Sunday, February 13, 2011

Rambling and a Realization

RAMBLING
I get told about myself a lot. I get analyzed by people and I get varying reasons as to why I do some of the things I do. In recent years, of course it's been relationship wise. The conclusions are sometimes amusing, sometimes off base and sometimes on the money.I have my self reflections, and I address or recognize some things that I need to work on and/or come up with questions that I have no answers to. I was speaking to a friend the other day and I was telling him how I had just never allowed myself to ever let go completely with someone of the opposite sex. I have actually been told by a guy I was seeing that he felt I never gave any genuine emotion and he can never quite gauge what I am feeling. Fair enough.

There are a few reasons this happens:
1) If you have been reading my blog long enough, I won't bore you again with my trust issues.
2) How much is too much to reveal to someone at the beginning. You can't just meet someone and dump everything about you in one full serving yet I feel everything I do is connected to understanding something else about me so it all makes sense. So me being the over thinker I am end up holding back.
3) And this is the option I will say has the most weight. I see most relationships as temporary, so I never see the need to fully invest. Yes I know that's terrible. I am aware and I am working on it.

REALIZATION

Was talking to my friend about the above topic and he said he whole heartedly could relate to #3 and I was a bit taken aback. Talking to another friend and he told me that he couldn't date me because I'd probably make him cry every day. He said I had a sharp mouth and thinks I use it as some defense mechanism and as a tool to chase guys away (dunno bout all that). See, I have this thing when I am comfortable with guys, I don't censor myself as much as I would with females. Why? Because in all my 28 years of living, I am just now realizing that in my head I really think guys have no feelings lol. I might be exaggerating but I usually think nyeh, they don't think most things are a big deal or they'll get over it quickly so it's okay. I don't know why or how it hit me but I am glad it did. I am aware that men have egos, especially nigerian men, so I can't just be running my mouth and acting like they are immune to everything.

Ok that was my ramble and realization post, hope it made sense. If not, ah well. Wishing you all a happy valentine's day. It'll be a normal day for me but my friend has invited me to dinner, so I might take her up on her offer. For you lovebirds out there, have a wonderful day with your loved one!!

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12 comments:

Jaycee said...

Lol. Yup, guys do have feelings...sometimes I think much more than ladies. It surprises me the way they hide it sometimes. They're very good at hiding it, I think.

LucidLilith said...

Second! Yup...haa

Gurl, sometimes I feel like you are the younger version of me.

Btw- that twitter profile pic of yours, is that your ass? I want that ass! (in a very ungay way abeg) I think mine is too weird looking....

Rita said...

With regards to ur questions...
2) It is not wise to reveal much of urself to anybody...you need time to build trust. except you are asked directly or you feel a relationship is heading somewhere, i think it best you do not reveal too much
3) Ok...you say it is terrible so wont overflog the matter, but you might want to start investing seriously for your relationship to work out...invest time, your heart, and even prayers...

Men have emotions but use that ego thing as a wall...dont be shy to explore that part of a man...they have it

About "...I'd probably make him cry every day. He said I had a sharp mouth and thinks I use it as some defense mechanism and as a tool to chase guys away..." I think that is some feedback you might want to look into...deep down are you scared of or do you dislike guys? has any guy hurt you or someone very close to u badly? you never know the impression other guys u meet may have. Thankfully this one has said something which I know men are observant about...

Happy Valentine's day...my day has been very normal oh...

ShadeNonconformist said...

Hmmn. Story of my life i tell ya. Though i think i've made some progress with number 3...

God dey sha. We'll get there some day. It is well..

Word verification: Inglope.

kitkat said...

lol guys,..expecially nigerian ones definitely have huge ego's. they jst try to act all macho so plz dnt be too smart-mouthed,lol.. it cld hurt 'em expecially since the insult is coming from a chick not a fellow dude

MPB said...

Well I don't even need to tell you about guys having feelings ;)
Wow...I simply loved Rita's comment. What do you think?
Happy Valentine's day to you sweetie.

Nice Anon said...

Sharp mouth? Need I say more? U can attest to that on twitter already.
It is all in good fun sha.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm. This is off point but something occured to me while reading this part:
"See, I have this thing when I am comfortable with guys, I don't censor myself as much as I would with females....they don't think most things are a big deal or they'll get over it quickly so it's okay."

This is probably why some women say they find that they are closer to men than women. Maybe not in your case tho.

#okthxbye

As per post, Rita has said it all.

chuck bass said...

I love Occam's Razor
"the simplest answer is usually the right answer"

ordinarily i'd offer some feedback about the post itself but after reading the comments i had to laugh.

dont know if you ladies will agree... and thats not even relevant.
sometimes you guys need to hear certain things.

Rita darling...being "scared of guys" usually leads to avoidance of said guys...
"not liking guys"? really?

the woman said she has trust issues but you ignored that to delve deeper in OTHER parts of her psyche.



sure. men have egos.
but a man's ego has nothing to do with relationships.
why?
because he swallows his pride (and his ego) when he walks up to ask if he can buy you a drink.

ShadeNonconformist said...

I just had to come back, be stalkerish and say: hi chuck bass. *waves*. I hope "someone" no names mentioned (Tay....) is being nice to you? :)

Jokes aside, interesting comment CB makes...

word verification: no necipe. wtf! no recipe makes more sense...

chuck bass said...

she's NEVER nice to me...
but
maybe i like that...

Rita said...

@chuck bass: - thanks for the clarification on the ego thing...good to know and maybe wrong choice of word on my part :-)

As per my comment on "scared of" it was a question...I know someone personally who uses sharp mouth as a defense mechanism simply because she is scared of guys and what they did to her sister...at the same time i know someone who is scared of guys and in trying to overcome this fear, goes all out for guys...