I get told about myself a lot. I get analyzed by people and I get varying reasons as to why I do some of the things I do. In recent years, of course it's been relationship wise. The conclusions are sometimes amusing, sometimes off base and sometimes on the money.I have my self reflections, and I address or recognize some things that I need to work on and/or come up with questions that I have no answers to. I was speaking to a friend the other day and I was telling him how I had just never allowed myself to ever let go completely with someone of the opposite sex. I have actually been told by a guy I was seeing that he felt I never gave any genuine emotion and he can never quite gauge what I am feeling. Fair enough.
There are a few reasons this happens:
1) If you have been reading my blog long enough, I won't bore you again with my trust issues.
2) How much is too much to reveal to someone at the beginning. You can't just meet someone and dump everything about you in one full serving yet I feel everything I do is connected to understanding something else about me so it all makes sense. So me being the over thinker I am end up holding back.
3) And this is the option I will say has the most weight. I see most relationships as temporary, so I never see the need to fully invest. Yes I know that's terrible. I am aware and I am working on it.
Was talking to my friend about the above topic and he said he whole heartedly could relate to #3 and I was a bit taken aback. Talking to another friend and he told me that he couldn't date me because I'd probably make him cry every day. He said I had a sharp mouth and thinks I use it as some defense mechanism and as a tool to chase guys away (dunno bout all that). See, I have this thing when I am comfortable with guys, I don't censor myself as much as I would with females. Why? Because in all my 28 years of living, I am just now realizing that in my head I really think guys have no feelings lol. I might be exaggerating but I usually think nyeh, they don't think most things are a big deal or they'll get over it quickly so it's okay. I don't know why or how it hit me but I am glad it did. I am aware that men have egos, especially nigerian men, so I can't just be running my mouth and acting like they are immune to everything.
Ok that was my ramble and realization post, hope it made sense. If not, ah well. Wishing you all a happy valentine's day. It'll be a normal day for me but my friend has invited me to dinner, so I might take her up on her offer. For you lovebirds out there, have a wonderful day with your loved one!!