The Source..

Can you guys believe we have just one more day left in the year? I am totally stealing Original Mgbeke's format in doing my review so here we go.  I feel like I remember January 1st like it was yesterday. I brought in the New Year in church because my brother made us go to midnight mass. It was so long and we did praise and worship for so long till midnight struck and we all wished each other a happy new year. But it was nice as my brother and I used the time and for the first time kinda talked about losing our mom. Bringing in the new year at church is not the norm for me, probably because majority of the time I am on a plane back to the States from Nigeria. Although, I am not one that believes where you start your new year determines how your year will be (with how shitty my years have been, maybe there is something to it, eh?) It's always easy to base the whole year on how it ended because if it was good you forget the bad in the earlier months and vice versa. I am not ...

Well, I guess I did have one more post before Christmas and I am here. I can't tell you guys how much I have been looking forward to this break. I am totally just burnt out and ready to chill. I had all the plans to bum and tv per usual but plans changed and looks like I will be headed out of town. This is my first Christmas without my brother in like forever. He told me the other day that he can't believe I am not home and he had got so used to having me around every Christmas. He also added that this should never happen again. God willing it shan't. Is shan't a word? It always sounds wrong. Okay, let's random. The people who do break ups to make ups, how do they count how long they have been together? "Good friends hear the unspoken words" While beauty is subjective and everyone has their own tastes, I feel like there's this thing Americans do where they latch on to a dark skinned celeb and over praise and (what feels like) oversell her beauty....

Being a human being is so tough. Navigating relationships, trying to be kind, trying to be a better person. I wake up every day trying and hoping to be a better person but I feel I fall short more often than not. Every time people hear some part of my life story, I get a "you're so strong" and I get so uncomfortable because I don't think I am at all. You know how people say tough situations and things that happen in life shouldn't consume you and you should rise above it and think positive and hope for better days yada yada. I am not one of those people. I will admittedly say that I am one of those people who has let life experiences consume me and I am not quite sure how to get out of that hole. I have a lot of trepidation, not a lot of hope and a (un)healthy dose of skepticism. What's so strong about that? I am also not one of those people who state their flaws with pride and thinks this is it, you should just deal. I am not proud to be that person. In f...

As a black person, when you spend a significant amount of time with white people especially in a social setting, it doesn't take long to see that they live a completely different life than we do and also live life by a completely different set of rules than we do. I'll give you a few examples. Ex. 1: This first one might just be an american thing or maybe even just an animal lover thing but exchanging notes on dog sitting and talking about paying almost $100 a night for doggy hotels? ewo, my money (and brain) no reach o. Ex. 2: Girl is having a baby and her in-laws moved closer  as per first grand child and all but explicitly let her know that they aren't here for babysitting duties. If they are in a bind or an emergency of course they will be there but other than that they are done with their child rearing duties and would like to have fun in their old age. Ex. 3: Girl is dating someone new. The person is one of her ex's best friends but she doesn't care...

Happy Friday or Happy Friday after thanksgiving. Hope you guys had a good Thanksgiving and had fun with your loved ones. Hard to believe Thanksgiving is here already especially since that means that Christmas is just round the corner. Well, fellow Americas Trump is now officially our president-elect. Congratulations to you all and may the force be with us all. I really don't have much to say and I strongly suspect the few randoms I have, I have mentioned before so oh well :D I feel like the one thing I won't budge on is a long distance relationship where both parties are on different continents. I am okay with long distance within America but just not beyond that. My aunty recently tried to hook me up with someone in Nigeria and I mentioned this to her and she said she hopes I am not blocking my blessings. But I am willing to take that chance. My argument is for one, I don't have money to be visiting all the time and I think there's only so much you can know about a p...

Having a conversation with someone and he was telling me how he sometimes watches a movie first before going to see it with a date or person who constantly asks questions during a movie. I am like huh? Who has the patience for this? He said yup that he knows a couple of other guys who do the same and gave an example of his closest friend who would watch a movie with him first before going to see it with his wife. I was like if I was a dude, don't think I could I think I would just let them know they asked too many questions and it sucks out all the fun. He said well men would suck it up but would women do the same? and then he painted a scenario of if he told her: Day 1: Baby, you talk too much when we are in the cinema Day 2:  Guy: Babe, let's go to the cinema              Answer: No, why?...cuz you said I talk too much. I don't want to go anywhere with you again.             You're mean and made me ...

I watch this show called 90 Day Fiance. It is not meant to be hilarious but it is. It's basically a show about Americans that fall in love with people who aren't Americans and live in their country. They apply for a Fiance visa and when they get it and come over to America, they have 90 days to get married before they have to leave. It's hilarious because it's hard to believe what you are watching. Some of these pairings are obvious scams but the American in the relationship can't see it. We have had a couple where the guy was like in his 60's and he married a 19 year old Filipino. Bear in mind he imported his ex wife from the Phillipines ans she left him. We have another couple who has been married 3 times and this is his 4th and of course because Naija no dey carry last. We have a Yoruba demon who actually catfished his now fiancee and even told her that the mother of his son was dead amongst other lies. He still proposed and she said yes, which brings me to...

Hi guys. How are yall doing? Are you as bummed as I am that the temperatures have dropped? *sad face* and to make things worse daylight savings is round the corner. Ah well, time to bundle up and for the fashion people who won't let us hear word, time to show off their fashionz. I saw someone bundled up the other day. Coat, scarf, boots the works. I am like geez, its still high 60's/70's. Let's observe some calm. There will be plenty of time to dress for the actual cold. Here we go on some randoms: I don't like when women call their friends "girlfriends". I dunno, just sounds odd to me. What is faith? How do you find faith? If your faith has not truly been tested, do you really have faith? I thought it was a phase but clearly guys, I am still struggling :( Was talking to a friend about her relationship and she just blurted out that relationships are so much hard work and "98.7% people are lying about their relationships and most won't conf...

I don't know how many of this I have done but here we are again - another birthday. I am grateful for seeing another year and this year was interesting. I am a huge birthday person but I think this birthday has solidified for me that it won't exactly be the same for me anymore. I try to do something for my birthday every year and this year was no different. I was especially looking forward to it because two months ago my body betrayed me and I had to recuperate from that ordeal. I looked forward to my birthday and the trip I had planned with some of my dearest friends. I was looking at it as a thanksgiving and celebration and just grateful to be able to see another year. But on the day, I noticed I just wasn't as gingered as I usually am. I just couldn't stop thinking about my mom and how it's still so weird, we are going through moments in life without her here. I did my best to be upbeat but I acknowledged it. Last year, I figured because it was the first with...

Happy Olympic season to you and yours. I totally forgot the Olympics was this year. Even after I found out, the news reports and athletes dropping out weren't building up the ginger but it's been an eventful one and everything is more fun when you watch it with the twit fam. Kudos to each and every single athlete for their dedication to their sport and to the record breakers, I bow. Lots of back to school ads on TV which means school will soon be back in session which means summer is almost over :( Speaking of Olympics, I am not sure I know where I stand on the whole drama surrounding Semenya's gender - which I thought was settled in the last Olympics. Technically, she is a man - with high testosterone and no womb but I guess she has a vagina? so where does she stand? I am not a fan of young people who act like they know and have seen it all. I think there is a sweetness to being young and naive. It reminds me of like a kid who thinks they are grown. I am also a bit u...

Checking in and saying Happy Friday. Hope everyone is doing well. Everyone have a good weekend.

Yesterday my TV was on WEtv and "Stepmom" happened to be playing. I hate watching movies on TV so it was more background noise as I read a book. I did however catch a scene where the mom, dying of cancer has an honest talk with her children about when she is gone and leaving an it inspired my blog post. See, when my mom passed part of my anger and sadness was the fact that we never "said goodbye" so to speak. Never asked all the questions I had, had all the discussions or the advice one gets when you think you will be losing someone. As I have randomed before, I don't think I expected my mom to die - which in retrospect is something seeing as all the signs were there and the doctors kept trying to tell us in the best way possible that there was nothing else that could be done. Which brings me to blind faith. I had a serious crisis of faith after my mom passed. It was like being hit and being shaken off my axis. It has been an intense struggle and one I am st...

Hi guys. it's been a long time. My hubris led me to my last post thinking you guys were missing me and I would be flooded with suggestions and inspirations. The big fat crickets in my comment box brought me back down to earth. Hehe. How now. How have you guys been. I've been okay, just living life day to day. I am super stoked that summer has finally arrived. Like we are hitting 90's now and I am so happy to see the sun. I am also grateful for the upcoming memorial day holiday. Ain't doing shit but bumming is fun too. I think I am burnt out from work. Anyways, here are some randoms... I've never really understood the obsession with life on earth after death. I have a friend who is so obsessed with leaving a legacy which isn't wrong at all but my mindset has always been do the best you can while here and be good and kind to those around you and when you're dead issalloverjackie. It irks me when people hide their ages. I think it reeks a little bit of inse...

Hi guys. Just waving. I have not forgotten about my blog, i just haven't had anything that has inspired me enough to write so I am coming to you guys for ideas. If you have any suggestions please feel free to mention. I am all ears. Have a lovely weekend guys!

Last week or maybe 2 weeks ago, I had 3 different conversations with 3 different guy friends of mine that had me going hmm and because I love hearing your thoughts and opinions, I figured I'd bring it on down here and see what you think. THEORY 1 My friend believes that a person who is messing with someone in a relationship has nothing to feel guilty about. He believes the onus is on the person who agreed to a monogamous relationship or said vows. He says the person technically isn't cheating on anyone. The taken person is the one taking actions that affects their relationship. THEORY 2 My friend beleives that statistically more agreeable people are off the market and go off the market fast. I tried to give the examples of how some people who gave ultimatums and didn't have the best attitudes were off the market and he said it proves his point because it means they ended up with an agreeable person. An unagreeable person would probably be like "ain't nobod...

Hi guys, Happy Friday. Aren't you glad it is the weekend. Before I say anything further, I just wanted to say thank you to all who sent positive vibes via comments or reached out to me personally on my last post. I never know how to deal with comments in general, I don't respond individually because I don't think people come back to read so please I hope people don't see it as an affront, please know I see and read and I appreciate. I am back to regularly scheduled programming. The East Coast has bamboozled me again by telling me it is spring meanwhile it is cold outside with scary winds and the weather forecast has snow scheduled for Saturday. Is this even life. Meanwhile, I thought I had avoided it but they got me y'all. I got called for jury duty! nooooo! I feel like they are targeting people at my job, I know 4 other people who got called. I don't wannnaaa gooo. I just watched The People vs. OJ Simpson (fantastic show btw if you haven't watched, just...

Friday marked one year since my mom passed away. I wasn't sure how I was going to feel but I took the day off from work and decided to stay home. I had booked a mass for her and went to church in the morning. My brother had gone to her grave side and had tried calling while he was there but I never take my phone to church and had missed his calls. I was relatively fine and thought I had got it out of my system the night before because for some reason that was when it hit me and I had cried some. Later in the afternoon, I got really restless and decided to take a drive. somewhere on my way home, I had a real flood of emotions and just began sobbing as I sang along to the songs on my ipod. I thought a lot about the last year and how it has been and the #1 thing is how it still feels so surreal and I really can't believe she is not here. When she first passed, I was told a lot that it got better but I don't know how long it takes because that vacuum in my soul still feels bi...

Hi folks. Friday is upon us again. It's Good Friday, which means Easter is round the corner. It's been a good Lent for me and I look forward to Easter. It's a little bitter sweet as my mom's birthday is tomorrow and it's hard to imagine that she won't be here. Last year, she was in so much pain and didn't even realize it was her birthday but at least she was here and this year...sigh. Anyways, it's kind of hard to believe Lent is over already meanwhile we are still waiting for Spring to sprung. One minute it's warm and the next it's cold. I feel for people with allergies. Anyhue, here we go... I can't even begin to tell you how bad customer service irks my soul. I tried a new hairdresser the other day and wanted to use her again. When I was trying to make an appointment, the receptionist was SO rude and sour and in the middle of our convo, I just hung up. That poor lady has just lost a client due to her ineptitude. I am now going to someone...

Hi guys. Happy Friday. We are halfway through March. Q1 2016 is slowly drawing to an end. This getting older business is for the birds man. I thought spring was here but then the weather app says there's gonna be snow on Monday. On the flip, this weather people have no clue what the hell they are doing anyways. Meanwhile, how are you guys enjoying the Trump Circus Show. It's quite amazing and amusing, I tell ya. How did we let this happen? I don't think I have many randoms this week but here we go... Did any of you watch Married At First Sight? It's a reality show about people literally marrying at first sight. Anyways, there's this robot masquerading as a human being named Ashley. She has her many flaws but one of the ones she had was she was a "dunno" person. It's frustrating having a convo with someone who's default answer is always "I dunno". She did that a lot and it made me just want to choke words out of her. It's weird to ...

Last week I read this devotional that really resonated with me. It really wasn't anything major but I think it was something I needed to read the night I read it. I sometimes feel like God doesn't hear me but the message felt like God was whispering to me. (am i being dramatic lol). I felt compelled to share this so I hope it touches at least one person. We often treat our lives as if they have a certain endurance and stability. But their fragility is revealed by our complete dependence on every single breath we take. We do not make or earn these breaths. They are God's gift of common grace, every one. Moreover, each breath is also the gift of God's own breath. In the primeval act of life-giving, God exhales the breath of life into Adam and he "became a living being" (Gen 2:7). Job also refers to the "spirit of God in my nostrils" (Job 27:3) We are alive at this instant because God's own breath is in us. How amazing, then, that we usually pay...

So I guess this post is one long drawn out random thought. Why is it that we are sold this idea that if you want something bad enough then you will get it. I thought about that this week. You hear people with this strong belief that they just know they will get "x" because they want it so bad. I totally get the ideology when it comes to certain things because that means the person works hard and works towards achieving "x" and if all things fall in line then you get "x" but even then not all peoples and persons who work so hard get to achieve their "x" I asked a poll question this week to give me some insight into people who have a strong belief in something. One of the answers I received to summarize was basically that they believe God has decreed it - which led me to another thought. Now, once God enters the convo, I can't argue against someone's belief in him so that was the end of the convo for me but what I was thinking was b...

Hi guys. It's been a minute since I randomed. I've had a bunch of randoms swirling but something always seems to come up and I never got around to posting. The fluke winter we were having has come to an end and boy is it cold on my end. Was in Texas last week and I thought I'd soak in some warmth but I met the cold there too. We are predicted to have some bone chilling cold on Saturday. This girl is gonna be tv and chilling indoors. Monday is a holiday and snow is predicted. Spring, where art thou. Speaking of the weekend, Valentine's day is on Sunday. Any of you lovers have plans ?  I am looking forward to Sunday because I am hoping Leicester shows Arsenal serious pepper!!. Okay enough yakking. Let's random. It irks me when people say "no shade but..." It's akin to "not to be racist but..." Whatever is coming is shade. Let's just own up to it and move on. I hate when white people use the word "ghetto". Like what exactly do ...

...in Nigerian households. A few days ago I came across a few tweets (by @fantabender) that spoke about the lack of an emotional climate in Nigerian homes. He mentioned how the lack of it can screw you up in so many ways and we have to hold our parents accountable for how they treat us. "Nothing is gained from the mentality that they are beyond critique" Now these tweets caught my interest because not too long ago I had tweeted something akin to that - well more about how Nigerian parents don't realize how much they contribute to our "fucked-upness" (because we all are in some way or the other) and I had also had a conversation with my cousin about it. First off, Emotional Intelligence is defined as: the ability of individuals to recognize their own and other people's  emotions , to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use  emotional  information to guide thinking and behavior. For most Nigerian households, s...

Did you play ?  Everytime I think about it, I am like that is a shit load of money, what do you even do with that much ? How do we even know we aren't being 419'd ?  If you ever came into that amount of money do you have an idea what you would do with it ?  I'd like to know. Have a good rest of the week.

Happy New Year folks. Hope everyone had a good holiday and is ready to go back to the real world in the new year. If you are reading this then that means you made it into the year and that's something to be thankful for. I just got back from Nigeria yesterday. Man, no matter how many times I do it, that flight is such a long flight sha. I was so glad to be home. People are usually so up in arms about people making New Year resolutions and such and I don't know why. There is a reason we have markers such as birthdays and anniversaries, if people choose to reset or be better in the New Year, I don't see what the problem is. I am still on the fence about New Year resolutions because if nothing else I have learned that life is what happens while making plans and you say you wanna do this and that and you get swept into something completely different but at the same time it doesn't hurt to have goals. I don't want to say 2015 was a terrible year but it was more like ...