless problems in marriages, the truth shall set us free, hope you feeling ok girl

Nice Anon said...

I believe in putting things on the table. I think it is doing a little too much and childish to ask a guy "am I the best?" or whatever.
So long as you're happy with whatever I'm doing then we good.

Number of sexual partners? I think that's the most thing women lie about. But ask me and I'd give you an answer. There's nothing to lie about in that. Either you can handle it or you can't.It is very simple

Shioo said...

LOL@ "I don't think the dress optimally projects your pulchritude." STORY!!

VF sounds like CB
"So everyone screaming bloody murder at my endorsement of lying should calm down.
You need to read this post again.

What's with the 'calm down' and read slowly?? I don't see anyone screaming bloody murder. People are stating their opinion like you stated yours.

ShadeNonconformist said...

This got me rolling !!-----> "In relationships I have always felt that the truth is the best option even if it blows up in your face. But that does not make for a long relationship and you will surely find yourself with a constant expiration date of 3-6 months."

Based on my personality, i am such a truth teller. I don't like when people lie to me. Even if it hurts. Better you tell me the truth than me finding out you lied. (*now looking over my shoulders since I've done some terrible lying. fml).. The same goes with honesty in relationships. I just can't do/deal with with lies. Keep it real. Enough said.

But considering my past "indiscretions", i've been told that pleading the fifth is more practical. So yeah...

I will always stand by speaking the truth though. It saves lives, friendships, and relationships...

Contradictory much Shade...(father forgive me for i have sinned)...

Original Mgbeke said...

I agree with Shioo. This VF character seems a lil too eager to be on the defensive. I haven't seen anyone screaming blue murder so I think that you need to go back and read the comments. Slowly.

Moving on...
I'm with Kate on the 'Yay' or 'Nay' question, rather than 'Do I look fat in this?'...but hey, if I ask if I look fat in an outfit, it's because I really want to know. It's the same way I might ask my girlfriends that same Q 'cos I know that friends don't let friends go out looking fat in a dress :-D...and hopefully my dude won't let me do it too.

As per sexual partners, I'm a huge fan of the modification game. In other words, lie ya ass off. In my opinion, most people aren't prepared to handle the truth.

In summary, I'm not all for boldfaced lying and steez and don't necessarily think that my padner NEEDS me to lie ('cos I sure don't need him to), but in some situations you gotta tweak the details here and there...

verbal fornication said...

defensive? wh..wh...whaa?
the whole thing is tongue in cheek.
my desire for clarification shouldn't be taken for defensive posture

carry on!

PS: VF sounds like CB
is this a compliment?

MPB said...

When this post was made...i didn't have any feelings about it either way. Now, I strongly believe in not being honest about everything, cos my boo and I are in the middle of a fight because I was honest. SO yeah even when people ask you a question, don't be lulled into thinking surely they can handle the truth.