Sunday, January 31, 2010

He is NOT The One!!

Lol, Happy Sunday y'all. I have homework that I truly believe is not in English, which is probably why I can't make head or tails of it so I decided to solve my problem by blogging. Just because we haven't heard or read enough of these, I decided to post this article from Yahoo... Enjoy!

Some people say they "just knew" that they were dating their future spouse. But what about the rest of us? What happens when you're not sure if he's The One? If you're considering long-term commitment or marriage, it's time to ask yourself some tough questions. Below, 10 signs that may indicate he's not for you.

1. You have a list of things he needs to stop doing/saying/wearing if he wants your relationship to work. If you're fixating on his flaws, he's either not the one you want or you're not ready for a serious relationship. Cutting him loose allows you time to grow and gives you the opportunity to meet a guy whose flaws you can embrace -- or at least accept.

2. You don't trust him. A small dose of jealousy can be healthy, but if you're hacking into his email account, and going berserk when he goes out without you, something's wrong. If there's something about him that truly warrants your distrust, then perhaps he's not the right one for you.

3. You avoid conflict at any cost. Fighting is healthy. And, when done right (in the non-accusatory, rational sort of way), it can be a great way to air grievances, fix problems in your relationship, and come to a deeper understanding of each other. Ignoring problems is not the same as having no problems at all... even if it looks that way.

4. When you're sad, you don't turn to him for comfort. When you're a giant ball of tears and snot, do you lock yourself into the bathroom so he can't see you at your worst? If you're worried about scaring him away, one of you isn't ready for total commitment. Mr. Right should make you smile through your tears and be a calming, not stressful, presence.

5. One of you is struggling with an addiction. He's sweet. He's exciting. He loves you very much. But he loves his alcohol habit or his weekly gambling fix more. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can change him or that your relationship will be strong enough to withstand the heartache that addiction will inevitably bring. An addict may be able to change, but he'll do so on his own terms.

6. You can't really imagine him as the father of your children. Ask yourself: Would he make a great parent? Is he financially responsible? Would he be an equal partner in your future together? If you have doubts, he's probably not the one.

7. Your long-term, non-negotiable goals in life are incompatible. You want kids; he doesn't. You go to church every week; he's an atheist. He lives in the country and doesn't want to move; you can't imagine ever leaving the city. Superficial differences can be overcome, but differences in basic values are harder to smooth over. Ask yourself: "Would I be willing to compromise on this?" If the answer is absolutely not, you may not be right for each other.

8. You don't respect each other. He puts you down in front of your friends and complains about you to his parents. You roll your eyes when he talks because there's just something about him that embarrasses you. A relationship without respect can't sustain itself.

9. You're not attracted to him. Physical intimacy is a hugely important component of a romantic relationship. If he doesn't do it for you, he's probably not your best long-term match.

10. On paper he seems great, but you have this strange feeling... Don't ignore your gut. You may get along on a superficial level, but if your instincts are telling you he's not the one for you, listen. That little voice inside your head does not lie.

I like #10...that's the one we usually ignore and hope that everything smoothes over. Have a lovely rest of the weekend.

13 comments:

Quaggar said...

Thanks taynement.. this article just put into words what has been goin on in my head for some time now.

I'm in a not-so-good place right now, relationship wise. Like you said, most times we ignore #10.. and i think i am..

OhJay said...

packed to the teeth with common sense..

Does too little sleep count as an addiction? :)

MPB said...

Wow..funny, that I saw the link on yahoo and did not click on it because I thought it would be one of those corny things. Glad you posted it, it reaffirms that I did the right thing with my situation...

neefemi said...

thats just common sense innit?

Harry-Rami Itie said...

I agree with Neefemi ere

Fabulo-la said...

@Neefemi, sometimes what u think is common sense is...not all that deductible.

neefemi said...

@Fabulo-la, you are probably right...it will help to tell people that though, so they can begin to channel their inner common sense ;)

TayneMent said...

Yeah it's common sense, but everyone isn't the same and sometimes it doesn't hurt to get a reminder. And also just because it's common sense doesn't mean it's easy. It's common sense to eat less and work out but not all of us do that. I don't think it's fair to denounce those who find it helpful.

blogoratti said...

Would be on the lookout for the "She is NOT The One!!"...

NigerianQueen said...

Good read, thanks for posting this!

leggy said...

lol.ok oh.

Omotee! said...

i really like this, its commonsensical but sometimes u dont know how to put it together this way or it just never really occurs to you, very useful checklist.

9 and 10 are really important.

Myne Whitman said...

Nine and 10, really deep and important.