Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Relationship Ponderings

I had a well thought out blog post on this and it was titled something else but I have had it for so long in my head, of course now I am ready to type it out my head is blank, so I am just going to lay out what is in my head.

Relationships - This is the topic that never dies, it's something we always talk about. You get with your girlfriends or guy friends or you meet someone and the question do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend usually comes up. If not that, it turns to the whole guy/girl thing. No matter how much we get tired of it, I don't think this topic can ever get exhausted. As we get older, we either keep making the same mistakes or we live and learn and adjust to the scenarios that we come across, for the most part we eventually meet that one person that we decide to spend the rest of our lives with and hope that we made the right decision. From stories/personal experiences I came up with some conclusions that like I always say are subject to change:

A good man or woman is hard to find - especially in this day of plenty options - when you meet a good one, appreciate him/her and don't sabotage yourself.

Relationships shouldn't be hard. Yes, they take work but there shouldn't be too much tugging and back and forths. Too many unanswered questions or questioning or unsuredness. Most of us are used to the whole drama in it that when we are in an easy relationship, we question whether something is wrong.

It's funny how it takes a good relationship to make you realize how sucky the last one was or how you were settling.

I've never thought that there was a "the one" for each person. Had a discussion with friends and we agreed that there are certain people for each person (ok maybe they said the one)BUT it's a question of if they meet them. You can meet a person that's not part of your "the one" list - a dud, we called it - and both parties can actually make it work, their journey will just be harder than if they were with a "the one" person - Sweet Baby Rays, I hope that made sense.

I remember when I used to wonder what an emotionally unavailable man was. There is no such thing as an emotionally unavailable man. There is just such a thing as a man being with the wrong woman and therefore not opening up. So the woman stays there, wondering and saying, this is just how he is when in his next relationship, he is practically baring his soul to her.

There is nothing wrong with being the wrong woman in a failed relationship. Most women, tend to take it personally and think something is wrong with them but nothing is wrong with you. Don't beat yourself up trying to change yourself because Boy A said you were too weird, what Boy A finds irritating could be what Boy B finds endearing about you and you can't keep changing yourself for everyone. Do you, the right person will love and appreciate you - flaws and all.

I am a huge believer in right person/right timing. I don't even know if I can explain it, so interpret it any which way you want.

Don't settle for less. We are beautiful and deserving of good love. So eventually those looking will find it and those who have found it will keep it.

I think that's about all I can remember and hope it made sense. It's 6am and I should be sleeping. I feel like I have to put a bunch of disclaimers on my posts now because there are a lot of misunderstandings but nyeh. Feel free to share your opinions and add yours.

PS - ABEG, IF ANYONE KNOWS SOMEONE WHO WANTS A SINGLE LADY GAGA TICKET IN DALLAS, LET ME KNOW! I AM KINDA PISSED THAT ITS GOING TO WASTE, I JUST WANT TO GIVE IT AWAY AT LEAST LET SOMEONE ENJOY IT.

Ok have a good week :)

13 comments:

Ms.O said...

I agree with all your ponderings. Insightful stuff!

LucidLilith said...

sell your ticket on craigslist...

Anonymous said...

@Lucid - I already tried that at the lowest of low prices. Noone wants a single ticket.

Taynement

Myne Whitman said...

Nice ponderings. I also agree with right person/right timing.

You can offer the ticket as a date on craiglist if you're going too, or free.

yankeenaijababe said...

sell on craiglist or facebook...u never know.

So right, couldn't have said it any better.

NAME: Dollf8ce said...

I agree with you on many things. I think a person can make themselves emotionally unavailable. I am a women, but I won't deny there are things about me that are shut off, that I am unwilling to share until I meet someone who deserves it. I have the emotional capabilities, but I'm unwilling to share it with the undeserved.

The point on "the one." I totally agree. I was advised to read the 5 love languages and it makes so much sense. People have partners and they make all these assumption on what their partners say, but they don't try to understand their partners "love language." If you understand yours and your partners the success of your relationship is more likely.

AlooFar said...

"mimics Brain"

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

;)

Anonymous said...

Nice Anon: More so a good man one actually clicks with. There are some good men out there but often times they may not be the right fit!

U don made a lot of sense o!

kay9 said...

I dont agree with all you said, but yeah u made sense. Should i talk about what i dont agree with?

Can't help with the ticket, i live a continent away, sorry. ;)

Maid of Heart said...

I agree with the timing bit. I also agree that sometime people are in a relationship with the wrong person, and that shouldn't make them feel bad about themselves. Every relationship helps to change aspects of our lives. We become better people as a result. Lovely post.

neefemi said...

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww so why do i feel proud...lol, don't shoot me....loved this plus i needed it too... thanks

isha said...

Right timing + Right person. Needs no explanation. Makes perfect sense. That could be the problem with girlfriend and her emotionally unavailable bobo. (He's prolly giving her the excuse about his last relationship, and how it tanked; and how there's an icebox where his heart used to be).

On that 'the one' issue, I don't think it's a one man - one wife - one opportunity kinda arrangement either. Lemme quickly add here that I'm not supporting divorce. The point is, people lose their spouses (to death) and remarry, and do just fine. Does it mean they've missed it and married the wrong person? I agree with you that there's a 'type' of partner that's applicable to each person. I mean, what if my 'person' isn't listening to the voice of God, and decides to move to Bangalore (or Ouagadougou - i've always wanted a reason to write the name of this place, Lol), that means no show for me? I think not.

ZeL said...

So on point!